Epilogue #2
And I’m so, so glad that Bash is already in therapy to learn all of the lessons that I wish I’d had as a kid even if I hadn’t known I was preparing for a lifetime of having some spotlight always cast my way.
“Still not breathing a word,” Sabrina repeats.
“Agreed,” Laney says.
“I don’t mind the attention so much now,” I tell them. It’s the truth. “Jonas is worth it.”
They both grin.
“That is the absolute sweetest and most classic Emma thing ever, and I am so glad we have you back.” Sabrina blinks quickly, then groans. “ Why do I cry about everything right now?”
“Post-baby hormones,” I reply. “We’ve got you. It’s okay. You can cry.”
“I hate crying.”
“Okay, no more crying,” Laney agrees. “Instead—I have presents for all of us.”
“ Laney ,” I groan.
“It’s useless to argue,” Sabrina tells me.
Laney flings a window open, letting in the late November air. “Bring them up, please,” she says to someone below.
And a minute later, Jonas, Theo, and Grey stroll through our clubhouse door.
“ Laney, ” Sabrina says again.
Each of the men have massive boxes.
Like, I couldn’t actually carry them.
“My fault,” Theo says. “I was sleep deprived and hanging out on the Kingston Photo Gifts website too late at night and my credit card fell out and landed on the keyboard.”
None of us believe him.
“Dada bwing pwesents for me?” Bash asks.
“There’s something for you in your mama’s box,” Laney tells him.
“Right on top,” Theo agrees.
“This treehouse is not built for nine,” Sabrina says.
“Not nine and presents,” I agree.
“Pwesents!” Bash slingshots himself off the chair, making Yolko Ono squawk in irritation at almost being flung off too.
Jonas grabs Bash in one arm and rescues the chicken with the other, letting her down to glare at all of us from what looks to be her preferred corner of the treehouse.
Theo reclaims his daughter from me after he’s set a box at Laney’s feet, and after a quick reshuffle, the men are holding the kids in the seats while Laney, Sabrina, and I sit on the floor and tackle the boxes.
The first thing we pull out has all three of us doubling over in laughter, which makes me suspect Theo wasn’t lying about these being his fault.
“Look, Bash,” I say, handing him his T-shirt. “Aunt Laney and Uncle Theo got you a shirt.”
His is yellow—his current favorite color—and it has a tractor on it—his current favorite vehicle.
It also says Heir to the Ugly Heiress Society in scripty font around the tractor.
The babies have matching onesies.
Complete with the tractors.
“They don’t care what they wear,” Theo says as Laney holds theirs up. “Why can’t my daughter like tractors too?”
“Heaven help us if she tries to hotwire one someday,” Laney replies, which sends all of us into a fit of laughter again.
There’s a box clearly holding a coffee tumbler of some type next, and when we all open them at the same time, we once again double over.
“The Hot Ugly Moms Club? ” Laney says.
She’s the first of us able to speak.
Theo looks her square in the eye. “We have traditions to uphold.”
“Should it be Hot Ugly Moms or Ugly Hot Moms ?” Grey asks Theo.
Completely dead serious.
“ Ugly Hot Moms implies menopause,” Theo replies, equally staid.
“You gave this a lot of thought.”
“It’s what I do.”
Jonas is watching all of us with that amused, quiet smile that I love so much.
I love when he’s quiet. It’s a peaceful, happy quiet. Like he’s spent his whole life looking for something out in the wide open, only to find it in a cramped treehouse behind a fixer-upper in the mountains.
He catches my eye and smiles bigger and softer at the same time. They know , I mouth to him.
Good , he mouths back.
He slides a look at Theo, then back to me, and I bite my lower lip to keep from laughing at the implied statement.
You can tell him next and stand between us so he doesn’t threaten to make it impossible for us to have more kids if I mistreat you . Which I will never do. Ever. EVER.
“More presents,” Laney says. “Let’s open this one next.” She waves a square box.
Inside, we find matching jewelry boxes with the original logo Laney had made for our Ugly Heiress Society club, and inside the jewelry boxes are matching lockets that have matching pictures of the three of us on one side, and unique pictures on the other.
Theo, Laney, and their baby for Laney.
Sabrina, Grey, their dogs, Zen, and their baby for Sabrina.
Jonas, Bash, and me with Yolko Ono for me.
“ I said no more crying ,” Sabrina moans as she wipes her eyes.
Theo starts looking guilty for the first time. “So maybe the last one can wait,” he mutters.
“Eff you, Theo Monroe,” she fires back. “If I’m already crying, I’m effing crying.”
There’s one last item to open. It’s another box, about a foot and a half square and relatively flat.
I’m sniffling. Laney’s sniffling. Sabrina’s sniffling harder.
And on the count of three, we open the boxes together.
This time, they’re all different.
All printed pieces of wood.
Mine has fairies on it and the words Official new home of .
Laney’s is decorated with drawn kittens, and says, the original Ugly Heiresses .
And Sabrina’s has coffee beans and bees all over it, and says of Snaggletooth Creek, Colorado .
We line them up, and all three of us burst into absolute sobs.
“Good job, Theo,” Grey mutters.
“Every clubhouse needs a sign,” Theo mutters back. “I thought they’d like it.”
“They do,” Jonas says.
“It’s so beautiful,” Sabrina wails.
“It’s so us ,” Laney sobs.
“I’m so ugly when I cry,” I moan.
“Why do you think I named you that?” Theo says.
“We make custom tissue packs and you didn’t think to include them ?” Laney says to him.
“Sleep deprivation,” Theo says.
I crawl up to my knees and hug my brother. “Thank you for being the best worst brother ever.”
He squeezes me back. “Anything for you and your ugly friends, Em.”
I poke him in the gut, and then I hug Jonas, who’s handing all of my friends the tissues he hid in the closet. “And thank you for not caring that I’m ugly when I cry.”
“You’re not ugly when you cry,” he replies with a laugh.
“Unka Theo make mama cry?” Bash says quietly.
“It’s a good cry,” I assure my little boy as I let Jonas go and lift up my first little joy. “Mama sometimes cries when she’s happy.”
“Mama cry aww da time .” He pats my cheeks. “Mama so happy.”
“Exactly right. Mama so happy.”
Grey’s helping Sabrina put on her locket. Theo’s showing Laney where he thinks our clubhouse signs should go.
And Jonas is wrapping both me and Bash in a massive hug. “What do you say we all live happily ever after?”
I kiss his cheek, then Bash’s cheek, then Jonas’s again. “We already are.”