14. Katy
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
katy
SHE WON’T LET ME
I don’t know what you bring someone when they’ve lost something so precious. Something I didn’t even know existed but is also precious to me. My niece.
Flowers feel wrong. A card feels worse.
So, I show up at Ella’s house with a small paper bag of her favorite chocolates and my heart in my throat.
She opens the door barefoot, hair in a messy bun, surprise flickering across her face.
“Hey.”
“Hey. I… um. I brought these.”
I hold out the bag like an offering.
She blinks, then laughs softly. “You didn’t have to.”
“I know.” I shrug. “But I wanted to.”
She lets me in without a second thought.
She sits on the floor with her back against the couch. Danny immediately rests his head on her thigh. I lower myself beside her, careful with my belly, and we sit there for a minute without speaking.
Finally, I say it.
“I’m sorry.”
She looks at me, confused. “For what?”
“For not understanding. For thinking you were just… intense.”
Her mouth presses into a line. “I am intense.”
I huff out a breath. “Yeah. But now I get it.”
Her mouth curves, sad but fond. “Yeah, I was scared, okay? I know I was probably projecting a little too hard. I was just trying to do everything I could to protect you.”
My throat tightens. “I know. And I’m really grateful you showed up for me.”
She swallows.
“I just didn’t want you to feel alone,” she confesses.
I push the chocolates toward her. “You’d never let me.”
Her eyes shine, and for the first time since I’ve known her, she doesn’t look like the strong one in the room. She just looks… quietly devastated. She reaches for my hand, squeezing gently. “I’ll never let you,” she whispers.
I swallow. “I don’t know how you survived that.”
Ella looks down at my stomach, her hand hovering before she rests it there gently. “I didn’t.” She takes a breath. “Not really. But you will be okay. I’ll always make sure of it.”
Something breaks open in my chest. Something warm and aching.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
I find Grandma Patty in the kitchen peeling apples, probably to make one of her famous pies. The kitchen smells like cinnamon, and she looks completely unbothered by the existence of problems.
She glances up once and immediately narrows her eyes. “Well, what’s wrong now?”
I let out a startled laugh that turns dangerously close to a sob.
“It’s bad then,” she mutters, abandoning the apples.
“I just came from Ella’s.”
Something in her expression softens instantly.
“Oh, honey.”
That’s all it takes.
I sit heavily at the table and press the heels of my hands against my eyes before the tears can fall. “I just feel so sad for her,” I whisper. “I can’t imagine going through that.”
Grandma Patty reaches over and squeezes my wrist. “And now you’re scared too.”
It isn’t a question.
I nod.
“I’m scared something’s going to happen to my baby,” I admit quietly. “And I’m scared I’m ruining Ben’s life. I mean…” I laugh weakly. “We’re so young. And there are literally five possible dads. Who does that?”
Grandma Patty snorts so loudly I blink at her.
“Katherine Montgomery, if you spend your life worrying about other people’s opinions, you might as well just throw yourself into the Bay right now.”
“Grandma.”
“No, I’m serious. People never stop having opinions. Ever.” She points a finger at me. “You could become a nun tomorrow and somebody would still complain about your horrid outfits. And what? You’ll just behave perfectly forever so no one ever talks about you? How fucking boring would that be?”
I choke out a laugh.
“You think anyone who matters is sitting around worried about a grown woman having sex?” she continues. “Please. Half this town was conceived during bonfire party season. Your dad included.”
I laugh harder this time, tears burning behind my eyes.
Grandma Patty’s expression gentles. “You’ve loved Ben since you were a girl,” she says softly. “And he’s loved you right back the whole time. You just didn’t know it yet.”
I feel my cheeks heat.
“I’ve seen him bring you, Miss Proper, home soaking wet and muddy but with a sparkle in your eye I never saw in you around anyone else. You should give him the chance to prove he means it, Katherine. Not everyone is like your mother.”
My heart twists painfully at that.
Her mouth twitches knowingly. “Well, there you go.” She shrugs. “Sounds to me like you already know what to do.”
I stare down at the table. “What if I hurt him?”
Grandma Patty actually laughs. “Oh honey.” She reaches across the table and cups my cheek. “That boy walked willingly into this mess. He’s not confused. He’s in love with you.”
My breath catches.
“And Katy?” she adds, her voice turning sharp again. “Anybody who looks at you right now and decides to see something shameful instead of courage can go fuck themselves.”