Chapter 13
The day started well. Arsel and I had an early-morning quickie before he went to work. I’d made him breakfast and lunch, as well as a smoothie to take with him to work. I just knew it was going to be a good day. I was well fucked, fed, and the sun was out.
Unfortunately, the good day didn’t last long. I tried to write while Mikayla played with her toys, but at some point, she became fussy. On top of that, the sun was replaced by clouds. The clouds turned into rain and thunder, and it made my mood even worse.
“What’s the matter?” I rocked Mikayla in my arms as fat tears streamed down her face.
She just looked at me and cried even harder. I didn’t know what to do. I knew I should have called my grandmother or my mother-in-law, but I didn’t want to bother them. I wanted to do this on my own. I didn’t want to run to them every single time I didn’t know what to do.
Mikayla’s cries grew even louder, so I grabbed her favorite toy and tried to play with her, but that didn’t work. Since it was raining, we couldn’t go outside, so I just walked around the house with her. That didn’t work either. I was at my wits’ end but still wouldn’t ask for help.
I couldn’t bother Arsel while he was at work, so I had to suck it up and figure it out.
“Come on. You want to dance with me?” I rubbed Mikayla’s back with my hand and turned the music on with the other. I thought for sure her favorite song would help, but that didn’t.
Moments like this made me think of my own mother.
Maybe if she were around, I could have called her to ask for advice.
Maybe I would have known what to do if I had the proper guidance.
My grandmother did the best she could, but she wasn’t my mother.
Sometimes I wondered what was wrong with me, since my mother didn’t want me.
Those thoughts lessened over the years, but at times, the thought overwhelmed me.
Arsel would always tell me that nothing was wrong with me, but sometimes it was hard to believe him.
I saw my mother once when I was a teenager, and she told me she didn’t have any kids, and that shit crushed me.
It was one thing for her not to be in my life, but to act like I didn’t exist was crazy.
My grandmother put me in therapy because I was so depressed.
I’d come across her again in my adult years, but I didn’t waste time speaking to her.
She wanted to pretend she didn’t know me, so I would pretend I didn’t know her ass.
I would never treat Mikayla or my biological kids like that. They would grow up in a house full of love.
Mikayla stopped crying for a few minutes, but it didn’t last long. It had gone on for so long that she started sounding hoarse. My heart hurt from how loudly she cried and from not knowing what to do.
When the song went off, I sat back on the couch and held her against me. I thought she would get sleepy from crying, but that didn’t happen. Her eyes looked tired, but for whatever reason, she fought it. Nobody mentioned the days your child cried, and there was nothing you could do about it.
“Kayla, please. Calm down for me, momma.” I kissed the top of her head and rocked her.
Her cries had finally slowed down, but she was still very agitated. Every few minutes, she wiggled in my arms. I tried putting her on the floor with her toys, but she wasn’t interested.
At some point, I started crying right along with her. My heart broke when I looked into her watery eyes because there was nothing I could do to help her. It was like whatever happened came out of nowhere. She was fed, cleaned, and she didn’t have a fever, so it baffled me.
I didn’t even hear when Arsel got home until he entered the living room.
“What’s the matter? Why are both of you crying?” He stood near the couch.
Mikayla’s head popped up, and she tried to go to him, but he wouldn’t pick her up until he changed his clothes.
“Hey, baby girl.” He spoke to her, and she put her arms up. “I can’t pick you up yet.”
That caused her to cry again. “Has she been like this for long?”
“Yes. For hours. I haven’t been able to do anything. Nothing has helped.” I wiped my face with my hand. My other one was still rubbing her back. She calmed down again because she had gotten the hiccups from crying.
“I’m sorry, baby. Let me shower and change, and I’ll get her for you.” He leaned over and kissed my forehead before kissing Mikayla’s.
“Okay.”
Mikayla looked at him with sad eyes, but he promised her he would be back for her.
I felt bad because he looked so exhausted.
I was sure he had a long day at work and didn’t have the energy to deal with her, but I appreciated him for offering.
Hopefully, he could figure out how to get her to relax or at least take a nap.
Twenty minutes later, Arsel came back downstairs smelling like his bodywash. His eyes were tired, but as promised, he took Mikayla from me. As soon as she was in his arms, she lay her head on his chest.
“I wonder what’s bothering her,” Arsel said as he rubbed her back. “It could be a tooth coming in, or maybe a stomachache. Either way, you do what you need to do, and I’ll take care of her. I’m a doctor; I’ll figure it out.” He winked, and I laughed.
Being a trauma surgeon was a whole different ball game than being a pediatrician. Regardless, I knew she was in good hands, so I left the two of them on the couch and went upstairs.
I took a few minutes to wash my face and decompress. When I was ready, I went into the bedroom and sat down to write.
I was able to get a few chapters done while Arsel took care of Mikayla.
When I was finished, I went downstairs, and they both were asleep with the blanket draped over them.
I smiled at them, then went into the kitchen to fix dinner.
Since I wasn’t sure of what was going on with Mikayla, I fixed her a bland diet.
Arsel and I had cheesesteaks and fries. The three of us were still pretty tired, so we didn’t have any playtime like we typically did.
After dinner, we bathed Mikayla and relaxed on the couch with one of her favorite movies.
It turned out she had gas, and a tooth was coming in, so once we addressed both issues, she was a lot better. We got her ready for bed, then went to our room.
“Whew, what a day,” I said as I crawled into bed.
Arsel wrapped his arm around me and pulled me close.
“It was. You did good, though.” He kissed the top of my head.
“I struggled a lot, and I didn’t want to call anyone, because I really wanted to do it on my own.”
The small lamp on the table near the bed was just enough light to see the scowl on his face.
“Stubborn ass.” He chuckled. “I know how you feel, but baby, don’t struggle if you don’t have to. They said to call them if we needed them, and you needed them.”
“Yes, I know that now.” I rolled my eyes.
Since I was on Arsel’s chest, my body shook when he laughed. He and my grandma would say I was too stubborn for my own good, but I didn’t agree. I just wanted to do things on my own.
Silence fell over us as I yawned.
“Thank you for stepping in.”
Arsel squeezed me against him. “Always, baby. We are a team, and I will always have your front, back, and sides.”
“And I need you to remember that, too.” I lifted my head and kissed him.
“How about the next day I’m off, you get to have the whole day to yourself. Anything you want to do, and I’ll pay for it.”
It had been a while since I had a self-care day, and I needed it. I needed a good wash and trim, and I needed a manicure and pedicure. If I could, I would add a massage, too.
“Are you sure?”
Arsel worked a lot, and he hadn’t had time for himself either since we had Mikayla. I gave him a massage not that long ago, but maybe I needed to give him a day out as well.
“I’m positive, baby.” He flipped us over, so I was on my back. “Now, let me put you to sleep.”
I gasped when he slid inside me. We were tired, but not tired enough to not have at least one round of sex. It was the best sleep medicine.