Chapter 11
Xylina
Embarrassed was an understatement.
Yesterday after meeting with my dad, I’d just wanted to forget. I hardly even remembered buying the bottle of liquor and drinking. The shock of the cold water hitting me caused me to snapback into reality.
This morning when I woke up, I was shocked to see Yosiah in my bed and me tucked into his side.
Thinking of what transpired the day before had me wanting to bury my head in the sand.
I hated showing any weakness. I hated not being on my A game.
I was a Fox turned Bedford, but here I was acting like a low-level peasant.
Slowly lifting my eyes from the random spot on the table, I settled them on Yosiah. The intensity in his gaze caused my heart to stumble uncomfortably in my chest. My skin prickled to the point where it felt itchy.
Yosiah must have picked up that I was having a hard time because his face relaxed some and he sighed. “Just start from the beginning.”
Swallowing hard, I circled the straw in my glass and began explaining the past month. It was the first time I’d spoken about all of my woes out loud to someone else. The more I spoke, the more the knot in my stomach grew.
“So yeah, to sum it up, I’m broke.” Heat rose to my cheeks.
Megan approached the table, checking on us and delivering the pickles Yosiah had ordered.
“Are you going to say something?” I asked once it was just us again. The smell of the breaded pickle chips filled my nose, causing my stomach to grumble. I reached for one and popped it in my mouth.
“So your trust funds are gone?”
Slowly, I nodded.
“And you can’t access any of your accounts?”
Again I nodded. “I’m not exactly sure what’s going on, but according to my dad it’s all a misunderstanding that’s being handled.
But that doesn’t matter; how am I supposed to survive without money?
! I mean, yeah, I have money from my modeling and influencing, but that won’t last through the end of the month.
I’m not meant to have a nine to five either; so what the hell am I supposed to do!
” My breathing spiked as panic rushed through me.
Just the thought of living like everyone else made me cringe.
“Xylina!” Yosiah’s deep baritone was stern, causing me to jump. “You need to relax before you have a panic attack.”
“How am I supposed to relax when my life is falling apart! Did you not hear everything I just said!”
My heart slammed rapidly against my breasts. It was as if a band wrapped around my ribcage and grew tighter the more I tried to breathe through it.
“Take a deep breath and get a hold of yourself.”
Doing as he said, I closed my eyes, inhaling sharply and slowly pushing it out. The sounds of the ships in the distance filled my ears. My pulse still raced through my body like a shot of adrenaline.
“Now tell me about meeting with your dad. What happened?”
Fluttering my eyes open slowly, my stomach twisted as I replayed the conversation with my dad in my head. My teeth scraped over my bottom lip and my hands balled into fist, causing my nails to dig into my palms.
Yosiah already hated my dad. I didn’t know how he would react to what my dad had demanded of me. He might honestly think everything happening to me was funny and well deserved. As I stared at him, I couldn’t tell what he was thinking.
“He uh, well… he reached out to me, wanting to meet. I thought he was going to explain what was happening and clear up that he never stole my trust fund, but that was far from the truth. I left not knowing what was going on or why everything was happening. Him and my mom apparently are separated, and well…” My words trailed off.
I reached for more pickles and tossed them in my mouth, giving myself time. It was hard to admit out loud that your dad didn’t give a fuck about you. That he wanted to use you and couldn’t care less that your life was going in a downward spiral.
“Well what, Xylina?” Yosiah’s stare drilled into me. His voice was so calm it shot a shiver up my spine but somehow eased my rattled nerves at the time.
“He asked me for money; a loan he called it.” One of his brows lifted.
The server came back to the table, pausing the conversation, dropping our order off. After making sure we were good, she walked off. Yosiah lowered his head, prompting me to do the same as he blessed the food.
We were both silent for a short time, eating our food. It gave me a second to gather myself.
“Continue your story,” Yosiah insisted, wiping his mouth.
I sighed and pushed my fork around. “When I told him I didn’t have the money because I couldn’t access my accounts, he wanted me to get it from you.” My voice trailed off at the end.
“From me?” His eyes narrowed and his voice hardened, dropping an octave.
“You heard me right.”
“And what did you tell him?”
I slapped my hand on the table, causing the dishes to rattle.
“What do you mean, what did I tell him?” Now I felt myself growing restless and impatient.
“What could I tell him except there’s no way I could get fifty thousand dollars from you to give to him.
It doesn’t matter anyway, because even if I could, I wouldn’t give it to him because he doesn’t give a damn about me!
No one gives a fuck about me! Are you happy now?
You wanted to know why I got drunk yesterday.
Well there you have it! My life is hell, my dad thinks I’m a burden, and my husband hates me.
” My voice broke and pressure built behind my eyes.
I paused, inhaling sharply. “That’s it. That’s all that happened. ”
Dropping my eyes, I went back to eating my food. I didn’t mean to let the small rant at the end out but it was like word vomit. Normally I tried to smile and shake things off as if it didn’t bother me, but with everything piling up, it was getting harder to stay positive.
My leg bounced briskly under the table. I reached for my sunglasses that I had taken off when we sat down and put them back on my face.
“So the legal issues your dad is having is the cause of your money issues. Why didn’t you say something sooner?”
“For what? It’s not like you care what happens to me.”
As hard as I tried to fight for my marriage, I was starting to get discouraged. Getting pregnant didn’t even seem like a solution anymore. I had never felt so defeated in my life. The hard reality was I’d be stuck handling this all on my own.
“We might have our differences, but I couldn’t call myself a man if I just let you drown. Until those papers are signed, you’re still my wife. You could’ve come and talked to me.”
Lifting my eyes back to him, I snorted and shook my head. “Yosiah, I know you’re not a bad man. But be honest, what in the past five years would have let me know I could come to you? If it wasn’t for me initiating everything, we would have lived our whole marriage not saying a word to each other.”
Pushing my glasses up, I attempted to hide the few tears that threatened to fall from my eyes.
This conversation was starting to wear on me. I had told Yosiah everything and was ready to be done with it. Thankfully Yosiah must have sensed it and allowed the conversation to die.
We went back to eating in silence.
Now that everything was out there, I felt a tad bit better. All that was left to do was shake the funk hovering over me and get back to myself.
“What’s this?” I questioned when Yosiah got back in the car. We continued our brunch in silence. Both of were us lost in our own thoughts. I wasn’t sure how Yosiah felt about the news I’d dropped on him, but I was too drained and embarrassed to continue the conversation.
I thought we would go straight home but instead he stopped by one of the small markets not far from where we ate.
While he ran in the market, I checked my phone.
The group message between my friends flooded my screen with notifications.
I had been keeping my distance from them since learning Aaliyah’s taunting was true.
I was sure by now she had shared what was going on in the group and I had no desire to deal with the questions.
I scrolled through the text thread. They wanted to go out tonight to Club Heat where Jrue was having a party. Tiara had connections and was able to get us in.
Angel
Has anyone spoken to Xylina? She hasn’t responded all day.
Tiara
You’re right!
Xylina! You there, girl?
Aaliyah
She’s probably job searching…
Gritting my teeth, I rolled my eyes. Aaliyah wanted an issue with me for whatever reason, but I had bigger things to worry about than her. When the time was right, I’d handle her.
Another message came through. This time from Savannah in a separate thread.
Bestie
Ignore Aaliyah, I’m sure she’s just backed up because her man isn’t fucking her right.
I snickered at her text.
Bestie
Seriously though, you’re not dead, are you?
A stifled laugh threatened to escape my mouth. As I responded to let her know I was alive, the driver side door opened and Yosiah climbed in the car.
“Here.” He placed a brown bag on my lap just as I locked my phone. My face scrunched.
“You got me something?”
Digging into the bag, my brows shot up seeing a jar of pickles. And not just any pickles, but the spicy ones I liked to eat.
“I haven’t been able to find these anywhere! How did you know I liked them?”
Yosiah threw the car in drive and pulled out of the parking spot.
“How can I forget? Do you not remember when we first moved in with each other after our wedding, the fit you threw when there were no pickles in the house?”
Heat rushed to my cheeks.
“Blame that on mother nature and PMSing. I can’t help it, they’re my comfort food.”
“Yeah, well I’d never seen someone cry and throw a tantrum over some damn pickles.
From that day forward I made sure to keep the house stocked with them.
I noticed you usually ate those ones, but hadn’t had them lately.
So when I saw them, I grabbed a jar. Call it a truce and hopefully it’ll make you feel better. ”
The heat from my cheeks soon transitioned to my chest, blooming like a wildfire. My heart stumbled and my stomach filled with butterflies.
“You don’t have to pity me,” I mumbled, opening the jar and pulling out a pickle spear. My eyes stayed locked on my lap. The last thing I wanted was to feel like a charity case or something.
“I do pity you.” My cheeks puffed out. “But contrary to what you might think, I don’t take pleasure in women crying or being upset. What you said about being a burden and me hating you…”
“Can we just not talk about it?” I rushed out, then took a bite of the pickle.
“I don’t hate you.” Slowly, I shifted my attention to him. He gripped the steering wheel tightly with his eyes locked on the road. “I also don’t think you’re a bad person, your personality just is off putting.”
The hand not holding the pickles clenched and my eyes went back to my lap. “Neither of my parents care about me. Can you blame me?”
Despair shot through me.
“I knew your parents were pieces of shit from the moment I met them. It might be a hard pill to swallow, but you’re better off without them.”
I knew Yosiah’s words were true. Since meeting with my dad I’d played over my upbringing.
I was mainly raised by nannies. My parents never bothered to be involved with anything I had going on.
They never asked about school or what was going on in my life.
All they did was foot the bill for my life and stay out of it.
I didn’t even remember them ever telling me they loved me.
Realizing that hurt more than I cared to admit.
“It’s their loss though, right?” I tried to perk up. “Anyone who doesn’t see how fabulous I am is missing out!” I finished the pickle and went to get another.
Yosiah didn’t respond, but out of the corner of my eye I could swear I saw a small smirk form on his face.
Out of the five years we’d been together, this might be the first time me and Yosiah sat down and had a real conversation. It made me wish we’d done this more often in the past. I didn’t know if this meant our relationship was growing or if he was letting his pity for me lead the way.