18. Chapter 18
A week had passed since the night we had met Brant and Molly in the passageway, and nothing had been the same since.
Molly had left the day after, finding a position in the Earl of Torrington’s household until a more permanent position could be found.
Though she wasn’t far away, I missed her dreadfully and hadn’t yet replaced her with a permanent lady’s maid.
Despite Ames’s promise to convince Everett to propose to Martha, an agreement had not been reached and did not appear imminent. Instead, Martha had shifted her attention to Collins, who suddenly seemed very attentive to her, leaving both Everett and Ruth confused.
The biggest change was in Ames’s and my relationship.
It had always been on rocky ground, but after that night, it felt irreparable.
We’d hardly spoken more than a dozen words together and we never found ourselves alone.
Any bit of warmth or affection between us had cooled and I wasn’t sure we would ever find it again.
He spent his days outside with the tenant farmers, or working in his library for hours on end while I entertained our house party.
Now, as Jenny, the house maid that had been called upon to serve as my temporary lady’s maid, helped me change for supper, I stared at my reflection in the mirror.
I looked pale, unhappy, and exhausted. I had finished my book and sent the manuscript off to my editor in New York, but I wasn’t satisfied with the ending.
The heroine had married the earl, as I’d originally planned, because despite Ames’s suggestion that she end up with the commoner, it wasn’t realistic.
And it felt hypocritical, especially from him, to suggest otherwise.
“Are you feeling well, Your Grace?” Jenny asked me. “You look a little peaked. Do you need some ginger tea?”
“I will be fine after I’ve had something to eat,” I assured her as I put my hand to my stomach. “But perhaps don’t pull my corset strings so tight.”
“I’m sorry, Your Grace.”
She finished my toilette, and though she didn’t style my hair as adeptly as Molly had, she was faster, allowing me some spare time to make my way to the Cedar drawing room.
As I passed the portraits of the Welby family, I felt the weight of their legacy press down upon me.
For better or worse, I was now part of their story, but unlike in the books I wrote, I couldn’t edit and rewrite the mistakes I’d already made.
I’d done everything with good intentions, but nothing had turned out the way I’d hoped.
Not even the house party, which was now entering the fourth and final week, had produced the results I’d hoped for.
In a few days, we would be hosting the ball in honor of our guests, and then they would leave.
What would happen when they departed? The only couple who looked promising was Davis and Alice, but even then, Davis had made no attempt to speak of marriage. At least to my knowledge.
I could not be completely disappointed. My brothers-in-law had learned better etiquette and perhaps they would be well-equipped for future relationships.
I walked down the stairwell carefully, and as I passed the library, Ames’s voice drifted out into the hall, making me pause.
“I will not welcome this conversation again, Brant,” he said, “I have made my decision, and it is final. O’Neal will not be rehired.”
“Have you not thought of your wife’s wishes?”
“I do not believe you care anything about Lily’s wishes in this matter. You care only about yourself.”
“That is not fair.”
I should have moved on, but was I not allowed to listen when they were speaking about me?
“The sooner you forget about O’Neal and accept your responsibility to this family,” Ames continued, “the quicker you will find peace in pursuing Miss Danby. Uncle Felix’s home and property are in worse shape than this one, and now that I have forbidden any more smuggling in our caves, what little income he brought in from that venture will be gone.
If you want to continue a legacy as the Earl of Bedford, you will need to marry a woman who brings wealth into your marriage. ”
“And what if that thought is abhorrent to me?” Brant asked, disgust in his voice. “What if none of it is worth anything if I cannot have Molly?”
Ames sighed. “One woman is no different than the next. You can be just as happy with Miss Danby as anyone else. Her substantial inheritance will help you forget O’Neal.”
His words felt like a knife in my gut as tears pricked my eyes and the truth settled into my heart.
I had hoped to prove to Ames that I was the right choice, but his words suggested that anyone he married would have served his purposes.
No matter what I did, or how hard I worked, I could not prove to him that I was the best option.
The exhaustion I’d felt before washed over me again and I contemplated returning to my room to go to bed.
There was little point in pretending things were fine when they were not.
I understood why Ames was counseling Brant to pursue Sarah, and perhaps, if Brant hadn’t met Molly, he and Sarah could have fallen in love.
But they had met and Brant had lost his heart to my lady’s maid.
Nothing would change that. Not even all the money in the world.
“Just consider my advice,” Ames said to Brant. “Uncle Felix will not live forever, and when you become the Earl of Bedford, you will not have the freedom to wait. You will be forced to wed, like I was, and you might not have a better option than Miss Danby when the time comes.”
I could no longer stand there and listen to my husband. I wanted to harden my heart and convince myself I hadn’t fallen in love with him, because then his words might not hurt as much.
“Lily?”
I spun and found Davis standing behind me. “I—I was just heading to the drawing room,” I said.
“Is Ames in the library?”
“Yes.” I stepped away from the door. “I believe he’s speaking to Brant.”
Davis looked at the library door for a moment, as if weighing whether he should intrude, but he squared his shoulders and said, “I need to speak to him before supper, and this might be my only opportunity.” He stepped over to the door, and I began to walk away, but he stopped me. “Will you join me?”
“Oh.” I swallowed, trying to forget my pain. “I don’t think—”
“Please. I would like your support.”
I hesitated, suddenly curious. “Why? What is this about?”
The door to the library opened and Ames and Brant appeared. They both paused, glancing at Davis and me.
Ames’s gaze had been full of storm clouds since the day he found Brant and Molly in the passageway. I almost missed his cool, aloof facade. At least then I didn’t know what he was thinking and feeling. Now as he looked at me, I could see his disappointment and displeasure.
“Do you need something?” he asked, directing the question at both of us.
“I would like to speak to you and Lily,” Davis said. “Alone.”
Brant passed between Davis and me and strode down the hall.
Ames vacillated for a heartbeat, then stepped back into the library and held the door open.
I entered first, followed by Davis, and didn’t say a word to my husband.
After Ames closed the door, he crossed his arms and said, “Well?”
Davis licked his lips and shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “I’d like to speak to you both—about Alice.”
“What would you like to say about her?” Ames asked.
“I’ve asked Alice to be my bride.” Davis cleared his throat. “After I spoke to her aunt, of course. Mrs. Talmadge seemed very pleased about the idea.”
“And Alice?” I asked, my voice softening. “Is she pleased?”
Davis’s cheeks turned pink and he grinned. “She is amenable.”
“Amenable?” I laughed at the understatement. “If she is as happy as you appear to be, I think this is a perfect match.”
“Does she come with a dowry?” Ames asked, his face and voice devoid of emotion.
“Does it matter?” The anger I’d felt all week mingled with the pain of his latest conversation with Brant. “Isn’t it more important that they are in love?”
“Of course it matters that she has a dowry.” Ames turned his stormy gaze on me.
“Despite what you think, Lily, aristocrats rarely have the privilege to marry for love. Historically, marriage alliances have been about bloodlines, stability, and protection. I do not see it changing any time soon. So, yes, it is important that Miss Ackerman brings a dowry with her into the marriage. Wasn’t that why you invited these infernal women here in the first place? ”
I wanted to offer a retort, but what he said wasn’t untrue. Though that didn’t make it any easier to accept.
“Yes,” Davis said, breaking into the silence. “She will have her inheritance, which is sizable, but, more importantly”—he smiled, and this time it nearly reached his ears—“we are in love.”
“There,” Ames said to me. “We can both be happy.”
“Can we?” Pain and uncertainty tinged my voice.
As tears stung my eyes, I offered Davis a kiss on the cheek.
“Congratulations. Alice is a wonderful young woman and a dear friend. I’m very glad for both of you.
” I blinked back the tears and added, “If you’ll excuse me, I need to see to something before supper. ”
I made the mistake of looking at Ames as I left the library.
There was concern on his face and he looked like he was going to stop me. But I needed space from my husband.
I could not skip supper, especially after Davis told us the happy news, so after regaining control of my emotions, I entered the drawing room.
Everyone had already gathered, including Davis and Ames, and were deep in conversations. Ames’s gaze followed me as I walked across the room to join Mrs. Talmadge, Davis, and Alice, whose excitement was palpable.
Ames left Brant and joined our small group.
I couldn’t look at him.