Chapter Thirteen #2
I ease myself between her legs, taking notes of the small amount of room provided on the couch.
I then tear the corner of the condom with my teeth, picturing the way Beck did it our first time.
I gently roll the condom on, focusing on her.
I bite down on my lips, preparing myself.
In the back of my mind, I repeat. You are in control, Ezra…
you are in control. Finally, I position myself.
Even with the condom I can feel her wet entrance graze across my sensitive tip.
I shut my eyes for just a moment to gather my thoughts, thrusting forward and immersing her completely.
We both let out a breathy moan, savoring the sensations that envelop us.
I continue a slow, meaningful rhythm, taking in the way her eyes shutter when I fill her completely.
My thoughts go back to that night, the way her hips moved with me inside her.
How can something feel this good? I bring my mouth to hers, wanting to taste her lips again.
She quickly weaves her fingers through my hair as our tongues lap one another.
This. Kissing her feels so intimate. And I never want to take it for granted.
I pick up speed just a little, unable to hold back the groans that fall from my mouth.
Beck pulls back from our kiss, taking my right hand and placing it against her breast. I flinch slightly at the sensation of her skin brushing against my scarred hand.
She quickly withdraws her hand, concern filling her eyes.
I almost catch her lips forming the words I’m sorry.
I shake my head and focus on how her breasts sit beneath the fabric.
Gently, I squeeze and run my thumb over the peak of her nipple. Small, needy moans escape her lips.
I can feel pressure building in my lower stomach as I continue sliding in and out of her.
I could feel this way with her forever. How could it be better than this with anyone but her?
My mouth falls open as I pick up my pace.
Beck’s eyes slam shut as she grips the armrest on either side of her head.
I can feel my undoing reaching its peak—until a loud buzzing interrupts my thoughts.
I jerk my head toward the coffee table, seeing an incoming call on Beck’s phone.
My eyes catch the time at the top of the screen…
11:00 p.m. Panic and fear slam into my chest all at once.
I shut my eyes tight, desperately trying to regain my composure, but the crackling of fire and piercing screams echo in my ears while my skin feels like it’s on fire.
Voices tear through my thoughts, brimming with bitter fury.
You did this! It’s all your fault! My insides blaze with a searing heat, my blood feels like molten lava, scorching everything in its path.
Guilt and shame cut into me like shards of glass, and thick black smoke fills my lungs, suffocating me slowly.
“Ezra! What’s wrong?” My eyes snap open at the sudden voice, blinking furiously to clear my vision.
The sound of my heavy panting fills the room as I take in my surroundings.
I slowly realize that I’m in the living room.
A sharp pain shoots through my right arm, and my blurry gaze lands on a small hand gripping it tightly.
It’s Beck, lying beneath me, her expression mortified.
Sweat trickles down my temple as I glance back at her hand, her nails digging into my scars.
My chest feels heavy, making it hard to breathe.
I quickly jerk away from her grasp, tumbling off the couch and landing on the floor.
Panic sets in as I scramble to my feet and stagger toward the bathroom, using the walls for support.
I throw the bathroom door open and collapse onto the cold tile on all fours.
Desperately, I crawl to the toilet, barely lifting the lid before I start to vomit uncontrollably.
I heave and retch until there’s nothing left inside but a hollow emptiness and overwhelming dread.
Exhaustion washes over me, and I slide down from the toilet, lying flat on the floor.
It takes every ounce of strength I have to reach up and slam the door shut.
Curling into a fetal position, I feel the chill of the tile against my bare thigh.
A faint, pained whimper escapes my lips, and I can’t hold back the hot tears streaming from my eyes.
A light tap on the door interrupts the silence, followed by Beck’s concerned voice.
“Ezra…are you…are you okay?” I can tell she’s been crying.
I try to respond, opening my wobbly mouth to form words, but nothing comes out; just the loud voices in my head drown me out.
MURDERER!! YOU KILLED THEM! I slam my eyes shut, clasping my hands over my ears, my fingernails digging into my scalp and surely drawing blood.
I bite down hard, sharp pains shooting through my jaw from the force.
I did this. I caused all of this chaos, all for what?
Just to get my dick wet? It cost two lives.
My bottom lip quivers at the realization. I hate myself…I hate every part of me.