Chapter 69
RILEY.
I’d been home for two days. This was the first time I went out and saw the sun after I holed up in our room when I returned.
My Gamma Couple had been attending to pack matters. I told them I just needed two days to myself, and tomorrow I would get back to work.
They didn’t ask why and what happened in Atlanta. Perhaps my Beta had already called them and explained. And I was thankful for that because I couldn’t find the strength to tell them everything.
But there was one more thing I needed to do before I could start fixing up whatever was left of my tired soul. Maybe by doing this, I could finally move on and see a silver lining.
It was time to meet Andrea.
I rolled down the car window and spoke with Beta Paul. He was at their border. It didn’t take long before he opened the gate and allowed my car in. I was expecting him to search me as they did when I went here before, wanting to take Andrea away from Caspian, but he didn’t.
Instead, he offered to drive my car so we could reach the packhouse immediately using a private route and told me he wanted a word about Alba.
So I moved out of my seat and let him drive, all the while he talked about him and Alba.
I missed a lot.
Alba had never contacted me again since I threw them out of the territory a few months back. But I was happy that Caspian’s Beta was taking care of her. I congratulated him and told him that he and Alba were free to visit my territory if they wanted to.
It didn’t take long until we reached the packhouse and I found myself face-to-face with Caspian and Andrea.
I was lost for words. Now that I was standing in front of her, I didn’t know how to start. So I asked permission from Caspian to speak with Andrea. I knew he might reject it, but I would understand, but fortunately, he didn’t. He let me have a moment with Andrea alone.
He showed me again how he was a better man than I was.
I sat on the couch while Andrea chose to sit on the single sofa facing me, a center table between us.
For a moment, no one said a word. She was looking at me while I was trying to read her. I was trying to check my feelings too if I still have something for her. But there was nothing, just regret for all the pain I had given her.
“Why are you here, Riley?” She broke the silence.
I let out a sigh and rested my elbows on my thighs, my hands clasped together as I looked at her in the eyes.
“I woke up today and I told myself, it’s time to face my past so I could move on.
So I could free myself from guilt. I know I haven’t said sorry to you yet, and I don’t know how to.
But Andrea, I want you to know that the person you saw in me for the last three years was not the real me.
It was the person I created to prove to myself that I was better.
You and Caspian were the victims of my self-loathing.
When Caspian came, I kept thinking about what he had that I didn’t.
It became an obsession. Until I found myself getting lost in it.
I wanted to be better than anyone, better than him because I didn’t like myself either. ”
I paused and took a deep breath before continuing. “When you left that night, I decided to move on and be a better Alpha. I left everything to the Goddess. I was ready to be alone. But Selene had her own plan. I met my fated mate that night, Andrea.”
A smile slowly crept on her face. “Nadia, right? We’ve heard about her.”
I nodded. “But the Goddess knew how to make me pay for all my sins to you. She gave me a mate, a wonderful female, someone who has lived her life almost the same as yours.”
She stayed silent the whole time I told her about Nadia—about her uncle, and the men with whom she was paraded in search of the highest bidder.
“It was a slap right on my face. For the first time, I was ashamed of what I did to you. I had a hard time telling her about you. It was the reason I threw you and Caspian out when you visited my territory. She was there but she knew nothing about my past with you. I was terrified she would leave once she found out about you and what I did to you. But she surprised me again. Once she found out, she admitted she was terrified of the person I was, but she gave me a chance.” My eyes started to water, and I dropped my gaze to the floor as I blinked back the tears.
“She accepted me and gave me a chance…” I mumbled.
“She sounds like a lovely female. I would love to meet her one day.”
I smiled weakly, the pain crushing my heart. “She is. But she is no longer with me.”
“What do you mean? I heard your people loved her.”
“I fucked up again and she left. I pushed her away.”
“Did you try to win her back?”
I shook my head.
“Did you hurt her? Raise a hand on her?”
“No. I might be a fucked up man, but I would never raise a hand to any female, especially her.”
“Then it can still be fixed. Riley, this female is your fated mate. I’m sure whatever misunderstanding you have, the love would be greater.”
“I saw her yesterday. She looked happy. I wondered if she was ever that happy when she was with me. I was so selfish I never bothered to ask her before if I was making her happy. I was enjoying the happiness she was giving me so much that I failed to notice hers. But I love her. I love her, Andrea. I’m willing to let her go so she can be happy.
I know I can’t give her that happiness she deserves.
And maybe, by doing that, I can be forgiven for all my sins. ”
“You’re willing to let her go, but can you? Riley, would you rather spend the rest of your life thinking, what if I ask for forgiveness. Maybe she would take me back. You will never know unless you try. She’s the only one who knows the answer—not you, not me.”
“Tell me, Andrea, do you think I’m worth loving? That she would choose me? You didn’t choose me, remember?”
“Riley, look at me. The reason I didn’t choose you was because I knew that I was meant for Caspian.
In the same way that Nadia is meant for you.
Do you think if she met Caspian, she would choose Caspian over you?
” She sighed before she continued. “I remember you told me that you smelled your mate that one time you visited Alpha Darvin. Ever since that day, something in you changed. You were slowly choosing her over me, you just didn’t want to accept it.
Nadia is meant for you, Riley. You can end and disregard all other relationships, but not this one because she was the only person the Goddess perfectly molded to fit with you.
And you’re foolish to just let her slip by without fighting for her. ”
“I don’t know if I can make her happy.”
“I’m sure you can. You have to try. Can you imagine seeing her with someone else?”
I closed my eyes and coiled my hands into fists. I didn’t need to answer her. She knew the answer already.
“If you let her go, someone will come and take her away.”
Silence. I didn’t know what to say.
“If Caspian hadn’t fought for me, I would never be this happy. If you love her, then fight for her. If she tells you she doesn’t want you, then it’s time to walk away. But as long as she doesn’t, then try to win her heart.”
“You have so much faith in me. How can you after everything I did to you?”
“Because I know the real Riley. And I want to believe that woman is the best thing that has happened to your life. So don’t give up that easily.”
“Do you think I deserve a second chance?”
“Everyone does.”
I nodded my head. “Thank you. Andrea, I’m sorry for the last three years.” It was too painful to say. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I didn’t know if I deserved her forgiveness.
“I have forgiven you the moment you helped Caspian on that full moon night. And I know that one day the memories won’t hurt anymore.” Tears started to fall from her eyes.
“I always asked the Goddess what I did wrong, but then I realized that maybe that part of my life was not for me, but for you—so you will learn and you will grow from it. We all have our own demons. And your demons made me stronger. So promise me, you will rise from this. Be the Riley that Nadia deserves. Be the Alpha that your pack deserves. I want both of us to come strongly from this bad part of our lives. Can you promise me that?”