Chapter 34
Chapter
Another day in Minerva’s chambers. I had never grown fond of these sessions. Each one was like tearing open a wound that had barely begun to heal. But I preferred that to meeting Malric in my dreams again.
I still felt Aidenar’s kisses on my lips, his hands on my skin. I couldn’t gather my thoughts.
Minerva’s chamber was the same as always. Two chairs facing one another, and the soft murmur of water sliding down the rock wall, a sound that soothed my thoughts as much as it could. We took our seats. Minerva inclined her head, and I closed my eyes.
I stood in the clearing at the heart of the storm, the wind howling like a maddened beast. Trees were breaking, I could not hear my own scream. Aidenar was about to lose control. His silver eyes trembled with light. I touched him.
I opened my eyes. One more.
I woke up in a bed, bandages tight around my ribs. Pain burned through my whole body. Aidenar sat in the chair at my side, holding my hand. His silver eyes were full of worry. His thumb stroked my fingers with aching gentleness. I saw sorrow on his face.
I opened my eyes. One more.
The gardens at the last ball. Moonlight poured over us. Aidenar drew me to him with all his strength. Our first kiss, his mouth warm, ravenous. My whole body shaking at his nearness. My fingers twined in his hair and for a heartbeat the world ceased to exist.
I opened my eyes. One more.
Aidenar lay across my lap, blood soaking his clothes, his breath growing shallow. I felt life slipping from him. I felt him slipping from me. I cried out for help with all my strength while tears ran down my cheeks.
I opened my eyes. One more.
I stood on the balcony of Aidenar’s chambers.
His kisses were like fire, each one drawing me deeper.
We staggered toward the bed, his hands firm at my waist. Desire flooded every part of me.
I reminded myself that these were visions.
I did not wish to show more. I did not want anyone to see us.
Panic rose. My breaths came faster. I did not know what to do.
I flooded the chamber with water. In a heartbeat everything sank. Silence.
I opened my eyes.
“You must react faster,” Minerva said calmly, brushing some invisible speck from her gown. “Every memory must be guarded. Not only the hard ones.”
My face burned. My cheeks were aflame with shame. I lowered my gaze to the floor, unable to look at her. I didn’t want her to have seen that. She saw everything, every intimate heartbeat, every raw emotion. My fingers clenched on my knees.
Minerva watched me for a moment in silence, then smiled warmly.
“Oh, child. You have nothing to be ashamed of. These are beautiful memories. Never be ashamed of love.”
“But I... we...” I began, shaking my head, not even knowing what I meant to say. The words stuck in my throat.
Minerva burst out laughing, and the diamonds at her throat flashed.
“My dear. I have lived long enough. And if what I have seen here is not love, then you may as well bury me in the ground at once. For there is no hope for this world.” Then she added, with a touch of sharpness, pointing at me with one finger, “And if you’re still trying to deceive yourself?
Then maybe you’re not as smart as I thought you were. ”
I had no answer. My heart hammered in my chest.
Minerva leaned back in her chair.
“Enough for today. I won’t cleanse you anymore. I’m giving you a break. Dinner’s the same time as always. You can go.”
I rose and left the chamber. The halls of Durminas seemed longer than ever, as if the fortress knew my unrest. My mind held only him, Aidenar.
His laughter, his gaze, the warmth of him that I still felt upon my skin.
Once I hated him. Now I couldn’t imagine his absence. I could not think of anything else.
Instead of going to my own rooms, my feet betrayed me. I stopped before the door of his chambers. The guards knew me. One nodded and stepped inside to announce my presence. After a moment, the door opened. I stepped in slowly.
Aidenar sat at his desk, bent over the ledgers. He looked different than he did in the halls, grave and intent. Light from the window shone upon his fair hair. When he saw me, his features gentled.
“Nerissa.” He rose slowly. “I thought Mina had you in her grip for a while yet.”
I did not know what to say. I stood in the doorway, feeling as though I could not draw a breath. My thoughts were a storm of memories, every shared moment, every touch, every glance. I knew what I wanted. For the first time, I was not lost.
“Nerissa, is everything alright?” Concern flickered in his silver eyes.
I crossed the chamber in three quick steps and kissed him.
He paused, surprised, then his mouth answered mine, hungry and sure. His tongue met mine and the world shrank to the space between us.
My hands found his shirt and I began to unfasten the buttons. I no longer wished to wait. I had waited too long, for this, for him. His hands caught mine and stilled them.
“Nerissa,” he said under his breath, almost a growl. “A moment more and there will be no turning back. I will not stop this time. I barely let you go yesterday.”
“I want you, Aidenar. All of you. Now.” I met his gaze, my heart racing.
His pupils widened like a hunter when he scents prey.
In one smooth movement he caught me by the hips, lifted me, and set me upon the edge of the desk without breaking the kiss.
The ledgers fell to the floor with a dull thud.
His hands moved over me, lighting every nerve.
I tore his shirt open to the last button and ran my fingers over the hard lines of his stomach.
His body was perfect, each muscle shaped and warm beneath my hands.
He did not hesitate. He tugged my shirt, the buttons scattering. His palms closed around my breasts, his thumbs brushing the hardened nipples. I trembled, arching into him, every touch feeding the fire between us. My nails bit into the back of his neck.
I felt his desire, hot and unhidden, pressed against me. He began to unfasten my belt, his fingers working at the laces of my trousers.
“Aidenar,” I stopped us for a breath. “I...” The words would not come, a knot in my chest held them back, until at last they broke free. “I have never done this.”
I looked at him, strangely ashamed, though I had no cause to be. I felt foolish. And a little afraid.
He froze. His breath caught. His silver eyes searched mine, intent and unreadable. For a moment he neither spoke nor moved. Then he bent and brushed my lips with his.
“Oh, Neri,” he whispered, more tenderly than I had ever heard him. “Do you wish to stop?” He looked straight into my eyes.
“No,” I answered, my voice firm despite the wild flutter in my chest. I drowned in his gaze, full of desire.
He lifted me easily from the desk. My legs wrapped around his waist as he carried me into the bedchamber. As we crossed the threshold, a hard gust of wind slammed the door behind us. He laid me upon the bed. His movements were steady, yet gentle.
Slowly he drew off his shirt. His body was flawless. I could not look away. He was beautiful in every line. He kept the pants on, as if giving me one last chance to change my mind.
He came to me and slipped off my boots. As he drew my trousers down, he pressed soft kisses along my thighs. The torn shirt fell away. Then I was bare beneath his gaze.
My heart pounded. No man had ever seen me like this. No man had ever looked at me as he did now. Power hummed in the chamber, the air thick with his magic. His eyes gleamed with inner light.
“You are perfect,” he whispered, his voice roughened with wonder. “I have imagined this more times than I can count.”
His words fell one by one as he leaned closer.
“When I saw you in training, I thought only of having you breathless and wild beneath me.
“When we danced, I wanted to kiss you without end.
“Each time you laid your hand on me, I wanted to sweep you into my arms and never let you go.
“When you touched me with your power, I wanted to know how it feels to drown in you.” The last words came low and husky, his eyes on me like a predator’s.
He lay down beside me. His hand cradled my face and he kissed me, at first softly, then tilting his head to deepen the kiss. His other hand slid along my body, skimming my breasts, tracing the curve of my waist, brushing the sensitive skin of my thighs.
His fingers strayed lower, exploring, coaxing. Pleasure shivered through me, strange and sharp. I touched the hard planes of his chest and scattered kisses along his lips, his jaw.
He removed his hand from my body and brought his fingers to his lips, licking them, then touched my core again—slowly, deliberately, circling my sensitive skin. My body reacted immediately, a soft moan escaping my lips.
“Trust me,” he murmured against my ear, his breath hot on my skin.
His touch grew surer, learning me, drawing soft sounds from my throat.
His fingers moved skillfully, teasing and exploring, sending waves of pleasure through my body.
My hips moved of their own accord, seeking more.
I had never felt anything like this before, I didn’t know what was happening to me. Only that I did not wish it to end.
“Stay with me,” he breathed, his voice low and unsteady.
Heat coiled in my body parts. I felt as though I were coming apart in his hands. It was not enough. I needed him. All of him. I was ready to give myself to him wholly. I ached for him.
“Aidenar,” I whispered, my voice ragged with want. “Please. Take me.”
He stilled. He could not wait any longer. He stripped off his trousers, baring himself. Marble statues of nameless gods had seemed perfect, but here he was. His body was a golden ratio with divine proportions of every muscle. If the purest evil wore his face, I would still give him my soul.
He knelt between my legs, his hands firm at my hips, drawing me closer.
“I will be gentle,” he said, looking into my eyes. “Tell me if you want me to stop.”
I nodded, unable to speak.
He moved with care, joining our bodies slowly.
His fingers were still working, circling my core as he slowly slid inside me.
I felt the pressure, the stretch, my body yielding to him.
I was tight, and a sharp pain made me wince.
He noticed, his eyes searching mine, but I didn’t want him to stop. My hands held him to me.
He moved with slow, measured strokes. Looking at me and searching for any sign of pain. His eyes were dark with desire. I pulled him closer, kissed him, and lifted my hips to meet him, urging him deeper. He slid fully into me.
Pain flared and my eyes shut. Tears slipped down my cheek. He kissed them away.
“You are mine,” he whispered. “You always were.”
As he spoke he began to move again, gentle at first, each motion building the tension coiled inside me.
He was watching me to see if I could hold it.
His rhythm grew steadier, stronger. There was still a trace of pain, but I didn’t want him to stop.
He thrust faster and faster until I saw he was losing himself.
“Aiden,” I breathed.
My nails dug into his back as he pushed harder.
“Nerissa,” he groaned, surrendering to it. I felt him tense, felt the rhythm falter, and then he shuddered and came within me. For a moment the world went still. There were only the two of us, our breaths tangled, our bodies entwined.
“Now I know,” he whispered, more to himself. “How it should have felt. How everything seems right.”
We lay in silence for a long time. His fingers traced lazy patterns upon my skin. I hid my face against his chest, my hair falling like a curtain, as if I still felt shy about what we had done.
“How do you feel,” he asked, gently lifting my chin so I would meet his eyes.
“Overwhelmed,” I mumbled, my voice muffled against his skin. “I don’t know.”
He kissed me softly, his hand warm at my jaw. Heat radiated from his body.
A knock at the door startled us, though no one entered.
“They are looking for you,” I said, laughing quietly into our kiss.
Aidenar smiled, the old mischief returning to his face.
“If you think I’m going to leave this bed to discuss palladium prices with the steward, you’ve lost your mind.”
I laughed, the tension easing. “Aidenar, we cannot hide here forever. Dinner will be soon.”
“I am Lord of these lands, you know,” he said, lifting a brow in mock outrage. “I have certain rights. Privileges.”
I rolled my eyes and slipped from the bed. He reached for me, but I was quicker. My own shirt was beyond saving, so I stole one of his, soft and smelling of him.
“I need to make myself in order” I said, walking toward the door.
“So this is it. You use me and then just walk away.” He still lay on the bed, naked, carved like a forbidden statue.
“You finally know what it’s like. I will see you at dinner.” I looked back over my shoulder, smiling.