Chapter 5 - Andie
Chapter Five - Andie
I still can’t set foot into our bedroom.
Memories of standing in front of my closet, trying to pick something to wear to my husband’s funeral, still haunt me.
I never imagined I’d have to choose an outfit to stand over his coffin, watching them lower him into the ground.
My hands shook as I touched each dress, wondering what you’re supposed to wear when your world ends.
Maddie has been my saving grace the past few weeks.
She helped plan everything for Cody’s funeral reception, right down to hosting it, just so I wouldn’t have to.
Especially after my own mother and sister decided that her engagement photos were more important than being there for me when I buried my husband.
Maddie has been caring for me and keeping me company so that I don’t feel alone.
But now that the funeral is over, it’s time she gets back to Chicago.
Charlie and I found our way back to each other, though neither of us have dared discuss the details.
He just started showing up again—resilient as he’s always been—bringing takeout and bad jokes, pretending like I didn’t completely lose my shit on him that day at the hospital.
I can see it in his eyes though, the way he watches me carefully, like he’s waiting for me to implode again.
I’ve never actually said the words “I’m sorry” but something tells me he can read the regret written all over my face and can see how the guilt of hurting him is just another weight I’m carrying.
That’s Charlie, though. He comes back even when you don’t deserve it, even when you’ve shown him your absolute worst.
Looking back, the funeral was beautiful.
More beautiful than I could have managed on my own, but it was hard not to notice the empty spaces where family should have been.
I was grateful that at least my father showed up, that Charlie was there holding me up when my legs nearly gave out.
The support I needed came from the people who truly love me, not the ones who simply share my blood.
“Look, Andie, I love you girl, but I’m worried about leaving you. Are you sure you don’t want to come back to Chicago with me for a bit?”
I ponder her question. I mean, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to leave, escape from my pain.
It’s not like I have a job to get back to anyway.
We saved up a little nest egg for tough times, so I feel confident I have the means to at least afford my bills until I find a new job.
Eventually, I’ll need a new job though, and the question “Why did you leave your last one?” isn’t a question I want to answer.
I fear that if I leave, I won’t face my pain, but instead hide away and ignore it, not truly letting myself heal.
“Maddie, I can’t go back with you. My life is here. I promise I’ll be fine.”
I’m lying to her and myself, and she knows it. She’s skeptical as she tries to figure out how to convince me to go back with her.
“Maddie, I swear I’ll be okay. I’ll call you and check in. I have Charlie. He’s like this annoying little brother who won’t leave me alone. And you know he’ll make me take care of myself,” I tell her.
“I’m not sold, but you’re right about Charlie. He really cares about you. And I know he’ll watch over you. Are you sure, though? I got the room. I’d love to have you. It might be the change and the distraction you need.”
You’ve got to give the girl credit, she’s determined. “I’m sure. Let’s just enjoy tonight.”
“All right then, but you have to call me often. If you don’t, I will fly here and drag your ass back to Chicago with me.”
“Deal.” Shaking on it, we finally come to an understanding.
This is why I love her, no bullshit. She will physically drag me back if I don’t take care of myself.
We fill our last night with food, snacks, wine, and binge-watching a marathon of Gilmore Girls.
It’s the best send-off for her and the best distraction for me.
Come tomorrow, when she leaves, reality is going to sink in, and I’ll be alone, with just my memories to keep me company.