Chapter 34 - Spencer
Chapter Thirty-Four - Spencer
It’s been two days of watching Andie run around zoned out.
She’s like a ticking time bomb, wound tight by whatever’s happening back in Kansas, and we are all at risk of losing her if we can’t stop the clock.
She stays silent most of the time, trying not to snap at people.
Every instinct I have screams to help her, but I’m completely useless, unsure how to fix the unknown.
The woman I love is falling apart and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.
It was hard for her to tell her boss she needed to cut her contract short.
Fortunately, they were understanding, and she was able to get out of it with no repercussions.
But now I’m standing here in her room as she’s panicking, packing her bag for home.
The room looks like she’s been robbed by burglars who ransacked the place.
Makeup and clothing are strewn everywhere as she frantically shoves things into her suitcases.
I watch Andie pause at the hotel safe in her room, her hand hovering over the keypad.
There’s something inside that has her internally struggling to pull out.
After a long moment, she opens it and carefully retrieves a small object on a silver chain, stopping, standing unmoved as she lets the small circular object dangle in front of her.
“You okay, Sweetheart?” I cautiously approach her. She looks away from the chain and focuses on me.
“I used to wear my ring every day after Cody died. I couldn’t imagine taking it off.” Her voice barely above a whisper like she’s confessing a deep, hidden secret.
“So why did you?” I’ve never seen her with the ring.
“I took it off the night we met at the club, for many reasons. But you were why I never put it back on.” Her confession has me scrunching my brows, I can’t imagine why I would be the reason.
“I love my life with you, and I don’t want the ghost of my past coming between us.”
“Andie, you don’t have to stop wearing it because of me. He’s part of your story. I understand that.” Brushing back her hair I reassure her that the necklace with her ring won’t change my love for her.
“I know, but my story has changed and the rest of it belongs to you, to us. I’m okay with this. I promise.” Her eyes glisten, before she props on her tip toes sealing her certainty with a kiss.
I thought we were making progress with getting her to slow down, but within an instant the calm version disappears as a hesitant Andie shifts back under the weight of the unknown that remains on her shoulders.
This isn’t good. She’s losing herself and trying to shut down again.
I just hope my being here for her will be enough to keep her grounded through whatever storm is brewing in Kansas.
“Damn it, I can’t find my charger. Where the hell is it?”
Her nerves are getting to me. Watching her unravel like this makes my chest tighten, with every scattered and frantic moment she makes anxiety crawl up my spine.
Her mind is clearly somewhere other than the present and I need to bring her back.
There’s more to the story than just needing to get home that she isn’t telling me, and it’s eating me up inside.
If you’d just let me in completely and face your fears. I could help carry whatever burden you’re carrying. She’s still holding back and I’m not sure why.
I rest my hands on her shoulders to hold her in place before moving them to her face. I’m determined to get her to focus for a moment.
“Andie, stop . . . slow down. Talk to me. What has you so scared to go home?”
“Spencer, you don’t understand. I’m . . . I’m content. I like it here. I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to leave . . .”
There’s a pause in her sentence, a hesitation that speaks volumes as her eyes shift back and forth while looking at the floor, trying so hard to figure out what she should disclose to me.
There’s more than just Chicago that she doesn’t want to leave, but she’s afraid to say it. The fear in her eyes tells me as much.
“What don’t you want to leave, Andie?”
She looks at me like I’m crazy. A hint of pain in her eyes as her nose scrunches, crumbling the wall that was up hiding the agony etched on her face.
Maybe I am . . . I’m asking her to take a leap of faith and open up to me and let me further in her heart.
Finally, she whispers, “You, Spencer. I don’t want to leave you.
I . . . I’m afraid if I go, I won’t come back and this—” Her finger moves back and forth between us. “This will end.”
The cracks in her voice and the tears trailing down her cheeks prove to me that she’s terrified this will be a forever goodbye if she leaves. As if I’d let that happen. As if I could just watch her walk away and not move heaven and earth to keep her with me.
“Sweetheart, you aren’t leaving me. You’re just going home to get a few things sorted.
Then you’ll be right back here with me. Right where you belong.
” I wipe the tear from her cheek as she tries to nuzzle her face into my hand.
Something I found she loves doing, something that tends to calm her racing heart.
“Let me come with you. Let me help you with this.”
“Spencer, I haven’t told anyone about you yet. I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
That stings. I can’t say I’m surprised she hasn’t told anyone about me, but it still hits like a punch in the gut. My jaw clenches as I try to swallow down the bitter taste of being her dirty little secret, like I’m something to be ashamed of, something to hide away.
Forcing myself to take a breath, my shoulders relax as reality sets in.
This isn’t about me. In fact, it hasn’t been that long since her husband died, so of course she might be hesitant to tell them she’s dating again.
This isn’t about shame, it’s about timing and grief and protecting what we have until she’s ready.
The thoughts roam my mind as I debate whether to press the topic or ignore it. She’s stressed enough as it is, and I don’t want to add to her burden, but eventually, we really need to talk about where we stand.
Maddie comes through the door just in time, announcing that she’s got the flights booked, letting us know they leave in two days, blurting out all the details, almost like a secret hint.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to come?
” I plead with her one more time, not sure if my presence would make a difference or simply complicate things further.
“I’m sure, Spencer. I’ll call you when I get there. I swear.” She turns away from me, effectively ending the conversation.
I leave her to pack, honoring her need for having some space she won’t ask for. There’s a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that tells me I shouldn’t leave the girls alone to handle whatever plot twist is about to happen to Andie.
I try pushing the thoughts from my head, if only to make sure I follow Andie’s wishes, but my apprehensions win in the end.
Pulling out my phone I pause knowing I’m going to be crossing a line.
The voice in my head tells me not to do it, but I blow past it like a race car crossing the finish line.
My only hope is that she will forgive me for calling in reinforcements for help.
“Evan . . . I need you to book me a flight to Kansas. Also, make sure Madeline Kline and Andie Harris have their tickets upgraded to first class, please.” I give him the airline information, date and time with no further explanation to Evan of the importance, simply hanging up and heading home to pack.
The unease in my body doesn’t completely dissipate, but a little weight is lifted signifying to me that I made the right choice.
I only hope she sees it that way. She needs me to be there with her, whether she knows it or not, and I am not willing to let her go through whatever this is without me.
I want her to know she won’t lose me, regardless of what happens.
If that means hijacking their plans, then so be it.
Maybe I’m overstepping. Maybe I’m being controlling. Or maybe I’m just a man who refuses to let the woman he loves face her demons alone, even when she thinks she should.