Chapter Forty-One
ARINA
I had no idea how long we sat there on the trapeze platform, and I didn’t care. We could have stayed there until the troupe showed up in the morning to set up.
The moment was too perfect to ruin.
Even though I shed some tears over missing my mom, the fact that Daze understood was comforting. I hated that he went through the same thing—it wasn’t something I’d wish on my worst enemy—but it was nice not feeling so alone.
His thumb moved methodically back and forth along my arm, and I drew small circles with my finger on his thigh. There was so much I wanted to say, but I didn’t want to interrupt our peace.
It was Daze who finally broke the silence.
“I didn’t drag you up here to talk about heavy shit,” he said, taking one of my hands in his and rubbing his thumb over the back of it. “It’s just… so easy to talk to you. I don’t know why, but it feels like I can tell you anything.”
“You can.”
Heat prickled over my cheeks.
I felt the same way… almost. I’d tell him as much as I could without revealing my designation or that I was possibly—probably—a murderer. Those things were too dangerous to tell anyone, even Daze.
“What did you bring me up here for?” I finally asked after a long beat of silence. “Why not just sit outside the tour bus and stare at the stars or something?”
Not that I was complaining. Anywhere with Daze was better than anywhere without him.
If he preferred to be here, in the sanctuary of the event center, away from prying eyes, that was fine by me.
“I wanted to teach you a few things about the trapeze.” He grinned widely, and my heart dropped. “How better to teach you than to show you?”
“You’re joking.” I blanched. “You really expect me to swing from that thing?” My eyes shot to the trapeze bar hanging on a hook beside us.
To my horror, he laughed.
Oh God.
He’s going to kill me.
I’m going to die here in Santa Fe.
“Not tonight.” He shook his head. “There are a few things you have to learn before you get on the bar.”
I exhaled shakily. “Oh, thank fuck.”
Daze got to his feet, still laughing, and offered me a hand. My knees trembled the second my ass left the platform, but I tried to stay calm. Tried to seem unafraid.
I was sure Daze could tell I was shaking, and I tried to silently reassure myself.
He won’t let me fall.
He’ll keep me safe.
If anything happens to me, he’ll be in big trouble…
Like he was trying to comfort me, he put himself between me and the edge of the platform, which settled my racing pulse… slightly.
Daze reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. The touch sent electricity skittering through me, and I shivered. The last few days, I’d missed being this close to him and the feel of his skin.
I’d missed the smell of him and the feel of his lips…
My breath caught as he leaned in closer, and my gaze dropped to his mouth. I had no idea if he planned to kiss me, but I wouldn’t be upset if he did.
Hell, making out sounded better than him trying to coax me onto a trapeze bar or silk any day.
“Are you ready to learn?” he asked, his voice impossibly low, and I nodded automatically.
Heat bloomed in my stomach from nearness, and a smile tugged at the corners of my lips. He had my undivided attention and could teach me whatever he wanted.
“We’ll start with the basics,” he said, seeming to lean even closer. Our breaths mixed together, and my head swam. Despite the urge to reach up on my tiptoes and close the distance between us, I tried to pay attention.
“Basics.” I nodded to prove I was listening.
The corner of his mouth hitched upward, and my stomach flip-flopped. It really was a crime how goddamn attractive this man was.
“There’s one crucial thing you have to learn before we let you fly, something that you wouldn’t think is very important,” he explained, reaching up to brush his fingers along my jawline. Sparks lit up my skin at his touch.
“And what’s that?” I asked, my eyes locked with his.
Tentatively, I reached out and placed my hand on his chest, slowly trailing it higher. I wanted to feel more of him, and the few inches between us were killing me.
I took a half-step forward.
He leaned in even closer, barely brushing his lips against mine. A stuttered breath escaped me, and my eyelids drooped dreamily. I was waiting, too afraid to move, for him to finally seal our kiss.
Instead, he answered, “How to fall.”
In a blink, he tipped backward and fell off the platform, disappearing out of sight.
I screamed.
Racing forward to peer over the edge of the metal, I watched as he hit the safety net below. He landed on his back and bounced, staring up at me with a satisfied grin.
My heart slammed painfully against my ribs, racing with adrenaline.
Fuck, I’d forgotten there was a net. I thought Daze had just rage quit life in front of my eyes.
I clutched my chest and took several steadying breaths.
“I take back every nice thing I’ve ever said about you!” I yelled, trying my best to stop shaking. “That was mean.”
“Aww, I’m sorry,” he chuckled, patting the net beside him. “Why don’t you come down here and make me pay for it?”
I glared.
No way was he fucking serious.
Climbing up here was fine, and I could probably climb down okay on my own. But pitching myself off the edge of a platform to drop twenty feet onto a net?
My stomach turned, and I tasted bile.
“I-I don’t know if I can,” I said, taking a tiny step back from the edge. I could still see half of him, his vibrant hair splayed wildly.
“Yes, you can.” He patted the net next to him again. “You stood in front of Zero’s target, and you got in Revel’s cage. This is a cakewalk compared to that.”
He wasn’t entirely wrong.
But he wasn’t right either.
Yes, I’d done both those things, but not because I wasn’t terrified. I had to prove a point, and I’d been determined to impress my scent match. Both times.
With Daze, I didn’t have to pretend to be brave. I could be vulnerable and let down my walls.
And I could be fucking scared.
“Just follow my instructions,” Daze ordered from below. He crawled backward along the net, putting enough space between him and the platform for me to land. “I’ll walk you through it. It’s kind of like being on a diving board.”
“A diving board,” I mocked under my breath. What made him think I’d ever been on one of those?
“You want to land on your back and tuck your chin,” Daze explained. “It doesn’t hurt. If you’ve jumped on a trampoline, this isn’t much different.”
Okay, at least I’d been on one of those. It might have been ten years or more, but I had experience there.
“Are you sure I can’t just climb back down the ladder?” I asked, a whiny tone clinging to my voice. Maybe it was because I was tired—I’d only gotten a couple hours of sleep—or because I was actually terrified.
Daze shook his head. “Come on, cielito. Imagine the look on Zero’s face when he finds out you know more acts than he does.”
My jaw nearly dropped at the mention of my scent match, and I stared at Daze. Either he felt similarly to me about the psychotic clown, or he knew it would get under my skin enough to make me steel my nerves and walk toward the edge of the platform.
“That’s it.” He grinned. “Now, turn around.”
I followed his instructions, clenching my hands into fists to keep them from shaking.
“Perfect. Now, on the count of three, I want you to fall back,” he said. “One…”
My stomach bottomed out, and I closed my eyes.
“Two…”
I took a deep, shaky breath and tried not to think about my impending fall.
He said it wouldn’t hurt, right?
“Three…”
With a silent prayer to a god I didn’t believe in, I tipped my weight backward until the platform disappeared from beneath my feet. Then, I plummeted, my stomach shooting into my throat.
It didn’t take long, a couple of seconds at most, before I hit the safety net. The breath I’d been holding was knocked out of me, and my eyes flew open as I tried to get my bearings.
The net shifted beneath me as Daze hurried over, and his face popped into my field of vision. “That was pretty good for your first time.”
I thought he might offer a hand to help me up, but he plopped down next to me, causing the net to wobble jarringly again. There was enough tension in the rope that he didn’t roll on top of me, but my entire right side pressed firmly against him.
Lolling my head to the side, I met his eyes and forced a smile.
“First and last time,” I corrected. “I will not be doing that again.”