Chapter 9
Chapter Nine
Lily
The moment we jumped out of the plane’s door, the air smacked me in the face and stole my breath while it whooshed loudly and relentlessly in my ears.
Holyfuckingshit! I thought to myself in total disbelief.
The feeling of hurtling toward the earth that looked worlds away made my stomach lurch in panic until Jaxon tapped my shoulder, reminding me to let go of my harness and hold my arms out to my sides.
It was then that I couldn’t determine if I was falling or floating as I arched my back as he instructed, with my chin up.
I surrendered myself to the intense feeling, knowing that the tether apparatus kept Jaxon and me locked together as we free-fell through the sky. His presence was my safety net, silencing my fears and grounding me in the experience.
Seeing our small town from this vantage point was nearly indescribable.
The views were beyond my wildest dreams. The lush green fields were picturesque, while the sun sparkling off the surrounding lakes was breathtaking.
It reminded me of how tiny we were in this vast world, even though so much of it was at our fingertips, ready to explore, and yet, instead of feeling lost, I felt free.
With nothing to hold on to, I relinquished my body and soul to the heavens and let go.
Let go of the fear, doubts, and the guilt I’d carried so deeply embedded in my bones.
My intrusive thoughts, once stuck in a loop, vanished.
My mind embraced a feeling so foreign—freedom.
Raw and in its purest form.
Tendrils of hair were tickling my face when Jaxon reached for my hand and directed me to the parachute’s release.
The moment I pulled it, there was a sharp jolt and a sudden whoosh that sucked us upward when the chute burst open.
What was once a deafening howl in my ears had been replaced by a gentleness as we glided steadily in a seated position through the air.
After the initial burst of adrenaline had surged through me, I embraced the calm, allowing it to wrap around my soul like a silent promise, reminding me I was braver than I’d ever given myself credit for in the past.
The feeling of change on the horizon was a welcome breath of fresh air.
The core of who I was had screamed silently at the sky for years, aching to have my feelings heard, to be understood, even when I buried them beneath who I thought I was supposed to be to please others.
I wasn’t the same woman who jumped out of that plane; I was someone with a renewed spirit.
I felt whole, and not because it fixed me—far from it—but because I’d stopped hiding.
There was power and an overwhelming sense of peace with that knowledge.
I recognized I’d been walking through life as someone else, and now the view before me was clear.
It was comforting and familiar.
There was also something so incredibly inspiring—a new knowing that we had the power to change—the opportunity to grab that second chance with determined hands.
Putting your wants and needs first wasn’t selfish; it was really an untapped necessity because if you weren’t happy and fulfilled, you couldn’t truly show up for others, and I wanted nothing more than to be present and live in the moment with every beat of my heart so I could be the woman Jaxon deserved.
I’d been so mesmerized by the vast, breathtaking beauty below that a quiet sadness started to creep in as the once-distant landscape slowly drew closer and closer with each breath, narrowing my view to the open field where we were to land.
What had felt like infinite time and space mere moments ago was now rushing toward its end, and I wasn’t quite ready.
“Lift your feet now,” Jaxon shouted over the wind hitting our faces.
Together we slid along the grass with our legs stretched out in front of us.
Once he unlatched us, I shifted off him and onto my back on the grass, tossing my glasses aside.
With my eyes scrunched closed and what I surmised was the biggest, goofiest smile on my face, tears streamed recklessly down the side of my face into my hairline.
The release was joyous as laughter ricocheted from deep within my chest, puncturing the air uncontrollably. I was drunk with disbelief that I’d actually jumped out of a plane. Something I never knew could be so profound and life-changing until that very moment.
The warmth of the sun kissed my face until I rolled onto my side, facing Jaxon, who was propped up on one elbow, watching me with pure reverence and a giant smile beaming with pride.
“We jumped out of a freaking plane together.” I panted, still trying to catch my breath, caught somewhere between shock and awe as the weight of what had just happened began to sink in.
“Yeah, we did.” He squeezed my hip with enthusiasm. “Would you do it again?”
“With you? In a fucking heartbeat,” I voiced, not bothering to downplay the unstoppable excitement coursing through me.
Jaxon reached back, gently tugged the elastic from my hair, and let his fingers thread through the strands as I lay back, the grass no longer tickling my neck.
“You’re incredible, you know that?” His warm chestnut eyes glistened.
“The old me would have fought you on that—” I swallowed.
“And now?”
“I’m going to take the win.” I pressed my lips into a thin line, still reeling from the kind of healing I never imagined finding. “Thank you for giving me this experience.”
“You’re the hero in your story, Lily. Tell me you know that.” His thumb tenderly brushed across my cheek. “The past doesn’t define you, it builds strength and character.”
I closed my eyes, absorbing the magnitude of his words, doing my best to acknowledge and accept them free from guilt.
After years spent in a disingenuous relationship with someone whose every action was designed to tear me down, one layer at a time, I hated to admit that, even now, a sincere compliment meant to celebrate me still felt a little jarring.
Transitioning from making myself invisible to seen meant the struggle was real, but with Jaxon, he had always given me a safe place to land, to be vulnerable, and I refused to hold myself back any longer.
My heart was always open with him, and I wasn’t afraid to keep putting in the work needed to heal because when you learned to embrace your worth, that was when the real magic happened.
“Thank you for restoring a part of myself I thought was lost forever—the girl who once lived for the moment and wasn’t afraid to take risks.
” I paused, searching for how to best articulate what I was feeling at that moment.
“Words are truly failing me right now.” I rubbed my hand over my sternum.
“But I can feel it in here. Something has shifted, I can’t explain it,” I sobbed through joyous stutters of my words.
“I’m just so grateful for you, Jaxon. To be here with you. ”
“There’s literally no other place on the planet I’d rather be than here with you.”
“I believe you, and I feel the same.”
“Good—”
That was all he managed to say before I cut him off and pulled him by the back of his neck down to me.
Our lips collided in a rush of emotions before he took control of the kiss, tilting my head as his tongue swept deeper into my mouth, tangling with exquisite precision, hungry with need, and familiar with a deeply rooted ache.
“My God, I’m speechless . . . It’s like he’s two completely different people,” Arizona said, looking gobsmacked.
“That’s one way of putting it.” I shrugged and reached for my glass of water.
“Using you like that, I’m so sorry, Lily. It wasn’t right. No parent should ever—”
“It is what it is, or who he is, I should say. His true colors came to light under pressure.”
“And what about now? Do you talk to either of your parents?”
“Only my mom sometimes, but—how do I reconcile the level of betrayal? The secrets? My dad’s actions had repercussions for me far beyond what I can forget and or forgive. Yes, we only get one life, but it almost cost me mine.”
Bitterness was a heavy double-edged sword. It lingered like a weighted blanket, smothering you on contact, seeping into your bones, altering your headspace, but it also anchored my racing thoughts, gently nudging me to protect my space.
“I’m sorry,” I apologized, knowing how harsh my words sounded.
“For what? You’ve got nothing to be sorry for, Lily.” Arizona moved closer to me on the couch and reached for my hand.
“It’s just.” I paused, my throat tightening as guilt clawed at my chest. “I know I must sound heartless.” My voice cracked as I tried to explain the shame I felt, even though I knew it was the right thing for me, but my words came out unsteady.
“I basically cut my still-living parents out of my life and you—” I looked at Arizona, the ache in my chest doubling as her glossy eyes met mine.
“You’d give anything to have your mom back. ”
“I could never think that, I promise you. Not everyone has what it takes to be a parent. Parents are supposed to protect, teach, and guide their kids, not use them as pawns for their benefit.” She squeezed my hand.
“Once trust is broken, it has to be earned back. Apologies aren’t free passes.
Actions speak louder than words ever could, and when the people in your life keep treating you the same way, constantly hurting you for their gain, that’s where you need to draw the line.
You say: Enough is enough and take a stand. ”
I nodded. Feeling seen and having my feelings validated was a powerful feeling I wasn’t familiar with.
“Thank you.” My voice was thick with emotion as I leaned in and wrapped an arm around Arizona, clinging to her as if she were a lifeline.
“Thank you for not judging me,” I murmured, my throat tightening again, but this time from the sheer relief of being understood.
“And for being the best friend anyone could ever ask for.”
“I got you. Besties for life.”