Chapter 18
Going from seeing Beckett for ten days straight, to not talking for four days is something I’ll never understand.
It’d be easy to assume he’s avoiding me, except I know I’m the one avoiding him.
Besides, a man trying to avoid someone doesn’t make his presence known.
I still see him every morning as I leave for my run, and every night when I finally make it home from the crazy day at the inn there’s a new origami flower left by the coffee pot.
Not that it makes it any better.
It’s crazy to me how much I miss him after such a short time and how different that is from anything I had with Mark.
To make it worse, I’m pretty sure he knows I’ve been avoiding him. Which makes me like him even more. Instead of pushing me to truly explore some kind of relationship with him, he’s giving me room to figure out what I want.
If only I could.
Things have been hectic at the inn. Training Holly on top of all my standard activities, plus tackling all of the random problems that pop up, I’ve had absolutely no time for myself—even less than usual.
Wrapping up in an oversized sweater, I head for the barn. It’s early for me to be home, especially on a Friday, but Holly didn’t work today and my body was telling me I needed the time away.
Even with the twelve to thirteen-hour workdays all week, I can’t remember the last time I actually stepped away from the inn—or my family—in any capacity.
The fact that I took off last Sunday and ditched out of work early today is completely out of character, and I’m not entirely sure how I feel about it.
The moment my feet hit the porch steps, I notice Beckett’s 4Runner isn’t parked outside and the disappointment’s instant.
That feeling alone should probably tell me exactly what I want, but for some reason I still can’t trust it and I need to figure out why.
Is it fear from spending ten years with someone only to realize Mark wasn’t the right person? Isn’t that something I should have figured out sooner?
Is it fear of neglecting a relationship the way Mark and I both did?
Is it fear of getting attached to someone who might not stay?
Even if those reasons are valid, I can’t let fear guide me. I’ll never live my life if I do.
I’ve dedicated everything I have to building this inn and supporting my family, but has that been the best thing for me?
How many opportunities have I missed because I refused to leave Stonebridge Hollow for more than a few hours? How different would my life be if I gave up a little control?
I love my family and what I’ve built at the inn, but I haven’t been able to do everything I’ve wanted. If I’d taken a chance after college and went somewhere else, would I have been able to build everything I wanted? Something that was entirely mine?
I’ve always had the ability to leave but I never did, and if I keep going down this path I’ll be stuck in this rut doing the same thing day after day, and is that what I really want for my future?
But then again, I’ve only known the man for two weeks. How crazy is it to be thinking about these things? To be thinking about a long term future with a man I barely know—one who won’t be here come spring.
My thoughts drift to the conversation we had while watching Charade. I know it’s a movie, but still. Is it possible to fall in love with someone without knowing all the important things?
Not that I’m even close to being in love with the man, but I think it’s fair to say there’s something more than simple attraction and lust between us.
And I definitely can’t deny that I feel safe with him.
There’s a comfort I have with Beckett that normally takes much longer for me to build, and that has to mean something.
Stepping into the barn, I take a deep breath, letting myself forget about Beckett and everything that entails for a little bit while I focus on the new additions to the family.
Meadow and Oakley poke their heads through the yokes of their stalls, and I don’t try to stop the smile at the sight. I haven’t spent nearly as much time with them over the last week as I would’ve liked, but it’s been enough that we’ve built a routine.
“Hey, girl.” I stop to the right of Meadow’s stall and laugh as she nudges her nose at my sweater, knowing there’s a cut apple in the pocket. “You know me too well.”
Oakley nickers and tosses his head next to us, his ears pricked forward in excitement, and I can’t help wondering what has him this way. He’s been comfortable with me every time I’ve come into the barn, but I’ve never gotten this kind of reaction from him, not even with the other half of the apple.
“Hey, buddy.” A deep voice sounds behind me, and my heart rate spikes for multiple reasons.
“Sorry, Madison.” Beckett chuckles, brushing a hand over the small of my back as he moves past me on his way to Oakley’s stall.
“I didn’t mean to scare you.” There’s a smile in his voice as he strokes Oakley’s muzzle, whispering something to him when he pushes farther into Beckett’s space.
“Not your fault,” I whisper, peaking at him around Meadow’s head.
I’ve spent an unhealthy amount of time thinking about Beckett in inappropriate ways, even before he kissed me.
And since he kissed me those fantasies have become far more frequent—way more than I’ve ever imagined before.
But the way my thighs clench at the sight of him with one of my horses has me seriously concerned.
It’s such a small thing and yet it’s incredibly sexy to see such a masculine man be so sweet and gentle with an animal. It’s not surprising I find the image before me so appealing, but my body’s visceral reaction to it makes absolutely no sense—it’s never happened to me before.
“Is everything okay?” Beckett’s voice startles me, and I jerk my attention back to Meadow.
“Of course,” I blurt. “Why wouldn’t it be?”
There’s no way he can tell I’ve been getting off to the thought of him every night while in the shower, right?
Beckett’s attention shifts and his brows pinch when he looks at me. He doesn’t answer right away, and I wonder if the words he speaks are the ones he really wanted to. “You’ve been working some really late hours lately. I just wasn’t expecting to see you here when I got back from town.”
“Oh.” I keep my attention on Meadow, scratching at her forehead the way I know she likes.
I’m afraid if I look at him he’ll somehow be able to read my thoughts and I’m not ready for that.
“I’m taking the rest of the day off. Holly, the new housekeeper, didn’t work today so my focus wasn’t split like it has been all week. ”
“How’s it going with Holly? Any more issues?”
It’s such a benign question, and yet I hate everything about it. His curiosity about my day isn’t new, but it doesn’t feel right after the way we left things earlier this week.
“Beckett.” My eyes meet his, and I lose all train of thought.
What is wrong with me?
Beckett takes a step toward me, and I have to fight to stay still, but I can’t fathom why. He’s never done anything to make me feel uncomfortable or unsafe, and I’ve missed him—craved his presence and calming nature.
“Madison,” he whispers, framing my face in his hands, forcing me to keep our gazes locked. “We’re okay.”
I don’t know how he does it, but those simple words are exactly what I need to hear. All the tension from the past week seeps from my body and I melt into him, my forehead falls to his chest and my hands grip the sweater at his sides.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” The words are muffled, but the rumble of his chest tells me he heard them just fine.
His arms snake around me, pulling me close and maybe I should feel nervous at the way he engulfs me, but I don’t. I swear I almost purr at his touch.
“Nothing’s wrong with you.” Beckett’s lips brush the top of my head, and I sink farther into him, turning my head so I can speak more clearly but keeping my body tucked close.
“I don’t know if I believe you.”
Silence descends around us, the only sounds coming from Meadow and Oakley moving around their stalls.
Standing here, in the comfort of Beckett’s arms, I’m struck by the realization that I can’t remember the last time I was held like this—close with no expectation of anything else and no rush to be somewhere else.
Meadow moves back to us, nudging her nose at my sweater pocket once more. I laugh and release one side of Beckett’s sweater so I can stroke her muzzle.
“I don’t have anything else for you, sweet girl.”
“Let’s go for a ride,” Beckett blurts, causing me to pull away slightly to see his face.
“What?”
“Let’s go for a ride,” he repeats. “I don’t think I’ve seen you take either of them for a ride all week. I’m sure they need to stretch their legs.”
“Do you know how to ride?” My voice is coated in disbelief.
Maybe that’s not fair, but he’s the one who said he was following in my lead when he met the horses.
Beckett chuckles and smooths a piece of hair behind my ear, a twinkle in his eye. “I know the basics, so you’ll have to go easy on me, but I can ride.”
“How?”
“Still haven’t looked me up? Not even to hear my music?” His eyes bounce between mine, amazement painted across his features.
How many people have let him down, not following through on the things they’ve told him? How many people have used him for what he can do or provide for them?
“No. But I won’t lie and say I haven’t been tempted,” I tell him honestly.
I won’t be one of the people who lies or cheats him in any way. He deserves more people in his life who appreciate him for the person he is—not the fame he brings.
His smile brightens his entire face as his eyes meet mine and I’m glad I gave him the truth instead of hiding it.
“You have my permission to look me up. At the very least, I’d appreciate if you listened to some of my music so you can be prepared to hide your mortification if you ever hear me in real life,” he teases.
Laughing, I push at his chest and shake my head. “Mortification?” I scoff. “Beckett Stone, are you looking for an ego boost?”
“Who? Me? Never.”
My cheeks hurt as the smile stretches across my lips, and I melt farther into Beckett’s embrace.
There’s no doubt Beckett knows I’ve been avoiding him, and yet the way he teases me like the last week never happened—like we’re picking up right where we left off—feels natural, as if we’ve been in each other’s lives for far longer than two weeks.
I know there’s still so much for us to talk about, but like Beckett said, we’ve got time. There’s no need for us to figure everything out right now.
Instead, I’m just going to stop thinking about the what-ifs and focus on what’s actually happening in the moment.
“Come on.” Beckett frames my face and presses a quick kiss to my forehead. “Remind me how to saddle a horse and let’s go for a ride.”