Nikki
Why the fuck would a school schedule a graduation on a Wednesday?
It was the question I was asking myself Saturday morning, ringing Amber's doorbell.
My late cousin's wife was throwing their son, Josh, a high school graduation party.
I couldn't make it to the actual graduation since it was in the middle of the week, and I had to be in court for an intense trial.
But I vowed to be here for the party, so I booked an early morning flight and even volunteered to help her set up.
"Nik!! It's so good to see you!" she said, opening the door and throwing her arms around me. I felt a pang of guilt as I hugged her back. I hadn't been back to see them since around the time of my cousin's passing.
"It's so good to see you too! This is for Josh," I said, handing her an envelope. It was just a card with some money in it because what else do you get an eighteen-year-old going off to college?
"Thank you! Oh, shit, I still need to set up the gift table. Come in, come in." She ushered.
I followed her to the living area as she talked through her vision for the gift table and asked my opinion.
Once she settled on a spot, we headed out to her beautiful backyard where most of the partygoers would be.
I froze at the back door, my hand still on the handle, before Amber even started talking.
"Oh, Nikki, I don't think you've met my sister Denise and her husband Quincy. Guys, this is Nikki, Anthony's cousin."
The awkward silence almost went unnoticed by Amber, who had busied herself adjusting the string of lights hanging from the covered deck.
"What?" she finally asked, realizing no one had moved to greet each other. Q was the one who saved face.
"She looked familiar. I think we met at the book festival in Atlanta last year, right?" he asked, looking directly at me, his eyes dark and searching.
"That's right! You and Niecy both went to that. Small world," Amber said, completely oblivious to the looks being exchanged between the three of us. If she had been paying any attention, she would've seen the mix of mortification, confusion, and excitement displayed on all of our faces.
"It's nice to see you guys again," I spoke softly, my voice barely above a whisper, my heart hammering against my ribs.
"I need to go pick up the cake. You think you guys can hold down the fort for about thirty minutes? Guests shouldn't start showing up for about another hour," Amber said, looking at her watch.
"Yeah, sure," Niecy responded. Hearing her voice made my heart ache with longing, a physical pull in my chest. I thought I had another month to prepare myself for what I was going to say to them when I saw them at the festival.
I had ultimately decided not to reach out because I didn't see a world where anything would become of it.
The best I could wish for would be another great weekend at the festival this year, if they even wanted that.
Still, I knew I owed them an apology for just leaving without an explanation.
I waited until I heard the front door close before I spoke.
"I'm sorry," I began.
"How are…" they started at the same time.
"Sorry, you first," Niecy said.
"I owe you two an apology. I'm sorry I left like that. I just didn't think…I thought…I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry." That didn't come out how I had imagined at all, but I was so caught off guard by the twist of events.
"So what was the reason?" Q asked, abandoning the balloon display he was putting up, stepping closer.
There was no easy way to admit you caught feelings for a married couple, didn't feel like you deserved them, and didn't think they would take you seriously after ghosting them because you were scared of your own emotions. So I improvised.
"I just thought that was for the best at the time."
"Why?" he asked, not letting me off the hook that easily. "You make it a habit of making people fall for you and dippin' out or something?"
"No, nothing like that. I…fall for me?"
"Yes, fall for you," Niecy said without any further explanation, her voice steady and sure.
There was a bitterness in both of their tones that told me this might have been a topic of discussion more than a few times. If what they were saying was true, then we were all walking around wanting the same thing and I was the one who had gotten in the way of it.
"I figured you guys were just having fun. You know, like a one-night stand hype thing. And the more I thought about it, the crazier I felt for thinking it could be anything more than that. I didn't think you guys felt it too. That's why I left."
Quincy let out a soft chuckle as he and Niecy shared a look, something passing between them, some unspoken understanding.
"We felt it too," Niecy said, turning back towards me.
I always thought myself to be a pretty confident woman, but as I stood before them, hands fidgeting, I was second guessing that trait.
I was also connecting the dots in my head to make sure this wasn't weird.
We shared a blood family member in my second cousin Josh, who was also Niecy's nephew.
I concluded it doesn't count if it's through marriage.
"Really?" was the only reply I could muster without my voice cracking.
"Really," Q said.
"I wanted to reach out, but then I assumed you'd be upset, so I just convinced myself to let it go."
"You two already have a lot in common with this overthinking shit," Q joked. "How about we all start over? Will you ladies let me take you out to dinner tonight? I think there's a lot we need to talk about," he said, looking between us.
"I'd love that," I said.
"Me too," Niecy smiled.
Quincy warned us we’d better finish setting up before Amber got back and cussed us all out for not having anything ready.
It was hard to focus on anything other than each other, though.
We attempted casual conversation while running from the kitchen to the backyard, setting out appetizers, snacks, and refreshments.
Before we knew it, Amber was back, and family and friends started to show up.
The party went by in a blur of hugs, small talk, and promises to stay in touch with family I hadn't seen in years.
I didn't remember half of their names, but it felt good being around family nonetheless.
I teared up when Amber surprised Josh with a new car.
He was staying local for school, attending Michigan State on a full ride scholarship for track.
He was a good kid and reminded me so much of his dad.
Normally I would've taken advantage of the endless bottles of alcohol Amber had purchased to deal with the painful memories that started to resurface, but I wanted to go to dinner with Denise and Quincy with a completely sober mind.
I couldn't help but notice one of them always had their eye on me throughout the day.
Probably because they were worried I'd do another Irish goodbye.
But I had no intentions of fucking this up again.
We decided to go straight to dinner since the last of the guests didn't leave until seven, and we stayed around to help clean up. We used the excuse that Quincy and Denise were giving me a ride back to my hotel so Amber wouldn't ask too many questions about why I was leaving with them.
I was sitting in Ostrea, an upscale seafood restaurant located in downtown Detroit, taking in the elegant ambiance while the scent of butter-poached lobster, garlic, and fresh oysters lingered rich and heavy in the air.
"So catch us up. What's been going on with you this last year?" Niecy asked as the waiter finished pouring each of us a glass of wine, her eyes catching mine over the rim of her glass.
"It's been a good year for the most part. I started a new job, and it's really flexible. I'm able to work from home when we're not in court. And it's allowed for two weeks of vacation. I went to Bali and Costa Rica for a wellness retreat."
"That's amazing, Nikki. So no more run-ins with your old boss?" Q asked.
"Luckily, no. He did write me a very lengthy email apologizing and offering me my job back, though." I laughed.
"I'm sure he did," Niecy said, rolling her eyes playfully.
"What about you guys? I heard my favorite author is about to drop a new book next week," I said, knowingly smiling at her.
"Yeah, about that. I owe you an apology too. I should've been honest with you that night. I was thinking that was the reason you left."
I waved her off. "Girl, no. I didn't put two and two together until weeks later, but if it's any consolation, that wouldn't have changed anything."
"Good to know." She smiled.
"What about you, Q?"
"I'm actually having a grand opening of my first Atlanta auto body shop in a few months. I've been back and forth down there all year getting everything ready."
"What?! Congratulations!"
"Yeah, so we're going to be in Atlanta for a month for the Real Readers of Atlanta Book Fest and to get things ready for the grand opening," Niecy said.
"That's right! I saw you had a table at this year's event. Congratulations to you too. It's crazy how fast this year went by."
"Feels like just yesterday, right?" Q said, his eyes burning into me.
The waiter interrupted the tension, asking if we were ready to order.
Since we were all still full from eating at the party, we decided to share several appetizers.
After Q ordered for us, he decided to dive headfirst into the hard conversation we were all tiptoeing around.
"Niecy and I have talked a lot about what it would look like if we ever saw you again."
"And how did those conversations go?" I asked, taking a sip of my wine.
"We both agreed we needed more than that one night."
A warm, fuzzy feeling spread through my chest, blooming outward until my whole body felt lit from within.
I had spent this last year trying to find peace of mind within myself while simultaneously grieving something I never knew I could have.
The wellness retreats had been just what the doctor ordered.
I was able to really reflect and center myself, finding comfort in the quiet of my mind.
The reason I was so drawn to Q and Niecy, aside from the obvious physical attraction, was their effortless tranquility.
I immediately wanted to take refuge in that serenity.
I had been grateful I got to experience it, and a year later, sitting here with them, I still craved it.
"I think I did too," I responded.
Niecy grabbed my hand from across the table and rubbed it softly, her thumb tracing circles against my palm. Q did the same to the other. I wasn't sure what this would be like or how it would even work, but I knew I wanted to find out.