CHAPTER 25
Grief
The diary slips from my hands, It lands softly in the mud.
I don’t even notice.
My knees give out beneath me and I drop to the ground.
The rain soaks through my clothes instantly, cold water sliding down my face and into my eyes, but I can’t move.
I can’t even breathe properly. My mind feels like a prison suddenly.
Like I’ve been locked inside it my entire life without realizing the walls were there.
I feel numb. Not the kind of numb that comes with relief.
The kind that comes when something inside you breaks so completely that your body doesn’t know how to react.
I stare at the ground. My own thoughts feel like strangers, my memories don’t belong to me, my life doesn’t belong to me, my own mind betrayed me.
A crack of thunder splits the sky above the trees. The sound rumbles through the forest, deep and violent, shaking the branches above us as rain pours harder. Lightning flashes between the trees for a brief second, illuminating the clearing.
Dominic steps forward. I barely feel his hands when he reaches down but suddenly I’m being lifted. Scooped up into his arms like I weigh nothing.
My body doesn’t resist. It just folds into him.
I look up at him. The man who has been standing in the storm with me this entire time, the man who could have walked away a year ago, the man who stayed.
Who watched me disappear inside my own mind, who learned the difference between Era and Sera, who kept the diary.
Who waited for me to find my way back.
A strange ache spreads through my chest. Dominic didn’t stay because it was easy.
He stayed because he loved me. Not just the bright, laughing version of me, not just the one who filled rooms with light.
He stayed for the broken parts too. For the version of me that hides in shadows.
For the version of me that doesn’t even recognize her own life.
That kind of love feels enormous. Too big to even understand.
Rain drips from his hair as he carries me through the trees.
Neither of us says a word. By the time we reach the road again, the headlights from his car glow faintly through the rain.
He opens the passenger door and gently sets me inside.
The seat is warm but my body won’t stop shaking.
My hands tremble in my lap as I stare through the windshield into the dark road ahead.
I don’t know what to do.
I don’t know who I am.
And for the first time in my life…
I’m terrified of my own mind.
The drive back to the house is silent.
I sit in the passenger seat, staring through the rain-streaked windshield while Dominic drives.
The storm hasn’t slowed. Water pounds against the glass, the wipers fighting to keep up.
But I barely see the road. Everything inside me still feels numb.
Like someone pulled the plug on my emotions and left me hollow.
When we pull into the driveway, Dominic doesn’t say anything.
He just gets out, walks around the car, and opens my door.
The rain soaks us instantly as he helps me out.
By the time we reach the house, we’re both drenched.
Dominic pushes the door open and leads me inside.
The warmth of the house hits my skin, but I still feel cold.
He grabs a blanket from the back of the couch and wraps it around my shoulders.
Then he gently guides me down onto the sofa.
I sit there. Still. Water drips from my hair onto the floor. Dominic stands in front of me for a moment before running a hand through his wet hair.
“I’m so sorry,” he says quietly. The words hang in the room. “I wanted to tell you so many times.” His voice cracks slightly. “But I knew you needed to find your way back to it on your own.”
I don’t respond. I just stare at the floor. The blanket sits heavy around my shoulders. The silence stretches until the question finally slips out of me.
“Why now?” My voice sounds distant. “Why did I come out now?”
Dominic looks at me.
His expression shifts slightly, like he already knows where this question is going.
“If you didn’t cheat on me,” I continue slowly, “then why did this happen?” My hands tighten in the blanket. “Why did I split?”
Dominic hesitates.
The pause is long enough to make my stomach twist.
“Sera—”
He stops himself. His voice softens as he corrects it. “You come out when Era can’t cope.” The words settle heavily between us. “When something hits her too hard,” he continues slowly. “When something breaks her ability to process it… your mind protects itself.”
He gestures slightly toward me. “That’s when you appear.” I stare at him. Trying to understand. Dominic swallows. “And you’re here now because…”
His voice falters.
The hesitation sends a sharp pulse of unease through my chest.
“…because of Clara.”
My head snaps up.
The numbness disappears instantly.
I sit up straight.
“What?” My voice is sharp now. “Clara?” The name echoes in my head.
My confusion quickly turns into anger. “What do you mean Clara?” I demand.
Because now, it feels like another truth is about to break everything all over again.
Tears spill down my face before I even realize they’ve started.
My hands tremble as I look at Dominic. “What about my sister?” My voice breaks. “Dominic… what about Clara?”
He doesn’t answer. The silence stretches too long. A sudden pain twists through me. “If you’re not going to tell me,” I say, reaching for my phone with shaking hands, “then I need to call her. I need to ask her myself.”
Before I can unlock the screen, Dominic grabs my wrist.
“Sera… you can’t.”
The way he says it makes my stomach drop.
I stare at him.
“What do you mean I can’t?”
His eyes fill with something heavy.
Something final.
“She’s been gone,” he says quietly. The words hit me like a punch to the chest. “For two months now.”
“No.” The word escapes me instantly. “No. No, no, no—”
My breathing breaks apart. The room tilts. A cold wave of panic crashes through my chest. My heart starts racing so fast it feels like it might explode.
“No,” I whisper again, shaking my head violently.
This can’t be real.
My lungs refuse to fill. The air feels too thin. Too small. It feels like I’m dying. My fingers clutch at my chest as memories suddenly begin flooding my mind.
Clara’s voice.
“I miss you. When are you going to visit?”
Mrs. Alden standing outside her house that morning. The look of pity in her eyes. Her words replay suddenly with terrifying clarity.
“People handle these things differently.”
“Everyone has their own way of… coping.”
I thought she was talking about Dominic, about the cheating.
But she wasn’t, she was talking about Clara.
The call with Nadia.
Me saying, I’m here. I’ve got you. Feeling like I’ve said those words before.
Dominic’s voice cuts through the chaos in my mind.
“Sera… she was depressed.” His words feel distant. “You were there when it happened.”
My vision blurs.
Suddenly, the memory crashes into me.
Violent.
Clear.
Like a door in my mind being kicked open.
* * *
2 months ago
I’m driving.
The sun is setting outside the windshield. I’m smiling as I grip the steering wheel. I’m on my way to surprise Clara.
My phone rings.
Clara.
I answer.
“Okay, okay,” I laugh softly. “I know you can sense things, but you can’t possibly know I’m coming to—”
“Era.”
Clara cuts me off.
Her voice isn’t playful, It’s shaking, panicked.
“Era… I made a mistake.”
My smile disappears instantly.
“What?”
“I can’t do this,” she whispers. “I can’t… I’m scared.”
My stomach drops.
“Clara, what’s going on?” I pull the car to the side of the road. “Hold on, what are you talking about?”
Clara’s breathing is uneven.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” she cries. “My mind keeps telling me to do it… and I don’t want to but I think… I think it’s too late.”
My heart starts racing.
“Clara, what the fuck are you talking about?”
A long pause.
Then the words come out.
“I took the pills, Era.” My entire body freezes. “I took them all… not too long ago.”
My hands begin shaking violently.
“Okay,” I stammer. “Okay, okay—”
My mind goes blank.
Pure panic.
“Stay on the phone,” I say quickly. “Stay on the phone with me.”
My fingers fumble as I dial.
“911, what is your emergency?”
“My sister—” My voice cracks. “My sister took them.”
The panic attack hits me hard.
A sharp ache hits me.
My breathing collapses.
The words won’t come out.
“Ma’am, I can’t understand you,” the operator says. “Please speak clearly.”
I force air into my lungs. Force my mind to focus. “My sister tried committing suicide,” I say quickly. “She’s been depressed. She took pills. She’s at her apartment.”
I give the address as my hands tremble so badly I almost drop the phone.
Then I switch back to Clara.
“Clara? Are you there?”
Silence.
“Clara!”
Her voice returns.
Weak.
“I tried vomiting it out,” she whispers. “But it’s not coming out.” My chest hurts painfully. “I think… I think I—”
“No,” I say quickly. “Stay there. I’m coming.”
I slam my foot on the gas, the road blurs. Tears pour down my face as I drive. Cars honk as I speed through traffic.
“Move!” I scream. “Move!”
The drive feels endless.
Finally I reach her building.
I run inside.
Up the stairs.
My hands shake as I unlock the door with the spare key.
“Clara?!”
The apartment is silent.
“Clara!”
I rush into her bedroom.
She’s lying on the bed, barely conscious.
I drop beside her instantly.
“Clara! Wake up!”
I pull her into my arms.
“I’m here,” I whisper desperately. “I’ve got you. I’m here.”
Her eyes flutter open slightly.
She looks at me.
Weak.
But strangely calm.
“Era…” she whispers.
Tears spill down my face.
“No, no. Stay with me.”
Her fingers grip my sleeve weakly.
“I think the noise in my head is finally quiet,” she murmurs.
My heart shatters.
“Clara, don’t say that.”
She gives me the faintest smile.
“I love you,” she whispers. Her voice softens. “And I’m not scared anymore.”
“No,” I beg. “Clara, stay with me.”
Sirens echo outside the building. Paramedics burst through the door moments later. They pull her from my arms and rush her out of the apartment.
The ride to the hospital is a blur of flashing lights and shouted instructions.
I sit in the waiting room afterward, shaking uncontrollably, my hands still smelling like Clara’s hair.
Minutes stretch into hours. Finally a doctor walks toward me.
His face already tells me the answer before he speaks.
“We did everything we could,” he says gently. “But there were complications from the overdose.”
My heart stops.
“She didn’t make it.”
The words echo in the sterile hallway, my knees give out beneath me. The world tilts as I collapse onto the cold hospital floor. Someone catches my shoulder, someone says my name but I can’t hear them anymore.
Because in that moment, something inside my mind refuses to accept what just happened.
It breaks.
And the truth fractures into something my heart can survive.
Clara didn’t die. She can’t die. Because there’s always a way.
There has to be. And that’s when my mind creates the only version of the world I can live with.
A version where Clara is still alive. Where I can still call her.
Still hear her voice. Still believe she’s out there somewhere.
And suddenly I understand the most terrifying truth of all.
For the last two months…
The Clara I’ve been talking to…
Was never really there.