CHAPTER 5 #4
“Wow,” she said softly, stopping at the edge of the checkered cloth, her eyes wide as she took in the arrangement. “Joshua... you did all this yourself? It’s... it’s incredibly sweet. Nobody has ever done anything like this for me before.”
“You deserve a beautiful experience, Amanda,” I said, stepping forward to offer her my hand.
She took it, her small, soft fingers wrapping around my massive palm as I guided her down onto the red-and-white fabric.
She sat with her legs curled to the side, her white dress pooling around her like a cloud, while I settled my massive frame down onto the grass beside her, my long legs stretched out toward the water.
I reached for the bunch of dark grapes, parting a heavy cluster from the stem and handing them to her with a soft smile. “Here. Start with these. They’re incredibly sweet today.”
“Thank you,” she murmured, taking the fruit from my fingers. She popped a grape into her mouth, her eyes closing as she chewed, a soft, contented sigh escaping her lips. “Oh, that’s amazing. Everything out here just tastes... cleaner. Sweeter.”
She looked out over the blue expanse of the water, her face settling into an expression of profound, heartfelt peace that I had never seen on her before in the office. “Tell me about this place, Joshua. You said you came here with your mother?”
A sudden, deep wave of genuine nostalgia filled my voice, the layers of my clinical performance thinning for a brief moment as I looked out at the mirrored surface of the lake.
“Yes. My mother and I spent every summer up here when I was a child. This lake was her absolute sanctuary. We used to spend hours out on that old wooden pier down the shore, fishing for hours in the silence. She taught me how to read the water—how to know where the big ones were hiding by watching the ripples and the shadows of the weeds.”
Amanda turned her head to look at me, her eyes soft, filled with a deep, emotional curiosity. “She sounds like she was an amazing woman, Joshua. You always get this... this beautiful, sad look in your eyes when you mention her. Do you miss her terribly?”
“She was my only anchor in this world, Amanda,” I said, my voice dropping into a raw, low register that carried the absolute truth of my grief.
“She was the only person who truly understood the architecture of my mind. When she passed last year... the world became an incredibly cold, dark place for me. Coming up here is the only time I can still feel her presence.”
“Oh, Joshua...” Amanda murmured, her hand reaching out to cover mine where it rested on the grass.
Her touch was warm, filled with a genuine, sweet empathy that made my internal machinery flinch with a cold, diagnostic analytical response.
“I’m so sorry. I know what it’s like to lose the only person who holds you together.
That’s how I felt when my dad died. But...
you aren't alone anymore, you know. You have people who care about you. People who want to help you hold the weight.”
She leaned closer, her shoulder brushing against my bicep, her dark eyes staring up into mine with an intense, flirtatious heat.
“We should go fishing sometime, Joshua. I mean... I don't know the first thing about it, and I’d probably be completely terrible at it, but... I’m willing to learn.
If you’re the one teaching me, I’d sit out on that pier in the freezing rain for hours. ”
I looked down at her face, watching the soft, hopeful curve of her lips, a sudden, deep sense of clinical pity rippling through my mind.
It was a beautiful sentiment. Truly. She wanted to learn to fish.
She wanted to build a future with the handsome, successful doctor who had saved her from her husband’s fists.
But she had absolutely no idea that her time in the mortal realm was ticking away with every second that passed.
She didn't know that the massive hand she was holding so affectionately was the same hand that would extract her breath from her lungs before the sun dipped behind the pines.
“That sounds like a beautiful idea, Amanda,” I lied softly, my voice smooth and regular. “I’m sure you’d be an excellent student.”
She smiled, completely reassured, and reached into the basket to pull out one of the turkey-and-pesto sandwiches.
She took a large, enthusiastic bite, her face lighting up with satisfaction as she chewed.
“Oh my God, this is incredible. It’s been a whole year since I’ve been out like this, Joshua.
Just... sitting in the sun, eating real food, not worrying about who’s watching the house or if the door is locked tight enough. ”
“I feel the same way,” I echoed, reaching for a slice of the golden pineapple from the fruit plate.
I took a bite, letting the sharp, sweet acid balance the heavy thoughts in my head.
“The city has a way of suffocating you if you stay inside the grid for too long. Out here, the rules are different.”
Amanda finished her sandwich, wiping her fingers on a paper napkin before turning her body completely toward me, her eyes scanning the chiseled lines of my face with a deep, serious curiosity. “Joshua... can I ask you something? Something a bit personal?”
“You can ask me anything, Amanda.”
“How come a man like you—I mean, look at you. You’re incredibly handsome, you’re well-established, you have this amazing career, this beautiful home, this cabin... how come you’re single? A man like you should have a line of women wrapped around the block waiting for an opening.”
I let out a low, soft laugh, shaking my head as I looked out at the willow trees.
“The truth is quite simple, Amanda: I work too much. My practice occupies ninety percent of my waking life. The human mind is a highly complex, highly demanding machine, and when I take on a client, I give them everything I have. I rarely have the time or the emotional bandwidth to build anything real or permanent with a woman outside the clinic. If I’m going to pursue a serious relationship, I want to be able to give that woman my completely undivided attention.
I don't believe in doing things halfway.”