CHAPTER 9
Tino
Her face was so pale she could be dead.
Was she? Did she leave me? Did I kill my Angel?
In ways, I might have. The pain I inflicted on her wasn’t easy to take. Men crumbled under less pressure. I took pieces of her body and soul that she’d never get back. I stole her time on this earth, every minute passing in this room a year in misery. I was killing her, but she killed me first.
For days after Leo and Nicole left, I stopped watching Angel’s nights through a screen. I needed to feel her close, see her face, hear her breathe. Tonight was no different. I nestled in the dark corner, watching her sleep, counting her inhales and exhales, synching mine with hers. Except tonight her breath was so faint I could barely hear it.
You can’t leave me, Angel. I didn’t allow it. I’ll never allow it.
“Tino,” she whispered.
I held my breath, yet I was glad to hear her voice. For a moment there, she scared me, and I’d long forgotten what fear felt like.
“I know you’re here.”
She couldn’t possibly know. She was sleeping like the dead, and I was very careful as always. Or was Leo right about my getting sloppy?
“I can’t see you. I can’t hear you. But I can feel you in the room. Just like before we met, when I always knew you were watching. I know you’re here. I know your scent even when you’re not wearing any cologne. You’re here, so please talk to me.”
I closed my eyes and let out a breath. “I’m here, Angel.” I’m always here.
“Can you come closer, please? Sit next to me on the bed.”
I shook my head in the dark.
“Please, Tino. I need you to hug me. Can you please hug me for once like you used to do? You hurt me so much before, but you always hugged me after. Even when I was mad at you for hurting me, I threw myself in your arms, and you always embraced me. You’re my only solace from the pain, Tino, even when you’re the one causing it.”
I needed to hug her, too. She didn’t need to know that, though. She didn’t need to know I hadn’t slept since I put her here because I couldn’t sleep when she wasn’t in my arms, when I wasn’t inside her.
“Please. Tino. I need you. I’m begging you.”
The way she was begging me with that faint, broken voice was exactly why I didn’t run to her the first time when that was all I wanted. I waited, knowing she’d do just that, and I’d savor the pleasure. A little smile crept on my face as I listened to her. Then I waited for her to say it one more time before I joined her.
A long, hard sigh seeped out of her when I wrapped my arms around her from behind. She buried herself as deep as possible in my embrace, and then her tears streamed down her face.
I held her tighter as her crying turned into uncontrollable sobs. “Shhhh, I’m here, Angel.”
“Thank you, Tino. That’s all I need, for you to be here. For you to never leave me.”
I wish I could leave, my Angel. But every time I imagined the world without her, I couldn’t bear my own skin on my bones. I wondered if Leo could be no longer obsessed with Anastasia or Angel, if he could just walk away and even fall in love with someone else, why couldn’t I?
Why did my Angel felt like a literal lifeline to me?
Why, when she was an ungrateful brat that had the audacity to betray me, couldn’t I stand life without her?
Leo told me he didn’t love Anastasia or Angel. It was nothing but a sick obsession, a fantasy he created in his head but in its intensity was far more powerful than the stupid four-letter emotion. With the doctor, there was no fantasy. It was real.
I was obsessed with Angel. From the moment I saw her. At first, I was obsessed with protecting her innocence, that poor child that needed saving from her own blood, and her own darkness. Then she grew into a beautiful woman, and my obsession took a different turn. I had to have her, every piece of her, all to myself.
Then I fell in love with her. Every move, every smile, every tear, every inch, every scar, every heartbeat. Even when I wouldn’t accept it, when I wouldn’t tell her, when I wouldn’t even tell myself.
I was obsessed with Angelina. I loved my Angel.
That was my answer.
It didn’t get any stronger or sicker than that. There was no remedy or cure for me. There was no breaking our bond except through blood. Mine and hers together.
Ti amo, Angel. I unzipped my pants and pulled out my cock, and then I slipped it inside her and closed my eyes. Tonight I finally fell asleep.