34. The Divergent Path #2
Lukas looked remarkably put together, considering the state of things.
His sandy hair was combed back from his clean-shaven face, and his fine tunic and pants stood in stark contrast to the ragged, dirty shift I still wore.
I hadn’t been able to bring myself out of my stupor long enough to change.
And sitting before him now, shame crept up my throat like a poisonous vine.
He swept into the chair opposite where I sat before the guttering hearth, propping his leg and leaning his cheek against a balled fist. All I could do was stare, completely dumbstruck. The Shadow bristled as he leveled a scathing look.
What was he even doing here?
“Well,” he drawled, looking me up and down, “I hope you feel as bad as you look.”
The words were a slap. I flinched.
“Not what you were expecting?”
My chin began to tremble. “W-What?” I stammered out.
He chuckled, eyes glittering like the embers in the fire. “I should hate you,” he said with a cruel smile. “But it’s hard to do that when you look so pitiable.”
“What are you talking about?” He wasn’t making any sense. His words were hateful, but he almost looked… happy.
“You brought this on yourself, Asvoria,” he answered, dropping his leg and leaning forward in the chair. “Whatever happens next, remember that.”
My confusion melded into fury as I gripped the arms of my chair, nails digging into the plush leather. The Shadow trembled as my rage plucked against the darkthread. “Why did you come here, Lukas?”
He paused at that, his vicious smirk falling into a contemplative mask. After a long moment of silence, he spoke, but the cruel edge was gone. “I did love you, you know,” he said, as though reminiscing about the years we spent dedicated to one another. How quickly that all changed.
I no longer recognized the man sitting before me, reveling in my downfall. This was not the Lukas I’d known for most of my life—that I’d fallen in love with and planned to devote my heart to for the rest of my days.
“What changed?” I asked sharply.
His answer was immediate. “You did.”
I couldn’t help the scoff that escaped my lips.
“I’m serious,” he continued, voice dropping low. “Ever since that dragon bastard… marked you, you’ve drawn further and further away from me.” His gaze landed on my chin.
I reached up to my face, stroking the puckered, pink line of skin along my jaw. “ Marked me?” I seethed, the scar prickling under my touch. I snatched my hand away, tucking it under my thigh. His dark eyes followed the movement and then slid back up to my face, uncomfortably slow.
“You always did want too much,” he gritted out. “I saw everything. The heated looks, that stunt with the cup , all of it… You really thought I was stupid, didn’t you?”
“No! I?—”
“No more lies, Asvoria!” he shouted, hands balling into fists. “Did you leave me for him?”
The Shadow shrank beneath my ire. “I left you, Lukas, because you were trying to control me . All I ever wanted was your support, and you couldn’t even give me that when I needed it most. What happened between you and I has nothing to do with the dragons!”
He stilled, eyes boring into me. “Whether or not that’s true, you wasted no time in finding your pleasure elsewhere. Perhaps that hurts more than anything else…” He paused for a long moment, and I squirmed under his gaze. “It doesn’t matter. You’ll get what’s coming to you.”
Quick as lightning, he rose from the chair and strode to the door. I didn’t have the strength to rise along with him. My legs were shaking so badly, I knew they wouldn’t support me.
My thoughts ran wild trying to make sense of what he’d said. I couldn’t reconcile the Lukas I’d known with the one who’d come to… to gloat in my downfall.
“Did you really come to crow over me, Lukas?” I said as he reached the door. “After all we’ve been through, have we really been reduced to this ?”
He gave me a sidelong look. The straight lines of his nose and jaw looked so severe in the harsh, gray light streaming through the window.
I was suddenly reminded of a day long ago, when we’d sat beneath the shade of an elder tree in the garden, a picnic lunch spread between us.
I couldn’t have been more than fifteen at the time, and my infatuation with the young man I was betrothed to marry had reached an all-time high.
We fed each other freshly picked strawberries and slices of goat cheese, talking of everything and nothing in the warm afternoon light.
It had been perfect. Every laugh, every smile, every casual touch between us. And as I’d secretly hoped would happen, Lukas had kissed me for the first time. It was the start of the happiest season of my life. If only I’d known how it would end, perhaps I might have done things differently.
It was too late to think about any of that. Whatever last, small traces of affection I might have held for Lukas vanished completely when he spoke.
“I’d wish you luck, but there really isn’t any point.” He turned back to the door, wrenching it open. “Goodbye, Asvoria. The gods are your only hope for mercy now.”
The next time someone came to my room, I was startled awake from where I’d dozed off in the chair. The Shadow stirred as well, both of us disoriented. I blinked a few times so I could focus on the figure near the door. My heart lurched at the sight.
“Lenn,” I croaked, flinging myself from the chair. My knees buckled as soon as I tried to put weight on them, and he rushed forward as I fell to the floor. Just as my knees hit, he knelt before me, his firm grasp keeping the impact to a minimum.
“Easy.” He shifted me off my knees as the Shadow fluttered against my mind, sorrow leaking from her like a sieve. “Vor,” Lenn continued softly, stroking my cheek, “look at me.”
The despair I found in his gaze echoed the Shadow’s mournful humming. Hot tears pricked at my eyes. “I’ve made a mess of things, Lenn,” I breathed on the heels of a shuddering exhale.
“I told you to be careful, skatten min .”
A tear fell. “I know.”
“What were you thinking?”
I dragged in another sharp breath, willing the tears to recede.
My throat burned with the effort. “I wasn’t,” I admitted, gripping his doublet tighter.
“After what happened in the library, I… I just…” I hung my head, unable to form a justifiable defense.
“It didn’t change anything. Killing the huathe didn’t bring me any closure.
Mother is still dead. It was too much, and I needed… I needed a distraction.”
Lenn released a heavy sigh, eyes searching my face. “ Just a distraction?”
I nodded, clamping my mouth shut. The diversion from my own paralyzing thoughts was part of it, of course.
But there was more to it than that. From the moment we met, I’d felt this draw toward Trygg, like he was a jagged piece of my heart I hadn’t known I was missing.
Giving in to that draw, letting that passion loose… It slotted that piece into place.
But Lenn couldn’t know about the deeper connection between us, or the way we were able to silently communicate. I wasn’t ready to admit that yet, as I didn’t fully understand it. And in the current situation, it didn’t matter. There was only what we’d done and what Lukas would now say.
After his earlier visit, I suspected I knew how this would play out.
Lenn’s eyes narrowed. “I’m not sure the Jarlum will believe that, Vor.”
The Shadow bristled and the darkthread tightened in my chest.
“What do you mean? What have you heard?”
He shook his head, his long beard brushing against my hands. “Only mutterings amongst the Thanes. But Lukas, he’s… He’s saying this is not the first time you’ve taken a Talon to bed.”
All the air in my lungs rushed out of me. “That’s a lie.”
“I know,” Lenn said quickly, tightening his grip on my arms in reassurance. “But after what’s happened, I don’t know if the others will believe you.”
The floor tilted beneath me. “You’ll defend me, won’t you?”
“Of course . ” His broad arm wrapped around my shoulders, drawing me into his barrel chest. “But if it goes badly,” he muttered against my hair, “I’ve put safeguards in place.
I won’t let them lock you up for the rest of your life like they tried to do with your grandmother.
If it comes down to it, Arlbright will get you out. ”
I jerked back. “What? Vilke said they were going to imprison him as well.”
“They didn’t find him.” A light entered his eyes, and I knew without a doubt Lenn had made sure of it.
Hope flickered in my chest, thawing a bit of the ice.
If nothing else, it was a small comfort to know that Corbyn was not being held in some cell alongside Trygg.
I didn’t think Vilke would go so far as to mistreat them, if only under the threat of repercussions from the treaty.
But she had confined me to my chambers and declared emergency powers for herself.
I was no longer certain what she was capable of.
“Thank you,” I choked out through the sob lodged in my throat.
Lenn placed his hands on either side of my face, pulling me in and planting a kiss on my brow. “I would do anything for you, Vor,” he said raggedly. “ Skatten min —my treasure. They will not harm you in any way.”
The sob released in an odd mixture of a cry and a laugh. “What did I do to deserve you, Lenn?” I shook my head, burying it in his chest once more.
“You’ve got it wrong,” he replied, his own strained laugh rumbling through my chest. “It is I who doesn’t deserve you , Asvoria. There’s so much I would do differently, if given the chance.” His use of my given name made me pause. He took a shuddering breath as his arms tightened around me.
“Tell me the truth,” I whispered, squeezing my eyes shut. “Before it’s too late.” If things did indeed go badly, this might be the only opportunity.
And maybe a part of me had always known, even if the rest of me hadn’t wanted to admit it.
Things were simpler like that. Life was easier if we all pretended.
But with my future a sheer cliff before me—shrouded in mist that made it impossible to see what lay beneath—I needed him say it before I made the leap.
When he didn’t respond, I pulled back once more, gazing up at his tear-rimmed eyes. “You loved my mother, didn’t you?”
He hesitated for the briefest of moments. “Yes,” he said. A single tear tracked down his weathered cheek.
The Shadow flapped against my mind in soothing strokes.
“And Emund…” I drew in a deep breath, remembering what he’d said when I confronted him in the garden that night.
‘ One reminder was bad enough. ’
I hadn’t realized it at the time, but I understood now. I’d seen how destructive jealousy could be from where I sat, my fate pinned beneath the sword of Lukas’s ire. Emund’s jealousy had consumed him, driving him to murder an innocent child to hurt the man kneeling before me.
“He’s not my father… is he?”
Lenn’s shoulders sagged, like a great, strenuous weight had been lifted. More tears fell as he shook his head. “No, he’s not,” he admitted.
An overwhelming sense of calm washed over me, stilling the tremors that had wracked my body all day. Even as a fist banged on the door and a rough female voice called from the corridor, “Time’s up, Thane.”
Lenn lumbered to his feet, pulling me along with him. “There’ll likely be a Tribunal tonight,” he said, jerking his head toward the forgotten tray of food I’d been brought earlier. “You should eat. Keep your strength up.”
The corner of my mouth tipped up in the smallest, saddest smile. “I’ll have all the strength I need with my father by my side.”
He released a strangled sigh, cupping my cheek with his rough palm. “How I love you, my dearest girl,” he whispered. He pressed a kiss to my brow, and then pulled away, heading for the door as it opened.
My arms remained outstretched for only a moment, as if I could keep him here a little longer. He gave me one last, pained look before slipping into the corridor. The whispering of his bearskin cloak across the stone floor sounded eerily like a goodbye.
Alone again, the Shadow pressed up against my mind. A silent inquiry.
Did you know? I asked her.
She shuddered lightly. I had my suspicions, she admitted. But Petra did not like to talk about her relationship with Lenn. It was the only happiness she had for many years. She fell quiet for a long moment. Are you ? —?
I’m alright, I told her, clutching my hands to my chest.
We’ll get through this together, young one, she assured me. But he’s right, you should eat something. I’ve a feeling it will be a long night.
I turned to the tray table, eyeing the steaming bowl of creamy soup.
A crust of bread sat beside a cup of water.
My stomach grumbled at the sight of it all, and I realized I hadn’t eaten anything since the night before.
By the pink and orange tint of the sky beyond the window, I figured it was getting close to suppertime.
If they really did call for a Tribunal soon, it would be a long night indeed.
Better to face my fate with a full belly, rather than an empty one.