Chapter 21 #2
"No." Shane's voice was gentle but firm.
"No what-ifs. Kevin is a good kid going through a rough patch.
He's dealing with a lot—bullying, he’s afraid for his mom, probably scared about a hundred other things he can't even name yet.
So yeah, he's going to mess up. He's going to say things he doesn't mean.
But that doesn't make him cruel. That makes him eight. "
April closed her eyes, leaning into his touch. "I'm so scared."
"I know."
"What if I'm not enough? What if no matter what I do—"
"You are enough. You've always been enough." Shane kissed her forehead. "And you're not doing this alone anymore. Not if you don't want to be. I love that kiddo. So much."
She opened her eyes, searching his face. "You really love him?" Her voice came out in a rough whisper.
"Yeah, Sweetness. I really do."
April let out a shaky breath and nodded. Then she pulled back slightly. "I should go talk to him."
"You sure? You could give it a few minutes. Let you both cool down."
"No." April wiped her face. "I don't want him sitting in there thinking I actually believe he's a bad kid. Or that I—" Her voice wobbled. "That I don't love him."
“He’d never in a million years believe that, April. You’ve shown him time and again how much you love him.”
April’s chest hitched. She leaned forward into Shane’s arms.
“I love you. So much,” she said against his neck.
She stood, and Shane stood with her. April walked down the hall and knocked softly on Kevin's door.
"Kevin? Can I come in?"
Silence.
"Baby, please."
After a long moment: "Okay."
April opened the door. Shane stayed in the hallway, giving them space but close enough to hear.
Kevin was sitting on his bed, knees pulled up to his chest. His face was red and blotchy from crying.
"I'm sorry I said I hated you," Kevin said immediately. "I don't hate you. I love you, Mom. So much."
April crossed the room and sat beside him, pulling him into her arms. "I know, baby. I know you didn't mean it."
"Are you mad at me?"
"I'm not mad. I just..." April smoothed his hair back. "I want you to be proud of what you accomplish, Kevin. I really do. But I also want you to be kind. To be humble. To remember that other people have feelings, too."
"I know." Kevin's voice was muffled against her shoulder. "I didn't mean to sound like I was better than everyone. I was just excited about camp."
"I know you were. And I'm proud of you for doing so well." April pulled back to look at him. "And I'm really proud of you for helping Oliver. And really, really proud of you for helping Regis when he was lost."
Kevin brightened a little. "He was so scared. I told him it was okay, that the counselors would find us if we stayed put. And then I found the trail marker."
"That was very brave and very kind."
Kevin chewed his lip. "Mom? Can I tell you something?"
"Always."
"I'm glad you and Shane are together."
April went still. Shane tensed in the hallway.
"What makes you think Shane and I are together?"
Kevin gave her a look that was pure exasperation. "Mom. Come on. He spent the night while I was gone. He's here all the time. You smile different when he's around. And also, you kissed him."
"You saw that?"
"I see a lot of things." Kevin rolled his eyes. “Grownups think kids are so dumb.” He tilted his head. "Are you mad I noticed?"
April let out a surprised laugh. "No, baby. I'm not mad."
"Good." Kevin paused, then added in a rush, "Because I've been trying to get you two together since forever and I'm really glad it finally worked."
The world seemed to tilt sideways. Shane felt it from the hallway—the moment April's fear kicked back in.
Oh, shit, kid. That was the worst possible thing you could have said just now.
"What do you mean, it finally worked?"
"I mean..." Kevin looked suddenly uncertain. "I kind of... planned it? A little?"
"Planned it how?"
"Like the night we went hiking and he was gonna leave. I kinda pretended to freak out."
April’s face went stark white. “You faked that tantrum?”
Kevin was talking faster now. "I just thought if you guys spent more time together you'd realize you love each other and then we could be a family."
April stood up slowly. "You manipulated us?"
"No! I just—" Kevin scrambled off the bed. "You're happy! You love Shane! He loves you!"
"That's not the point, Kevin. You can't trick people into relationships. That's not okay."
"But you are happy! Aren't you?"
Shane felt at a total loss. He was so far out of his depth.
But if I’m going to be a good father to this boy and a good husband to this woman, I can’t stand here like a coward. Even if I don’t know the first thing about being either one.
He stepped into the room, and both Kevin and April turned to look at him.
"Buddy," Shane said gently. "Can you give your mom and me a minute?"
Kevin looked between them, his face crumpling again. "Am I in trouble?"
"No." Shane kept his voice calm. "We just need to talk. Adult stuff."
Kevin nodded miserably and sat back on his bed, pulling his knees up again. Shane guided April back into the living room.
"He manipulated us," April said the moment they were out of earshot. Her hands were shaking. "He schemed and lied and—"
"April." Shane caught her hands. "Look at me."
She did, and he could see the panic in her eyes. The old fear rising up.
"Kevin didn't manipulate me into loving you," Shane said firmly. "I already loved you. I've loved you for half my life. He didn't create these feelings. He just... gave us excuses to finally get over our past and spend time together."
"But the lying—"
"Was an eight-year-old playing matchmaker. That's it. That's all it is."
"How do I know the difference?" April's voice broke. "How do I know he won't grow up to be like Vince? Lying and scheming and manipulating people to get what he wants?"
Shane pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her. She resisted for a moment, then collapsed against his chest.
"Because you're raising him," Shane said into her hair. "Because he has you as an example. Because when Kevin sees someone in trouble, his first instinct is to help—even when that someone is a kid who's been cruel to him. That's not manipulation. That's compassion."
April's fingers curled into his shirt. "What if I'm wrong? What if I'm missing the signs?"
"You're not wrong. And you're not alone in this anymore." Shane pulled back enough to look at her. "We'll figure it out together. You, me, and Kevin. As a family."
"A family," April repeated softly.
"Yeah. If you want that."
"I want that." She closed her eyes. "God, I want that so much it scares me."
"Me, too.”
She opened her eyes and looked deeply into his. “You’re scared?”
“Sweetness, I’m fucking terrified. I’m so scared that I’m going to fuck all this up.” He stroked her cheek. “But I’m never gonna let fear stop me from being with you again. So let's be scared together."
They stood there for a long moment, holding each other. Then April straightened, wiping her face.
"I should go talk to him again."
"Want me to come?"
"Yeah.” She nodded. “I do." Then she grinned. “You said it yourself—let’s be scared together.”
They walked back to Kevin's room hand in hand. Kevin was still on his bed, looking small and as scared as they were.
"Kevin," April said, sitting beside him again. Shane leaned against the doorframe. "I'm not mad about you wanting Shane and me to get together. But I need you to understand something. No more schemes. No more tricks. If you want something, you talk to us. Okay?"
"Okay." Kevin's voice was small. "I'm sorry."
"I know you are." April touched his cheek. "And I love you. Always. No matter what."
Kevin threw his arms around her neck. "I love you too, Mom."
When Kevin pulled back, he looked at Shane. "Are you guys like... together-together now? Like for real?"
Shane glanced at April, who nodded.
"Yeah, bud," Shane said. "For real."
Kevin's face lit up. "Cool." Then, tentatively: "Can I call you Dad? Or is that weird?"
Shane's throat went tight. He'd been a lot of things in his life—SWCC operator, bodyguard, son, brother, friend. But this? This was different.
"If you want to," he managed. "But no pressure. We can take it slow."
"I want to." Kevin looked at April. "Is that okay, Mom?"
April's eyes were shining. "Yeah, baby. That's okay."
Kevin smiled—the biggest smile since he'd spotted them from the bus. Then he launched himself at Shane, and Shane caught him and lifted him clean off the ground in a hug that felt like coming home.
Over Kevin's head, Shane met April's eyes. She was crying again, but smiling this time.
"Family," Shane mouthed.
April nodded, mouthing back, "Family."
Later, after Kevin had unpacked and taken a shower and eaten his weight in pizza, Shane found April standing in the kitchen, staring out the window at nothing.
"You okay?" he asked, sliding his arms around her waist from behind.
"I think so." She leaned back against him. "Today was... a lot."
"Yeah, it was."
"But we're good?"
"We're great, Sweetness."
April turned in his arms, studying his face. "You really meant it? About loving Kevin?"
"Every word."
"And about us being a family?"
"Every. Word," Shane repeated. He kissed her forehead, then her nose, then her mouth. "You're stuck with me now, April Taylor. Both of you."
"Good," April whispered against his lips. "Because I love you, too.”
"I know." Shane kissed her again. "I know."
From the living room, Kevin called out, "Are you guys kissing? Because that's gross but also cool!"
They broke apart, laughing. Shane called back: "Mind your business, kid!"
"It's my house too! That makes it my business!"
April shook her head, grinning. "We've created a monster."
"Nah." Shane pulled her close again. "We've created a family."
And for the first time, Shane let himself believe—truly, fully believe—it was actually true.