Tin

CHAPTER NINETEEN

RIKER

“She doesn’t know I’m here?”

Kirsten shakes her head but keeps walking up the stairs to the courthouse.

I hurry to catch up to her again. “No one thought it might be good to warn her?”

“No. You know Quinn. She’s not particularly good at accepting help from others. That’s not an annoying little something she reserves exclusively for you, you know.”

We walk in through the massive glass doors, and Kirsten doesn’t even hesitate. The gigantic hall is nothing if not intimidating, but she clearly knows exactly where she’s going.

“How long ago did they start?” I glance at my watch for what’s probably the five hundredth time this morning. I have plenty of time. I’m not due to take the stand for another thirty minutes.

“About three hours ago. Quinn had to give her testimony first thing this morning. Last I heard from Devyn’s assistant, she was still being questioned by the Murphys’ lawyer.” Her tiny little nose twitches, showing her disgust. I’ve noticed it does that every time she says his name. Jackson. Murphy. What physical reactions have I developed as a result of knowing it now too? My fists clench every time I hear it, but that’s a no-brainer.

She stops in front of a large set of double doors. “We’re here.” She eyes me up and down. “You may want to take a moment. Take a breath or something.”

I frown. “Why?”

Her hand reaches up to smooth the collar on my dress shirt. “Because. It’s murder in there.” Then she pats my chest and nods at the security guy to open the door .

The room is quiet when we go in, not counting the booming voice of the attorney standing front and center, who based on his tone alone is in the midst of verbally assaulting the person sitting in the witness stand—Quinn.

Kirsten shoots me a warning look, and I unclench my hands, then slide into the seat beside her. Sitting right in front of us is an older couple. The woman’s profile is almost identical to Quinn’s. They’ve got to be her parents. And I ache, realizing these are the circumstances in which I’ll be meeting them.

“Did you, or did you not, continue to attack Mr. Murphy long after he was already unconscious?” The man’s oversize belly jolts with each emphasized syllable.

Quinn nods, her face void of any and all emotion. “I did.”

“Now, Ms. Quincy. If it was really an act of self-defense as you claim it was—“

A woman at the table before us rises to her feet in an instant. “Objection, Your Honor. He’s badgering the witness. She has explained multiple times here today why it was, in fact, an act of self-defense. Suggesting otherwise or trying to undermine her testimony with such a belligerent tone is not only objectionable but unconscionable at this point in the proceedings.”

Judge Hanson, a woman who looks to be in her sixties, with silver hair draping her shoulders in large sweeping curls, moves her head curtly. “I’m inclined to agree, counselor.” She turns toward the Murphys’ lawyer, the unconscionable one. It’s the nicest thing anyone could say about him as far as I’m concerned. “Please proceed, but keep your insinuations to yourself.”

“Yes, Your Honor.” He clears his throat, preparing to have another go at Quinn. “Ms. Quincy. Please tell the court why you proceeded to attack a man after he was unconscious and clearly no longer a threat to you. ”

“I didn’t want to. I just...couldn’t stop. I knew if he got back up, there would be no escaping him again. But I never intended to kill him. I realize that’s hard for everyone to comprehend. In spite of everything he did to me, I still loved him.” She’s staring blankly ahead, and I wonder where she’s really at. I want more than anything to run across this room and bring her back. To see the light shine in her eyes. To know she’s present. Alive.

The Murphys’ lawyer snorts, and I see Devyn about to shoot out of her chair again, but he catches himself and she does the same.

“You’re right. That is hard to comprehend. Impossible, actually. Considering we’ve all seen the pictures. We know what you’re capable of. The only question left now is how much do you think the loss of a life is worth? How much do you think you owe for what you took that day?”

“Objection!”

“Withdrawn.” He tilts his head toward the judge. “Our side rests, Your Honor.”

Her lips purse. “Yes, I should think so.” She addresses Devyn next. “Counselor, would you like to cross-examine the witness?”

She’s already walking out from behind her table. “Yes, Your Honor. I would.”

She approaches Quinn. “I think opposing counsel brought up an interesting point. How much is the loss of a life worth? Is there a number high enough, in your opinion, Ms. Quincy? I ask because Jackson Murphy’s wasn’t the only life lost that day, was it?”

“No. It wasn’t.”

Devyn shakes her head. “No, it wasn’t. As we heard earlier, during the altercation leading up to Mr. Murphy’s death, he brutally attacked the defendant with the specific intent of terminating her pregnancy. Which he succeeded in doing. A life was lost. A life Mr. Murphy should have felt a God-given instinct to protect. And yet he snuffed it out in the most violent way imaginable. ”

“Objection, Your Honor. I’m not hearing any questions here.”

Devyn raises her hand. “Oh, I have one. I promise.”

“Then please get on with it, counsel.” As of yet, I can’t really tell if the judge likes one of them better than the other, but then I guess she’s not supposed to.

“Will you ever be able to conceive another baby, Ms. Quincy?”

Quinn’s jaw tightens, and the light that was missing comes back in a furious blaze. “What?”

“Please answer the question, Ms. Quincy,” the judge directs her.

Quinn bites her lip, blinking several times. “No, I will not.”

But Devyn doesn’t let up. “Why not?”

Even from where I’m sitting, I can see her swallow hard like she’s forcing down a spear that’s painfully trying to push its way up her throat. “Because the repeated blows to my abdomen that day caused such severe internal bleeding that they had no choice but to perform an emergency hysterectomy to keep me from bleeding out and dying.”

“So, essentially, Jackson Murphy didn’t just kill his own baby. He killed every baby you had the potential to conceive and birth in your lifetime.” Devyn spins around to face the jury. “How much do you suppose that’s worth?”

Then, before the other side can even utter their objection, she quickly adds “Withdrawn” as she returns to her seat. “Defense rests, Your Honor. I have no more questions for the defendant”

And neither do I. I get it now. Everything. Those unborn lives he killed that day meant something now. Because they weren’t just hypothetical babies anymore. They could have been ours.

QUIN N

I’m getting a tremor in my left hand. I haven’t had them since I was on trial for Jackson’s murder. Maybe they’re courtroom related. Maybe they’re Jackson related. Either way, I shake my hand to try and un-twitch whatever muscles and nerves are causing the spasm. But nothing helps. I want to cry. It’s stupid. But this one little vibration is pushing me over the edge. Probably because it’s just one more way the universe is letting me know that I don’t have control over anything. Not my own life. Not even my own body.

“Ms. Quincy?” The judge’s voice cuts through my thoughts, and I get the feeling this isn’t the first time she’s tried to get my attention.

“Yes, ma’am?” As far as I know the plaintiff’s side is allowed to have another go at me. What with me being their star witness in the case against myself. I guess that’s the downside to being the only person still alive after the altercation. That and the whole being labeled a murderer bit.

“You may step down.” She nods toward my seat beside Devyn. “Counsel has declined to redirect.”

I glance over at the Murphies and their attorney. They don’t seem too happy about it. Now I’m kind of sorry I zoned out and missed whatever conversation led up to this.

Regardless, I follow her orders and hurry over to my chair. Any seat is better than this one.

As soon as I’m beside her, Devyn rises. “Your Honor, the defense calls James Shepherdson to the witness stand.”

What? I immediately spin around and search the room. I don’t have to look long. He’s sitting two rows behind me. And he’s staring straight at me because he knew I would look for him the moment I heard his name. He doesn’t smile. He doesn’t do anything other than stare back at me. It’s the first time since I’ve known him that I can’t get a read on what he’s thinking or feeling. Riker’s an open book when it comes to his feelings, which means he’s making a conscious effort to hide them from me now .

“Counsel, before you call your first witness, perhaps you would like to make a motion?”

Devyn shakes her head like maybe she’s misunderstood the judge. “A motion, Your Honor?”

“Yes. A motion.” Judge Hanson leans forward. “You are familiar with court proceedings, are you not, counselor?”

“Of course, Your Honor.” Devyn lifts her chin a little higher and squares her shoulders. “We’d like to make a motion to dismiss, Your Honor.”

Then, shocking us all, the judge nods. “I should think so. Motion granted. This case is dismissed.”

Jackson’s mom and sister are visibly enraged by this unexpected turn of events while I’m just...here. I have no idea what to do or feel. It’s too much. It’s been less than ten minutes since I was asked to relive the most terrifying, most traumatic, most devastating day of my life. I can’t just snap out of that and rejoice because the universe has flipped the script on me out of the blue. Besides. I don’t trust the universe yet.

“Your Honor, with all due respect, you can’t be serious.” Not surprisingly, Harrold Sullivan, the other lawyer, is up on his feet trying to undo what’s been done. “Mrs. Murphy’s disabilities prevent her from working. Her son was the sole provider of their family. His death has caused them financial hardships they can’t begin to overcome unless the defendant pays what they are owed.”

“You’re confused, counsel. Your talking portion has come to an end. So sit back down and be quiet unless you want to find yourself in contempt of court. It’s my turn to talk now.” Judge Hanson adjusts her seat and fixes the long flowing sleeves of her robe while Sullivan drops into his seat, completely flabbergasted. “I didn’t choose to pick up this gavel or wear this robe to sit by and watch our justice system be misused in such a grossly negligent way as I have seen here since the proceedings began.” She folds her hands and lays them flat on her podium. “However, after hearing testimony today from the defendant, I am more convinced than ever that we owe this young woman not only a not guilty verdict, but an apology. As members of this court, it is our duty to act with the utmost respect for human life, always. Unfortunately, at times we seem to forget that the defendants, however reprehensible they may seem, are entitled to that same respect. And when I see cases like this one, I am reminded time and time again that we are failing in this very important aspect of our jobs.” She directs her focus to me and gestures for me to stand. Even though I can barely feel my legs, I do.

“You give me hope, Ms. Quincy. You give me hope, because your strength in spirit and your kindness of heart remain even after all you have endured. You give me hope, because I believe you will continue your work as you have done since your release from prison, and with your help, maybe society will stop asking women to be more preemptive in dealing with their attackers. Expect less mindful planning of their reactions to their attacks. And be more gracious and understanding of women who love their attackers in spite of how they suffer.”

She turns toward the Murphies. “I am truly sorry for your loss. No mother should have to endure the death of a child. But no woman should have to endure the violence your son subjected Abigail Quincy to either. No human being should have to face the choice between dying and taking a life. Least of all the life of someone she loves. And no human being should ever have to face prosecution for surviving what should have killed them. Abigail Quincy owes you nothing. We owe her. We owe her the years of her life she spent in prison. We owe her for the months of public shaming she endured during her trials. We owe her for the undeniable pain and likely humiliation she faced every time she was asked to recount the times she was brutalized. And we owe her for never acknowledging her losses. For saying it’s your own fault . For suggesting she deserved the sort of treatment she was given. Let me assure you one last time, she does not.”

Her attention lands solely on me as she slams down her gavel. “This case is dismissed. Abigail Quincy, you are free to go. May no one ever be foolish enough to attempt to drag you back into my courtroom.” Then she grants me an unexpected smile and stands to leave.

I still haven’t processed any of it when Devyn throws her arms around me, jumping up and down like we’re twelve and just got One Direction tickets. Kirsten’s already piling herself on top of us. Over all the commotion, I can still hear my mother sniffling repeatedly while my father keeps clearing his throat. Then I remember. He’s here.

“Riker.” It’s the first thing I’ve said since I was asked to leave the witness stand. As soon as his name passes my lips, it’s like the sea of people surrounding me clears. Only he’s not there anymore.

“Where did he go?” I break away from Devyn and Kirsten and take several steps toward the empty seat he occupied just a few minutes ago.

“I don’t know. He was here a second ago.” My sister’s searching the room as well.

Then it hits me. “How long was he in the courtroom, Kirsten? When did he get here?”

“You were still testifying. The asshole was just asking you the last of his questions and then Devyn got up.” She’s smoothing the sides of her dress. She’s anxious.

“He heard.” My voice gets stuck somewhere in the back of my throat.

“He needed to hear.” Kirsten steps up to move directly in front of me. “He needed to know. Everything. And I swear to you, Quinn, his reaction wasn’t what you’re thinking. ”

“Then why did he leave?”

Helplessly, she glances around one last time. “I don’t know.”

“Come on, honey.” My mother drapes an arm around me, and my father curls his around my waist from the other side. “Time to close the door on this chapter and see what’s on the other side.” She smiles, and I know she’s thinking about our last conversation about my life. Maybe she’s right. Maybe there is something to hope for. I found light once in the black abyss I’d fallen into. And now that he’s back, maybe I can come out of it for good. If he really is back.

My family shuttles me past the Murphies and their attorney, all of whom are out in the hall waiting to glare at me as I go by. I don’t care anymore. Somehow, the words Judge Hanson said to me have changed things. It’s like she took the power back from the universe and handed it back to me. For the first time ever, I am in charge of my own destiny. And now that I know what that means, I’m not screwing it up. Starting with the man I love. The man who made me want to be better. The man who found my heart when it was missing and gave me his until I found my own.

“He’s handsome,” my mother whispers as we walk outside. I smile. He is.

I rest my head on her shoulder and close my eyes to the bright sun. “I didn’t realize you got to see him. He was sitting behind you.”

Her hand squeezes my side. “I didn’t, really. But I’m getting a pretty good look at him right now.”

My eyelids fly back up in a flash, only now all I can see are black splotches while I wait for my eyes to adjust. Frustrated, I blink repeatedly. All I want is to see his face. See him grin that Riker grin and know that everything is going to be alright. That he forgives me. That he accepts me. All that I’ve done. All I’ll never be able to give .

And then, finally, I do. He’s got both hands placed in his pockets, his lips tucked up halfway in a tentative smile. It’s like he pours strength into me just by being present, and I start to move toward him, getting faster with each step I take until I’m there, in his arms. Safe. And whole.

“Please don’t tell me to leave,” he whispers.

“I won’t. Not ever again. I swear.” I wrap my arms around him as tight as I can. I don’t ever want to let him go. I just want to hold him. Kiss him. Tell him how stupid I was to push him away. The only thing I don’t want to say is I’m sorry . I’m so fucking over I’m sorry .

I tilt my head back and find looking down at me. God, how much I’ve missed this. Missed him. Whatever convoluted ideas I had about love once upon a time have been completely eradicated and replaced with the magnitude of his fierce heart and what it has taught me.

“I’ll never be able to give you what you lost.” I need to say it. Now. I can’t move forward wondering. Waiting to hear him change his mind about us. About me.

“I’ll never be able to take back what was done to you.” His lips brush my forehead.

“I never expected you to.”

He lowers his lips to be even with mine. “Neither did I. All I’ve ever wanted from you was you . It’s all I’ll ever want.” He kisses me, and I believe him. More importantly, I can give him what he wants. Truth is, he already has it.

I’m still clinging to him when Devyn begins to usher us all down the steps of the courthouse. “I don’t know about you all, but I’m ready to get out of here and not come back for a while.” In unison, five heads jerk around at her. “What? I’m a freaking lawyer. I have to come back. You”—she points at me—“are never to set foot in another courthouse for as long as you live, though. Unless it’s for a good cause.” She winks. “You know, like a marriage license. ”

“Oh, you know, we could just grab one now while we’re here, and then you’ll really never have to come back.” Kirsten. Who clearly thinks she’s being hilarious.

“Alright, alright. I get it. My man is hot, and you all think I need to slap a sold sign on him.”

“Actually, I was thinking he needed to slap one on you. So you remember next time you want to do something stupid. Like run away from home and the best thing that ever happened to you.” Kirsten nudges Riker as she passes him.

“You girls are so romantic.” He laughs. “Seriously, though. Could you stop horning in on my proposal?”

My eyes widen, and I’m certain deer in the headlight doesn’t even begin to cover it.

“Relax. I’m not asking you to marry me.” He kisses my cheek. “Now.”

“Huh.” I’m not sure if I’m disappointed or not.

He notices and leans in close while we walk still wrapped up in one another. “Oh, don’t you worry, Boots. It’s going to happen.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.” And he doesn’t make those unless he knows he can keep them.

I smile. My life is changing. And I’m finally ready to change with it.