AWAKE #2
And not now, after she passed her hand over that spot on Thea for the hundredth time, half expecting it to be a battle-fueled dream, that her hand would come away bloodied.
It never did.
Thea had never been stabbed.
Because Aaryn and Starspark had made it so. In exchange for another.
She felt days behind, because her mind had been so filled with nothing but the ache of the Hoard opening within her, rethreading each vein with magic, that everything else had paused. Until now, when she was catching up on the days she had missed.
Carissa had not returned. But she was still out there, somewhere in Rishika, unlike Rolim. Carissa had made sure Evergale paid for the death of her husband, leveling the execution grounds before she'd fled with Stormstrike.
Aaryn heard the news of his death, and once again she thought of that sky-opening truth. The possibilities she had felt. The consequences she had not known but somehow understood.
Carissa would hate Aaryn if she knew, wherever she was.
Thea might too. To know that her life was traded for another? Especially someone she held in such regard?
Balance.
Life. And death.
For Thea's life, Aaryn had traded another.
The knowledge sat within her just as comfortably as that sword must have felt going through then-Thea's body.
Aaryn swallowed the admission and guilt that wanted to rise like bile.
"What is it?" Thea whispered, and rolled over. Aaryn squeezed her side as if unwilling to let go.
In the dark, not even lit by the moon since it was so far overhead, Aaryn could barely make out her eyes.
Her hands moved, creating the picture of her though she couldn't see it herself.
She traced Thea's small horns, threaded her fingers through her short hair made of shadows.
She cupped her jaw and dragged her thumbs gently along her cheeks, down her throat.
For a moment, Aaryn rested her fingers there, letting the thump of her pulse offer comfort.
"You can tell me anything," Thea said, and Aaryn felt her voice against her hand.
Aaryn's throat was tight so she didn't speak. Couldn't.
Thea returned the gesture, stroking Aaryn's face. "Oh, baby," Thea cooed as if her heart was breaking, voice as soft as Aaryn had ever heard it.
Only then did Aaryn realize her cheeks were wet, that she was crying. Thea pulled her into her arms and pressed a hand to the top of her head, tucking her face into Thea's neck. Thea's skin was cool compared to the heat in Aaryn's face, and a muffled sob escaped.
Thea held her while Aaryn cried for all the people they had lost, the good the druids had done betrayed by the very people they had tried to save. She cried for Runa, who'd carried such a secret with her for so long. She cried for Carissa, who'd lost everything twofold and was now out there alone.
She cried for herself, for always wanting the truth and finally finding it in her magic, but the cost was so steep, she wondered if she'd be able to live with it.
Here, with Thea's arms around her, Aaryn knew she would. She'd live with it. Because she knew she'd make that choice again. She'd sacrifice anyone for Thea.
Eventually the tears dried, and Aaryn's breath calmed and her pulse slowed. She parted her lips to apologize, but Thea was there with a kiss and suddenly the adrenaline was back.
She had almost lost Thea. Had seen a sword go through her, seen the pain take her to the ground. She tried to shake the memory out of her head and accidentally shook off the kiss.
"Sleep?" Thea suggested, reading her motion wrong.
"No, no sleep. Sorry, I—"
"Can still see it?"
"I can still see you," Aaryn corrected with a cracked voice. "I'm so sorry," she whispered.
"Sorry for what?" Now Thea was sitting up, framing her face, and Aaryn could make out the worry pinching around her eyes.
"Someone stabbed you through. A sword. I saw the tip—" She choked off and pressed her hand to Thea's torso again, and confessed her sins so she didn't have to see Thea's expression shift into one of disgust. "And when I scored my hand, the magic let me see…
so much. So many things. And, and I chose you," she sobbed, and she had to spit this out before Thea left.
"But in doing so, I had to balance it, and if you didn't die, then someone had to, and—"
"Baby," Thea said, and tipped her head up. "Aaryn, it's okay."
Through the pounding pressure of emotion in her skull, Aaryn blinked her eyes open. She tried to shake her head but Thea wouldn't let her. "But it's not."
Thea swallowed, and it was audible in the quiet room.
"So, your awakened power lets you…"
"I don't even know," Aaryn whispered. "I don't know what to call it. I just saw all these possibilities. And I saw the one where you didn't die, where you weren't taken from me. And I picked it."
Thea pulled her close, and Aaryn felt her shaky breath on her throat. "You talk in your sleep."
It was so random that it shocked Aaryn into a moment of stunned silence. "What?"
"You murmur a lot when you're sleeping. And I was trying to put the pieces together this whole time. You kept saying you were sorry."
Aaryn pulled back and cupped Thea's face. "I'm sorry to you," Aaryn clarified. "And to Carissa, for the hurt I know you're both going through, because of what I did."
"I hate that you had to make that choice. That I wasn't quick enough on my feet to avoid that fucking—"
"You cannot blame yourself," Aaryn practically growled, and squeezed her hands.
"Says you!" Thea interjected, shaking their joint hold. "Having nightmares about me almost dying this whole time." She shook her head. "You can't blame yourself either. Feeling all that magic at once, after witnessing—what you did. No one would've known what to do."
And this is where Aaryn was afraid she would lose Thea. Because—
"That's the thing, though," Aaryn said quietly. "I did know. For once… Thea. For once, I did know everything. And I didn't hesitate. And I wouldn't, not if you're the one on the line."
The silence was so loud Aaryn heard her own heartbeat like thunder. She knew that Thea would easily sacrifice herself for Rolim—because that's Thea.
But Aaryn wasn't as strong as Thea. Not in that way.
But maybe in different ones.
"I'm sorry I took that choice from you," Aaryn said softly. "If you had been in my shoes—would you have let me die?"
Thea recoiled, disgusted at just the idea, but Aaryn gripped her hands tighter, threaded their fingers together. Thea lifted her gaze, and Aaryn saw the understanding there. The truth.
Thea wouldn't let Aaryn die any more than Aaryn would let her.
"If it means I have you… I'll pick you every time, Thea.”
Thea's lips wobbled, and she kissed Aaryn.
This time Aaryn let herself sink into it, and this desire felt so very different than the compulsive need of the awakening.
She slowed down, felt Thea's soft lips against her own, the warmth of her body so close.
The truth was a prickly grief between them, one that they'd spend the rest of their lives tending to.
But at least they were alive to do so.
"I hate that you carried that through the awakening by yourself."
Aaryn stroked a hand through Thea's hair. "I was plenty distracted…" she said, trying for levity, but it fell flat. "But I also… on the off chance that you hated me and never wanted to see me again, I wanted us to have… that."
Thea held her closer, as if the words might become reality. "Never. I could never hate you."
And Aaryn hadn’t known how much she needed to hear that.
"I love you so much it scares me," Thea added.
"I think I rewrote time for you," Aaryn whispered with a wobbly smile.
Thea swallowed. “Don’t let anyone tell you your expectations are too high.”
Their chuckles were light when the truth was so heavy, but between the two of them they could hold this burden together. Or maybe it wasn't a burden—or wouldn't be, eventually.
Aaryn crushed their lips together, as if she could imprint her feelings into the kiss. As if she could keep Thea here with her forever.
The outside world waited, but here, now, Thea was Aaryn's.
Their bodies drew closer. A thigh slotted between Aaryn's and she rolled her hips forward.
Her tired muscles protested, but Aaryn ignored them for the peace the pleasure offered. The connection, the grounding. The reality.
They had survived.
Thea knew the truth, and still loved her.
Aaryn tangled her fingers in Thea's hair and rose up above her. They rearranged, shifted, until Thea was leaning against the wall and Aaryn was in her lap with a thigh between her legs and she was aching and wet and—
Aaryn moaned at the pressure against her cunt and chased it against the smooth surface of Thea's thigh, perfectly placed and grinding up as Aaryn rolled her hips down.
She wedged her own thigh between Thea's. It was tricky and required a little too much coordination for their tired bodies just then, but in messy, staggered movements, they managed.
Thea cupped her breasts and Aaryn rolled one of her nipples between thumb and forefinger, cherishing the moan she earned from it.
Pleasure crested, and Aaryn pressed a hand into the wall behind Thea's head, her fingers losing their dexterity as the edge drew closer.
Thea clutched her waist and dragged her against her thigh, her hips arching and hunching in their own rhythm.
They were not in sync at all. They hunted the pleasure together anyway. It was delicious perfection.
The grind was slick and smooth and their bodies made all the right noises and Aaryn’s core tightened with desire at every breath, every shift of movement, every flick or press or tease of fingers.
The climax came gently, no more desperate haste. She moaned into Thea's mouth and twitched in overstimulation when Thea continued to pull her against her thigh as her own heights loomed.
Aaryn leaned down, an impulse taking over her, and she bit down on her shoulder. What was one more bruise compared to the ones already littering Thea's skin? Her own?