Chapter Fifty-Three
“Let her go.”
Gemma would recognize that voice anywhere, even when her back was turned. Christian had come, despite her forgetting to use the pass phrase in the midst of all her sister’s revelations.
“If Gemma comes willingly, no one will get hurt. I promise,” Colton said.
“Your promise means nothing, you stupid fuck,” Christian answered. “Last time I took you at your word, she nearly died.”
“In my defense, she did try to kill me first.”
“Take your hands off her,” Imara said, “or I will cut them off.”
“Oh, for stars’ sake”—Colton rolled his eyes—“is the whole gang here?”
“Three against one,” Hawk replied. “Let Gemma go.”
Colton sighed. “I don’t have time for this.” From the back of his waistband, he withdrew a pistol.
Time slowed as Colton lifted his weapon.
Gemma’s chest constricted, the single beat of her heart thunderous in her ears.
Her hands shook as the trembling power she’d felt in the desert rose up from deep within, dousing her vision with a purplish hue.
The moment Colton’s nostrils flared, Gemma felt each of her muscles relax, and by the time the trigger was pulled, her hand was raised.
Her shield ricocheted the bullet into Colton’s shoulder, and time began moving once again. Colton yelped before staring at her in shock.
Gemma jumped to her feet and slammed her forehead against his nose, the alien part of her now in control. The pain in her scalp barely registered.
Colton stumbled backward as if he’d been hit with a club, and the reaction forced him to let go of her hair.
She kicked him as hard as she could in his chest. Colton flew into the wall behind him, landing on the ground with a thud. Gemma snarled and grabbed Colton’s knife off the floor.
Earlier he’d used it to pick at his fingernails. Now, she would use it to take his life.
Colton clutched at his sternum as he tried to rise to his feet. Gemma took three big steps—and plowed the blade into his abdomen, beneath his left rib cage. He stumbled until his back hit the wall.
A menacing laugh rolled through his bloody teeth. “Seu idiota. Now who’s gonna disarm the bomb?”
Gemma seethed, baring her teeth. “Where is it?”
Colton smirked. “Good luck finding it.” Staring Gemma straight in the eyes, he grabbed her wrist with both of his hands and plunged the blade further into his body, angling it so the point hit his heart. The grin was still on his face when the light left his eyes.
The foreign rage abandoned Gemma’s body as quickly as it had seized her.
Time righted itself.
Gemma’s eyes refocused, centering in on the cold, brown ones of her former teammate, her hand around the knife buried deep in Colton’s chest, his sticky, red blood coating her fingers.
Whimpering, Gemma stumbled backward, letting go of the dagger. Strong arms reached under hers before she hit the floor.
“I killed him,” she said. “I didn’t mean—that wasn’t me—I wanted—oh my stars, I killed him.” Her voice cracked.
“It’s all right,” Christian said, his chest pressed against her back. “You’re all right.”
“Get her out of here,” Rami said from somewhere behind them.
When had he appeared? Had he seen what she’d done? Would he execute her now for murdering a second person?
I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean it.
“Come on,” Christian said, spinning her around.
“Imara, Hawk, go with Christian. Wait for my call,” Rami said. “Phoebe, prep for evac—civilians first. I want someone to take that radio apart. I need teams to search this building . . .”
Rami’s voice faded as Christian dragged Gemma away.
She was a real murderer now, not just some mind-warped assassin carrying out her master’s plan.
She’d killed Colton. She’d watched his soul leave his body. His blood was literally on her hand.
She hadn’t meant to. It was the thing inside her. It had taken over. She’d had no control—
The moment the four of them were outside the maintenance shaft, Gemma pushed off Christian and dry heaved into a corner. He traced large circles on her back as she stayed bent over, her empty stomach violently constricting.
“Good thing you didn’t have breakfast this morning,” Imara joked. “Can you imagine if—”
“Can you not?” Hawk interrupted. “Like, right now is probably not the best time to try to be funny.”
Gemma didn’t have to look to know Imara had cocked a hip. “Get your panties out of your butt crack. I’m trying to make her smile.”
Their bickering voices faded as reality set in. Colton had confirmed it was a bomb, and no one knew where he’d hidden it. Any hope they had of finding the device before it detonated was destroyed because of her. If people didn’t evacuate in time . . .
Gemma fell to her knees, her body folding in on itself, and screamed. She’d failed them. She’d failed everybody. She’d joined the Dissent not just for revenge but to save her people, and now . . .
Christian dropped to his knees in front of her, pulling her into his arms. “It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.”
“Nothing about this is okay!” She pushed herself out of his embrace. Tears pricked the corners of her eyes, but she refused to let them fall.
Her entire life with Nadine, every happy memory that had kept her alive for the last three years, was now tainted. All the plans they had made, all the dreams they had dared to chase . . . They were now nothing more than ruins at her feet, shattered like glass.
The agony in her chest stole her breath. She was stuck in one of her nightmares, a cruel twist of fate pulverizing her world into a million pieces. It hurt too much to think, to feel, to live.
The room spun.
Gemma clawed at her throat—she couldn’t breathe.
Her heart pounded in her ears. Sweat ran down her back. Nausea seized her stomach.
Christian took her face in his hands. “Deep breaths, Gemma.”
She shook her head. “I can’t—” A loud wheeze shook her chest.
He wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight. “You’re safe. Breathe with me.”
Christian drew large circles on her back as he slowly pulled air into his lungs. Gemma dropped her head into the crux of his neck; every gasp she took was shaky and uncontrolled. She squeezed her eyes closed, trying to keep pace and follow his rhythm, but she didn’t know if she could.
A gentle touch on her forearm—Imara. She’d knelt next to Gemma and Christian, providing another layer of comfort. I’m not alone. I’m not alone. She focused on Christian’s rhythmic breathing until hers matched his.
He kissed her temple. “Everything’s gonna be okay.”
“We should probably evacuate,” Hawk said from a short distance away. “You guys can stay at my place in Perileos. There’s plenty of room.”
Gemma’s heart constricted. After everything she’d tried so hard to achieve, fighting her way through the Trials, hoping for a better life . . .
And she was going back to Perileos after all.
Gemma didn’t know what to think or feel as she packed her belongings to escape the inevitable.
She glanced at herself in the bathroom mirror, and tears constricted her throat again.
Light-purple eyes stared back at her—Gemma’s eyes.
She understood now why Colton had been so shocked when he’d looked at her.
It wasn’t because of her fast reaction; he’d witnessed her purple blood and eyes and ability to shield in the desert.
It was because she wasn’t totally human anymore.
She sat on the floor. Maybe I should just stay here and let the Dissent kill me.
Gemma bristled at a knock on the bathroom door.
“You all right?” Christian asked.
“Yeah.” Even she heard the lie in her voice.
The door cracked open, and when Gemma didn’t shoo him away, Christian opened it completely and stepped inside.
Gemma stared at his feet. Christian joined, his legs crossed so that their knees touched. Cautiously, he took her hands in his, and when she didn’t fight him, he gave them a squeeze.
“Please, talk to me,” he said.
She shook her head, still keeping her gaze from connecting with his.
His thumb began a rhythmic stroke on the top of her hand.
“It was like this for me, too, when I first started with the Falaichte. Hurting people chips away at your soul. Even though we weren’t allowed kill shots, if someone didn’t come willingly, you had to make them, or it would be your family the Falaichte would take out their anger on.
The things I did were . . . Well, let’s just say I’m not sure I’ll ever totally forgive myself for them. ”
Gemma finally looked at him. Christian’s hazel eyes were so green right now, as they often seemed to be when his emotions were high. But there was no anger or fear to be found in them. Only understanding, concern, love.
Why, after all I’ve done?
“You don’t understand,” Gemma said, her voice cracking. “It’s not only about Colton. I’m not human anymore. Look at my eyes! And now it’s my fault that everyone in this building is going to have to go back to Perileos, and it all started because my own sister—”
The dam she’d been trying to keep together broke.
Gemma fell forward into Christian’s arms, a violent cry shattering her ribs. Everything was so wrong. She was supposed to be a helper to her people, not one through whom destruction would reign.
But Nadine had turned Gemma’s strengths against her, changing everything positive about who she had once been into a catalyst for war. Her own sister weaponized the goodness in her and turned her into someone she’d never have wanted to be.
Christian shifted position until Gemma was tucked tightly against him.
She curled into his chest and listened to the beat of his heart, closing her eyes as she was lulled by his strong, steady pulse.
He was the only good thing to come out of her weeks at Zion, the only constant in the midst of all the chaos.
“You are still you, Gemma. Colton would have knocked you out and taken you into hiding with him, and the bomb would still be out there. That gun was pointed at Imara’s head.
You saved her life. Colton wouldn’t have quit fighting until he was dead, whether it was by your hand, or mine, or Imara’s, or Hawk’s.
It’s agony being the one who held the blade, but you did it to protect people you care about, and that’s what ultimately matters.
Not how many nucleotides of DNA you have or what color your blood runs. ”
He wiped tears from her cheeks. “As far as Nadine . . . There aren’t words that express how much it hurt to hear that conversation too. I thought my legs were going to give out. Imara cried. We know how much Nadine means to you.”
Another sob broke the calm Gemma had managed to find.
Christian lifted her face until she looked at him.
“But you aren’t alone anymore, Gemma. Remember that.
And I don’t just mean me. Hawk and Imara would’ve killed Colton to protect you as quickly as I would have.
Even Rami cares about you. You should’ve seen his reaction when we got back from the outpost. You do have a family here too. Try to hold on to that, okay?”
She didn’t know whether the tears rolling down her face now were of joy or sorrow.
How does one mourn the betrayal of a sister who raised them more than half their life? But then, how can one not be grateful to have found others to help them make it through?
How could she not focus on the light in her darkness when it shone so brightly?
“I love you,” Gemma said through her tears.
Christian wiped her cheeks with his thumbs. “I love you too. All of you. Even the murderous little alien part that knocked the Kaizen on her ass.” He smiled.
Gemma pretended to push him away. “That’s not funny.” But she couldn’t help but smile a little. It had felt good to get some payback.
“We’ll figure it out. For now, though, let’s play it safe.
Your nose bled earlier. You said it ‘took control’ of you when you fought Colton.
Until we know more, try not to give in to the abilities, okay?
” Gemma nodded. “But if we do find a way to keep them from harming you, I will absolutely duck behind you when we face enemies.”
He plastered that silly, stupid grin on his face. The one Gemma loved the most, where his eyes creased in the corners. She couldn’t help but feel some of her darkness float away.
Until Zion shook so violently that she thought the building would fall over.