19. CHAPTER 19
SEBASTIAN - PRESENT
M y granddad was buried not far from here.
Six years ago today, I’d watched him pass, a fragile old man hooked up to every machine in the hospital. I’d watched the life drain from him as I held his hand through the night, refusing to leave him.
Six months later, Aria had appeared, bringing that light with her. That hope of one day being able to become someone better.
I didn’t know if my granddad would be proud of the man I’d become. I was trying to keep myself straight and do everything I could to keep my promise to him, but I was struggling every day, torn between the light and the dark.
I sat on the cool pebbles, watching the waves crash to shore, as I swigged the bottle of whisky. It was dark, and my days had blurred into one. The flame from the lighter illuminated my face as I lit a cigarette.
Folkestone Beach. A place my granddad had taken me all the time when I was younger. I had so many happy memories of our time together, finding weird-shaped pebbles to take home to show my grandmother.
I slowly pushed to my feet and swigged from the bottle before staggering down the beach. Car lights flickered in the distance, and I used my hand to shield my eyes. I knew who it was, and I didn’t want to deal with that right now. I just wanted to forget everything.
I’d allowed myself to feel something with Aria, something I hadn’t felt with anyone.
I was terrified of ruining everything with her, of allowing myself to be loved, only for it to be taken away from me.
To feel that abandonment again scared the life out of me.
Could I really give myself to Aria fully, without breaking her heart again like I did four years ago?
I carried on stumbling across the beach, the moon reflecting on the sea ripples, a torturous reminder of Aria’s eyes. It didn’t matter how hard I tried to forget her; I just couldn’t. I could hear the faint crunching of the pebbles behind me, getting louder as it grew closer.
There was only one person who would dare approach me in this state.
I paused with my back still to them.
“Go away, Hayden,” I told him. “Me and my bottle are fine.” I held up the whisky bottle, then downed some more.
“Thought you’d be here, having a pity party for one.”
I was not having a pity party; far from it. I was just taking some time out. I deserved to have a break from that corporate world now and then and enjoy myself. I wasn’t doing anything out of the ordinary.
Who was I trying to kid? He knew me better than I knew myself, and right now, I was a mess.
He’d seen what I’d been like after my granddad died. He’d seen the darkness come out of me and take no mercy on anyone. He even saw the way I was when Aria arrived, changing little bits of me. He noticed everything.
I gave up and sat back down on the pebbles. The crunch stopped as he sat next to me, grabbed the bottle from my hands, and took a swig. His face said it all.
“When are you going to start drinking rum instead of this shit?” He looked over the bottle and gave it back.
“When you buy me a bottle,” I said, patting him on the back as we let out a little laugh before falling into a comfortable silence, both of us looking out at the ocean.
“You need to sort your shit out,” he said bluntly.
He was right . I couldn’t keep living like this, but I didn’t know how to be any other way.
“That baggage you hold on tight to … you need to let it go,” he continued. “If you don’t, you will drown.” He nudged me. “She’s worried about you, you know.”
I could see his eyes flicker to me, waiting for a reaction. I took a deep breath, plucking up a pebble and throwing it into the sea.
“She doesn’t need to worry about me,” I replied quietly.
“She’s a good woman, Sebastian. Don’t lose her again because you can’t be man enough to admit how you feel about her.”
I looked over at him, raising an eyebrow. “Since when did you become so wise?”
“I’ve always been wise. You’ve just never listened to me. Now, are you coming home, or are you going to stay here on your ‘business trip’ forever?”
I slowly, reluctantly pushed myself to stand, facing him with a small smile. I knew I needed to sort these demons out, but I didn’t know where to start—or if it were even possible.
In that moment, though, there was one thing I was sure of: Aria was mine, and I was going to do everything in my power to keep her.