Chapter 44
Bella and Markie were still sitting at the kitchen table over a leisurely breakfast on Saturday morning when she heard the front door opening.
‘Hello, it’s me,’ Don called into the hallway and Bella ran from the kitchen to meet him.
She bounded up and threw her arms round him, kissing him on the lips without worrying about whether she should or not.
‘Blimey,’ he said, pulling back from her. ‘You look… extraordinary.’
‘Extraordinary good or extraordinary bad?’ she asked as he held her at arm’s length and clocked the trainers, rustling grey nylon trousers and pink and silver top.
‘Good, good… I think. I like it, I’m getting used to it… You look very sexy,’ he said finally and couldn’t help pulling her in for another kiss.
‘And the hair?!’ he said suddenly. ‘When did you do that?’
‘Two weeks ago, but you’ve been too angry to notice,’ she answered.
‘It looks great.’
They were interrupted by impatient squawks from the kitchen.
‘He’s in his highchair,’ Bella explained. ‘We better get back to him.’
She had immediately noticed Don didn’t have his bags with him and felt a lurch of disappointment, but what did she expect – that he could have forgiven and forgotten what had happened just six days ago?
Don headed straight for Markie and plucked him out of his chair in an easy movement, swinging him into the air.
‘How is my big boy?’ he said, beaming.
Markie giggled, stretched out with his hands and landed a long trail of drool on Don’s face.
‘Teething,’ said Bella as Don brought the baby down quickly and wiped his face. ‘Tea?’ she asked. ‘Toast? We’re just finishing up.’
‘Yeah, that would be great. I came early because I thought Markie might need time to get used to me again before you head out and Mike probably wants the place to himself for the day.’
‘Yeah,’ said Bella. It felt as if the moving back question was hanging in the air, but neither of them dared to touch it just yet.
‘How is Mike?’ she asked.
‘He’s well, and planning to semi-retire,’ Don answered.
‘Really? He’s only fifty-odd, isn’t he?’
‘Fifty-nine, but it’s a hard job, plus ex-wife number two is back in Scotland with the kids, so he’s thinking about moving up there because he never sees them.’
Bella thought about this – her husband had spent the week possibly listening to a late-middle-aged man regretting the time he’d not spent with his family. That might turn out to be quite helpful.
‘So, how’ve you been?’ Don settled into a chair with his son bouncing on his knee.
‘Good,’ said Bella. ‘Very good, bought some new clothes, got a lovely childminder, got so much sleep, got a new job – busy week.’ She turned to pour boiling water into the teapot, so Don couldn’t see her grin.
‘Bloody hell,’ he said, ‘no kidding. That is a busy week. Wait, a new job?!’
Bella brought the teapot and cups to the table, saying, ‘OK, sit tight and I’ll tell you the whole thing.’
And she did, starting all the way back at the cheap clothes shop with the designer diffusion clothes for computer nerds.
He listened with growing admiration.
‘So,’ Bella said when she’d finished, ‘pretty good, huh? So, I’ll now be earning more than you again but you always liked that about me, and, hopefully, working less. So, is that a turn-on or what?’ she joked but then quickly carried on talking because she couldn’t bear for him not to answer positively.
‘Now, I really have to go or I’m going to be late. Markie’s food is in the fridge all neurotically labelled with when you feed it to him and how much, etc. etc. Have loads of fun. I’ve got the mobile for any panics.’
She kissed them both, picked up her gym bag and hurried to the door, before she could change her mind about leaving Markie in the care of his dad for a whole morning.
Don was left speechless by her exiting whirlwind.
Just as Bella was stepping out of the kitchen, she heard Markie say, ‘Da-da,’ quite distinctly.
She turned to look at Don and the expression on his face made her feel tearful… for about the seventeenth time so far today.
‘Hello, Markie,’ Don said gently. ‘Hello there, I’m your dad. The one who’s going to teach you about cars, football, girls… all the important stuff.’
Bella was climbing out of her car to the gym when an outrageously red Ferrari pulled up not far away.
‘Hello, darling!’ Tania called out of the open window.
‘Bloody hell! That is lovely!’ shouted Bella as she walked towards the car. Both women were grinning at each other.
‘Urban grunge?’ Tania shouted back. ‘Bella, I never thought you’d go for that. A silver anorak!?’
‘It’s comfortable and cheap,’ Bella countered. ‘Anyway, get out of the car, let’s see the new you.’
Tania threw open the door and stepped out in high-heeled ankle boots, tight black leather trousers and a tiny red sweater. She had huge sunglasses perched on top of her head.
‘Wow!’ Bella exclaimed. ‘Channelling your inner Margot Robbie.’
‘Come here,’ Bella held out her arms. ‘I love you.’
‘Love you too.’
Bella laughed. ‘Let’s go work out.’
After an hour and a half of hard effort, they decided to collapse in the sauna together.
‘Has it been really rough?’ Bella asked her friend gently as they lay back in the heat.
‘Yeah, it has…’ Tania answered. ‘I felt so betrayed by him and so furious… furious with him and furious with myself for being so stupid. When I think about it now… it just seems so obvious. I mean, I wasn’t misreading the signs, Bella, I was walking past massive billboards spelling it out and turning my head the other way. But you know, after two weeks of hysterical sobbing, smoking, insomnia and unrelenting grief, the normal break-up rules had to apply.’
‘You threw everything of his out?’
‘Yeah and sold the jewellery and tore up the photos and erased his numbers from all my files and changed the locks and did everything just right.’
‘I’m so proud of you,’ said Bella. ‘Have you had your casual-fling sex yet.’
‘Yeah, actually.’ Tania laughed.
‘And was it the best ever?’
‘Yeah, but I cried in the morning. Anyway, how are things with Don?’ Tania asked.
‘I think they’re going to be OK. I hope so. I love him and if I’ve messed this up, it won’t just be me who suffers, but Markie as well,’ she answered.
‘Oh God.’ Tania sat up and looked at her friend. ‘I’m sorry, Bella. You’ll just have to keep telling him that it was a complete mistake, until he fully believes you.’
‘Yeah… very big mistake.’
‘I’m sorry I haven’t been around.’
‘Me too,’ said Bella. ‘But I’m sort of glad we fell out though, because we’ve never done that before and it really, really used to bug me that I couldn’t say what I thought in case we argued.’
‘What? You want to fall out again?’
‘No, I just know now that if we do, we’ll get over it. I mean, if we don’t argue, we’re not real blood, gut and tears friends, are we?’
‘So what have you been longing to say to me all this time?’ Tania dared her.
‘Oh loads of stuff!’
‘Well go on then.’
‘You’re kidding, you really want to hear this?’ Bella grinned.
‘Bring it on out, if you think you’re hard enough,’ Tania teased.
‘All right then… I thought Greg was boring and you deserved someone better.’
‘OK,’ Tania said.
‘And I think you sometimes act like too much of a ditz when you’re actually a really smart, really great person.’
Tania smiled.
‘And I’m so jealous you have a lovely brother and a fantastic mum and dad who gave you enough money to start up your own business and buy a flat… and you’re obsessed with fashion, which is tedious… but you know what annoys me the most? You never think you look good enough, and that drives me up the wall… Please stop me now.’ Bella laughed. ‘See? I could have let this out gradually over the years but now it’s all gushing out in one colossal friendship-destroying tidal wave.’
‘Bitch!’ Tania said in mock horror. ‘What about you!? Ms Smug Smarty Pants Perfect, you’re so good at picking out people’s faults and bossing them around, you do it for a living.’
‘A damn good one,’ Bella interrupted.
‘Shut up, this is my rant! And you think your dress taste is so spot on, when in fact it’s just so corporate?—’
‘Hey, what about the silver anorak?’
‘And how dare you get married first and have a baby first and always get every man you’ve ever wanted just by flaunting your cleavage and dropping your knickers! I hope you’ve learned your lesson this time, Bella.’
‘Ouch,’ Bella said soberly.
But then they both started to giggle, then laugh, then became quite hysterical.
‘Come on,’ said Tania finally. ‘We’ve got to get out of here, it’s so bloody hot, we’ve probably got heatstroke.’
They had a quick lunch together because Bella was starting to fret about Markie and when they kissed goodbye, Tania promised her everything was going to be OK.
Bella wished she could be so sure; she felt anxious and stirred up at the thought of the conversation with Don that lay ahead.
When she got back to the house, she opened the front door as quietly as she could. If Markie was asleep, she didn’t want to wake him, so she tiptoed in.
She could hear a football match on in the sitting room, and Don making the odd comment, ‘Nice one’ and ‘You must be joking!’
She looked in to see Don lying full-length across the sofa with Markie propped up against his chest. They were both engrossed in the match. It was just heart-wringingly cute.
‘Hello,’ she said from the door, and when the two heads swivelled round, she momentarily wondered which face to look at first. She shot a quick smile at Don, then beamed at her little son who was laughing and holding out his arms.
‘Hi, darling, would you like a cuddle?’
‘Yes, please,’ said Don.
She laughed and ran to pick Markie up, while Don clicked off the TV with a ‘Rubbish game anyway’.
‘How’s it been?’ she asked, cuddling Markie against her and noticing that Don was wearing a different top.
‘Good, fine mainly. Don’t go into the bathroom just yet, I haven’t had a chance to clean up.’
Bella raised her eyebrows.
‘I took him out in his sling thing and when we got back, well, there was a severe nappy overflow. My God—’ Don began to laugh, ‘there was poo everywhere, all over Markie, all over the sling, all over me.’
Bella gave a snort. ‘Yup, it’s a learning curve.’
‘But, you know, we’ve had a nice time. He’s a great little guy. I love the way he flaps his arms when he’s excited, which is about three times a minute.’ Don smiled.
‘Has he had a nap?’ she asked.
‘He nodded off for about ten minutes in the sling, but woke up when we came back in, so not really,’ he answered.
‘OK,’ she said. ‘Let’s take you upstairs for a nice feed and a snooze.’ She kissed Markie on his chubby cheeks.
‘Can I come?’ asked Don.
‘If you like,’ she said, surprised by the request.
In the bedroom, Bella lay down on the bed. Propped up on the mound of pillows she turned onto her side, lifted her top, unzipped her bra and snuggled Markie up close against her full breasts.
Don lay down on the bed behind her and leaned on his elbow so he could watch.
Markie took her nipple in his mouth and began to tug hard, his jaw working up and down. She waited a few moments for the warm, tingling rush of milk and saw Markie close his eyes in bliss as it arrived.
A trickle of milk ran out down the side of his chin.
Don’s head moved to rest on her shoulder, so he could watch the little face pressed close against the soft, creamy mound of skin.
As Markie sucked against her, Bella felt the distinct connection between nipples and clitoris that made breastfeeding such a pleasure.
Don’s warm breath was against her neck and she longed for him. He smelled of unfamiliar soap and clean laundry. He shifted slightly so he was closer against her and his keys and pocketful of change jangled as he moved.
She curved her back so she was pressed against him and he kissed her neck. She shivered and let her eyes close, so he kissed gently again.
Markie had stopped sucking, so Bella moved to loosen her other breast and put it into the drowsy baby’s mouth. He began to suck again slowly and Don placed small, soft kisses on her neck and licked at her with his warm tongue.
He laid his hand on the curve of her waist then stroked down her side. She was overwhelmingly happy to feel a hard erection against her.
Don moved a hand to the waistband of her trousers and pulled open the drawstring. Then he felt his way down to her wet, swollen clitoris.
She parted her lips with a sigh as he made contact. Her baby was still sucking hard on her nipple and Don was moving his finger slowly up and down between her legs. It felt blissfully good.
‘Is this allowed?’ she whispered urgently.
‘I don’t know,’ Don whispered back, ‘shall we wait until he’s asleep?’
‘He’s nearly there,’ she whispered.
Markie’s mouth slid off her nipple and she could see he was sound asleep. She moved him slightly away from her on the bed, made sure he was well buffered from the edge with a pillow, then rushed to pull off her trousers.
Don grasped her hips in his hands and pushed inside.
He kissed the back of her neck and moved strongly inside her.
‘I’m going to come really quickly,’ she told him.
‘Me too,’ he said. ‘Is it OK?’
‘Yes, yes,’ she gasped and felt the warm rush and shuddering of her own approaching orgasm. He thrust strongly through it and she came, trickling breastmilk, just before his long sigh of pleasure.
They were sweaty and sated and he threw his arm round her and pressed his face into the back of her neck. ‘Hello, Bella, my girl,’ he whispered.
‘Hello,’ she answered and they lay still for a few moments with him gradually shrinking inside her.
When he had pulled out, she turned around to face him. ‘Don?’ She looked into his eyes and tried to read the answer to this question before she asked it. ‘Do you still love me?’
He placed a hand on her cheek, looked deep into her eyes and answered, ‘Of course I love you. I love you an unbearable amount. You’re still the girl I’ve been waiting for…’
It made her heart soar to hear this.
After a moment, he asked, ‘What about you? Do you love me?’
‘I love you an unbearable amount too,’ she answered.
‘Don’t think I wasn’t angry,’ he added. ‘I was furious… but I’ve come to the conclusion that I can forgive some drunken misbehaviour here,’ his finger brushed her lips, ‘so long as there is none here,’ he put his finger to her heart.
‘I’m so sorry. You’re the one,’ she whispered.
‘I’m sorry I wasn’t more help with Markie in the early months,’ he said. ‘I know it all got too much for you. I’m going to do a lot more, be around a lot more. I’m booking some holiday time, for a start.’
She hugged her arms round his back and pushed her face into his shoulder. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t think about you enough… I was so wrapped up in the baby and losing my job and everything… I love you. Markie loves you too. I promise I’ll be so good if you take me back.’
‘Bella, it’s OK,’ he soothed. ‘It’s not a question of taking you back. I never imagined it working out any other way. And I love you a little not-too-good. OK?’
‘I love you,’ she said again. ‘Are you going to move back in today?’ she asked.
‘Yeah, my things are in the car but?—’
‘Oh dear,’ she said. ‘“But” doesn’t sound good.’
‘I’ve probably got another three-week foreign coming up very soon. I’m so sorry, I’ve already said I’ll do it, but I promise, I’m taking two weeks off at Christmas.’
‘What do you think about going to Italy for Christmas?’ she said, surprising herself.
He was taken aback too. ‘Don’t your parents live there?’ he asked, cracking a smile.
‘Yeeees… I’m not suggesting we go and stay with them for a fortnight. But I think we should visit.’
‘OK,’ said Don. ‘This is something of a breakthrough.’
She just smiled back at him. They stayed cuddled up on the bed together, not speaking, for a long time.
Finally, Bella sat up and said, ‘I’m starving, shall we go and make bacon sandwiches?’
‘Fantastic,’ he said. ‘Are you going to put Markie in his cot?’
She looked at Don with her eyebrows raised.
‘Here, why don’t I try?’ he added quickly. ‘Just don’t blame me if he wakes up.’
‘But it’ll be your fault!’