Chapter 17
Chapter
In the days that followed, Aidenar grew ever more burdened.
I saw him more often in the company of counselors, his brow drawn, his gaze worn, as if half the realm had been set upon his shoulders.
The careless boy who spent smiles like coins gave way to one who began to resemble a true Regent.
The Plague would not be forgotten, and the guards labored without rest. The air within the palace thickened with unease.
I waited upon a bench in the gardens, enjoying peace, quiet and the scent of jasmine that drifted on the heat.
I was still remembering Aidenar’s words and gaze after the night at Black Lily, dark and promising.
He always knew how to provoke me and how to set my blood boiling.
I expected him to appear at any moment, yet it was Sofia who came instead.
She walked with a brisk, light step, her dress lifting at each small hop. There was something of a toy doll about her, so delicate one feared to touch her, and yet her gaze was keen as a blade.
“My brother is delayed,” she said in a grave, near-theatrical tone, and sat beside me without asking.
“Did he send you to tell me so?” I asked, smiling a little.
“No. He is quarreling with my mother. They will be at it for a while. I thought I would keep you company.”
“Do they often argue?” I asked.
“More and more,” she said in a matter-of-fact voice.
“Aidenar used to be the perfect boy. No one could bear the praise heaped on the heir. It made one wish to puke.” She made an exaggerated gesture with her hand and mouth, as if she were about to vomit.
I burst out laughing. “But now he begins to stand his ground, and here we are. Shouting in the palace halls. The strangest part is that his revels and his women never troubled her. Only when he claimed a mind of his own did she take offense.”
“Should a young lady like you be expressing herself that way?” I asked, lifting my brows and faking outrage.
Sofia scoffed. “I may be fourteen, but I am not stupid. Besides, should the Lady who broke young Dorthal’s nose lecture anyone on manners?”
I laughed outright, remembering the occasion.
“Speaking of which,” Sofia went on without ceremony, “how’s your husband hunt going? You’re not getting any younger.”
“I beg your pardon?” I stared at her in disbelief.
“Oh, do not pretend. What are you, nineteen, twenty?”
“Twenty-one,” I said, lifting my chin.
“There, the same as Aidenar. High time. I don’t know how it is upon your islands, but here in White City you will soon be a spinster.”
I couldn’t tell if she was insulting me or joking, but her honesty amused me. It had been a long time since I spoke with someone so direct.
“And you? Have you set your eye on anyone?” I returned the question.
“Me? Spare me. Aidenar is firstborn, so my mother tears her hair over him. I told her I would sooner strangle a suitor with a pillow than be led to a market like cattle. So I have some peace for now.”
My eyes widened at her brazen words.
Sofia smiled, all mischief. “Speaking of my immature brother. He likes you.”
My heart gave a queer hitch, as if it had struck too hard.
“What do you mean?”
“I see how he looks at you. I feel how the two of you are drawn to each other.”
I almost tumbled from the bench.
“I don’t believe it. He looks like that at any woman he sees.” I said, lifting a shoulder. “I simply help him. He has no other choice.”
“That much is true, but I feel how your powers pull at one another, and that is no accident.”
I gave her a puzzled look.
“I have always felt the elements,” she said. “In people, in stones. The world is a kind of net. The moment you entered the palace, I knew you were born with magic. You were like a wellspring in the desert. Who do you think whispered to my brother that you bore power?”
I blinked. “You?”
“Of course. He is not the sharpest.” I laughed at that.
“Speak of the devil,” Sofia said, tipping her head toward Aidenar, who was striding our way. “I leave you to it. Only… do not break his heart. He is my brother, after all.”
With that, she skipped away like an innocent child, slipping into the alleys as she passed a very perplexed Aidenar.
I sat still, unsettled and bemused by our talk.
“What did Sofia want?” Aidenar asked, suspicious, his eyes narrowed. “I hope she didn’t talk too much nonsense. She can be very straightforward.”
“She merely kept me company,” I said, still turning her words over in my mind. “Though I admit, she is rather direct.”
“She takes after our grandmother. That one is a terror, even my mother fears her.”
“Time to get back to training. Ready?” I asked, watching him with a touch of concern. The shadow was still lingering on his face.
He inclined his head, and his gaze gentled. “Yes. Let’s go.”
Despite the tense atmosphere in the capital, the city prepared for the summer solstice, the great festival.
At last, something that sparked happiness and brought joy rather than dread.
Ribbons and lanterns brightened the streets, strung on cords from roof to roof.
Innkeepers rolled casks of ale and barrels of wine to their doors, ready to receive guests till dawn.
Children darted through the crowd clutching straw torches, and hawkers laid out spices, fruits, and silvered cuts of fish upon their stalls.
This time the rich did not have their ball alone.
The whole city was celebrating. The Ten Families gave gifts to the folk: sacks of grain, baskets of fruit, fresh meat.
The Regent guards handed out palladium coins, as if to swear the court had not forgotten the common men and women.
It was meant to be a feast of shared bounty.
We all needed a breath. The brothers, Mirabel, and the younger servants had been plotting since morning to slip into the streets. The moment I heard their excited whispering, I knew I would go with them.
“My Lady, this is not wise,” said Roderick when he found out my plan. His brows drew together until they seemed a single, heavy line. “A young Lady should not wander the city on such a night. It tempts thieves and worse.”
“You might add rapists,” I returned, thinking of Magnus and his groping hands.
“As we know, such men dwell in palaces as well. Let it be, Roderick. I will not wear our emblems. Your sons will be with me, though I suspect I shall be the one to keep them from trouble.” I smiled wide, and he gave a weary, resigned sigh.
I went to my chamber and changed quickly. I had no intention of a gown. I was not seeking a suitor for a single night. I wished for a mug of the city’s ale, a dance or ten, and a little forgetting.
I set a skimpy leather vest upon my bare skin, pulled on close-fitting trousers and high boots.
The short vest showed the lines of my arms and belly, and the neckline dipped lower than was my custom.
I did not mind it. In truth, I felt free.
I bound my hair into a high tail and drew a dark coat over all, so that I might not draw eyes at once.
In Thalrock I had often slipped from the keep to have some fun with others, drinking ale and hurling knives at targets. There had always been an unseen guard nearby, and besides folk knew me there, so none would have let me come to harm. I missed that carefree time.
I went out with Mirabel, who looked innocent in a blue gown. Her eyes shone with delight, and she chatted in my ear of everything and nothing. I only nodded and let her happiness catch hold of me.
Kael and Brenn waited by the back entrance, dressed less formally. We passed through the gate toward the town. The brothers passed a bottle of rum between them. When my turn came, I took a deep gulp. I wanted to escape from everything.
“Nerissa.”
I heard the voice behind me. I knew who it belonged to.
“What do you want?” I said without turning.
It was Dricus. I did not slow my pace. There was no hiding it within me. His rejection stung more than it should have. I had no desire to look at him or remain in his presence. Foolish girl.
“Can we talk?” he said, stepping into my path.
“There is nothing to discuss.” I moved to pass him, but he blocked my way again.
“Please.” His voice held an edge of firmness, and when I met his green eyes, my body remembered that kiss in vivid detail.
“Very well.” I nodded to my companions to wait and give us space.
I stood with my arms crossed.
“Nerissa. That kiss...” Gods, could he not mention it? “You and I. This could never be. I cannot give you what you want.”
“What I want? How can you know what I want?”
“I am not the man for you. There are too many broken things in me to make this work.”
I scoffed.
“You don’t need to explain yourself. I misunderstood you.” I saw something strange in his eyes. Pain, regret? But I was the one who should suffer, not him. “I will not intrude on you anymore. Don’t worry.” I moved to step past him.
He caught my arm gently. “I don’t want you to stop speaking to me.”
“So you want me close to you or not? There is nothing in between.”
He had no answer. We stood there, staring at one another. Two lost souls.
But I was not ready to cast him off entirely either. I knew the taste of loneliness. How difficult it was to bear this burden alone.
“I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Are you drinking or not?” I lifted the bottle to my lips and took a deep pull to wash down the bitterness of rejection. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, then shoved the bottle into his grip and walked toward my companions.
Dricus stood uncertain, wavering for a moment before he took a long drink himself and joined us. Again I felt his thrumming power beside me. I did not know who was worse at love, him or I. I would think of it no more. I threw myself into revelry, determined to ignore it all.