Sloan
Jax shows me where the two spare bedrooms are as soon as we get to their house. His master bedroom is on one side of the house and Cody’s is on the other. It’s kind of the perfect set up for them. They each have their own wing, but they also share a large portion of the home.
I choose the bedroom on Cody’s side of the house.
I tell Jax I like the blue walls better than the green walls of the room on his side of the house.
He laughed in my face and told me what a horrible liar I am.
I couldn’t help but smile. No matter how much Jax can drive me crazy, I love him and his craziness.
“Hey, I figured you’d prefer to wear something other than that dress.” Cody enters the room with a small stack of clothing. “Everything will be big on you though.” He winces.
“It’s ok. I appreciate having anything to wear other than this.” I pull the fabric away from my body in annoyance.
“You look beautiful, Sloan,” he says softly.
“Thank you… Do you mind unzippering me?” I turn my back to Cody and gather my hair in my hands so it’s out of my way.
Cody doesn’t respond, but he slowly drags the zipper down my back until it stops at the base of my spine. His warm breath fans over my exposed neck and makes me shiver.
Before I can say anything, he leaves the room, closing the door softly behind him. I groan and cover my face with my hands.
I don’t know how my life has gotten so crazy over the last few weeks, but I don’t like it.
I'm terrified of going to work or back to my apartment. What if Jude’s really as crazy as Mason thinks he is?
I don’t trust him not to try to hurt me, especially if he thinks I'm the reason Jax doesn’t like him anymore.
Once I’ve changed into a pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt from the things Cody brought to me, I tiptoe towards the kitchen and find Jax and Cody sitting on the couch in the living room.
I stop at the end of the hallway where they can’t see me.
I don’t want to interrupt them and they look like they’re in the middle of a serious conversation.
The open floor concept makes it possible for me to see and hear them easily.
“What are you going to do?” Jax’s voice is quiet and gentle. It’s how he’s always been when it’s just Cody around.
“There’s nothing for me to do, Jax.” Cody sighs and scrubs a hand down his face. “She doesn’t want anything to do with me.”
“She picked your side of the house,” he singsongs.
“That means nothing and you know it.”
“She spent a lot of time with you when Jude was fawning all over me.”
“That still means nothing. She was bored and I'm familiar to her. Who else was she supposed to talk to?”
My stomach twists with his words. I didn’t talk to him because I was bored. I miss him more than he’ll ever know. I just… I don’t know how to get back to how we were before I moved. I don’t know how to be his Sloan again.
I’d give anything to date Cody again. He was always an amazing boyfriend and I don’t think he’d be any different this time around. I'm scared of taking that leap and everything falling apart though.
“I don’t know, man. I think she still loves you.” Jax glances up and his gaze meets mine. He doesn’t look surprised to see me. I think he’s known I was right here all along.
“I don’t. She views us as being the reason her relationship with Jude fell apart.
” He shakes his head. “It hurts like crazy to know she’s been back and she never contacted me.
Did I really mean so little to her?” He leans forward so his elbows are resting on his knees and his head is hanging low.
It gives Jax the opportunity to openly watch me without the risk of Cody catching him.
Moisture fills my eyes as the first tear trickles down my cheek, followed by more.
“I don’t think that’s it at all. I think she didn’t contact you because she was terrified of what would happen.”
“That’s dumb.”
“No, hear me out. You guys had this amazing relationship, one I was jealous of. You were perfect together. It’s like you were made for each other…
but it’s been years since you’ve seen each other.
What if she contacted you and you wanted nothing to do with her?
What if she reached out and you were already married with a family?
What if when you reconnected, you were nothing like the Cody she left behind?
She was scared, man. She’s still scared.
If she never reconnected with you, you could remain this perfect first boyfriend in her mind.
She could pretend you were this amazing guy who made her past perfect. ”
“I can’t stand seeing her in someone else’s arms,” Cody whispers.
“Well, in her defense, I don’t think Jude really ever held her in his arms. The idiot was too worried about trying to impress me.
” Jax watches me carefully. “Maybe she thinks she isn’t good enough for you.
You’re this professional hockey player now and she might assume you could have any woman you want.
” Jax shrugs even though Cody isn’t looking at him.
“But I only want her. I’ve only ever wanted her.”
“Then do something about it.”
“There’s nothing I can do, Jax. She just broke up with her boyfriend, I don’t want to be a rebound. No matter what, I don’t want her to date me because she feels like she should. I only want her if she wants to date me just as much as I want to date her. She has to feel something towards me.”
“And what if she’s been listening to this whole conversation and started crying when I told you she still loves you?”
Cody’s head whips around and his gaze meets mine. I could run away and lock myself in his guest room, but we both know I was listening thanks to Jax… who I'm going to murder in the morning.
“What if she’s just too scared to make a move, when everyone knows she wants to? What if she doesn’t know how to fix things between you?” I say softly.
“Then all she’d have to do is tell me she wanted to try. I’d handle everything else,” Cody whispers, never taking his eyes off of me.
“Sloan? Do you want to try?” Jax rolls his eyes as he prompts me.
I nod my head as the tears fall faster. I'm sure he feels like he’s holding both of our hands through this, but I don’t care. He’s right, I'm scared to make a move and I don’t know how to fix everything.
Cody’s off the couch and closing the distance between us as soon as I nod. He tugs me into his arms and buries his face in the crook of my neck. He doesn’t say anything, but he holds onto me tightly and I can feel the tension release from his body.
“Well, I'm heading to bed now that I fixed all of your problems. You can thank me in the morning with a delicious breakfast and homemade cookies,” Jax calls as he heads down the hallway in the opposite direction of us.
As soon as he’s gone, I pull back and meet Cody’s gaze. I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. I don’t know what to say now. I don’t know what we’re supposed to do now that everything is out on the table.
“Don’t say anything, sweetheart. I want you to get some sleep and we can talk in the morning,” Cody whispers, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. He lets his fingers trail over my jaw and down my neck.
“Why?”
“Because I want you to be sure this is what you want. Even if it takes a few days or weeks for you to decide. I'm not going anywhere.” He places a gentle kiss on my forehead before intertwining our fingers and leading me to the spare bedroom.
He hugs me again, this time a little bit longer. When he pulls away, he stares at me for several long seconds before he tells me goodnight and shuts the door behind him when he leaves.
I climb into bed, but I know sleep won't come easily tonight. I’m going to be up for hours thinking about Cody and what the right move is for us. When I finally fall asleep, I dream of what an amazing life we could have together.