25. We Should Probably Get Dressed Now…
25
We Should Probably Get Dressed Now…
Paige
Text to Vivian (that she won’t get until I’m rescued):
He loves me! He said it last night when we were drifting off to sleep. (Well, actually it was this morning because we were up all night getting lucky.) He thought I was asleep, and he whispered that he was in love with me. Oh, Vivian, I don’t know what to do. I’m in deep. So deep. And as badly as I want to see you and let you know I’m alive, I’m also terrified of this ending. There has never been a man like him for me, and there never will be again. I can’t even begin to explain how happy he makes me. It’s just a whole new level of being alive. Miss you. Love you.
Text to Paige from Vivian
Vivian
It’s been over ten days now. Sean Penn had to leave to deal with an emergency in Haiti. A lot of the private citizens who have been out looking had to go back to work. The Coast Guard told your parents that they’re almost done searching every island in the area. And I have to fly back to New York tomorrow. There’s nothing more I can do here, and I have the big Neutrogena shoot in two days, although I don’t know how I’m going to be able to do it, not with you still missing. If I could stay, I would, but I can’t afford to lose that account. If the Coast Guard doesn’t find any sign of the plane by tomorrow night, they’re going to call off the search. I’m so sorry, Paige. I’m trying everything I know how to do, but I’m terrified it won’t be enough.
THE NEXT DAY
Vivian
Last day of the search. I’m just waiting to board my flight back home. Please, dear God, Paige, do whatever you can to be visible today. Love you, my friend. So, so much. I don’t know what I’ll do without you. Mostly just cry and be totally miserable for the rest of my life.
The last two days have been amazingly perfect. I’ve been drunk on Mac the entire time. He makes love to me every way I’ve ever imagined and a bunch of ways I haven’t. Missing the wedding seems like a fair trade-off for this much happiness. Okay, that’s not true. If I could do anything to have that time back, I’d do it. Unless it meant giving Mac up. Because everything about us just fits. It shouldn’t work but it does. So beautifully. I’ve never felt so cared for or listened to or important to anyone in my entire life. And seriously, the sex. Oh, the sex. I can’t even describe it. There are moments when I’m scared I won’t be able to uncurl my toes. Is that even a word? Uncurl? Oh, who cares about grammar when there are mind-bending orgasms to be had. I honestly don’t care about anything else right now, which basically means I’ve crossed over to ‘addict’ territory.
I don’t care about the fact that I should have been back at work a week ago or that Guy has probably fired me by now. I only care about Mac’s smile, his touch, his kiss, feeling the weight of his hard body on mine. We barely put on clothes, choosing to do most things in the nude, except cooking—that would be even more dangerous than letting myself fall in love with him. Which is exactly what I’ve done.
And he’s in love with me. He obviously isn’t ready to risk saying it to me. He thought I was asleep when he said it, but he said it. But I know I can’t say it back because I wasn’t supposed to hear it and it would totally scare him off that I’m wildly, completely, and most likely permanently in love with him.
I snuggle closer to him as the hammock sways a little in the warm breeze. Mac is dozing, and I’m just lying here with him, doing nothing but breathing in his scent as my mind drifts from my real life to this fantasy and back. The longer I’m here, the more my real life feels like the fake. I can’t stop thinking about what he said to me two nights ago, when I asked what he needs to be happy and he said, “I’m looking at her.” My heart felt like it was going to explode with joy .
I would stay here forever with him if I could, as insane as that sounds. But, maybe it’s not so crazy after all. Maybe The Beatles were right, and love really is all you need. Okay, well, love and my peach bellini conditioning lip balm. Oh, and if a Starbucks opened on the other side of the island, that would be nice. I could go for an iced caramel macchiato right now. And I suppose it would be awfully handy if Amazon would start drop-shipping here, which would require internet access, which would also allow us access to music, books, and movies. Also, when we finally run out of dried goods, I know I’m going to miss the hell out of pancakes and rice and syrup. But none of those things are must-haves. They’re just nice-to-haves, whereas Mac is quickly becoming a must-have.
Yes, if given a choice (and a few conveniences), I think I’d stay here forever if I could get word to Vivian and my family that I’m alive. Gah! When I think about what they must be going through, I feel sick inside. Just awful. Honestly, I can’t let myself dwell on that too long. I wake up thinking about them, but then I send a prayer to the Universe that they’re all okay, and set all the guilt and worry aside. Because the truth is, Mac’s right. You have to let yourself be happy regardless of the circumstances. Nothing in life is ever perfect. No stage or age or situation. If you don’t find things to feel good about exactly where you are, you’ll live your entire life without ever really enjoying any of it. If I were to have spent the last ten days moping, I would’ve missed out on what is easily the greatest experience of my entire life and it would change nothing for my family or friends.
It’s crazy how all the things that seemed so important to me before—the meetings and contracts and schmoozing the ‘right people,’ the clawing my way to the top, my to-do lists and SMART goals—none of it matters in the least to me right now. When I think of going back to that life, it seems so cold, hectic, and lonely. The thought of putting on a suit and some heels and rushing to the subway station on a wintry morning doesn’t appeal to me in the least. I used to live for my job—the excitement of it all, the adrenaline-inducing pace, the being plugged-in twenty-four hours a day waiting for my big chance.
But now, lying in Mac’s arms, swaying in the warm breeze, none of that matters to me. I have everything I need right here. We have food. We have each other. We have love. We have it all, but I’m terrified that we only have it because we’re here. What will happen when we leave this island? And we will leave this island. Even if our ad campaign doesn’t work and the plane doesn’t get spotted, the owner of this cottage will come back here eventually, and it’ll all be over in an instant, like getting woken up from the best dream in your life before you’re ready. And when that day comes, will he even want me anymore? What if he wants to go back to his old life of freedom and fun? I don’t think my heart would ever recover.
I lift my head and examine his face, noticing that little scar on his cheekbone that I was wondering about all those days ago when he was carrying me down the mountain. I run my fingertip over it and he opens his eyes.
“What happened here?”
“Oh, that?” he asks. “Bar fight.”
“Actually?” I say, not sure if I should believe him or not.
He grins at me. “No. But a bar fight sounds cooler than what actually happened.”
“I want to know what actually happened.”
“It’ll cost you,” he says.
My mouth spreads into a wide grin. “Oh yeah? ”
“Yeah, it’s a pretty big secret,” he says, capturing my mouth in a kiss. “Not something I tell just anyone.”
“How about I’ll spot you a thousand in poker tonight.”
“A thousand fake dollars? You’re going to have to do better than that.”
“A really long, naked massage?”
“Who’s doing the massaging?”
“You’re massaging me.”
He laughs, then shakes his head a little. “I always have to read the fine print with you, don’t I?”
“I’m afraid so,” I say, kissing him hard on the mouth. “Oh, all right. I’ll massage you.”
“Actually, I think I prefer if I’m the one doing the work. I can’t get enough of having my hands all over you.”
“You’ve got yourself a deal, Mr. Gamble. You tell me your big secret, then you get to massage me all afternoon.”
Chuckling, he says, “I don’t know why I’m saying yes to this, but I am.” He captures my mouth in a quick kiss, then says, “I fell off my bike when I was a kid. Landed on my face.”
I give him a deadpan look. “That’s your big secret.”
“I haven’t told you why I fell.”
I grin at him. “You were trying to impress a girl, weren’t you?”
“How’d you guess?”
“I told you. I’m clairvoyant.”
“Oh right. I forgot. Well, I was on my mountain bike and this girl I knew from high school was with her friends at this pizza place we all used to hang out at. I decided to pull a stoppie. Do you know what that is?”
“I’m guessing it’s when you turn sideways and stop fast?”
“Yup. You guessed it. Well, I didn’t account for some gravel on the road, and I went too far. Knocked her over and embedded my cheek into a key chain she had hanging from her backpack.”
“Nooo!!!!” I say, my face heating up with sympathy embarrassment.
“True story.”
“Was she okay ? ”
“Sort of. She broke her wrist when she hit the pavement. She basically never spoke to me again.”
I wince. “Ouch. That’s so much worse than I thought it would be.”
“Yeah, you can see why I don’t tell that to just anybody.”
“Yes, I can.”
He climbs off the hammock, then picks me up and lifts me over his shoulder, fireman style. I scream, then say, “What are you doing?”
“It’s massage time. You don’t expect me to do it on the hammock, do you?”
I laugh as he walks over to a lounge chair and lays me down on it.
“That would be totally unsafe,” he says, reaching down and pulling on the string of my bikini bottoms. “Now let’s get these off so I can give you a proper full-body massage.”
An hour (or so, who knows?) later, we’re out in the ocean again, completely nude, swimming and driving each other wild, when suddenly a loud noise invades our perfect world. It sounds like a helicopter, and I don’t know whether to be elated or burst into tears.
“Do you hear that?” I ask.
He nods. “It’s an AgustaWestland CH-149 Cormorant.”
I give him a questioning look.
“A rescue chopper.” As if on cue, the helicopter appears over the mountain, coming straight towards us .
We stare at each other for a second, my heart dropping to the bottom of the ocean. I want to tell him I’m in love with him. That I don’t want to live without him, but I don’t. I can’t. Not now that everything is about to change. “I’m not ready for this.”
“Me neither, but it’s happening,” he says, resting his forehead on mine.
I tighten my grip on his neck while we watch the helicopter lower itself onto the beach. “This is real,” I say.
“It’ll be okay, Paige,” he whispers.
Just when I’m about to start crying, he gives me a funny look. “Good thing we’re naked.” Then he starts to laugh, while my entire body heats up with embarrassment.
“How can you laugh right now?” I ask as we start to swim toward the shore. “We’re naked. And our clothes are all the way back at the house!”
Mac shrugs. “In the big scheme of things, having a couple of members of the Coast Guard see us in the buff isn’t really something to worry about.”
“For you, maybe,” I say as I doggy paddle. “You’re like a sculpture of a human.”
He stops swimming and puts his hands on my waist, holding me up in the water. “You still don’t get it, do you?”
“Get what?”
“How perfect you are—inside and out, Paige.” He kisses me hard on the mouth, completely ignoring the large red helicopter as it lands, spraying sand in a wide path around it. When he pulls back, the look on his face is pure intensity. “Listen to me. I need you to remember that, okay? No matter what happens when we get off this island. You’re absolutely perfect exactly the way you are and you deserve the best of everything. You deserve to be respected and loved exactly the way you are.”
A lump forms in my throat and I nod. “Okay, I’ll try. ”
“Don’t just try. Believe it. I need you to see yourself the way I see you.”
I swallow hard, feeling tears fill my eyes. “I will.”
The chopper blades slow and the engine cuts, my heart already aching at the thought of what’s about to come.
He lets go of me, then says, “I’ll go get your clothes. You wait here.” He leans back in and gives me a quick kiss on the lips. “But not because you have anything to feel embarrassed about. It’s because I don’t want whoever’s in that chopper to be ogling you.”
He lets go of me, and I feel panic rising in my throat. I have to say it. It’s now or never. I have to tell him I’m in love with him. “Mac.”
He turns back to me. “Yeah?”
“I …” My words fade on my lips. I can’t say it. Not when we’re about to be hit by the cold, hard truth of our real lives. “Thank you.”
Disappointment flashes across his face, then he nods and smiles. “You, too.”
He moves quickly now as I watch him, feeling helpless and embarrassed and weak. Thank you?! Thank you. That’s what you come up with?! Brilliant, Paige. Just brilliant.
I watch as he stands in the water, completely unabashed as he strides to the beach. I stare at him shamelessly, telling myself to remember every detail in case it’s the last time I get to see him like this. Although the truth is, the memory of every moment with Mac Gamble will be forever burned into my brain.
“Paige!” my mom’s voice cuts through the air, breaking my concentration. “Paige! You’re alive! Phillip! Our little girl is alive!”
Oh, shit.