48. Ryder
I got her back, but for how long?
Each day is becoming bleaker. MaryClaire, Taylor and Declan are now staying in our house.
MaryClaire was too traumatized to go back to her apartment. I don’t blame her. It was a shit apartment anyway. We’ll figure something out eventually, but for now, she wants to be with her friend, and I won’t stop her.
Taylor and Devina have the kind of relationship I know she wants so desperately to have with Declan, but it’s been one formed over decades. Unfortunately for Declan, he’ll never have that with her. He still stays, hoping she’ll be coherent enough to forgive him, or even hear him out.
The guilt is painted on his face. How the hell was he supposed to know about the shady shit his father was working on? In our line of work, everyone assumes you are in on the information. That’s not always the case. It’s not his fault Corman was a horrible father and worse boss. It’s not his fault Michaela is dead – as much as I still feel the need to lay blame.
* * *
We have been hosting family dinners almost every night since we found the girls on the boat. I want every second of my time to be consumed with her. Her scent. Her laugh. The way she looks at me. But I need to share her. They will miss her too. Not like I will, but they will. She is the force that brought us all together. She is the thread that binds us. When she’s gone, they will only have each other.
She scoops mashed potatoes onto her plate and throws her head back in laughter at something MaryClaire said.
“Can you knock it off already?” Taylor scruffs from the other side of the table.
“I don’t know, Taylor,” MaryClaire teases, “I think you should really consider turning those computers off and joining us in the real world more often. You might even find a woman out in the wild instead of a pixilated sorceress.” The girls giggle.
Taylor rolls his eyes, but I can tell he enjoys the banter. He lets MaryClaire egg him on just to enjoy Devina’s laughter a little longer. Internally, I’m just as desperate as he is for the sound.
“You two should just get a room already!” Devina smiles, poking MaryClaire’s arm.
MaryClaire blushes, looking away as Taylor squares his shoulders, shifting in his seat.
“Oh God, I was kidding,” Devina laughs as the rest of us have grown quiet, “it wouldn’t take long before you kill each other.”
“I wouldn’t kill you MaryClaire,” Taylor assures her with a wink and a smirk.
“Yeah, but being stuck with you might drive me to kill myself.” She tosses a fry at him and everyone chuckles again.
The rest of the evening is spent in the family room as the girls fight us over a movie to watch. As if we had any chance of winning. Devina will have whatever she wants for as long as she wants. Tonight, she wants to watch We Bought a Zoo.
She fell asleep ten minutes into the movie and everyone made their farewells, heading up to their rooms, leaving me alone with her and my thoughts.
She still doesn’t know who killed her sister and it seems like the only closure she seeks before the cancer consumes her. I’ve vowed to make them pay – once we find out who the fuck it is. I’ll kick down every door and burn down every city to make that piece of shit scurry out from whatever rock he’s hiding under. But the war between wanting to please her and needing to be in her presence is heavy and bloody. I’m fighting against myself, against time, against the fucking world.
Her head rests on my shoulder and a blanket drapes over us. The fuzzy kind that she loves. Her lashes flutter and I wonder if I’m in her dreams. She’s always in mine. Her lips parted slightly as her breath quickened.
She’s dreaming about me.
I graze her cheek with the back of my hand before slipping out from our cocoon to have a better angle of her. I trace her knee with my finger, slowly rising over the inside of her thigh. Her skin pebbles beneath my touch. Making my way under the hem of her dress I’m surprised my little sparrow is bare underneath. I grin to myself. The little minx.
As if she could read my mind, a smile forms on her face and her eyes slowly rise to meet my gaze. Her eyes are heavy from sleep, but they tell me everything I need to know.
Her hand reaches, fisting my shirt and pulling me closer. A gentle kiss to her perfect lips quickly turns desperate as her hands find my scalp and pull my hair impossibly close to her as my fingers find their way inside her. I swallow her moans as I tease her clit, bringing her impossibly close but refusing to allow her to come so soon.
When I remove my hand, she sighs in frustration, causing me to smile against her mouth.
“So eager, little sparrow,” I taunt her. “Be a good girl and beg for it.”
“p-please,” she obeys, as her legs fall open and her hips thrust forward slightly, begging for friction.
I could take her right now, but Declan has a habit of taking walks in the middle of the night to ‘clear his head’ and the last thing I think he wants to see is his baby sister getting fucked on the couch.
Scooping her into my arms, I make my way to the stairs. She looks at me longingly.
Yes, I fully intend to give my little sparrow every single thing she wants tonight, but I will make her beg.