Chapter 9 #3
Lane glanced over at him. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes were full of what Trevor thought might be shame.
And that was absolutely fucking unacceptable.
“Do you not know how . . .” Trevor broke off, making a frustrated noise, because Lane had looked away again. He put a hand on Lane’s chest—and then did one better, literally climbing onto his lap. And yeah, that finally worked, because Lane looked up at him.
It almost felt like Lane was really seeing him for the first time, but that wasn’t quite right, was it? No, Lane was really looking at him, for the first time in what felt like years.
Trevor started again. “What I’m trying to tell you is that this is like the hottest thing that’s ever happened to me.
The best thing. And finding out you knew all this time that it could be this way and you didn’t even .
. .” Trevor shook his head. “It’s frustrating and it kind of pisses me off, but there’s no reason you should’ve felt ashamed about it. ”
“Everyone kept calling me your brother,” Lane reiterated.
“All you had to do was say you didn’t see me that way!” Trevor said.
“Yeah, ’cause that would’ve been so easy. Maybe your dad was a rich doctor—”
“Don’t fucking do that,” Trevor interrupted. “Don’t make it about that.”
“It is about that,” Lane broke in, face suddenly animated, like he’d been holding that back, too.
“You guys were fine, like you and Tom never struggled. But Delia and I? It was never easy. She worked too hard and tried to pretend she didn’t.
Had a bunch of shitty jobs. Shopped for herself at the thrift store, so she could buy me name-brand stuff.
Went on so many shitty dates. I knew how unhappy she was, how she wanted a better life for us, and when the chance for that came along, do you think I was going to fucking say something because I had a goddamn boner for you?
Hell no. Hell no. And just in case we’re forgetting an important piece of info, dude, you didn’t even like guys until a few weeks ago. ”
Trevor didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t realized .
. . well, no. He hadn’t thought about it.
Had known, of course, that Delia was a single mom and Lane was her son, but he hadn’t really considered what their lives were like before she met and married his dad.
But it made sense that they hadn’t been easy.
That Lane hadn’t wanted to jeopardize that.
“First off, it’s been more than a few weeks.” A few months, maybe. But if Lane had said something earlier? He might have realized it earlier. Still, he wasn’t going to put that on him. “And second off, it must’ve been tough.”
“Yeah,” Lane rasped out. He was clearly emotional, maybe even uncomfortable, but this time he didn’t look away.
Trevor curled the fingers of one hand into Lane’s skin as he leaned in and stroked his jawline with the other.
“I’m sorry you went through that. I’m sorry you didn’t feel like you could say anything,” Trevor said simply. Because what else was there to say? “But I’m here now, okay? I’m here now, and I like you.”
Lane made a hungry noise in the back of his throat and tugged Trevor in, kissing him thoroughly.
One of his arms went around Trevor’s back and they kissed for a few long, drawn minutes, until Trevor had sunk into Lane and it was hard to know where he left off and the man underneath him began.
Trevor—and his dick—were pretty sure they were about to begin round two, when Lane pulled back.
There was a small smile on his face now, and the shame that had been so evident in his eyes wasn’t gone now, but it was lessened. Easier, maybe.
Overall, in fact, he seemed much more relaxed. Like admitting the truth had lightened a load he hadn’t even quite known he was carrying.
“Hey,” Lane murmured and shifted them with his arm so they were lying side by side, “get ready for bed and then come back, okay?”
Trevor—and definitely his dick—were on board with that idea. Maybe Lane would even do more than just tease him with the idea of fucking him this time.
“Alright,” Trevor said, leaning in for one more kiss. Making it long and luscious, he didn’t actually want to leave, but he did want to get changed and not have to leave this bed after. Especially if they ended up doing what he thought they might.
But after he got changed, washed his face and brushed his teeth, and headed back to Lane’s bedroom—maybe it was becoming their bedroom?
Trevor wasn’t sure, not yet, but there was a part of him that thought he wouldn’t mind that designation—Lane rolled over, peace settling over his features and put a hand on Trevor’s still damp cheek.
“Would you mind . . .” Lane hesitated. “I know you’re probably into going again, and I wouldn’t be against it, but I think it might be nice to just be. But if you’d be disappointed—”
“No,” Trevor said, before Lane could ramble on. “No, it’s fine. I’d . . . I’d like that, too.”
The sex was amazing, for sure. He enjoyed every moment they spent touching each other, but they’d done that.
Half a dozen times, now, if not more. And they’d never really done this, though they’d gotten close.
But it was so easy and felt so right to just curl up against Lane and let his arm tuck him in closer, and just lie there, hearing the rhythmic in-and-out of Lane’s breath.
The heady, reassuring thump of his heartbeat.
The quiet was good; the quiet was better than good. It was one of the reasons that Trevor had always, even if he hadn’t necessarily understood what it was, liked Lane. Had felt comfortable in his presence. Because Lane wasn’t one of those people who needed to fill a silence, or expected Trevor to.
He could just be.
And he was going to, but he had one last thing he wanted to get off his chest, first.
“I get why you didn’t tell me,” Trevor said quietly, “I really, really do. And that sucks, for sure, that you didn’t feel like you could. But I still kinda wish you had.”
He felt Lane tense up a little—which was the last thing he’d wanted, even if it was maybe inevitable—but then he relaxed against Trevor again. “Yeah?”
“I’d have wanted to know. And maybe? Maybe this thing between us would’ve cropped up sooner.”
Lane hummed under his breath. And Trevor? Trevor would take that. Because Lane wasn’t saying no. Wasn’t saying yes, either. But he wasn’t saying no.