Chapter 12 - Andie
Chapter Twelve - Andie
As we make our way to the club, my nerves kick into overdrive, and I immediately begin to regret my decision. I can already feel my heart racing, as my hands continue to shake at my side. The urge to turn and run away courses through me.
For a person who works in a field that requires constant socializing, I typically struggle with outside interactions. Growing up I was always taught to hide in the shadows and keep quiet so I didn’t outshine Abby. Needless to say, I never really got the chance to learn how to interact with others.
My mother’s words continue to ring through my head.
Andie, no one is interested in your stories, and your humor isn’t funny.
It’s inappropriate for a woman. The belief that I was to be seen, not heard, was ingrained in me since childhood.
Maddie was the first one to show me that being heard is okay.
She took me for who I was, quirks and all.
When Cody came into my life, he quickly learned that I have a few issues linked to my parents.
The anxiety would take over and he would step in with exactly what I needed to calm all the screaming voices.
He would grip my hands then make a game out of finding objects.
Five things I could see, four I could touch, three I could hear, two I could smell.
Ending the game with one thing I could taste by giving me a kiss, allowing me to completely release all my anxiety and fears.
It was our little ritual, our thing. But he’s not here to help me so I get to tackle my fears in new ways.
I link my arm around hers, gripping it tightly as we walk up to the door. “You promise you won’t leave my side?”
“Girl, relax, you will be just fine. I will be with you the whole night.” As we step into the club, my anxiety isn’t eased. It multiplies when I see that it’s packed wall-to-wall, bodies squeezed in tighter than skinny jeans after Thanksgiving dinner.
Pep talk Andie, you got this, one step at a time. You can do this.
This whole reminder to breathe is quickly becoming my personal motto to try to help keep me from losing my shit altogether.
My eyes scan the room, taking in my surroundings.
The dance floor is covered with girls having fun, and men on the hunt for their next conquest. A giant shining world map covers the walls behind them as they dance and drink in groups.
Movements from the neon-colored lights and shapes cover the floors and walls.
As the pounding music continues, I can barely hear anything over the DJ and the chatter.
“Ohh I see the others,” Maddie yells above the music as she is dragging me to a table where the others are sitting and conversing. Tonight I will definitely need a few drinks to get by.
“Others? I thought it was just us.” My heart plummets at the idea that others will be witnesses to my first attempt to get back to a normal life.
“Oops, did I forget to mention there would be a few friends here too?” She’s playing innocent, but I can tell this was planned.
“Don’t worry, it’s just so you can meet some other people.
Like I said, it is time for you to get out.
” The area is a bit more private, but only mildly quieter.
All her friends seem nice enough as I am introduced to them.
There’s Dylan, the rebellious rich kid. Anna, the sweet girl next door who’s been friends with Maddie since college.
And then there is Matt, the down-to-earth, all-around all-star, who met Maddie during her senior year here.
Maddie, of course, spends most of the evening hanging all over Dylan.
She has always had a thing for the bad-boy type, anyone who will go against her father’s approval, in hopes of getting a little more attention from him.
Turns out, Maddie and Dylan have been an item for the last few weeks. Honestly, I’m surprised she isn’t more attracted to Matt. He’s one of those stunningly handsome guys who puts effort into his looks but doesn’t overly flaunt it.
His dark brown hair is shorter on the sides but longer up top, creating that classic 90s curtain style hair, which would generally have Maddie weak at the knees.
He obviously goes to the gym, but you don’t see him showing off like some men.
You know the men, the ones wearing super tight shirts that are two sizes too small—all with the idea in mind that it will accentuate every bulge in their muscles.
It’s like a bad mating call for the undesirables that try too hard.
Matt isn’t like that though, from what I see looking at him.
He looks comfortable, relaxed in his clothing.
Attire that is completely appropriate for a chill night out with friends.
I know you’re not supposed to judge a book by its cover, but I’m pretty sure I would like this book if I opened it.
I think Matt and I could be good friends in the future.
Whereas Dylan is more of a Sons of Anarchy vibe with his longer black hair slicked back.
His leather jacket draped on the back of Maddie’s shoulders, laying claim to her.
It can’t possibly be to keep her warm, since I find it hot as hell in here.
Two very drastic styles, but both equally attractive.
I like Dylan, though. He surprised me because, at first glance, he looks shallow and self-conceited, but as we get further into the night, and I see him with Maddie, I realize there is so much more to him.
He seems to treat Maddie like a goddess.
Although I don’t think she realizes that Matt, while respectful of their relationship, seems to like her a lot.
The man looks at her like she’s the only woman in the room that matters, his eyes barely ever leave her.
Does she really not see that he hangs on every word she says?
Whether she knows it or not, she puts Matt in a friend zone, and you can tell he wants more if ever given the chance.
Mum’s the word, Matt, your secret will be safe with me.
Regardless of what I see, Maddie is happy with Dylan, and that’s all that matters.
We hang out chatting for a good portion of the evening.
With drink after drink, I begin to lose focus.
This is all foreign territory for me. Before, pain and sadness were all that existed in my life.
Becoming accustomed to that numbness happened easily, almost like it was normal or expected.
But now? These sensations wash over me, seeming more like freedom.
I’m finally relaxed, and for the first time in a while, it’s like all the shit that’s happened in life is able to be forgotten, giving me the chance to just be myself again. The same girl I used to be, the one before death took that part of me away.
With each drink, I lose my ability to focus my thoughts, but in return it’s giving me a confidence I haven’t had in a long time.
Honestly, I think I actually enjoy it. Maddie and the guys continue buying me drinks with hopes of keeping me in this state of mind.
My filter is gone, but my self-confidence is stronger than ever.
Nothing like a little liquid courage to bring out the old Andie.
“Maddie, I’m going to find the restroom. I’ll be right back,” I yell over the music.
“Sounds good—do you want me to come with you?”
“No, I think I can go to the bathroom on my own.” I know I made her promise me she wouldn’t leave me, but right now I feel like I can take on the world so that’s what I’m going to do.
“Okay then. We’re gonna hit the dance floor for a bit. I’ll see you out there.” Maddie practically pushes Dylan to the dance floor, the others trailing behind while I brave the quest for the bathroom.