Chapter 12
Chapter
Twelve
-brIDA-
“You can wake up, Brida.”
My legs shook, and my pulse quickened. “You can’t be here.”
“I’m not sure what makes you say that.” His smile was sharp enough to cut. The most charming I’d seen. Save for Kadian.
He possessed no wounds. There were no splatters of blood, no tears in the fabric of his clothes. He was… fine. Normal. This has to be a dream.
“Despite you being a figment of my imagination, I’m forever happy to see you. But aren’t you supposed to, you know…”
“Go on.”
“Move on. The dead typically move on. I’ve heard of those who believe they’re visited by those they love. However, they have always been deemed insane.”
“Do you always worry this much?” He flashed his white grin at me as he leaned his elbows onto his thighs, supporting his head with his hands, all the while smirking.
“I do when I’m being held against my will, in a court that is not my own, and am being visited by a man I know to be dead.
” I lifted my arm, gesturing around the room, the cell that Marsh had put me in.
It wasn’t as bad as it could have been, I had the essentials of what I would need to take care of myself: a basin, a bed, a toilet in the corner.
I knew it could have been worse; regardless, I remained unsure how I was going to get out of this situation.
Alvar’s smile was faint, disappearing before me like it was being erased.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, tears streaking down my cheeks. “I’m so sorry. I should have known something was going on with Marsh.” My vision blurred and my speech muffled, “I would’ve stopped them if I could. I will stop them.” The quiver of my lips and the tremble of my voice made me incoherent.
Before I could say anything else, Alvar rose from his chair and kneeled before me.
“Kings don’t kneel before their subjects.” I reached for his hand. It remained firm, steady, here. If only just in my mind.
“It’s a good thing I was never officially named king then.” Tenderly, he raised his thumb to my cheek, wiping away each of the tears that had made a home there. “There’s no need to cry, Brida.”
I found myself laughing, unsure if anxiety, grief, or madness ruled my emotions.
It hadn’t been more than a few days, and already I’d felt the loss of him.
His presence, his council, his friendship, I’d been seeking it, searching for it in every ounce of my being.
As if grief would bring him back to me. I knew it wouldn’t, it hadn’t with Mom.
I’d cried myself to sleep for two years.
I hadn’t cried again until arriving in Azmeer, having believed somehow that my tears had been used up.
As if we are allotted a specific amount for a lifetime.
“Did you know?” I wiped the final tears from my eyes. I didn’t know how long I had this version of Alvar for, and he was right, there was no use wasting our time crying.
“Did I know what?” Raising an eyebrow at me, he rose from his kneeling position and made his way to look out the small window.
“Did you know about Dainan?”
“I know quite a few things about my youngest brother, you will have to be more specific.”
Rising, I stood next to him. “Did you know that Dainan is a Wind Whisperer?”
Turning his head, he looked at me, sadness etched in the lines around his mouth, a glaze over his eyes. “It was a recent discovery.” He returned his gaze towards the Tactras Mountains.
“Why would he have kept that from you?” The two brothers had been close, the closest of the three.
Rai had been on the perimeter, gazing in.
No one knew the rift between the three of them had grown to be as cavernous as it became.
Perhaps if whatever wounds had been healed, we wouldn’t have found ourselves in this situation.
“Despite being someone who can manipulate what you hear on the wind, Dainan is a quiet person. He entered the world that way. Somber, expectant. Rai is the loquacious one. The cry he unleashed as he came into the world could have been heard in the heavens. Should such a place exist.”
I shifted from foot to foot. Alvar didn’t make me nervous, but the uncertainty of it all weighed on me. “Did you possess magic from two courts?”
The stale scent of the room hit me as he turned to face me. “Do you believe I would have been able to hide that from you, Brida?” His brows furrowed.
“I’m not sure what I have to do with it, but anyone could hide whatever it is they wish.”
Alvar chuckled. “It is true we may never fully know a person. As much as we wish to, there will always be aspects of those we love that remain foreign to us. But in this instance, Brida, my dear.” He offered me his hand before clasping it around mine. “I have not hidden that from you.”
His hand was tepid in mine. “Where are you?” The cracks in my voice were drier than the air in the cell.
“Here, of course.” He mused. “I have always marveled at the location for each of the courts—my personal favorite being Mount Kaiver. But it’s hard to compete with such natural beauty.
” The sliver that was visible from the window was beautiful.
The beginnings of the golden hour crested over the mountains, heralding a new day.
Another day where Alvar and Addie would be absent from this world.
“Have you traveled to the Abyss of Shadows?” The presumed afterlife for members of the Court of Shadows.
I was riddled with images. Alvar seeking entry, the judgment of his soul.
I had been bogged down with questions surrounding our mortality following the death of my mother.
Pestering Kadian with questions under the darkness of a star speckled sky.
He assured me that souls did exist. And who was I to argue with that?
“It’s hard to say.” He placed his hands around my forearms. “You will have hard days ahead of you.” His brightness dimmed.
“I believe you’re right, as much as I would love for you to be wrong. Just once.”
“I’m not familiar with that sensation.” He winked at me.
This isn’t real, I reminded myself. I didn’t care. I threw my arms around him, pulling him into an embrace.
“Do you know where Dainan is?” I whispered into his chest. Each time I closed my eyes, I searched for him in memory. The feel of him, the tenor of his voice—each a balm I could no longer reach.
“No.” His hand made its way to the back of my head.
“I’m sorry to say I do not.” Alvar pulled back from me, holding my face in his hands.
“While Dainan did keep this information from us, I know he had good reason to. Dainan has always been calculated, and never not thought something through. Well, not until you.” His left eyebrow quirked upwards.
“Wherever he is, I’m sure he’s safe. And that he is planning his way back to you. ”
“Thank you,” I whispered as he pulled me back into an embrace.
I lifted my eyes to his. I wanted to appreciate their intensity, their depth, and their beauty, possibly for the last time. Dainan’s eyes had paralyzed me the first time I looked into them. Alvar’s held their own secrets, but were no less captivating.
“You will have to be strong. I have reminded you that everything in this world is a balance, and soon, you will see that in its truest, rawest, most primal sense.” His words sent a chill through me, “you will not break. You will bring change, the light of a new Dawn.”
Alvar began to fade. I’m waking up. I reached for his hand, clawing for his jacket, desperate to hold onto the last vestige of him, of this.
“I’m not ready for this. I’m… I’m not ready. Please, please stay.” Tears cascaded down my cheeks.
“You must remember, it is when one embraces the shadows that one can live in the light.”
My eyes flew open, and I was gasping for breath. I looked at the window where a faint tinge of gold crested the horizon, the heralding of a new day.
I knew it hadn’t been real; I knew. Yet somehow, that hadn’t diminished the hope that my friend, my best friend other than Kadian, wasn’t gone.
Lowering myself back into the bed, I pulled the pillow over my face and screamed.