CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE NICK
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
NICK
Seeing Dean running toward me, his face desperate but smiling, solidifies the thorny guilt in my stomach. It’s only been twenty minutes since I sent him that text, so he really booked it to get here.
And he’s fucking smiling. What the hell?
“How’d you get here this quickly?” I ask as he reaches me.
He sits next to me on the bridge wall, his face adorably flushed. “I rented a bike.”
“Makes sense.” My words are clipped, stress settling in my throat.
Dean doesn’t seem to notice or react—his hands are in the pockets of his dark blue jacket, and he’s wearing a cute, expectant expression that digs into my chest.
“I'm sorry,” I start, getting right to the point. “I shouldn't have run out.”
“It’s fine,” he says. “I was just worried—this is the first time you left the house without me.”
I shrug. “I found my way around. And hey, now I can make you be a tourist.”
Smiling, he glances around at the absolute swarm of tourists packing the bridge and the causeway. “Yeah. I’m surprised I even found you in all this mess.”
“But you did, and now you’re here.” I sigh, not exactly sure what to say, given everything swarming my brain.
I like you too much to just be casual, but you’re moving here, I’m trying to go pro but maybe not, so do you want to cut the crap and let ourselves like each other for real while we figure shit out on the fly?
Nope. It isn’t like I think Dean would make me leave or anything, but the damn air mattress in his room doesn’t scream comfort to me. That’s the only reason why I want to keep things calm with Dean, not because I want to throw caution to the wind and date him for real.
Jeez, he can’t want the same thing, can he? If the circumstances were different, sure, but we’re still parting ways in a few months.
There’s only one way to find out if he’s as delusional as I am.
“So, uh, are we gonna stay here and chill, or…” He beats me to breaking the silence and turns toward me. The sight of his gentle, half-curved smile makes my chest squeeze. He’s so freaking cute, I can’t take it.
“Let’s stay for a bit.” I stick my hands in my pockets, staring forward to avoid getting disarmed even further by Dean’s existence, and I huff out a breath. “I suppose we should talk about why I stormed out?”
Dean nods in my peripheral vision.
“I’m scared,” I admit. “And I know it’s messy, but I like you.”
He barks out a short laugh. “Really? I didn’t hear you the first time.”
“Hey, I’m trying to be serious,” I groan, reaching over to punch his shoulder.
A sigh comes from my left. “And yeah, I like you, too. But we’re going to different places in four months, soooooo…” He drags the word out, hiking the suspense and making my heart jump. “What are we gonna do?”
“I don’t know. Cut things off?” My voice is barely audible, even to me, but somebody had to put it out there as an option.
He snorts. “Yeah, right. What are we going to do, share a town for four months and not see each other?”
“I mean, it’s logical,” I mutter, “but I don’t know if it’s possible.”
Dean brushes my shoulder with his, and the slightest contact sends my affection racing into overdrive. “Yeah, no, it isn’t. I’d be clawing at the walls of my apartment knowing you’re a five-minute walk away, and then I'd be outside your window throwing pebbles by day two.”
“So we're on the same page.”
“We both don’t want this to end yet?” He huffs out a laugh. “I’d say so, but that doesn’t change what’s happening after graduation.”
I swallow my rising nerves, determined to let Dean know my fragile plan. “Sure, but I might not be too far from where you are. Baseball might not work out for me right after I graduate, so I was thinking of taking a gap year.”
“Here?” He turns to me, a sad look in his eyes. “There’s no way you’re getting a visa for an entire year.”
“No, no. More like this area. I could be one of those guys who backpacks through Southeast Asia, but I could visit you for a month at a time.”
Dean’s jaw hangs open. “You would…do that? I don’t want you to give up on going pro if—”
“Eh. The decision’s mostly out of my hands at this point,” I confess. “If nobody wants me, it is what it is, so I might as well have some fun abroad before real life hits me.”
“When did you think of all this?”
“While I was walking, in between mentally beating myself up for being an ass earlier.”
He lets out a gentle chuckle, laying a hand on my thigh that makes my heart squeeze. “Hey, I was kind of freaked out by you dashing, but it’s understandable. Now we’ve both calmed down, and we still like each other.”
He said that before, but hearing it again is still super relieving.
Now it’s my turn to mumble a suspenseful, “So….” I suck in a breath to ground myself before blurting out the contents of my brain. “Do you want to be together?”
The silence I get in response forces me to face my fears, and face Dean head-on.
And, aw shit, he’s wearing one of his corny, teasing grins.
“What?” I ask, slipping into a nervous smile.
“Say that again.”
I shake my head.
“Aww, come on, Nicky-boy.” His grin grows wider as he punches my chest, and even though I know I should hate him using that nickname, my only thought is that it’s cute. “Repeat yourself. I didn’t hear you the first time.”
“Screw it,” I mutter, letting my head fall back. “Dean, we’re both seniors, we have four months left of college, and therefore, we’re in the same boat. Do you want to be my boyfriend?”
Damn it, why is he still silent? And still smiling at me? If he wants to laugh at how sappy and pathetic I am, why can’t he just—
“You’re asking me to be your boyfriend at one of the most romantic places in the country?
How can I say no?” Whether that’s some kind of sick sarcasm isn’t immediately clear to me, and my maybe-hopefully-boyfriend walks his hand over and clasps his fingers on top of mine.
“In all seriousness, yes. I really want to be your boyfriend.”
Even though we’re gonna be flying by the seat of our pants? I wonder, but I have enough tact not to say it out loud. Who knows what’s happening beyond graduation and the year after? Maybe there’s a physical therapy college in China…
Oop, he’s standing up, so I follow him.
“Look, I know what you’re thinking,” he starts, still holding onto my hand, “but maybe we don’t need to set a definite end date, whether that’s in four months or whenever.
I’m still waiting on my job in Shenzhen to get back to me on the background check, and I have a pending grad school application.
Nothing’s really set in stone. Maybe I’ll be the one to move for you. ”
I laugh out loud at how he flipped things on their head, determined to lighten the mood. “That’s so sweet of you, babe!” I squeeze his cheek as he tries to dodge me, scoffing. “You changed your mind for my sorry ass. You might choose me!”
It comes out as a joke, but hell if I don’t mean what I just said.
“Yeah, fuck you,” he says, chuckling and gently shoving me.
My ass lands against the edge of the bridge, and he steps closer, putting a hand on my chest and leaning me backward. Not enough to actually risk tipping me into the water below, especially since he's got his other hand stabilizing my back, but it's enough to make me swat him away.
“What for?”
“Making me fall for you like this, which is the craziest thing I’ve ever done in my life.” He tilts his head, smiling. “But it’s worth it. I don’t know why, but you’re good for me.”
“Aww, is someone getting sappy?”
“Hmm, maybe. Wanna kiss?”
“Here?”
Dean plants his hands on either side of me, and I bat his smirking face away. “You know, awkward PDA is a thing here for some reason. I’d always side-eye people making out on the subway and whatever, but I kind of get the appeal now.”
He parts his lips and leans in closer, and I have to deflect him again.
“Dude, I’m not trying to get arrested.”
“Kissing in public isn’t illegal, just a little trashy,” he counters. “Besides, this bridge is so romantic it's legendary. I really, really want to kiss you right now.”
What? This place is legendary?
That sounds legit, but I’m gonna have to fact check it for myself later.
I concede by letting Dean plant a gentle, chaste peck on my lips, and the momentary contact is enough to send my heart into overdrive.
Cutting my impulses off with a major feat of willpower, I pull away, preventing myself from doing what's natural: driving my tongue into his perfect mouth and turning him on.
And tasting the pair of lips that are mine.
My god, I’m so, so fucked. We’re fucked. And I’ve never felt happier because Dean is my boyfriend who I might change my life plans for. Or who might change his life plans for me. But probably the first one.
Only a few months after meeting each other.
He pulls back, extracting a weak protest from my throat. “We have four months to build our relationship up. That’s clinical, I know, but if we’re gonna do long distance for a while, we’d need to have a good base.”
“Is that why you changed your mind about dating?” I ask. “Because, you know, you were adamant about not starting anything serious when you had plans to move home.”
His hands stay on my shoulders, and he rocks from one foot to the other.
“Not exactly. I think it’s because we’re both graduating at the same time, and we both want the same thing.
” There’s a slight pause before he continues.
“I’m not the kind of person who does things for the short haul. If I’m in it, I’m in it.”
I swallow. “Same here.”
Cocking his head, he smirks down at me. “It’s a good thing we found each other, then.”
Definitely. Jesus, I’m so fucking lucky.
“Should we head back home?” he asks. “My dad offered to drive us to some of the less touristy spots if you’re down.”
“I’m in,” I say. “I guess we have to pretend we’re just bros again?”
He stops in his tracks. “Hold up. About that…” As he scratches the back of his neck, I narrow my eyes in the hopes he keeps talking. “My dad kind of…guessed. About us.”
“Oh my god, are you— How—”
“He’s fine with it. And he guessed because the air mattress apparently needs to be refilled every few days, but we haven’t asked for the pump yet.”
Relief floods my body, and I launch myself into a hug. His parents are fine with him, and us. And me. That’s all I could ask for Dean.
“Oops,” I say, pulling back.
“And he knew about my high school ex, but just didn’t say anything.”
“Jesus. That’s funny as fuck.” I regard Dean’s amused expression as I come to a lovely realization. “If your parents know about us, I can be all clingy and affectionate with my sweet, sweet boyfriend!”
I coo loudly, latching onto Dean's arm, and for effect, I squeeze tightly while leaning my head against his shoulder.
He shakes me off, laughing. “No.” He sticks a finger at me. “We are not doing this.”
“Not doing what?” I pout.
“This kind of… Fuck. Now's a great time to teach you a new word in Chinese your course definitely wouldn't have covered.”
If it isn't a weird pet name I can call him in front of his parents, I don't wanna hear it.
“It's sa jiao,” he says.
I repeat after him. “Sa. Jiao.”
“You got it. That's something neither of us are gonna be. Ever.”
“What does it mean?”
Dean thinks for a second. “Like…sickly sweet, over-the-top cutesy shit on fucking steroids. We don't do that.”
“Is that a condition of dating you?” I ask.
“Yup, you're my boyfriend now, and I don’t accept takebacks. Ever.”
As he chuckles and slings an arm over my shoulder, I dwell on his last word. It's one I hope sticks.