52. Devina
I don’t remember my eyes closing, but I wake to the warmth of our room as red and orange embrace me through the curtains. I can feel his breath on my shoulder and I turn my head to face him.
This moment is one of euphoric perfection. My soul is healed. My body is painless, but I know that will only be temporary. As will everything else. I know that no moment in time will ever surpass the bliss that is feeling this man next to me, with our hearts sharing a tempo.
Memories of last night play back in my mind as I reach over to gently trace his strong jaw with my finger. He gently stirs and I think he might wake as a smile spreads across his face. I retract, not ready to see his eyes open. Nothing could replicate the intimacy that had been shared just hours ago. I wasn’t ready to let it go. I wanted that to be how I remembered him when my time came.
There was beauty in the sorrow we shared. A sorrow so engulfing that my heart twitched as I recalled the depth. We picked up the breadcrumbs left by evil men and used the broken pieces of ourselves to make the other whole, fitting together as the most beautiful mosaic.
I still couldn’t bear the thought of looking at his face when he realized who the evil man was who created such pain and wreckage. But, the time would come soon and when it did I wouldn’t have to be here to answer any questions.
He reaches out without waking to take me in his arms and my breathing stills. I want to stay here, right here, forever. But I’ve already decided. This is where it has to end.
I close my eyes, memorizing the moment. His hand naturally slid up my chest to rest at the base of my neck and like every day before, I feel safe and treasured.
“I love you, Ryder,” I whisper, my lips graze his softly and I feel his mouth part slightly into a smile. The words aren’t nearly as difficult to say as I thought they would be. I wish I could shout them out to the world. But this is just for him. For us.
Reluctantly, I open my eyes with a new purpose – a new freedom in mind. I slowly slip away from him, knowing that our hearts will find each other again. Knowing that no world exists, where they won’t.