CHAPTER thirty-four
A Home Inside My Chaos
Nashville, Tennessee
The next three weeks unfold like a fever dream—an intense whirlwind of studio sessions, rehearsals, late-night logistics, and relentless promotion as we charge full steam ahead toward our first headlining tour.
Tickets are flying—some of the shows are already nearing capacity. The fan response has been insane. Everyone seems hyped about the exclusive unplugged set we’ve been teasing, and honestly? They should be. It’s going to be something to remember.
I’ve been posting little behind-the-scenes clips of tour prep, and we officially dropped one of the new songs: Almost Gone, a few days ago, and the engagement has been through the roof. Comments, shares, reposts... It’s wild in the best way. It feels like the start of something big.
There’s barely been time to breathe. Between helping coordinate tour details and jumping behind the bar at The Riot Room to support Reign (who has, at this point, fully earned his celestial title as our divine savior), my days have become a blur of caffeine, adrenaline, and never ending to-do lists.
It’s been equal parts electric and utterly draining, like holding onto a live wire and loving the burn.
I wouldn’t trade it for anything. But even so, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel the ache of missing the guys, even when they are just down the hall.
Since our moment on my parents’ porch, the only time Elias and I have managed to steal is in passing, a brush of fingers backstage, a soft smile from across the room, the occasional texts.
I’m perched at the end of the bar, lost in a sea of open tabs on my laptop when a flash of color disrupts my focus.
Reign approaches, radiating theatrical brilliance in a royal purple tunic adorned with intricate gold embroidery.
His metallic nails shimmer under the warm bar light, and his rings clink as he wordlessly holds out his phone to me.
I glance up, squinting until the headline comes into focus:
“Hellwake Tour Canceled Following Allegations Against Frontman Traeger Nolan.”
My stomach drops as I snatch the phone from his hand and start scrolling.
“Holy shit,” I mutter.
The article reads like a horror story. Multiple women have come forward, claiming they were coerced into sexual acts at afterparties. One woman alleges that she was drugged and woke up on Traeger’s tour bus with no memory of the night before.
“You guys really dodged a bullet,” Reign says, arms crossed as he watches my reaction. “No one’s touching that band again. Hellwake’s finished.”
My skin crawls. “God, it’s awful, but I can’t say I’m surprised. Traeger always gave me that sick feeling. He was constantly inviting me to afterparties, always with that creepy charm. I never went.”
Reign exhales through his nose, relieved.
“He never touched you?”
“No. He would flirt with me, but I always kept my distance.”
Before he can say anything else, the studio door swings open and the guys stroll in—sweaty, tired, but glowing with the triumph of another productive day. Elias heads straight for me, threading a hand gently around the back of my neck, tipping my face toward his for a kiss.
“Hi,” he hums against my smile.
“Hi,” I breathe back, already leaning into the space he fills beside me.
The others pull up chairs, slumping onto stools with satisfied grins.
“You guys hear the news?” I ask.
“That Elias is fully domesticated now?” Cody chimes, his grin wicked. “Oh yeah. We’ve heard.”
Laughter ripples around the bar. Elias punches his arm hard enough to make him wince and mumble regretfully.
I shake my head and roll my eyes.
“No. Real news. Multiple women just came forward about Traeger—serious assault allegations. It’s all over the internet.”
A hush falls for a beat too long. Elias’s jaw tightens, his arm protectively draped around my shoulders.
“Fucking hell,” Jasper mutters.
Grady shakes his head, disgust curling his lip. “Not shocked. That guy reeked of power-trip predator energy.”
“I’m so glad you guys punched the shit out of him,” Cody jokes. But it’s clear he’s totally serious. It even earns a small smirk from Elias.
Wanting to shift the mood, I ask, “Enough about that dickhead…how’d recording go today?”
Reign steps forward, eyes gleaming with pride. “We’ve almost got Scars fully recorded. At this pace, if you keep working while on tour, we’ll have a full-length album ready by early next year.”
I squeal, throwing my arms around Cody beside me, earning an exaggerated embrace in return.
“That’s incredible! I’m so proud of you guys,” I say, turning toward Elias, whose smile is soft and warm, like it’s meant only for me.
“We’re really doing this,” I add, voice full of awe.
The buzz of my phone pulls my attention. Sasha’s name flashes across the screen: she’s FaceTiming. I prop the phone up on the bar and answer with a smile.
“Hi, beautiful.”
Her face fills the screen, long braids swinging and brown eyes wide with urgency.
“Holy shit, have you heard about Traeger?”
Before I can answer, Jasper leans in over my shoulder.
“Oh, hey, Sasha. Remember me? Your boyfriend. The love of your life?”
Sasha laughs while I roll my eyes and smirk.
“Jealous much, Jas?” I tease, then turn back to her. “Yeah, we were just talking about it. It’s insane.”
“Not exactly shocking, but still—wild. I feel horrible for those women.” Her voice softens slightly, the weight of it hanging heavy through the screen.
A pit forms in my stomach, tightening into a knot.
Heidi. The memory of her storming out that night still lingers in the back of my mind.
We haven’t spoken since. The thought churns uncomfortably.
Could he have done something to her? Even if we’re not friends anymore, I still care.
Not just as someone I used to know, but as a woman.
“Yeah… I know. It’s awful,” I say, my thoughts spinning.
Sasha’s tone brightens suddenly, shifting gears.
“Okay so, in other news…I have a proposition for you.”
I lift a brow. “Oh yeah? What’s that?”
“Now that you’re officially Miss Badass Tour Manager,” she says with a grin, “what would you think about me taking over merch? I need a break from my corporate hellscape, and that way you can actually focus on the big stuff. Plus, you’d get to see my face every day, which is obviously the main perk. ”
My eyes flick to Jasper, who’s trying and failing not to smile. They must’ve already talked about this.
“Oh my god, that would be amazing!” I say, the weight on my shoulders lifting a bit just at the thought.
“Yay! Okay, I’ll wrap things up here in Pittsburgh and head down to help you guys prep.” She blows a kiss before the screen goes dark.
I slide the phone off the bar and excuse myself, needing a moment to breathe.
Outside, the summer air is warm against my skin, sticky with humidity and the smell of asphalt.
I scroll through my contacts until I land on Heidi’s name.
My finger hovers over it, hesitant, but then I hit call before I can overthink it.
The line rings—once, twice, three times. I chew on the inside of my cheek. Finally, she picks up on the fourth.
“Heidi?” I say first, breaking the silence.
“Hey, Ramona.” Her voice is flat. No warmth. No venom. Just…nothing.
I swallow, unsure why I suddenly feel nervous.
“I—uh—I’m not sure if you saw the news about Traeger. I just wanted to check in. To make sure you were okay.”
“I saw it.”
A long pause stretches between us.
“He didn’t… he didn’t do anything to you, did he?” I ask, careful with my words.
She exhales sharply, more annoyed than anything else.
“No, he didn’t. Is that all?”
I bite back the sting of her coldness.
“Yeah. That’s all. I just wanted to make sure. We may not be friends anymore, but that doesn’t mean I stopped caring. I’m glad you’re okay. I won’t bother you again.”
There’s a beat of silence before she responds.
“Thanks for checking in Ramona… I’ve gotta go,” she says, then hangs up.
I stare at the black screen for a second, the last shred of that chapter fading with the dial tone. It hurts, sure, but there’s clarity in it too. Any lingering doubts I had about cutting ties are gone. I wish her peace, but I no longer owe her any more pieces of myself.
A shuffle behind me pulls me from my thoughts. Elias steps into view, concern etched across his features.
“Everything alright?” he asks.
I reach for him instinctively, our hands finding each other like magnets.
“Yeah. I just needed to call Heidi… make sure she was okay. After everything with Traeger, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. She said he didn’t do anything to her.”
His eyes darken a shade, protective and steady. I can almost see the memory of how Heidi treated me flicker behind his gaze. “I’m glad she’s okay. But are you?”
I nod, fingers intertwining with his. “I think that was the closure I needed.”
“Good,” he says, his voice gentle as he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear.
We’d all agreed that today would be a break from the grind.
No endless rehearsals, no late-night mixing sessions, no frantic marketing campaigns.
Just one day to breathe before the chaos swallowed us again.
The tour is still a month out, and though we’ve made incredible progress, the list of things left undone is enough to make my head spin. But one day off? We’ve earned that.
I’ve invited everyone over to my parents’ place for a cookout later tonight, but asked Elias to come early. After what my mom had said about him, I want her to see him the way I do, not just the rumors or the hard exterior, but the man underneath.
At the kitchen table, I sit beside my mom, peeling husks off fresh corn from my uncle’s farm. The scent of earth and sweet green fills the room as silky strands cling stubbornly to my fingers. That’s when I hear the soft knock on the front door, three light taps that send my heart flipping.