Chapter 10
TEN
Lucy was pleasantly surprised. After baring her heart and having it summarily crushed by her best friend, disappointing Allie and a cable television crew was proving comparatively nontraumatic.
Jill frowned. “Where’s Sebastián?”
“He’s already devoted so much time to this search.” Lucy manufactured a smile. “And as he rightly points out, this has to be my decision alone.”
“He doesn’t have”—Jill’s fingers drummed against her clipboard—“feelings about your situation he’d like to share? Ideas about what you should do, or about options other than the three homes you saw?”
“Nope.” As the hair and makeup artist tutted over the redness around Lucy’s eyes, Lucy couldn’t sustain her facade of good cheer. “He definitely didn’t share any feelings.”
Over the years, he’d shared so much with her. His time, his effort, his protection. As of last night, even his body. But he couldn’t give more. Wouldn’t. So she refused to deny the truth any longer: He was a good friend. A good man. Not a good life partner, at least not for her.
She had to trust her judgment. She had to believe she was worth some sort of declaration of emotion, some sort of reassurance her feelings didn’t eclipse his.
Maybe Sebastián loved her. Maybe he didn’t. Either way, if he couldn’t express it, if he couldn’t allow himself to be vulnerable and acknowledge how he felt, whatever emotion he possessed wasn’t something around which she could shape her life.
She believed. But she couldn’t believe alone, not when it came to love.
“I think our viewers will be disappointed not to see the two of you together one final time.” Jill still appeared hopeful. “Can you call him and ask him to come?”
Enough. “I’m sorry, but I can’t do that. And while I appreciate your concern for the show and for him, I’d rather not discuss this anymore. Thank you, though, Jill.”
The producer strode over to talk with the crew while Lucy rubbed her worry stone and got presentable for the camera. Then, almost before she knew it, filming had begun, and she was facing Allie once more.
“First, we saw the Adventurer’s Abode, the perfect forest hideaway for someone who wants to live off the grid,” Allie said.
And far away from police surveillance, Lucy mentally added.
“You loved the setting, but were concerned about the lack of separate toilet facilities and the compact size of the loft.”
More real estate code: By compact, you mean absurdly small.
“Then we looked at the Old-School Sanctuary, where you appreciated the kitchen and bathroom facilities, as well as the abundance of outsider art—”
Dicks. Dicks dicks dicks dicks dicks.
“—and the convenience of a first-floor bedroom.”
No. Don’t think about cuddling with Sebastián in that bedroom.
“But you were troubled by the prospect of updating the bus to create a clean, modern home.”
The operative word being clean.
“Finally, we toured the Pioneer’s Pad. Although you admired…” Allie paused, clearly trying to come up with something plausible. “Although you admired the historical authenticity of the design, you weren’t sure you’d be satisfied without running water or electricity.”
Or with the knowledge that the previous owner might have eaten other pioneers.
“So what have you concluded?” Allie looked at Lucy, her gaze pleading. “Which of those properties will be your new home?”
She wanted Lucy to lie. To choose one of the houses, even if she never intended to go through with the sale.
And maybe she would have done that a month ago.
But articulating her needs had strengthened her.
Time and distance from her breakup with Jarrod had strengthened her.
Sebastián’s support had strengthened her.
Most of all, renewed belief in herself and her own judgment had strengthened her.
“I need to thank you, Allie.” She deposited her worry stone in her pocket and squared her shoulders. “You worked hard to find me tiny house options in my price range, and you more than demonstrated your excellent real estate agent skills by selling my condo in a tough market in less than a week.”
The other woman pursed her lips. She knew what was coming.
“I wish I’d seen something I loved without reservations,” Lucy said. “But I can’t buy any of the three houses. I’m sorry.”
Allie’s face drooped. “Are you certain?”
Only a few more minutes, and this ordeal would be done. “I’m afraid so. I know you devoted a lot of time and effort to this house hunt, and I appreciate both.”
A couple more inconsequential exchanges, and then filming finished. Allie didn’t say another word to her, just went to talk to the boom mic guy.
A friendship of over thirty years, over. But nothing that had happened during filming could erase those campfires and sleepovers and walks home from the school bus. And even close friendships sometimes faltered, either slowly or in a sudden rupture.
The past few days had taught her that too. Especially the last twenty-four hours.
“I’m sorry this didn’t work out for you.” Jill’s gray brows had drawn together. “We were all hoping you could make a go of it.”
“Me too.” She shook the producer’s hand. “But onward and upward.”
Behind her, she could hear the cameraman and camerawoman chatting by the craft services table, soon joined by the hair and makeup artist.
“This is why our other shows feature people who’ve already bought one of the properties. Stupid demand for authenticity.” The camerawoman sounded like she was chewing something. “At least we got good footage the other days.”
The cameraman grunted in agreement. “Although you know we’re going to get a shitload of letters. We’re leaving people with virtual blue balls.”
What in the world?
“Lucy, one final heads-up for you and Sebastián.” Jill tapped Lucy’s arm, drawing her attention away from the crew’s conversation. “We may have captured more on camera than you realize. As your release states, we’re allowed to use any of that footage in the final show.”
Whatever. She wasn’t ashamed of a single thing she’d done, on or off camera, international audience or no international audience. Sebastián might feel differently, but he’d signed the release too, and he was a grown man. They could both deal with the consequences of their decisions.
“That’s fine,” she told Jill. “Do what you need to do. If you got any footage of my argument with Allie, though, I’d be grateful if you didn’t use it.
Same with the footage of her argument with Seb.
She’s a great real estate agent, and I want to make sure her talents are presented in the best possible light to viewers at home. ”
After a few moments of thought, the producer heaved a gusty sigh. “Fine. Even without agent-client throwdowns, I think we have enough drama for this episode.”
“Thank you.” Lucy gave Jill a heartfelt hug. “I really appreciate all your kindness.”
Finally, with a last wave to the producer and the rest of the crew, she headed for her car.
Onward and upward, right? Time to pack her belongings, grab Hairy, and check into her hotel again. For the first time since they’d met, she was kind of hoping she wouldn’t have to see or talk to Sebastián along the way.
They might still be friends, but even friends required some emotional distance at times.
Sebastián absented himself from the house for the rest of the day, until he was certain Lucy had come and gone.
His desperation to see her one last time, to look into those soft brown eyes and bask in her sweet smile, hadn’t waned.
But after a few quiet hours alone, his panic and determination to protect himself had.
If he spent another minute in her presence, he might reveal everything to her.
How much he’d always loved her. How that love had transformed over the years, shifting until he could no longer call it platonic, until no other woman in his life and bed would do.
How badly he wanted—needed—her to stay by his side.
So instead of waiting at home for her to return, he went to work and began tinkering with his latest model. Which was a better use of his time anyway, since he was running behind after taking several days of vacation.
His coworkers greeted him with casual unconcern, none of them appearing particularly interested in where he’d been all week. Not even Gwen. Probably because he never told her anything personal, even when she asked.
They knew his name. They knew he was an efficient, pleasant coworker. But they didn’t know him. Not really. His parents and family did, of course. The only other person who’d ever come close was—
Nope. Back to inputting lines of code.
He couldn’t believe how quickly and completely his standoffish cat had become accustomed to Hairy’s undying affection. When Sebastián had ventured into the kitchen after Lucy’s departure, eyes bleary with fatigue and—
Well, that didn’t matter. When he’d ventured into the kitchen, he’d found the two pets resting entwined around one another. That Hairy liked to sleep cuddling didn’t surprise him. But Kitty, of all creatures? The cat who only deigned to let Sebastián pet her once a year, on his birthday?
When the two animals had woken at the sound of food in their bowls, Kitty hadn’t hissed or clawed at Hairy.
Instead, she’d butted her head under his chin until he licked her a few times.
Then, in her inimitable style, she’d flicked him with her tail and presented him with her ass as she stalked to the litter box.
Hairy hadn’t seemed to mind. He’d just stared after her with his stupid doggy heart in his eyes, as if he and an entirely different species of animal could ever make a go of it.
Those animals were going to miss one another. Almost as much as—
Fuck. He needed to concentrate on his model. If he made one small mistake, the simulation would crash when he tried to run it. His work required the ability to shut out all distractions, to focus on nothing but the job at hand.