34. Katy
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
katy
HOT DAD ALERT
Ben has been staying with me and Mini-Ben at Grandma Patty’s since we got home from the hospital. We’ve also finally settled on a name. Benjamin Patrick. It just stuck. And watching Ben puff up with pride every time someone calls the baby Mini-Ben makes me ridiculously sappy.
So Mini-Ben Davis it is.
Mini-Ben is currently asleep on his dad’s chest, tucked against bare skin like he knows exactly where he belongs.
Ben leans back on the couch, one arm curved protectively around him, the other resting loose at his side. He’s half awake, eyes heavy, jaw relaxed in a way I don’t see often. Yet it’s becoming more and more common. His shirt is discarded somewhere nearby, his wavy dark blond hair a mess.
And I can’t stop staring at the baby’s tiny fist curled into Ben’s collarbone.
At the slow rise and fall of Ben’s chest. At how natural he looks, like this is who he was always meant to be.
I’m pretty sure nothing beats the sight of Ben’s muscular chest with our newborn asleep on it.
My heart feels like it might explode. I’m too happy.
He catches me staring and smiles. “Like what you see?”
“I love it. I love you so much, Ben,” I blurt out. The words are out before I can think better of them.
He stills. Then his eyes open slowly, finding mine. Soft and certain.
“God, Katy,” he murmurs, voice rough. “I love you too.”
There’s no hesitation in his tone, just honesty.
Tears sting my eyes. “I didn’t mean to—” I start.
He shakes his head gently. “Don’t take it back.”
“I wasn’t going to,” I whisper.
He shifts carefully so he doesn’t wake the baby, reaching out to hook his finger in mine. “I love you,” he says again, quieter this time. “I loved you back when we danced on the beach in the middle of a storm, and I love you now. I just didn’t know what to do with it before.”
My throat closes. I press my free hand to his chest, right over the baby’s back, feeling both of them breathe.
He smiles at that. Small. Real. Like he’s afraid if he moves too much the moment might break.
“But I do now,” he declares.
We sit there like that—no rush, no noise—just the three of us breathing together.
And for the first time in my life, I’m not wondering if Ben could ever be mine.
It feels pretty obvious.
He’s always been mine.
The front door opens before I even hear the knock.
“I brought food,” Ella announces, already crying.
Ben rolls his eyes. “Of course you did.”
She steps inside, holding two paper bags and Danny’s leash. Danny barrels forward like he’s been waiting his whole life for this moment.
“Oh my God,” Ella sobs. “Oh my God, he’s so small.”
“Ella.” My voice softens. “You saw him yesterday.”
“I know,” she wails. “That doesn’t make it stop.”
Danny reaches us first. His nose twitches, and he lets out a low, reverent whine.
And then he starts licking the baby’s feet.
“Danny,” Ben says calmly. “Please do not baptize our child with your tongue.”
Danny ignores him. Mini-Ben squirms, then traitorously lets out the tiniest pleased little noise.
Ella makes a choked little sound. “He likes him. Oh my God, he loves him. They’re going to be best friends.” She drops the food on the table and rushes over, immediately crouching next to me. Her face crumples again. “I love him,” she sobs. “I can’t help it. I just love him so much.”
Ben sighs. “Can you please stop crying every time you come over?”
“I literally cannot,” she says. “This is my entire personality now.”
I laugh. “You’re being very brave about it.”
She sniffles and wipes her face with her sleeve. “I brought lasagna. And salad. And garlic bread. And cookies. I didn’t know what you’d want, so I brought everything.”
Ben looks at the bags. “Thanks. I’m starving.”
She looks at him, eyes softening. “Also, you look like you haven’t slept in two years.”
He opens his mouth to deny it. But then stops and shrugs instead. “Is it that obvious?”
“Yes,” Ella says. “You look like a very pale raccoon.”
Danny tries to lick the baby’s toes again. Ben gently nudges him back with his foot. “Okay, buddy. We’re gonna need you to chill.”
Danny sits, still staring at the baby. He wags his tail like he’s waiting for permission to resume.
Ella leans closer to me. “Can I hold him?”
“Only if you promise not to cry on him,” Ben says.
“No promises.” Her eyes are still red.
I shift carefully and let her take him. She cradles him like he’s made of glass, tears already dripping onto his blanket.
“Hi baby,” she whispers. “Hi, you’re perfect.”
The baby blinks at her, unimpressed.
“I know,” Ella says. “I already know we don’t deserve you.”
Ben watches them, exhaustion and love all tangled together on his face. I reach for his hand.
“You should eat,” I tell him. “And sit. And maybe take a nap.”
He squeezes my fingers. “Only if you do too.”
Ella looks up at us, smiling. “You’re doing amazing. Both of you.”
Danny chooses that moment to lick the baby’s foot one last time.
Ella gasps. “Danny!”
The baby hiccups. Then relaxes.
Ella presses a kiss to his forehead, crying harder. “I love him. And I love you. Go eat, and then take a nap. Danny and I got him.”
Ben snorts. “Don’t let him lick him again.”
“I’ll try,” she says, shooting Danny a warning look.
I close my eyes for a second, surrounded by food, tears, dog hair, and people who love us way too much.
And I just know that everything will be okay.