Chapter 37
Chapter Thirty-Seven
CILLIAN
Dare grumbles and paces around the small room like he’s got ants in his pants, but all I can do is stare at Isla.
“You’re... you’re really having a baby?”
“Yeah, and who knows whose baby it is?” Dare pipes up.
I ignore him, going to her, taking her in my arms again.
My fingers intertwine at her lower back, and she puts her hands on my chest.
“I'm so sorry you’ve been going through all this alone.” I kiss Isla’s temple, and she sniffles, tears tracking down her face.
“Liam just left, he—”
“Don’t blame him, mo chuisle. He’s as twisted up about this as the rest of us, he just doesn’t handle it well.”
Dare just throws his arms in the air. “Who does? How can anyone handle this well?”
“If you can’t handle it, Dare, then leave. Go find Liam.” My voice is a lot like Liam’s usual bark, but Dare is pissing me off.
All this time, he’s been nuts about her, letting her get away with murder, and now that she needs us, he’s angry.
“Fine. I will.” He storms out, slamming the door behind him, and I draw Isla closer when she winces.
“It’s okay. They’ll come around.”
“God, Dare’s so angry at me. I’ve never seen him angry before now.”
“At least Liam’s always angry.” I shouldn’t be making jokes, but my heart is soaring, and I can’t seem to think negatively at all.
I’m just so glad to have her back. I’m so glad she didn’t betray us, that she ran for the right reasons.
“Why aren’t you angry?”
I shrug. “Could never be angry with you, mo chuisle. You know I—”
She cuts me off with a kiss, hungry and searching, and I groan into her mouth, cupping her face with both my hands, nearly enveloping her features.
Just as I’m about to pick her up and take her into the bedroom, she pulls away, gasping.
“I shouldn’t have done that. Everything’s so crazy right now…” Tears roll down her face, and I tell my dick to stand down.
It’s not the right time to make love to her. It’s not even the right time to tell her I’m in love with her, no matter how badly I want to do both.
I kiss her forehead. “Everything’s going to be okay. I promise.”
“How can you promise something like that when Dare and Liam are God knows where?”
“I’m pretty sure I know where they are.” I assume wherever they ended up sells alcohol.
She clutches at my shirt. “Will you check on them? Make sure they don’t get into any trouble? Dare nearly beat a guy to death for touching me—”
“Who touched you?” My voice booms in the small room, but Isla doesn’t flinch, instead smiling softly.
“Don’t worry about it, handsome.”
God, her calling me that makes my heart shatter into a million pieces but in the best way.
Is this what being loved feels like?
I put a hand on her belly. “Do you know how far along you are?”
She shakes her head. “Haven’t really had time to see a doctor.”
I frown. “You need to. I’ll schedule you something as soon as—”
“Cill.”
I shut my mouth, realizing she doesn’t need me babbling about the baby or what she needs. She told me what she needed, and that’s checking on my two best friends, who are probably drowning their sorrows at the nearest bar.
I lean down, brushing my mouth against hers briefly. “I’ll be back. Don’t move.”
She smiles even through tears, giving me a little wave as I exit the room.
After blowing her a kiss, I practically skip down the stairs.
I know Dare and Liam are probably losing their minds, but I can’t be anything but happy she’s back.
And pregnant.
It has to be mine, right? I feel like it’s mine, and I’ll finally get the chance to raise a child, to love a child. I’ll do right by them, not like I was raised.
I’ve always wanted kids, but never known I’d be lucky enough to find someone who would want them with me. I know this means that eventually, I’ll have to leave the life, but I don’t care.
I always wanted to be more than a weapon anyway.
It’s easy enough to find Dare and Liam because there’s a neon sign blazing “bar” in the lobby, with an arrow pointing to the door.
I push open the door, and Liam and Dare are sitting at the bar, both silent and throwing back drinks.
Liam’s disheveled, and I can’t say I’m even surprised. He took her being gone so well that I assume everything is crashing down on him at once.
When I sidle up next to him, he looks at me, blinking slowly with glazed blue eyes.
“Cill.” He’s taking care not to slur his words.
The bartender, a cute redhead who looks half my age, walks up, and I give her a bright smile.
“I’ll have the same as they’re having.”
“Celebrating something or mourning something?”
Dare scoffs while Liam remains silent.
“They’re mourning. I’m celebrating.”
She pours me a double shot of Irish whiskey, and I sip it, enjoying the burn.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Dare asks.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” I shoot back, twisting on my barstool to look at him past Liam.
Dare leans back so he can see my face, frowning. “She played all of us, and you’re celebrating?”
“She didn’t play us. She got scared.”
“She’s scared of me.” Liam’s voice is slurred now, and depressed, and I try to take his glass away, but he tightens his hand around it. “That's why she left. She’s afraid I’ll hurt her. But I would never hurt her. I’d slit my own throat before I—”
Dare claps a hand over Liam’s mouth. “Liam, shut up. You’re drunk.”
I reach over to shove Dare, and he nearly falls off the stool. “You’re one to talk. Let him speak. He’s being honest with himself for the first time since we met her.”
“I wish we’d never met her.”
I roll my eyes at the bitter tone of his voice. “You’re just mad she didn’t outright choose you.”
“How do you know she didn’t?”
I grin. “Because she’s going to choose me, of course.”
“She should,” Liam pipes in. “You’re the best of us, Cill, really.”
“Hey!" Offense is evident in Dare’s voice and on his face. He shoots back his drink and hails the poor redhead for another.
“They better be tipping you well.”
She turns to me when I speak and gives me a pretty smile. “They are.”
Liam fumbles for his wallet, and Dare swats at him, pulling out his instead and putting a hundred down on the bar.
The bartender takes it and puts it in her apron, giving Dare a grin.
“You wouldn’t ever run away just because you were pregnant, would you?” he asks her, and the redhead blinks at him.
“Uh, of course not.”
I laugh out loud, and Dare glares at me.
“How are you in a good mood right now?”
“I’m going to be a father.”
“That’s crazy. You don’t know which of us it is. I’ve read that it’s dangerous to do a paternity test while pregnant, too, so we’ll have to wait God knows how many months to find out.”
“It doesn’t matter. She should choose Cill,” Liam mumbles, and I clap a hand on his shoulder.
“If I’m honest, she hasn’t chosen anyone.” It doesn’t even make me feel bad.
I don’t care, as long as Isla will be in my life. Of course, I’ll be jealous if she chooses one of them, if the baby is one of theirs. It'll hurt like hell.
But I can’t stop thinking about the baby. About how it might be mine. Might have my light green eyes and Isla’s wicked smile.
Will it be a boy or a girl? Will it love me as much as I already love it?
“And she won’t,” Dare says flatly, pulling me out of my thoughts. “She’s just leading us all on. How do we know she’s really even pregnant?”
“She wouldn’t lie to us about something like that.”
Liam stops speaking and starts hiccupping, which is probably a bad sign.
I heave him up and manage to get him to the restroom before he throws up Irish whiskey all over the stall.
I pat his back as he washes his face. “Feel better?”
“No.”
I huff out a breath. “You and Dare really need to get it together. Isla needs us right now.”
“She needs you.” Liam clutches at my shirt, shoving me against the wall. “You... you wouldn’t hurt her, would you? Because if she ever comes to me crying—”
“Hey, hey,” I push him away, and he stumbles backward. “Stop it. She hasn’t chosen me, okay? She hasn’t chosen anyone. You two are getting way ahead of yourselves.”
So, why is it that I want to grin?
Maybe I am the bad guy because I want her to choose me. To love me. To have my baby.
Fuck the consequences.