24. Surviving Worse
SURVIVING WORSE
"I'm fine!" Vaelen barked as soon as a healer rushed her. "It didn't hit anything important," she grumbled, and she winced as she tried waving them away with a flick of her injured arm.
Thea hovered too, unable to comprehend the arrow sticking out of her, where it didn't belong. How close it was to—
"That little shit always had terrible aim." Vaelen puffed out a laugh that Thea saw through, tension in the creases by her eyes. She was in pain.
And Thea was shaken. Replaying in her mind was the jerk of Vaelen's body, and Aaryn running toward—
Her fingers trembled as she helped Vaelen off the back of Starspark and practically thrust the archdruid into the arms of a healer. "Just let us take care of you, for once!" Her voice was a little too brittle, and Vaelen slumped.
"Fine. Fine." She gripped Thea's hand. "I promise I'm alright. Flesh wound."
Thea couldn't even argue with her; her throat was too tight.
Her gaze traveled past Thea, to Aaryn. "Thank you for lending your dragon to us." She nodded at Thea. "And thank you for looking after her. There's nothing you can do now."
"Did anyone locate Rolim?" Aaryn asked in a small voice.
Vaelen's lips thinned. "I will ask around. Go. Rest."
"You're the one who was shot," Thea grumped. "You go rest."
"I will."
"You're a fucking liar," Thea bit out, almost choking on the words. Vaelen's expression softened, and she brushed a hand over Thea's face, swiping a thumb over her brow.
"You did good, kid. Love you," Vaelen said, and let the healer pull her away as if Thea's heart wasn’t seizing. "I'll be fine. Go get some rest, you two. Both of you."
Then Vaelen was walking away, steps all determined. At least the healer was sticking to her side, glowing hands hovering, uncertain.
Thea turned away before she could lose sight of her, swallowed the rock in her throat, and pointedly avoided Aaryn's gaze. She couldn't look at her, because if Thea did, all the emotions unraveling within her might come out of her mouth.
"Vaelen's right," she decided. "Let's go home."
Aaryn didn't argue, strangely quiet, and Starspark offered them a dragon's eye view as he flew them above the crowds. Even his wings flapped slowly, clearly drained from all the activity.
The druids were an iron-clad operation. Healers were organized and efficient, not only with magic, but also with bandages and salves.
Others were putting together sleeping arrangements, finding space for all the new refugees, distracting the kids, getting everyone clean and clothed.
The kitchens were working in full force, and Thea's stomach rumbled. The thought of food made her nauseous.
But she wasn't the only one here. She needed to look after Aaryn, who'd just experienced her first—great skies. Her first big conflict. "Do you…"
Aaryn was shaking her head, and Starspark was lowering them to the ground.
Their night might be coming to an end, but for many of the druids it was only just beginning. There would be more work tomorrow. Thea overheard a conversation as they made their way home. Hundreds of people had been rescued.
"So many," Aaryn whispered. "Should we… help?"
"I know it feels like we should," Thea said, reading her expression too easily. "But everyone has a purpose in times like these. We did our part. We have to trust the others to do theirs."
"Where will they all sleep?" she asked.
"Wherever they'll fit," Thea answered, and she gently gripped Aaryn's arm to direct her home.
Aaryn followed, unable to take her eyes off the damage done.
"Everything you've seen here was built from the ashes of Evergale's atrocities," Thea said.
Her tone was bitter, and usually she tried to sugarcoat it for Aaryn's sake, but Aaryn didn't flinch.
Her gaze was filled with empathy as they passed, but there was something more there, tucked deeper. Burning hotter. Furious.
It calmed Thea, soothed that thing that had lurched to life the moment Aaryn had thrown herself off of Starspark, shoved Thea aside and ran toward… Vaelen. But for just a second, Thea had thought—
When the door closed behind them, a splash of color on the table caught her attention. She recognized the scribbles as she stepped closer, tracing a finger over the colored drawings. The dragons. The flames.
Such innocence. Such devastation.
"When did these get here?"
"This afternoon," Aaryn said, voice rasping through her lips.
At the roughness of her voice, Thea looked up, but Aaryn turned her head to the side, still lingering by the door. Her throat worked in a rough swallow.
This was good, actually. If Aaryn was losing it, Thea had to be strong, which meant there was no room for the unreasonable emotions all tangled inside her, cinching tight like barbs.
Thea gathered two tin cups, and filled them with water. A peace offering.
Thea's steps echoed around the quiet space. Too quiet, considering what she knew lay just beyond the other side of the very door Aaryn leaned against.
"Hey," Thea said, voice soft as she could possibly manage, still scratchy from the smoke inhalation.
Aaryn tried to wave her off as she approached, but Thea ignored her. "Take it," she said, and bumped the cup into Aaryn's knuckles, gripped tight onto the bottom of her scaled vest.
She looked good in scales. Which was also safer to focus on than anything else, like the prince's disturbing magic.
Aaryn finally wrapped her fingers around the cup, and drank deeply of the water. They finished, then refilled, and for long moments the room was silent, both listening to the murmurs of the efforts past the walls.
Thea refilled her cup for a third time when Aaryn spoke. "You're being too nice to me," she said, voice tight. Thea suspected it had nothing to do with the smoke.
Thea blinked at her in the low light. "Am I usually not nice to you?"
She huffed out a breath, swallowed sharply, brushed chaotic, soot-dusted pink hair away.
"I don't know why I'm so—" Her voice broke off and she cleared her throat, attempted a laugh.
"You're supposed to—to scoff and tell me to quit crying.
It wasn't my home that was lost to those flames.
" The hand she waved about was pointed in the direction of the drawings, now stacked neatly.
Thea's heart clenched. "It's a heavy weight. It needs to be carried with caution."
Aaryn rolled her eyes, wiped her nose, and finally looked at Thea. Her eyes were red-rimmed from smoke or the impending tears; Thea couldn't differentiate.
"Did Vaelen tell you that?"
"Actually, yeah," Thea said, lips twitching.
"She's taught you a lot," Aaryn mused, and the way she said it, the implication underneath made heat rush to her face and delight ooze around the barbs. "I'm glad we didn't lose her tonight. That you didn't."
"You didn't go to him," Thea blurted. And bit the inside of her cheek. What was she even saying? These were inside thoughts.
Aaryn glanced up, expecting to hear more, and maybe Thea was tired, too exhausted and raw from smoke and the friction of adrenaline, her usual walls worn away.
"When you saw the prince. The way you ran—" The way Aaryn had shoved her away, and slipped off Starspark's neck, and Thea hadn't been able to do anything but watch as her mo—as the archdruid fell and this girl—this woman Thea wanted so badly to want to stay—escaped.
Only. She hadn't escaped. She'd done what Thea was too frozen to do. She'd saved Vaelen.
"For a second, I thought you were running. To him. But you didn't."
"Of course I didn't," Aaryn breathed. "Not now. But once…" Her frown turned severe. "Once, I might—"
"You didn't know," Thea whispered.
Aaryn's gaze flickered where she focused it firmly on the floor. Then she dragged it over Thea's soot-covered socks, her ash-stained pants, the dusty scaled armor. Thea felt it like a weight every inch of the way. It stopped around her collarbones, not yet lifting, maybe unable to.
Aaryn's lip quivered as she said, "But I should have."
Thea's heart lurched as the welling tears began to spill over, and she moved before she really thought it through. She'd run off adrenaline and instincts the entire night, why stop now?
Aaryn’s breath hiccuped as Thea lifted a hand, smoothing a trail away from her cheek.
Finally, the last illusion of Evergale's innocence had burned away under stolen dragon's breath and rotten magic.
"You know now, and that's what matters." Thea let her words sink in, watched the tears drip down Aaryn’s cheeks, and brushed them away.
"I don't wanna cry about it," Aaryn groaned.
"Then don't," Thea told her, stepping back into familiar territory with a light tone. "Despite how pretty you are when you do it, I don't think it'll help very much."
Aaryn blinked up at her, dumbfounded, and Thea very much enjoyed the whirlwind of emotions so visible in her expression right then. Maybe it was wrong of her to find fond amusement in this vulnerable moment. Maybe that's just the distraction they both needed.
Thea lifted her other hand, thumbs in sync as she swiped them ever so carefully over Aaryn's round cheeks, cupping her jaw, pink hair tickling the backs of her fingers.
Aaryn's eyes softened at the return of something safe, the antagonistic banter they'd grown so familiar with.
They were close, inches apart, which meant Thea could see the resolve slide into place.
And Aaryn said, "I want to awaken my magic."
Thea's lips curled past her usual smirk and into a full smile. Dragon wings fluttered inside her belly with elation. "It's not just your magic. It's you," Thea said, tangling her fingers in Aaryn's hair gently, holding on tighter. "You really want it?"
For a split second, Thea's gaze dipped down from Aaryn's, flickering to—her lips.
Distracted, for just a moment. This close, with so little space separating them, Thea could see every nuance to her expression, eyes slightly widening, as if she'd caught the direction of Thea's gaze. Thea heard the click of the scales as Aaryn’s fingers tightened on her own vest. As her gaze, too, went rogue, and fell Thea’s heart-shaped mouth. “Yes, I do want that," she responded.
Thea's horns went hot.
"We'll go tomorrow," Thea said, trying to hold onto a bit of sanity in the moment.
Aaryn blinked, lips parting.
"To see another Awakened, that is. To find the safest way to go about it."
"Right," Aaryn said.
She wants me to kiss her.
"Tomorrow we can do that."
Skies, Thea wanted to kiss her too.
"Aaryn," Thea whispered, and despite her light rasp, her tone was heavy with something unsaid as she forced herself to pull away—Aaryn reached out.
She grabbed at the side of Thea's armor, hooking her fingers into the scales, halting her retreat.
"Tonight was a lot," Thea continued, heart racing, words falling out of her mouth with no filter.
"We shouldn't—I don't want to take advantage of how… raw we are."
Aaryn's cheek twitched. She was silently laughing at Thea. Thea was okay with that.
"You should've actually been a knight," Aaryn murmured bravely. Those words could be taken one of two ways. Aaryn delivered them like a dare. "You're far too honorable like one."
Thea's jaw ticked as her annoyance flared, and Aaryn looked satisfied, as if Thea was playing into her hands, though it was Aaryn's face cupped between her palms. Her thumbs slid lower, into the underside of Aaryn's jaw, short nails digging in to tilt her head up. Aaryn's breath caught.
And then Thea finally pressed their mouths together. No polite peck of the lips and wide-eyed wonder. They slotted together, two cracked pieces making a whole.
Aaryn sipped from her lips and Thea drank from hers, parched like never before.
Her palms traced up Thea's sides, and Thea wished her armor wasn't in the way, wished she could feel the sensation of those hands on her own skin.
They were so close the scales of their matching armor clicked together softly.
Thea led the kiss, the angle, but Aaryn was the first to part her lips, to trace the shape of Thea's full bottom lip, to coax her to meet her in the middle.
She did, with a groan. Thea felt like she did in the sky, weightless and yet entirely aware of the space around her, knowing how high up she was and how far she would have to fall.
Thea broke the kiss just as her lungs began to burn.
"Okay, okay, that's enough," Thea breathed, bumping their foreheads together. "We're still covered in soot."
Aaryn laughed, and the sound stilled Thea's racing heart for a second. She could still sense the weight of Aaryn's lips on hers, the taste of her still in Thea's mouth.
"Okay."
Darkness weighed around them. The soot and ash washed from their hair and skin, the sounds of the camps outside settling down.
Thea felt like her heartbeat was loud in the room, the cot beneath her. Less of a cot and more of a thin mat. She'd grown used to it.
Aaryn's breathing was steady, and Thea assumed she'd already fallen asleep.
At least until she said, "So do you hate me?"
Thea blinked, and might have thought Aaryn was talking in her sleep, except her voice was far too pointed.
"What?"
"That's the only explanation I can come up with. Why are you on that damned cot?"
Thea sat up and peered over the edge of the bed, the shape of Aaryn suspiciously scooted toward the wall.
"I—I didn't want to presume," Thea said defensively.
In the low light of the lanterns spilling in from the night outside, Thea could just barely see the stare Aaryn leveled in her direction. She tossed the blanket aside.
"Thea," Aaryn said, revealing a Thea-sized space. "You can afford to presume a little more often."
"Oh," Thea said, and rose from the floor, managing not to trip until the mattress was within reach to catch her.
Aaryn giggled at her suaveness, a tiny squeaking noise that made Thea's horns tingle, her chest suddenly tight with the swell of growing affection.
She crawled onto the stuffed mattress, pulling the blanket over her as if it might offer protection. But then she was on the mattress, and Aaryn was right there. Pressed shoulder to hip and thigh. If Thea relaxed her foot, it would rest against Aaryn too.
"Don't laugh at me," Thea said, but even she heard the smile in her pout.
The memory of florals bloomed into a fresh field, and Thea breathed deeply as her laugh faded, as Aaryn's warmth seeped into her. A rain after a long drought. Heat after a bitter winter.
"Sorry, sorry," Aaryn breathed, voice high and light, not sounding very sorry at all. Their hands brushed, their fingers bumped.
With every breath she was entirely too aware of Aaryn's presence. Every shift, every heartbeat.
But this was fine.
Thea had survived worse.