Chapter 4
The last time I got tongue-tied around a woman was before the accident. It’s not that I haven’t found women attractive since then, but after you go through something as traumatic as I did, most things don’t hold the importance you once gave them.
Who cares if someone doesn’t like you or you mispronounce a word in front of the world? Or you stumble over your words in front of a woman you’re attracted to? None of that matters in the grand scheme of life.
Besides, it’s not like I’m staying here forever. Though, I have to admit, the idea of leaving New York and finding a small town to make a home sounds like a brilliant idea.
Pressing the button to start the engine, I give myself another minute of self-pity. In a weird way, it’s nice knowing I’m still capable of the emotions swirling through me. I started to believe I no longer have a heart.
Ringing from my car speakers jerks me from my thoughts, and I wish I could control the clenching of my jaw at the name that appears on my dashboard. I shouldn’t feel so annoyed at the sight of my manager’s name, and yet I can already feel the headache forming behind my right eye.
“Hey, Aaron,” I answer, shifting the car into reverse and pulling away from The Lantern Inn. My eyes stay trained on my rearview mirror longer than is probably safe. I haven’t even left and I’m already desperate to return.
“Beckett, where are you?” Aaron’s trying voice sounds through the car speakers.
“You know I can’t answer that.”
Besides Ryan, there’s only one other person who knows exactly where I am—my head of security. It was the only way I got him to even agree to the idea of me leaving the city. And if I’m honest, it wasn’t a struggle for him to convince me keeping this quiet was the best option.
There are very few people in my life that I’m close enough with to keep them completely up to date on my travel plans, and anyone else who typically needs to be made aware is paid to be part of my life. Sometimes it’s nice to get a break from them too.
“Beckett.” Aaron sighs. “How am I supposed to do my job if I don’t know where you are?”
“Well, for all intents and purposes, I’m out of commission at the moment, so there isn’t anything for you to do.”
I pull to a stop at the end of the drive, looking both ways more than necessary before turning right and heading back into town. I know I need to keep a low profile while I’m here, but you couldn’t pay me enough to keep me from exploring this town.
“You’re telling me that if a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity were to pop up I’m just supposed to tell them you’re not available?”
“Be honest, what once-in-a-lifetime opportunity is going to pop up suddenly at this time of year?”
“You could get invited to host some event for the holidays…” His words trail off and we both know he’s grasping at straws.
“That wouldn’t be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and we both know it.” I swear it’s not conceit talking. It’s just the truth, no matter how much I wish it weren’t sometimes. “Aaron, I need a break. I’ve been going nonstop for almost two decades and I’m burned-out.”
“Don’t say that,” Aaron rushes to say.
He’s got some weird superstition about people saying they’re burned-out never returning to who they were before they took a step back and panics anytime someone makes the slightest mention of being anything less than 100 percent.
I get where he’s coming from, it’s happened to him at least once before with an artist he used to represent, but sometimes a break is necessary.
And sometimes, that break is exactly what you need to show you what’s truly important.
Life is crazy enough when you don’t add fame to the equation, but take away any form of privacy, and fame becomes a large cost that isn’t always worth it.
“Fine.” I sigh. “Regardless, I need this time away from the city and all the expectations surrounding me there. I’m exactly where I need to be, and that’s all you’re going to get.”
“I’ll have a word with Ian,” Aaron mumbles, but the words are still clear as day.
There isn’t really anything for me to say in response, so I keep my mouth shut, focusing on the open road before me.
In the distance I can see the beginning of a small neighborhood I know will lead me back to the center of town, but on both sides of me are open fields with rolling hills making me feel like I’m lost in the middle of nowhere…
and other than being back at The Lantern Inn or in the center of town, I can’t think of a better place to be.
The only downside is the sound of clicking coming through the speakers, reminding me I’m still on the phone with my manager.
“Did you need anything else?” I ask, wanting to be done with this conversation.
“How long are you out of pocket?” Aaron murmurs begrudgingly.
“I wasn’t planning on returning to the city until absolutely necessary.”
“You and I have a different definition of what that means.”
“Well, let me put it this way, the tour doesn’t start until mid-March and rehearsals start a little before that, so that’s when I’ll be back in the city.”
“And until then…” His words trail off, clearly in hopes I’ll spill the information he wants.
“Aaron, you know me better than that. I’m not telling you where I am.”
“Beckett, why do you always make things so difficult?” I know Aaron keeps talking, but I don’t focus on him, not when the town comes back into view.
There’s a part of me that wants to just hang up and play like I’ve lost service or something, and maybe that’s not a terrible idea, but my parents raised me better than that.
Instead, I pull the 4Runner into an open spot a few blocks down from the town center and sit back in my seat, waiting for Aaron to finish his diatribe.
He’s not actually looking for me to respond anyway; he just wants to make sure I’m aware he’s unhappy I went against his wishes.
Joke’s on me, I guess, I’m more than aware how upset he is—I just don’t care.
I can’t remember that last time I truly did something for myself.
Well, maybe that’s not entirely true.
There was a time I was selfish in every decision I made, doing only what I wanted and forgetting about everyone else in the process.
I never missed a required engagement or show, but there were appearances I made where I wasn’t the best version of myself, and there were shows I played where I would have been angry I paid for a ticket if I’d been in the audience.
Even with those missteps, my fans have always turned out for me and forgiven my mistakes.
I often wonder if I’d take those years back if I could, but I’ve never been able to come up with a solid answer. Who knows where I’d be in life if I hadn’t made those decisions—and right now I know I don’t want to be anywhere else.
Getting off the phone with Aaron takes longer than I want, but I eventually manage and step out of the car.
I’m tempted to leave my phone behind but I don’t want to miss the call from Madison telling me the cottage is ready.
I’m sure I’ve got a few hours to kill before there’s even a possibility of receiving that call, but I’m already eager to return.
Even if I’m excited to explore the town too.
Without giving it much thought, I head back in the direction of the town center. I have no idea which way I’ll go from there, but it’s near lunch time and that restaurant on the corner called my name the moment I saw it.
There’s a slight chill in the air, but that doesn’t stop my steps from slowing the moment I start walking. Nor does it stop the people from milling around town.
It’s the day after Thanksgiving, and people move in and out of shops, laughing with their friends and family. I wish the slight pang in my chest didn’t exist at the sight, but it does. I recognize the feeling for exactly what it is—sadness.
There’s a massive part of me that’s grateful it’s not jealousy coursing through me when I see families having a good time together.
It wouldn’t be hard to imagine that being the main feeling, but I wouldn’t wish missing out on happy times with family on my worst enemy.
I know how lucky I was to have the family I did for the first twenty years of my life, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Without realizing it, I’ve made it back to the center of town, and Liberty Tavern is right in front of me. The brick facade of the building is no different than any other historic town, and the large front windows provide an unobstructed view for people walking by and for customers inside.
Stepping through the door is almost like traveling back in time. I can’t know it for sure, but I imagine the layout is the same it’s always been if the large stone hearth off to the side is any indication.
I’d say the owners have modernized it a touch by painting the walls a light cream color and by adding natural wood accents and bright light fixtures to work in tandem with the large windows along the front. It’s a perfect blend of the history of the past and the future yet to be written.
Everything about the place pulls me further into the charms of Stonebridge Hollow and the smiling face of the older woman walking my way does nothing to stop me from falling even more in love with the town.
“Good afternoon, dear. How many in your party?”
“Just one, please.”
“All right, follow me this way.” She doesn’t even look when she grabs a menu and rolled napkin from the small table next to her. It’s all muscle memory for her. “What brings you to town?” the woman asks over her shoulder, smiling at the people already seated as we pass.
“Just visiting.” There’s more I could say—and more I probably should say, especially if I want to stay here for the next three months—but she doesn’t seem to recognize me, so for now, that’s all anyone’s going to get.
“Oh, well, that’s nice.” She glances over her shoulder, eyeing me up and down. I don’t get the feeling she’s trying to place me, more of if she’s deciding I’m worth spending the time getting to know.
I grew up in a small town myself. It’s easy to spot the people new in town, but not as easy to tell if they’re authentic in their reasons for being there.
“I’m staying at The Lantern Inn,” I offer, wanting to give the woman something.
There’s a balancing act to giving people enough to care about what you’re doing and giving them too much that your presence becomes overbearing. I need this town to be on board with keeping it quiet that I’m here, and this woman seems like the kind who’s got her finger in everything going on.
“Oh, that’s a great choice. The Hawthornes have been part of this town for well over a century. You couldn’t have chosen a better place.” She smiles wide as she gestures to a booth, sliding the menu and rolled napkin onto the table.
“Thank you.” I return her smile, sliding onto the seat. My back might be to the door, but the view out the window from this side of the booth is far better. “Madison and Wyatt have definitely already made me feel quite welcome.
“Oh!” she exclaims, her smile stretching wider across her face. “That Maddie girl is the sweetest. She’ll take great care of you.”
I know she didn’t intend for my mind to go down the path it does—thinking of Madison taking care of me in a far more personal manner than that of a proprietor to the inn I’m staying at—but that doesn’t stop my mind from going there.
My smile becomes significantly more forced as I simply nod, not able to form actual words.
“Someone will be over shortly to take your order.” The woman doesn’t blink at my behavior, giving me another smile before walking away.
Shaking my head, I open the menu in front of me and try to forget the place I let my thoughts travel.
I’m not here to get in bed with some woman, no matter how beautiful she is or how intrigued by her I am.
I’m here to take a break from the craziness of the city and hopefully to find my way back to the thing I love most. To the thing that changed my life, both for the better and for the worse.