Chapter 9 - Andie
Chapter Nine - Andie
Landing in Chicago brings the first glimpse of the darkness lifting—like someone finally opened the blinds in a room that had been closed off for months.
The loneliness remains, that missing piece of my soul still aches, but here—here there will be no constant reminders of Cody waiting for me around every corner.
There will be no driving past his fire station every day.
No more well-meaning neighbors with endless casseroles and pity-filled eyes.
Nothing to trigger memories or emotions every time I turn a corner.
It’s almost cathartic being in a new location.
Kind of like when you delete your ex from all social media—except I’m deleting an entire city.
Stepping off the plane, I send a quick text to Maddie, letting her know where to pick me up and that I’m headed her way. With my bags in hand, I spot her becoming the most noticeable person in the airport. The curls of her blonde hair bounce up and down as she jumps and waves hysterically.
“Andie! Oh my god, you’re finally here!” she squeals when she sees me.
“Come here, you beautiful disaster you!” Excitement radiates from her voice, breaking through my tough exterior and melancholy mood.
I can’t help the grin that spreads across my face.
Being unhappy around her feels physically impossible.
Our life-long friendship started on day one of meeting her.
With us going to school together and growing up just down the road from one another, this girl is privy to every deep, dark secret there is to know about me.
I am one of the few privileged to call her Maddie, she reserves nicknames for only her closest friends, and everyone else gets the formal Madeline treatment.
Dozens of travelers try not to stare as they hurry to their next destination. I stop to soak up the moment of our reunion and appreciate my best friend with her perfectly styled blonde hair, big beautiful blue eyes, and flawless makeup.
This girl could give a Kardashian a run for their money.
She’s classy and refined, from her heels to her accessories.
Making any outfit she wears look like it should be on the cover of Vogue.
Every woman wants to be her, and every man wants her.
Maddie is the epitome of beauty, but always insists I am the one with the looks between us.
She pushes me out of my comfort zone every chance she gets.
I swear she finds her happiness in challenging me to do new things.
I’m just hoping she doesn’t notice how often I play with the wedding ring hanging around my neck when my nerves creep in.
She has the ability to see through all my coping mechanisms and tries to fix them.
I have never understood how we became the best of friends, but I am grateful for it every single day.
Engulfing Maddie in a hug makes all the bottled pain disappear momentarily.
It feels like home. I’m not a hugger. In fact, hugging ranks high on my list of least favorite activities—awkward doesn’t begin to cover it.
Growing up without a lot of physical affection made embraces feel like bugs crawling over my skin.
The exclusive hug club includes Maddie, Charlie, Dad, and Cody.
I’m so particular about my hug distribution that even my mother doesn’t get them.
They are limited and short-lived, and they get to experience them because they understand the discomfort I feel, so they don’t try to push my comfort level.
Wrapping her arm around my shoulder, she starts guiding me to the car.
“Girl, I swear this is going to be life-changing fun! We are going to turn that frown upside down,” she says, literally reaching over to push the corners of my mouth up with her fingers as she squeaks, practically vibrating with excitement.
Oh my god, what does she mean by “fun”? Please tell me it doesn’t involve anything other than wine, Netflix, and face masks.
Worry must be etched across my face because she quickly adds, “Don’t panic, I can see those anxiety wheels turning,” she says, tapping my forehead.
“I’ll be your personal guide to Chicago. First things first, though, let’s get your stuff back to my place and settle you in.” As Maddie outlines her plans for us, my eyes begin to widen from shock.
“Just so we’re clear, when you say fun . . .” I ask, using the air quotes to get my point across. “You do know I’m still in the sweatpants-and-wine phase of grief, right?”
“For now, but that horrible sweatpants look you have going will be rectified. You’re gonna join the world again Andie, just wait and see.”
We sit in the back of the taxi as Maddie continues to talk about all the places she wants to take me, all the parties she wants me to attend, and the people she wants me to meet.
I just sit there, letting her talk as I stare out the window in a trance, really taking in the city.
Coming from a small town in Kansas to the big Chicago metropolis, I feel like Dorothy stepping into Oz—minus the ruby slippers and a lot more concrete.
The number of buses and cars passing by, along with the large crowds on the streets, gives me a whole new definition of busy.
Most of the buildings tower over the small businesses.
People push through massive crowds and traffic jammed streets with ease to make it to their destination.
Even with the crazy hustle and bustle of Chicago, I realize this is exactly what I need.
It’s completely opposite of my daily life, and maybe that’s what I need to discover who I can become—someone who carries Cody’s love with me but isn’t afraid to live again.
We pull up to a large building in downtown Chicago. I look up, soaking in the beauty of the sun reflecting off the glass windows. The doorman greets us, welcoming me to this luxurious hotel as the taxi door is opened for me.
“I thought we were going to your place?” Confused by the fact that I’m at a hotel building and not an apartment.
“This is my place,” Maddie says with a casual shrug.
“Well, okay, it’s my father’s place, but I get to stay here. He’s never around anyway. Always away at work. Did you forget he owns a hotel chain?”
“I mean, I remembered he owned them, but I didn’t think you actually lived in a hotel.” Still a little in shock but impressed by the beauty of the place we head through the main entrance.
Walking in, I see the front desk with an abundance of white detailed woodwork and crown molding on the walls, creating an elegant yet sophisticated look. Colorful artwork and flowers are scattered purposefully throughout the lobby, making it impossible not to notice the beauty of this hotel.
“Good afternoon, Ms. Madeline. I have your mail for you.” We’re greeted by the sweetest looking old man.
“Thank you, Thomas, you absolute angel!” Maddie gushes.
“This is my bestie, Andie. She’ll be staying with us for a while, so please spoil her rotten just like you do me.
” Giving him a quick hug, you can tell Thomas is such an important person in her life, like he’s a guardian angel when her father is gone.
“Would you please hook her up with a key card and all that fancy hotel info?”
“Certainly. I’ll get those pulled together right away and bring them up to your suite.”
“You’re the best,” Maddie tells him, giving him a quick peck on the cheek before grabbing my hand and pulling me toward the elevator.
“Okay, so we live in what they call the lake suite. You’ll have your own room and bathroom, so feel free to bring whatever or whomever for entertainment you may need over.” Her exaggerated eyebrow wiggle makes me snort-laugh for the first time in months.
“You’ll have access to all the amenities, and our suite has an amazing view of the city.”
As I get the full tour of the living quarters, it’s hard to believe that she lives at the top of a hotel.
My mind has been so scrambled the last few months, I feel like I’ve forgotten every conversation I’ve had with people.
Hopefully, Maddie doesn’t think I don’t listen or care, my life is just too much of a mess to really think clearly right now.
“Maddie, this is way too much. I feel like the country bumpkin who accidentally wandered into the Plaza Hotel. Like I should be wearing overalls and chewing on a piece of straw.”
“Stop it.” She waves her hand dismissively.
“My father is away for a while, and I could use the company anyway. It can get a little lonely here. My place is your place, make yourself at home, and don’t think twice about it.
Besides Operation Rebuild Andie is underway.
Get some beauty sleep because this makeover starts tomorrow. ”
The unknown is scary, especially when it’s Maddie planning it, but I know she has my best interests in mind.
I throw myself onto my new bed and decide it’s time to relax.
As I lay there, taking in the surroundings of my new home, I find myself drifting to sleep with ease.
For the first time since Cody’s death, I’m able to sleep peacefully without horrible nightmares to haunt me.
Waking in the morning, I feel refreshed for the first time in months, and a surge of hope hits me as I make my way out to our little kitchenette area, craving a good cup of coffee.
Caffeine is desperately needed before Maddie starts bombarding me with all the crazy plans she has in store for us.
Finding she’s not here stuns me. I expected she would be glued to my side. Instead, she simply left a note:
Had to run some errands. Meet up before dinner to go out? There’s a little coffee shop around the corner that will change your life. See you at 5!
xoxo —M
Left to my own devices, with little pressure to do anything adventurous, I decide to find the cozy little coffee shop around the corner. It’s the perfect spot to take a moment just to enjoy my surroundings.
Most of the morning is spent there with my head in my current romance novel, lost in a trance as I read through the pages.
I am oblivious to everything around me, immersed in the fantasy world I wish could be my own.
The only thing that keeps me grounded in reality is the smell of coffee beans and fresh pastries coming out of the oven.
I love every minute of my romance books.
The ability to live in someone else’s love story always intrigues me, especially when they have a happy ending.
Hours pass as I turn page after page, completely absorbed in the story.
I’m invested in the characters and their journey to find that inevitable happily ever after, when suddenly the tone shifts.
The main character is experiencing an indescribably painful loss, trapping her in that familiar world of grief and devastation.
From her shaking hands to her gut-wrenching cries and the world crashing down around her, it all feels too familiar.
The memories of my own loss flood in, attacking my mind like wasps in a swarm.
Realizing it’s starting to become a bit overwhelming, I decide I need to escape—both the book and the coffee shop.
I head back to the hotel, only to realize I’ve spent the entire day with fictional characters instead of going out and meeting real people.
It’s exactly what I wanted, but the opposite of what Maddie hoped for me.
She’s going to be so disappointed when she finds out I chickened out of experiencing the city.
But Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither is a new Andie. Baby steps, right?