Chapter 21 One and the Same #2
“I miss my daughter every minute of every day. Not a second goes by that I don’t think about her.
If she’s well and happy, if she hates me for leaving, if I did the right thing, even though I had no other choice.
” A tear escaped her eyes. “There’s not a heartbeat that goes by that I don’t feel my chest weigh a thousand pounds.
That’s the impact of her absence on my life.
It weighs me down so badly that it gets hard to breathe, to move, even.
The only thing that keeps me going is the hope I will see her again, alive and well. The hope I will make it back to her.”
Stunned by the words coming out of her own mouth so fluidly, Alissa glanced at her friend. Freyah’s proud smile and tearful eyes meant everything to her; her friend would always be her anchor.
After all this time identifying in Alissa so many aspects Desi lacked in herself, personality traits she envied or despised, and interests they never shared, it was odd to acknowledge that the one thing they did have in common was simply the key aspect of her being; to be a mother.
Never before had someone else’s words felt as much as her own as right then.
This pain they both shared stained their essences, and no physical pain would ever compare to it.
Perhaps this was why, speaking mother to mother, they could see each other as equals.
For the first time since leaving her family, Desi felt comfortable sharing her story. She told them everything: the debt she had inherited from her father and how she was mandated to hold post in Nyfrel until the debt had been paid off.
“Why didn’t your family move here with you?” Freyah asked.
“It was part of their demands that my family remain in the capital while I’m gone.”
“Why would they do that?” Alissa frowned.
“Because if I had my family here with me, this wouldn’t feel like a punishment, would it?”
Alissa felt a pang of sympathy for the healer, forced to endure a life she despised, separated from those she loved because of a debt she shouldn’t have had to bear.
Desi lived at the mercy of a kingdom that had trapped her in a torturous reality to keep her under its control.
Alissa realized in more ways than one how their lives were similar.
Hadn’t she, too, been trapped within walls her entire life, unable to escape, convinced there was no other life worth fighting for?
121 DAYS UNTIL DHALIA’S DEATH DATE.
Eldric went back to the tent at sunrise. He had slept at an inn the previous night to give the women some privacy. He knew changing her hair was a sensitive matter for Freyah, so being away when she did it had been a wise decision.
As he walked in, Alissa’s eyes were drawn to his hair, or rather, the absence of it.
The gorgeous, rebellious strands that often fell over his eyes were gone, replaced by a dull, lifeless buzz cut.
In contradiction, an apparent beard started to emerge along his jawline.
Apparently, getting rid of his hair and growing a beard was Eldric’s attempt at looking unrecognizable for the rest of their travels.
It did partly meet its purpose, though.
“Was shaving your hair really necessary?” Alissa asked in greeting, scrunching her nose.
Eldric didn’t react to her comment; he was too stunned by her own drastic change of looks to say anything. He barely recognized her when he walked in.
His eyes drifted up and down, taking her in.
Her hair, before mid-back length, was now blunt cut under her ears, and the light-brown strands now shone a platinum blonde.
Eldric never thought anyone could look this beautiful, but she did.
The shorter hair and the light shade suited her bold personality better.
He felt something tugging at his chest and dismissed it before he could acknowledge it.
“Speechless, Eldric?” Freyah asked, and when he glanced toward her, his jaw dropped in shock.
The new black hair that enveloped her left no glimpse of the bright red of her natural color.
Her hair was shorter, ending mid-back, and the waves were extinguished.
Bangs grazed her lashes and highlighted her hazel eye.
If Alissa’s new look perfectly matched her personality, Freyah’s did the complete opposite.
The deep black had nothing to do with her sweet, caring self.
“You two look… amazing!” he said with lips agape. “I barely recognized you.”
Alissa gasped, her hand resting on her chest. “Are you implying we didn’t look amazing before?”
“You always looked amazing.” He winked.
Alissa was unsure how their friendship would work, since she had opened up to him and he had committed to helping her save Dhalia, but when he winked at her and grinned, her cheeks burned.
She couldn’t tell whether he was only teasing her, as he often did, or this had somehow become something entirely different.
“You are so cynical!” Freyah interrupted, shaking her head in denial. Her fingers ran through her hair as she spoke, her eyes narrowed.
Eldric took a step back, confused. Freyah had always been kind to everyone; lashing out at him was completely out of character.
“What?” His voice came out in a high-pitched tone.
“Look at me, Eldric!” She pointed to her own face. “I look horrendous. It’s all your fault!” Freyah’s scream blended into whining as she spoke, cursing Eldric’s idea of disguising.
“Are you kidding me? You look great!” he spoke with conviction, approaching her to hold her shoulders. “I would be terrified of you, Freyah Weller.”
Freyah narrowed her eyes. Eldric could only be saying that to make her feel better; she knew it. But what he said next made her forget how much she loved her red hair before.
“No one will have the courage to mess with you again, my friend.”
It had been a long time since Freyah had last thought about the days in her youth when she was harassed by the clients at her family’s tavern.
Those memories had somehow been buried when she gained the scar on her face.
Since what happened in the wheat field, the marks left by her trauma started rushing back.
It was as if Freyah had acknowledged that even as a grown woman, she wasn’t strong enough to defend herself from men with bad intentions.
That realization scared her more than anything else.
Freya didn’t wish to overburden Alissa with her own misery, so she had suppressed her feelings as a good friend would.
But what if she could embrace this change in the same way she had embraced the scar that brought her so much freedom in the past?
What if this could become a new version of herself born from the willpower to save the lives of the people of Bryniard?
She pulled Eldric into a tight embrace, her sniffing doing little to hide the emotion welling up in her chest.
Still in her arms, Eldric’s eyes locked on Alissa in a questioning gaze. She shrugged back at him, but there was a very insistent smile on her lips.
Breaking their hug, Freyah recovered her composure, putting on her grumpy face once again.
He cleared his throat. “You should also lose the eyepatch. It attracts too much attention.”
“Now you want to get rid of my eyepatch?” Freyah spoke in a squeak. “You’d better sleep with one eye open from now on.” She pointed to her eyes with two fingers, then aimed them at him in warning.
Eldric raised his eyebrows. He had never thought Freyah could be terrifying.
Alissa laughed until her eyes filled with tears. “You know, I kind of love dark-haired Freyah better. She really is something. You were right about that, Eldric.”
“Did you just tell me I was right? That’s a first!”
In the background, Freyah whined to herself as she put her flower-shaped eyepatch back in her satchel.