Chapter 7 #3
“Hazel, breathe, I’m fine! All ten toes are still attached. No need to send out a search party.” I would mock her for her panic if it wasn’t so sweet how deeply she cares about me.
“Oh thank goodness! Did you make it to the apartment building at least? I’m so sorry, I would have never sent you there if I knew Maria wasn’t home!”
“It worked out fine.” I wrack my brain, trying to come up with a way to tell her where I am. I pinch my eyes shut like it will protect me from the onslaught of questions I’m bringing down on myself. “Um, I’m actually staying with James.” She stays silent for a beat.
“James? Like, Nessa’s brother, James?” She sounds about as shocked as I expected.
“That’s the one. I guess he lives in the same building. He saw me walking in and offered to let me stay when we realized she wasn’t home.” It’s an abbreviation, and I haven’t technically been invited to stay, but I’m doubtful that he’ll throw me out into the streets.
“Oh…” I can hear her pondering this new information, rolling it around in her brain.
“Weird. I didn’t know you two were friends.
” I let the statement hang between us. “Either way, I’m relieved that you’re safe.
You will let me know if you need us to come get you though.
You are more than welcome to stay with us if it comes to it. ” It’s less of a request than a demand.
“Yes, Mom.”
“And I’ll check in with you tomorrow! I demand signs of life from you missy.”
“You’ll get them. Stay warm.” I hang up the phone in relief. It’s very sweet of her to check in on my wellbeing, but I’m somewhat thankful I didn’t stay with them. Hazel and Beck are the best, but they’re very lovey dovey and they can make it very awkward to be the third wheel.
When I reemerge, there’s a cup of hot chocolate on the island and the smell of pizza in the oven.
James doesn’t acknowledge me, still tidying up, so I decide not to bother him.
I grab the drink and settle onto one end of the couch, meditating on the soothing swirl of snow outside.
The clothes he gave me are soft and worn, clearly well loved.
There was a thick pair of socks in there too, so I’m entirely bundled, feeling slowly creeping into all my frozen extremities again.
The couch cushions shift as James sits down on the opposite side, his own hot chocolate and his ever-present notebook. He doodles quietly for a bit, letting the calm settle around us like a warm blanket.
“It’s gorgeous outside,” I comment, allowing the heat of my drink to sink into my bones as I hold it close.
James looks at me like I’ve absolutely lost the plot.
“It is! It’s not nice to walk in, but it’s so beautiful.
I could stare at it for hours. And when it’s all done, there’s going to be a fresh blanket of snow, and it’ll be so quiet, so peaceful.
” I look over at him, and his expression has gone from incredulous to endearing.
He huffs out a single laugh without really responding, turning his attention to his drawing.
I sit in the silence for a while, enjoying the view of the chaos outside.
“Thanks again for saving me,” I say in a small voice.
“Of course, sunshine,” he says without looking up.
The nickname swirls around me, stirring up emotions I’ve been pushing down since that night.
He’s just helping out his sister’s friend, nothing more.
The oven dings and he lurches up, shuffling around the kitchen before returning with a steaming pizza and two beers.
“You look like you could use one,” he says, passing me one with a smirk. I take it gratefully, cracking the top and taking a big gulp. I could definitely use one after the day I’ve had, and it’s barely noon.
“I like your place,” I offer lamely. I’m usually good at shooting the breeze with people, making friends easily.
I’m the quintessential extrovert, but I’m floundering here.
Unfortunately, there’s no guide on “how to do small talk with the cute guy who’s had his tongue in your mouth but is actually your friend’s older brother so there can’t be anything between you two, but you definitely think dirty, dirty things about him. ”
“Thanks. I just moved in. It’s not finished yet.”
“Oh? I assumed minimalism was your thing.” I give him my best innocent face.
“Brat,” he chuckles. “Haven’t had my own space in a while. Feels weird trying to be… settled.”
“Is it your first time on your own?”
“In a way.”
“How delightfully cryptic,” I say, which gets him to crack a genuine smile.
It’s gorgeous, reaching all the way up to his eyes, making them crinkle at the corners.
It accentuates how devastatingly handsome he is, highlighting the angle of his jawline, smoothing out the lines that own the space at the top of his nose.
“Been out of the family home for a few years. Touring with the band.”
“And when you weren’t touring?”
He looks at me with playful annoyance. “You would fit right in at the Spanish inquisition.” I don’t say anything, looking at him expectantly. He rolls his eyes. “I’d stay with bandmates. Since we’re going to be here for a while, I wanted something of my own.”
“I get that. It’s important to have things that are yours. Probably more so, what with being an older sibling.” He nods and drinks his beer. “Did you live with your parents before then?”
“Only as long as I had to.”
“Why?”
“Long story.” My face scrunches up, frustrated that I’m stuck here with this locked box of a person for the foreseeable future.
“So, do you actively look for cute young blondes to feel up at bars? Or did I just stand out to you?” I ask and watch gleefully as James gags on the mouthful of beer he’d taken. He splutters and coughs, the furrow in his brow returning.
“Fuck, sorry,” he says, wiping his mouth, “wasn’t expecting that.”
“It’s fine. I like to keep people on their toes.”
“Clearly.” He grabs another slice of pizza, apparently thinking that keeping his mouth full will keep me from asking uncomfortable questions.
Poor, delusional man.
“What would you have done if you didn’t realize who I was? Or if I wasn’t friends with Nessa?” I ask after a beat.
“Fucking hell, sunshine.” James scrubs his face.
“Can’t blame me for being curious! It was my first bar hookup.
” He looks horrified, “Well, my first hookup ever, if we’re being honest.” All the colour drains from his face.
“Yup! Certified virgin over here. And you seem to know what you’re doing, so it just felt right to ask, you know?
Get an expert opinion?” I grab a piece of pizza and don’t give him time to recover.
“For real though, I want to get some experience before I travel the world. That’s my goal, to travel and see, well, everything! Experience everything.”
“And you need to fuck a stranger before you can do that?”
“Or someone I know,” I say, waggling my eyebrows at him.
“Sunshine…” he rasps, his voice pained.
I cut him some slack. “No, not exactly, but what if I meet someone, and they realize how inexperienced I am, and they look at me like… well like that,” I gesture to his horrified expression, “It would be nice to not feel so awkward and juvenile about it.” I lament around a mouth of food.
“Plus, people get so weird about being ‘pure as the driven snow’; I want it to be out of the way.”
“Sex isn’t something you need to get out of the way, Stella,” James says slowly. It’s quite condescending.
“Whatever. I could probably just get on a dating app and have this out of the way within the week.” I cringe slightly.
Dating apps have always seemed like the worst of all evils.
I must have heard nearly a million horror stories at this point, either from friends or on the internet, of each and every horrible thing that could happen to you, and yet every time I hear a new story, I’m adding another horror to the list.
“Absolutely the fuck not.” James’ adamant words startle me.
“Why not?”
“Because the internet is full of fucking creeps,” he grumbles. I can’t help teasing him for it.
“Aww, are you protective of me, stud.”
“No. Don’t trust the internet.”
“Sure thing, big bro.”
“Never call me that again,” James hisses, his complexion turning a little green.
“Yes, sir!”
“Fuck my life…” James’ phone rings, breaking our conversation and saving him from me.
He walks away to answer it and his posture changes in an instant.
His spine goes rigid and his tone becomes clipped.
Even if I can’t make out any of the words on the other end, I can tell that he is massively pissed about something.
I move down the couch closer to him, not being at all subtle about eavesdropping.
“… of course, I’ll call him later. No, I’m not driving out right now. Have you looked outside?—Well, in Toronto we’re getting dumped on. It’s not safe.—I’m not exaggerating.—I will come out as soon as I can.—Yes.—I know.” Someone on the other end is shouting at him, the voice high and prim.
Does he have a girlfriend? No wonder he didn’t want to talk about what happened. I’m a homewrecker! This can’t get any worse. Maybe I can leave before he notices. Wait, I can’t leave, there’s the freaking apocalypse outside! Damn it. Damn it, damn it, damn it!
I’m doing my best to plot my escape, which involves breaking into Maria’s apartment and barricading myself in there until the snow stops or I’m assumed dead. Whichever comes first.
Before I can enact my plan, James abruptly ends his call and is in a significantly worse mood than a few minutes ago where he was just pissed off at my annoying questions. I do my best impersonation of a nonchalant person while trying to figure out how to suss out who was on the phone.
“My mother,” James offers, saving me the headache. He tosses the phone on the couch and picks up his pencil and notebook, seemingly done with this conversation.
“Oh! I didn’t… I mean,” I try to stutter out an excuse right as he cuts me off.
“You had a look. You thought it was a girlfriend.” He looks at me astutely.
Freaking mind reader. I try to save it.
“What look? I don’t have a look. I am lookless.” I would be so proud of myself if I could shut the heck up right now.
“Uh huh.”
I do my best to not be nosey and continue my observations of the shaken snow globe outside, holding all of my questions inside.
I’m convinced I’m doing a phenomenal job masking my curiosity until I peek over at James and discover I’m getting a glare from my unwilling host. My leg is bouncing, I realize when I look down at it, and he can feel it on the other side of our shared couch. I smile widely, but he isn’t buying it.
I cave.
“So, if that was your mom, why are you so upset?”
“No reason.”
“So, I don’t want to call you a liar...”
“I have no reason to lie to you,” he says, eyes determinedly fixed on his drawing.
“Right, which makes it weird that you are.”
“Are what?”
“Lying to me.”
“Stop playing detective. It’s nothing.” His jaw flexes and he turns his body away from me. Deep down, my gut is telling me that I should disengage, but it’s like a pimple that’s about to pop, I just need to keep pushing…
“Was it something she said?”
“The situation in general,” he admits.
“Ah, Nessa’s mentioned that she has her… issues with them. Is it about that?”
“No.”
“Then what’s it about?”
“Stella.” His voice is hard, anger lacing the edges, although it doesn’t seem to be aimed at me.
“What else are we going to do here? Sit in uncomfortable silence?” He shrugs his shoulders, because I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what he wants.
“Come on, you’re clearly not okay and you need to talk to someone.
” If looks could kill, I would be six feet under already with the way his scowl is fixed on me. “You might even feel better if you do.”
He remains silent, jaw tight, sneer at the ready.
I can recognize a lost cause when I see one. His jaw ticks as he pointedly looks away from me. I know how hard it is to keep these things inside. It freaking sucks.
You also know that when someone is determined to be miserable, there’s nothing you can do, I remind myself, my thoughts trailing over to my own parents. I wish I could help him get some lightness, get his head out of this funk.
I’m about to change topics or suggest a movie when his eyes meet mine. Though determined, there’s a slight sheen crossing them, and I know I’ve won.