6
Layton Sears stood in the corner of Terry King's living room and tried to pretend he was having a good time.
The music was too loud. The room was too crowded.
Everyone was drinking and laughing and having the time of their lives, and Layton couldn't focus on any of it.
His eyes kept drifting across the room to where Spencer was sitting on the couch.
Spencer was talking to Sophie Gibson. She was leaning in close, laughing at something he had said. Spencer was smiling. Actually smiling. It was the first time Layton had ever seen him smile, and it made something twist in his chest.
He didn't understand why he cared. He didn't understand why he couldn't stop watching Spencer. He didn't understand why the sight of Sophie touching Spencer's arm made him want to punch a wall.
Drew Matthews appeared at his side. "You okay, man? You look like someone killed your dog."
Layton said, "I'm fine."
"You're not fine. You've been staring at Maldonado all night." Drew lowered his voice. "Is there something going on between you two?"
Layton's jaw tightened. "No. There's nothing going on."
"Sure there isn't." Drew grinned. "That's why you look like you're about to murder Sophie for touching him."
Layton didn't respond. He couldn't respond. Drew was too close to the truth.
He watched Spencer get up from the couch and walk toward the kitchen. A guy from the lacrosse team followed him. Layton recognized him. He was tall and good-looking and he had been watching Spencer all night.
Layton saw red.
He pushed through the crowd and followed them into the kitchen. Spencer was leaning against the counter, talking to the lacrosse guy. He was smiling again. He was laughing. He was touching the lacrosse guy's arm.
Layton couldn't breathe.
He walked over and grabbed Spencer's arm. "We need to talk. Now."
Spencer's face went from confused to furious. "What are you doing?"
Layton dragged him out of the kitchen and through the back door. The air was cold and sharp. Spencer was shivering in his thin shirt. Layton didn't care.
"What was that?" Layton demanded.
"What was what?" Spencer's voice was sharp.
"Laughing with him. Letting him touch you." Layton's voice was shaking. He sounded insane. He knew he sounded insane.
Spencer stared at him. "Are you serious right now?"
"I'm asking you a question."
"And I'm not answering it." Spencer stepped forward, getting in Layton's face. "You don't own me. You don't get to drag me around like I'm your property. You made that very clear when you tried to take my head off on the ice."
Layton's jaw tightened. He wanted to kiss Spencer. He wanted to shake him. He wanted to get on his knees and beg for forgiveness. He didn't do any of it.
Spencer continued. "You hate me. You've hated me since day one. So why do you care who I talk to?"
Layton didn't have an answer. He didn't have any answers. His entire world had been turned upside down and he didn't know which way was up anymore.
He said, "Because I can't stop thinking about you."
Spencer froze. His eyes searched Layton's face for a lie. Layton was telling the truth. It was the most honest he had ever been.
Spencer said, "You hit me. You've been nothing but cruel to me."
"I know." Layton's voice cracked. "I know. I'm sorry. I didn't know what else to do. I didn't know how to handle—"
"How to handle wanting me?" Spencer finished. His voice was soft now. Almost sad.
Layton nodded. "I've never wanted a guy before. I don't know what to do with it. I don't know how to be—"
"That's not my problem." Spencer stepped back. "I'm not going to be your guinea pig. I'm not going to be your learning experience."
He walked back inside. Layton stood alone in the cold.
He stood there for a long time. The music was still blasting. The party was still going on. He couldn't go back in there. He couldn't face Spencer.
He walked to his car and sat behind the wheel. His hands were shaking. His heart was pounding.
He had just told Spencer the truth. He had just admitted that he couldn't stop thinking about him. And Spencer had walked away.
Layton didn't know what to do. He had never felt this way about anyone. He had never wanted anyone so badly that it made him feel like he was going crazy. He had never been so terrified of losing someone he barely knew.
He sat in his car for an hour. Then he drove home.
When he walked into his apartment, he saw a figure sitting on his couch. It was Zavier.
"What are you doing here?" Layton asked.
Zavier looked up. His expression was unreadable. "I saw you leave. I followed you."
"How did you get in?"
"The door was unlocked." Zavier stood up. "What happened?"
Layton sat down on the couch and put his head in his hands. "I told him. I told him I can't stop thinking about him."
Zavier sat down next to him. "What did he say?"
"He said he's not going to be my experiment. He said he's not going to be my learning experience." Layton's voice was hollow. "He walked away."
Zavier was quiet for a long moment. Then he said, "He said the same thing to me."
Layton looked up. "What?"
"In the rink. I told him I can't stop looking at him. He said he's not going to be someone's secret." Zavier shook his head. "He's been hurt before. He's been used before. He doesn't want it to happen again."
Layton stared at him. "You told him?"
Zavier nodded. "Yeah. I told him."
"And what are we going to do?"
Zavier shrugged. "I don't know. I guess we prove to him that we're not going to hurt him."
Layton thought about that. He thought about Spencer's bruised face and quiet voice and the way he had looked at Layton like he was waiting for the betrayal. He thought about all the ways he had already hurt Spencer.
"How do we do that?" Layton asked. "How do we prove we're not going to hurt him?"
Zavier said, "We show him. We're consistent. We're honest. We don't give up."
Layton nodded slowly. "Okay. We can do that."
They sat on the couch in silence. Neither of them spoke. Neither of them moved.
Finally, Zavier said, "I should go. It's late."
Layton grabbed his arm. "Don't."
Zavier looked at him. His expression was unreadable.
Layton said, "Please. I don't want to be alone."
Zavier sat back down. He didn't say anything. He just sat there, his shoulder pressed against Layton's.
They stayed like that for hours. Neither of them spoke. Neither of them moved. But something had shifted between them. Something had changed.
Layton fell asleep with his head on Zavier's shoulder. When he woke up, Zavier was gone. There was a note on the coffee table.
I'll be at practice. See you there.
Layton stared at the note. His chest was tight. His eyes were burning.
He didn't know what was happening to him. He didn't understand why he felt this way about both of them. But he knew one thing for certain.
He was falling in love. And it was the most terrifying thing he had ever felt.
Practice that day was different. The tension was still there, but it had shifted again. Layton and Zavier were working together. They were actually passing the puck to each other. They were actually communicating.
Spencer watched them from the ice. His expression was unreadable. He didn't say anything. He just skated and scored and did exactly what he had been doing before.
Coach Miller blew his whistle. "Good work, everyone. That's enough for today."
Layton skated off the ice and headed for the locker room. Spencer was ahead of him. Layton wanted to reach out and touch him. He didn't.
The locker room was chaotic. Everyone was talking and laughing and yelling. Layton sat at his locker and started pulling off his gear. Zavier was at the other end of the room, doing the same. Spencer was in between them, quiet and still.
Layton watched Spencer get dressed. He watched the way his hands moved, the way his hair fell across his forehead, the way he looked so tired and so beautiful.
Spencer looked up. Their eyes met.
Layton said, "Can we talk?"
Spencer hesitated. Then he nodded.
They walked out of the locker room and into the hallway. The corridor was empty and quiet.
Layton said, "I'm sorry. For everything. For the way I treated you. For the way I acted at the party."
Spencer looked at him. His expression was cautious. "Why are you telling me this?"
"Because I want you to know that I'm serious." Layton's voice was shaking. "I've never felt this way about anyone. I've never wanted to protect someone so badly. I don't know how to do this. But I want to try."
Spencer was quiet for a long moment. Then he said, "What about Zavier?"
Layton's heart skipped. "What about him?"
"You were at his apartment last night. I saw you leave this morning." Spencer's voice was flat. "Is there something going on between you two?"
Layton opened his mouth to deny it. Then he stopped. He couldn't lie. Not anymore.
"Yes," he said. "There's something going on. I don't know what it is. But it's real."
Spencer nodded slowly. "I thought so."
Layton said, "It's not just him. It's you too. It's both of you. I don't understand it. But I want it. I want you. Both of you."
Spencer stared at him. His eyes were wide. "You want both of us? Together?"
Layton nodded. "I know it's crazy. I know it doesn't make sense. But I can't help what I feel."
Spencer was quiet for a long time. Then he said, "I need to think about this. I need time."
Layton nodded. "Take all the time you need."
Spencer walked away. Layton watched him go.
He stood in the hallway for a long time after Spencer left. His heart was pounding. His hands were shaking.
He had just told Spencer the truth. He had just admitted that he wanted both of them. And Spencer hadn't run away.
Layton walked back to the locker room. Everyone was gone. The room was quiet and empty.
Zavier was still there. He was sitting at his locker, staring at the wall.
Layton sat down next to him. "I told him. I told him about us."
Zavier looked at him. "What did he say?"
"He said he needs time. He said he needs to think about it."
Zavier nodded slowly. "That's fair. He deserves time."
Layton said, "I meant what I said. I want both of you. I don't know how to do this. But I want to try."
Zavier looked at him. His eyes were dark and serious. "I want to try too."
They sat in the empty locker room, side by side, both of them waiting for something neither of them could name.
Finally, Zavier said, "We should probably go. It's late."
Layton nodded. They stood up and walked out of the locker room together.
The night air was cold and sharp. Layton shivered. Zavier was shivering too.
Layton said, "You can come to my apartment if you want. It's closer."
Zavier hesitated. Then he nodded.
They walked to Layton's apartment in silence. The building was modern and clean. Layton's apartment was spacious and well-furnished.
Zavier sat on the couch and stared at the wall. Layton sat next to him.
"I don't know how to do this," Layton said. "I don't know how to be with someone. I don't know how to be with two people. I don't know anything."
Zavier said, "I don't either. We'll figure it out."
Layton looked at him. His eyes were full of fear and hope and something that looked almost like love.
"Promise?" Layton asked.
Zavier said, "Promise."
They sat on the couch for a long time. Neither of them moved. Neither of them spoke. But something had shifted between them. Something had changed.
Layton fell asleep with his head on Zavier's shoulder. He woke up hours later, stiff and cold, but he didn't move. He didn't want to wake Zavier. He didn't want this moment to end.
When Zavier finally woke up, he looked at Layton with red-rimmed eyes. "I should go."
Layton said, "You don't have to."
Zavier looked at him. His expression was unreadable. "What are you saying?"
Layton said, "I'm saying stay. Please."
Zavier hesitated. Then he nodded.
They went to Layton's bedroom and lay down on the bed. Neither of them spoke. Neither of them moved. But they were together.