Chapter 42 - Andie
Chapter Forty-Two - Andie
“Damn it!”
Coffee spills over my cup, and my temper snaps. I just want to hide away and never come back. I knew regaining myself would be a struggle, that finding a new love and starting that life would feel impossible. And sure, there would be challenges, but ultimately love triumphs all, right?
Apparently not when your dead husband leaves you his secret child as a parting gift.
“Hey, it’s fine. I’ll get this cleaned up. Why don’t you go sit down?” Abby has been treating me like a fragile sticker is plastered on my forehead ever since I came home.
“It’s not fine, Abby. How is any of this fine?
” I snap, unable to contain the frustration anymore.
“I have a huge decision to make about a baby that I didn’t even know existed.
” My hands wave hysterically and she’s probably thinking I need to be committed at this point.
“Surprise! Your husband cheated on you, and now you need to be a mother to his kid. How is that fine? I don’t even know where Spencer stands on this, so there’s that uncomfortable conversation, too. ”
“Spencer has nothing to do with this, Andie,” Abby says firmly. “He plays no part in this. You shouldn’t even be with him.”
“This again, really Abby? Of course he plays a part in this. I love Spencer, and you just need to accept that.” I feel heat rising to my face with anger. “But right now, I need to find out if he wants to continue to be with me with the baby, or if we need to end things now.”
God damn this disrespect and lack of common decency toward Spencer. Spencer emerges from the bedroom, clearly having heard me yelling at Abby.
“Andie, you good?” Spencer asks from the doorway, his voice careful.
“Yes, thank you.” I snap at him a little more than I probably should, but at this point my give-a-fucks are running on empty. I snatch Abby by the hand, pulling her around the corner so Spencer is out of earshot when I talk to her.
“Andie you’re gonna get hurt. I know we don’t always see eye to eye, but I do care about you, and I don’t want to see you miserable again, like after you lost Cody.”
“Okay I’ll bite? How’s Spence gonna hurt me?” Dead silence from her. She doesn’t want to bring it up because apparently, I’m oblivious to whatever she thinks he will do to hurt me.
I want to know the underlying reason for her believing that my relationship with Spencer will fail, I can’t let it go.
“Oh, come on Abby, you always have an opinion, don’t stop now. What is your problem with Spencer? You think he’ll hit me? Up and leave me for another woman, what?”
I’ve had it with her telling me that being with Spencer is a bad idea but never telling me why. Standing there silently I prod a bit more trying to get her to finally admit her reasoning.
“Seriously, Abby, tell me.” I wait, but she clearly doesn’t want to touch the subject. I can see her weighing her words, carefully which is unusual for her. “Fine, if you don’t want to talk about it, if you can’t give me a reason, then I don’t want to hear any more about it.”
I begin to walk past but stop as she finally speaks.
“It’s not that I don’t like Spencer."
I’m not buying what she’s selling, she’s judged my relationship with Spencer from the second he got here. I turn to meet her eyes anyways, arms crossed but willing to listen.
“He seems great, but I just don’t think he’s the right guy for you. I just want you to be realistic about him.”
“Realistic how?”
She shakes her head, agony in her voice.
“Think about it, you live here in Kansas. You’re getting a new baby.
So, you’ll want to be with your family. Where does he live?
Chicago, right?” Her tone is careful, almost tentative.
“I just . . . I just don’t want you to get your hopes up about something that might not work.
Long distance never works, especially with a baby in the mix. I don’t want you getting hurt.”
Her words hit me like a freight train. Not because Abby’s being profound—she’s still being her usual surface-level self, but because she’s stumbled onto something I’ve been avoiding thinking about.
And knowing Abby, there’s probably a hidden motive behind this sudden concern for my wellbeing.
She doesn’t usually do the caring-sister act without getting something in return.
Where are we going to live? I just assumed I would go back to Chicago, but what if Spencer doesn’t want me and Henry there? I mean it’s one thing to live near your girlfriend, but a new baby on top of it, what if he doesn’t want that responsibility?
“Are you going to leave your whole life here, with the baby, to move to Chicago? I just want you to really think about this, about every part of it. Spencer is great, but he’s great for someone who doesn’t live six hundred miles away.”
“I need a minute.” I leave the house without another word. I walk out the back door to wander around the yard, contemplating my next steps, but my mind is too cloudy to think straight.
I need advice, but from who?
Pulling out my phone, I call the only person I know who could advise me in this clusterfuck of a situation.
“Hello?” The sound of Elle’s voice sends me into tears again. There’s something about her steady, no-nonsense tone that always breaks through my defenses.
“Andie, what’s wrong? What’s happening?” Her voice immediately shifts to alert concern, the mama-bear instinct I’ve come to rely on.
“It’s a mess, Elle. I don’t know what to do anymore.”
“What’s a mess?” She sounds like she’s already mentally rolling up her sleeves, ready to tackle whatever problem I throw at her.
I give her all the details, from my friends and family having an issue with Spencer, to the insurance, to Henry.
My worries and fears that our lives are so different, and what if Spencer doesn’t want to do this with me?
Every thought, every question comes pouring out, assaulting Elle’s ears as she takes in the last few days here.
“Stop right there, Andie,” she says firmly. I can picture her sitting up straighter, her green eyes narrowing like they do when she’s about to deliver a truth bomb. “I love you, so I’m going to give you some tough love. You’re too damn hard on yourself.”
I hear her take a sip of something—probably that strong black coffee she always drinks, even at the end of a twelve-hour shift. Her voice is firm and truthful but filled with the warmth that makes her such an incredible friend.
“Instead of sitting here wallowing and feeling sorry for yourself, did you ever stop to look at some of the positives? Henry . . . Girl, you’re getting a baby.
” Her voice softens at the mention of a child.
“It doesn’t matter how he came into your life.
He’s here, and he needs your love. You always wanted a family, so here’s your chance. ”
This is precisely why I called Elle—her wisdom always puts things in perspective.
“Okay sure, this isn’t ideal, but that doesn’t mean this couldn’t be the best thing that ever happens to you.” I can picture her exact expression, that mix of empathy and expectation, the look that says she knows you can do better than you’re doing right now.
“As for your family . . . fuck ’em. If they can’t accept your choices or Spencer, then that’s their problem, not yours.
Be with the one you love, the one that makes you giddy to be around.
Don’t let their judgy asses get in the way of your happiness.
” Elle’s practical approach to life’s problems has always been refreshing—no sugarcoating, just solutions.
She’s right. I know she’s right. My chest tightens with the fear that Spencer won’t want me and this addition to my life.
The thought of losing him makes my heart physically hurt, but the thought of trapping him with my emotional and physical baggage makes me completely sick.
So, I consult the guru with my next question.
“But what about Spencer? What if he doesn’t want Henry and wants to leave?”
“Then fuck him too,” Elle says bluntly, with the maternal fierceness that makes me wish she lived closer.
“If he doesn’t want to be with you because of a child, then he isn’t right for you.
But I don’t think that’s the case. Girl, I saw how he looked that day at work, it looked like he was imagining his whole future with you, kids and all.
I know what it looks like when a man isn’t all in and Spencer isn’t giving me those vibes. ”
She pauses for a moment, then asks the question I’ve been avoiding. “Did you even ask him what he wants? How he’s feeling about everything?”
Damn it. How could I be so selfish? It’s not like I could when he walked out, but it never even crossed my mind to ask him either.
An ocean of shame washes over me. How could I be so wrapped up in my own panic that I never once considered Spencer might be terrified too?
The guilt is sitting heavy in my stomach.
He seems so put together all the time. I’m such a selfish person for not thinking about the one person who has been fighting so hard for me.
“No, I haven’t,” I admit, disappointment layering my voice.
“Then that is the first step. Talk to Spencer, see how he feels. Then, and only then, can you come up with your next plan.” Her voice softens again, the mother in her coming through.
“I love you, and regardless of where you live, this child will be loved. And Andie . . . you’re going to be a wonderful mother.
That kid is going to be lucky to have you. ”
Hanging up, I take a moment to soak in everything Elle says. She’s right, she usually is. I need to talk to Spencer, really talk to him, and figure out where we stand.
Heading back up to the house I turn and see the person I need most standing on the back porch waiting for me—Spencer.
How does he always know exactly when I need him?
His eyes meet mine, and in that moment, I realize that no matter what happens next, this is the man I want to figure it out with.