Chapter Four
DAZE
Being stuck in our travel trailer sucked.
The space was too small. Claustrophobic. It always felt like the gray paneled walls were closing in.
It was really meant for one person—Night hadn’t originally planned on sharing the space when he bought it—but we managed to cram in a bunk bed last year. Before that, I normally took the couch.
Every nook and cranny of the trailer was crammed with costumes and props for his magician act, and they spilled over onto the small dinner table and kitchen counter.
The clutter wasn’t my cup of tea, but I’d given up trying to keep things tidy.
I went along with whatever Night did, just to keep the peace.
I enjoyed the alpha’s company, even if he ignored me half the time.
He was always lost in his own head. Quietly observing, daydreaming.
Figuring him out was like trying to decipher a secret code, but there were no shortcuts or hacks.
No keys or hints. After two years of spending nearly every night together, I’d learned little about him.
What I did know was that he refused to room alone. It wasn’t two weeks after he bought the trailer that he invited me to stay with him, and I jumped at the opportunity to escape the aerialist bus. I’d roomed with him ever since.
The rest of the troupe was hardly surprised. Night felt safest with me; he didn't like anyone else in his space. I wouldn’t move out unless he asked me to, no matter how small he made the trailer feel.
Reaching up from the top bunk, I ran my pointer finger along a seam in the ceiling, recalling the main reasons why I stayed. It wasn’t just because the magician wanted me there.
I was the only person who could keep him grounded, keep him sane.
None of us wanted him to lose his mind again.
A rogue alpha wasn’t good for anyone, especially those in confined spaces with him.
They couldn’t control their instincts or actions.
They acted on primal, feral urges that were dangerous and often murderous.
I was doing the rest of the troupe a favor, as well as him, by staying close.
I’d be there for him whenever he needed me. I’d be whatever he needed. Company, a pillow to sleep on, a hole for him to fuck. What Night needed I was, but that didn’t mean I wanted to be cooped up with him in a metal box on wheels all the time.
On off nights, like tonight, I yearned to be in the arena, swinging, flying, and diving through the air.
I wanted to feel untethered, empowered, free .
And that’s how I felt in the ring.
It wasn't like I could just hop on a motorcycle and go for a ride to escape, like Revel. I could call an Uber, but where was the fun in that?
With a sigh, I rolled off the top bunk and padded over to the wide window overlooking the parking lot. The blinds were open, letting in slivers of pale light from the posts nearby.
Night was on the sofa a few feet away with his bare feet propped up on the cushions, not paying me any attention. He was focused intently on sewing his teal performance jacket that he refused to replace, no matter how tattered it became.
He might not have ever said it out loud, or anything else for that matter, but I knew it was sentimental to him.
Why? I wasn't sure, and I didn't pry. He’d tell me—or text it to me, rather—when he was ready. If ever.
I stared through the glass, my mind stuck somewhere between reliving our last show and hoping to outdo it next time. My skin suddenly felt too tight, and I fought the urge to scratch my bare chest.
What I wouldn't give to be on the trapeze right now.
A flash of neon green caught my attention, chasing off the rest of my thoughts, and my eyes locked on it. It was Revel on his obnoxious crotch rocket, but instead of loading it back up into his trailer, he was parked beneath the gas station awning. Not even near a pump.
Weird.
And there was someone on the back of the bike.
Weirder.
Revel doesn’t let anyone near that thing.
“What the hell is he doing?” I murmured, tossing a look back over my shoulder at Night. He’d removed his metal mask for the evening, and his scarred lips were fixed in a hard line. His dark hair hung over his eyes while he worked.
The man could be performing for a thousand people or nodding off in a corner, and he’d still be sexy as hell.
I rolled my eyes and turned my attention back out the trailer window. After being gone for hours, Revel had finally shown back up… with a girl.
He’d been known to entertain fans after the show, doing tricks in the parking lot or showing them around the ring. Fucking them and then never seeing them again.
But this —picking up a stranger and bringing her back to the caravan—was different.
Was she an old fling? A stranger?
Did he find us a new troupe member? My heartbeat stuttered.
We’d had the same troupe for ages— years. We were a well-oiled machine. Sure, we fought. What coworkers didn’t? But I knew at the end of the day we were all there for one another.
Except Zero. Zero was only there for himself. He was there for Hallow, too, but that was only out of necessity. I was pretty sure Zero wanted to inherit the circus if Hallow ever stepped down as ringleader.
I scoffed. Hallow would sooner see the circus rot.
Blinking, I focused on Revel and the girl again. She dismounted the bike without any help from him and stumbled a bit before catching her balance. Definitely not the most graceful.
She'd be awful at the tightrope.
Revel’s mouth was moving, but I was too far away to attempt reading his lips. She wasn’t running away, and he wasn’t dragging her off to his trailer. That had to count for something, right?
Is he really bringing someone to join our little fucked-up family?
I shook my head.
It was better not to get my hopes up.
Being hopelessly optimistic was a character flaw of mine, and it led to me being let down… a lot. Constantly. But I couldn’t help it. Once the little voice in my head decided there was a possibility for something, my heart latched on with iron-clad strength.
“Probably just some hookup,” I muttered aloud as though Night was listening, but my eyes stayed locked on the girl.
Brown hair spilled down her back as she pulled off Revel’s helmet.
I was too far away to make out the details of her face, even though she was illuminated by the gas station lights, but I squinted anyway.
The way she was dressed, in a hoodie, leggings, and black boots, didn’t tell me much, but the backpack she carried had me cocking an eyebrow.
Was she staying the night with him?
“Huh,” I hummed. My questions only mounted as I watched them.
The careful distance they kept from one another implied there wasn’t anything romantic going on. If anything, it looked like she was carefully leaning away, afraid to get any closer.
My lips pursed as my thoughts whirled.
If they weren’t hooking up, why did he bring her back to the caravan?
I wanted answers, and I wouldn’t get them inside the trailer.
My nosiness getting the best of me, I hurried across the space and slid my feet into some memory-foam sandals—Night’s favorites.
“I’ll be right back,” I called over my shoulder when I reached the door. I glanced back, but Night still wasn’t looking at me.
Figured.
It had been like this too long for me to be disappointed. I’d shoved my emotions down so far, masking them with countless layers of comedy, that I barely felt sadness anymore.
This was what we were: an indifferent magician and his pining pet. And it was probably all we would ever be.
I left without another word.
A second too late, I remembered that I was shirtless, and the chilly air made my skin prickle with goosebumps. Sweatpants with sandals probably wasn’t the most approachable outfit, but I didn’t care. I was simply satisfying my curiosity, not trying to make friends.
I wanted to know who this girl was and where he’d found her, not talk to her; I didn’t have a habit of entertaining women the way Revel did.
I’ve never even kissed a girl for fuck’s sake.
I was simply too nosey for my own good, and one day it would get me in trouble.
Not that I cared. Trouble might as well have been my middle name.
Daze Trouble Rodriguez.
No, that was terrible.
The girl spotted me first, her eyes locking with mine. She looked terrified, the closer I got, but I wasn't sure it had anything to do with me. I was a beta, hardly the threat Revel was, and she’d ridden on his motorcycle with him.
“Fuck off, Daze,” Revel said as soon as I was within earshot.
“Nice to see you too.” I flashed him a grin. “Night and I were just placing bets on whether you’d come back or not. Looks like he lost.” A lie, but I knew it would get under the stuntman’s skin.
His expression darkened.
Mission accomplished .
“You can tell Night to fuck off too.”
“Will do.” I winked. “Who's your friend?”
My eyes shifted to the girl—woman, rather—he’d brought back.
She had to be around my age, in her early twenties.
My gaze caught on her full bottom lip tucked between her teeth before crawling up to meet her eyes.
They shifted between Revel and me, and she took a half-step back like she was afraid I would lunge at her. I frowned.
Do I look like I bite?
If she was afraid of me, she’d run for the hills when she saw Zero. I fought the urge to chuckle.
“We’re not friends.” Revel's voice was still sharp, but that was nothing new. He was about as cuddly as a bed of nails on a good day. “She just needed a ride.”
“Uh huh,” I said, rubbing my chin in faux thought. “And here I thought you were bringing us a new co-star.”
“A co-star?”
My eyes whipped in her direction. She’d finally found her voice and was looking at me expectantly. I fought the upward tug at the corners of my mouth.
“Like hell.” Revel scoffed, which made me look back at him. His expression was murderous, and I wasn’t sure who he wanted to kill more—me or the chick he’d given a ride to. “She’s not joining the circus, so fucking drop it.”
“How does that even work?” she asked, seemingly ignoring his attitude. She was still keeping her distance from both of us.
I could tell I’d piqued her interest, if only for conversation’s sake, and I couldn’t stop now that I’d worked Revel up. He was five seconds away from a tantrum—I could feel it.
“It’s simple actually, you just?—”
“Daze, shut the fuck up.” Revel’s bark came out so harsh that it made her jump, and I pursed my lips at him. Thankfully, alpha barks had no effect on betas like me.
I would have been in big trouble a long time ago.
“She asked a question, asshole. I’m just giving her an answer.”
“I said she’s not joining, so it doesn’t matter.” His icy eyes glinted with malice. “End of discussion. It’s none of her business.”
“Oh, are you trying to play Hallow’s role now too?” I quipped. “Better watch out. Zero doesn’t like competition.”
“And Zero can suck my dick, same as you.” Revel pulled on his black helmet and fixed the chin strap before swinging his leg over the bike again. “We don’t need any more useless fucking betas in the show. Even Hallow will agree with that.”
With that, he revved the motor to life and tore across the parking lot, heading for the highway again. Probably going to blow off more steam.
Dickhead.
The beta comment was a jab at her, but I knew it was really meant for me.
Sure, I wasn’t as strong or fast as the alphas.
I wasn’t quite as useful when it came to breaking down and setting up.
But Hallow wouldn’t have let me in if they didn’t want me here, and theirs was the only opinion that mattered.
After watching Revel disappear down the dark road, I turned to face the girl once again.
“Sorry, he’s a bit of a jackass sometimes.” I jerked my thumb toward the highway. “I’m surprised he helped you, to be honest.”
She forced a smile across her pretty face and lifted her shoulder. “Aren’t they all?”
I laughed. A sense of humor?
Maybe she can be a clown.
I wondered if she could juggle. Or make balloon animals.
I wonder if she can swallow swords…
“What’s your name?” I asked, unable to help myself. I hadn’t come out here to talk to her, but now that we were alone, I couldn’t help it.
“Arina.”
Arena? Like a circus arena?
Oh, this was too perfect.
“Daze,” I said, holding out my hand. She stared at it for a moment before shaking it tentatively. She was such a timid thing. “So tell me, Arina, have you ever thought about running away with the circus?”