Chapter 49
Chapter
Forty-Nine
-LIL-
“Chaos has returned?” We continued our descent down the hill towards the doors.
“Yes. We remain unsure where they are, but the earth, the people, they are appearing as they did last time. When Chaos originally stole life from those around them, they targeted humans. This time, it has been intentional. Typically, they are somehow associated with people of power. And the first place they targeted was the land surrounding Azmeer. They are being methodical. Letting us know that they see who is important, who can hurt Dusk and Dawn.”
“But you said Dawn was imprisoned, and it seemed like Chaos thought their plan to be foolproof.”
“They did, but Dawn has been released. By a friend of yours.”
“A friend of mine?” Shock etched itself in my voice, “Who?”
“A young woman named Brida.”
“Brida?” I stopped in my tracks. “You must be mistaken. Brida has never even been to the Pool of Vitality… she would have told me.”
Hild stopped, offering me a sympathetic look. “She did not want to put you in a compromised position at court. But your friend is craftier than any of you have given her credit for. It makes perfect sense that Dawn would have chosen her.”
Brida has kept secrets… has Kadian?
“Why is it you wanted to know about Kadian?” I asked as we reached the bottom. She knew of Brida, she knew of me, it was clear she must have known who Kadian was to me as well.
“We always talk openly and freely, although I’ll admit you’ve been more hostile in this cycle than you have during our others.
” She turned to look at me, “You and I are friends, Lil. Despite the fact that I have known you by many names, you have always known me as Hild. Ollo, Vasenia, Giaxia, and I are the only four whose souls have never come here.”
I stopped to look at her, really look at her. To see if somewhere in the depths of my soul I knew her, if I felt that spark of recognition, of friendship. A tether, a lifeline. Anything that affirmed what she told me.
“There is another thing about the Home of Souls. Dawn thought it would be just hers and Dusk’s children who would come here, but Chaos’s children have come here as well.
All of his celestials have been reborn and are now walking around Eldara.
Some are beginning to wake from the fog of their memories, beginning to feel power thrumming in their veins.
They will be unable to resist Chaos’s call for long.
War is coming, and this will be the final battle. ”
War is coming. Forgotten Worlds… Thetius’s words. Would Eldara join their ranks? What of the people?
Illerium had warned us that wits were not enough. That training was an integral part of survival. Had he known?
“Will they target Azmeer first?” I stammered over the words, struggling to comprehend what the average citizen in Azmeer would be able to do. Those without the magic of the courts behind them. “How will they survive?”
Hild reached for my hand, clasping it in her own.
“There are casualties of war, and I have seen more than anyone ought to in a lifetime.” She said, sighing as she turned her gaze towards the doors.
“The majority of the people of Eldara will not stand a chance. Not once the Primals reawaken, not once they have taken form.”
Each door was made of a different material, each illuminated in its own way.
The door to the left was carved from white marble with gold veins flowing throughout.
The center door looked to be made from blue tourmaline, silver veins flowing throughout.
The final door to the right was carved of wood, in a manner I did not recognize.
It shimmered depending on how you angled your head, and white sleuthed between the cracks of the wood along the door.
“What’s this, Hild?” We stared at the three of them.
Each thrummed with life, as if whatever was waiting behind it was screaming to be let out, to be freed into this unknown realm.
Sensing our presence, each of the doors sparked to life, illuminating from the inside out.
A glow emanated from its center, before spreading through the door, leaving weaving threads floating in the air like vines, attempting to reach out and touch us.
“This is the end of our journey, Lil. And what a journey it has been.” She turned to face me, a worn smile etched to her tired face.
“You wished for a reason, well, a reason waits behind each door. The Home of Souls, for many, has the doorway waiting for them inside the castle. But few are called here to be offered a choice. You will have to make a choice.”
“What sort of choice?” The girl in the sky sparked to life, smiling down on me, sitting herself above one of the doors. Who are you?
“Two of the three doors will bring you somewhere you know. The third will not. There is no saying which is which, but from what I have been told, you are supposed to know, here.” She placed her palm gently over my heart.
“This will guide you to the right decision, the right thing. To the right purpose. Behind the right door lies your reason.”
I let out a low laugh, unable to hide my feelings on the matter.
“Why is this being forced on me? Of all the people that could have been brought here, why me? Did you know what was happening to me in Azmeer? The times I prayed to each of you, hoping, wishing that you would free me from Rai’s clutches, my uncle’s.
Do you know what they did to me?” I spat at her. “Do you?”
She said nothing.
“He forced himself on me. Repeatedly. And I had to lie there, and just take it.” Tears streamed down my face.
“He stole what was mine, and I will never get it back. And each and every time he closed the door, I knew what I was in for. And each and every time I prayed to the gods. A prayer unanswered. And you know what I realized?” I said as I leaned in closer to her.
“That my mother was right. You can never rely on anyone other than yourself.”
Hild reached for my hand, but I pulled it away. I did not want her pity. But I wanted her to know what she had allowed to happen as she had sat idly by. “What do I do?” I turned to face the doors.
“You simply choose.” Her voice was fainter than it had been before.
The doors had sung to me on our march here, and the moment my gaze settled on one in particular, I knew it was where I needed to be.
The young girl in the sky rose to her feet and gave a small twirl.
And suddenly, I understood.
I know you.
She smiled and nodded, as if she could hear me.
There was this version of me now, the woman who had learned to endure court politics, cruelty, and silence.
But this was not always me. Before this, there had been a girl who wanted to see the world.
Who loved to jump into the sea on a cool day.
Who was happy. She was the part of me that had come before all of that.
The spark that had once burned bright before it had been drowned by my parents’ indifference, beaten down by Thalius, and brutalized by Rai.
She was the piece of me that had survived.
Celestial stairs seemed to appear beneath her feet as she descended from the sky, her movements languid and childlike. She swayed her arms as she walked, a bright smile spread across her face before stopping in front of me.
I lowered myself to my knees.
“Hello,” I whispered, a tear trailing down my cheek.
She said nothing. Instead, she placed her small hand over my heart.
I covered her hand with my own and felt it immediately—the steady thrum of her heartbeat, the joy in her veins, the light of her spirit.
“Be happy,” my younger self said softly.
Like the unraveling of a spool, strands of light unwound from her, drifting toward me before embedding themselves deep in my chest.
I gasped. Air rushed into my lungs as something long buried surged back to life.
A piece of my soul had returned.
Rising to my feet, I started towards the door, affirmed in my decision.
I knew this was the right choice. The beat of the drums grew louder, a pulse coming to life in my ears, my veins thrumming with an understanding of what I was doing, where I was headed.
The fog, as it were, lifted from my eyes.
And when I gazed back upon Hild, I knew her.
I knew her in the depths of my bones. She had been my friend through each and every iteration of me, and in that look, she knew that I understood.
“My name was Ephara, and I was a daughter of Dusk.” I said, “But in this life, I am Lil, and I am not afraid.” And I wasn’t.
Not anymore. Whatever Rai and Thalius had tried to steal from me, I would take it back tenfold.
They would feel my vengeance, and I would smile as it happened.
But it was at this moment, I vowed that I would never let an innocent remain unable to defend themselves.
Unable to free themselves from tyrants who sought power, with no regard for life around them.
Chaos was coming, and I had a chance to do something.
I was a piece on the board, but unlike my past, where I had failed to be the master of my fate, I now was one of the players.
I turned back to face the door, shouting the words to ensure that Hild heard them.
“You asked who Kadian was to me, and you know. He is my balance. My equal. I’ve known it in the depths of me since he offered me his hand outside the walls of Azmeer.
I know what he is to me. And I accept it. ” I was steadfast, my pulse steady.
“Should you encounter him on your travels, Hild,” I tilted my head over my shoulder, “tell him I will come back to him. I never break a promise.” I turned my gaze forward, reached for the handle, a chill radiating through my fingertips, sparks of excitement flooding my veins, and opened the door. My reason, I knew it at last.
I am Lil Towler.
I am not afraid. And I wasn’t, not anymore.
I am Lil Towler, and I belong to no one.