Chapter 20 #2
“Shit, that’s a lot.” I can count at least thirty-two on the wall in front of me alone. “How’d you get all of these?” Some look vintage, slightly discoloured and worn, some creases marring them here and there.
“They were my mom’s,” she says matter-of-factly.
“To inspire you to travel to the places she went?”
“And the places she didn’t get to go.” She smiles weakly. My heart breaks for her.
“I’m sorry, sunshine. When did she pass?” I ask carefully, not wanting to dredge up too many painful memories after last night.
“I’m fine. She died when I was eleven.” Only eight years ago. “Her friends and family used to send her postcards when they travelled, so when she went to a new place, she would buy one as a souvenir.”
“And you want to follow in her steps?”
“I want to feel closer to her. I never got enough time.”
“That’s why you work so hard, huh?” That’s… incredibly determined.
“My mom taught me I was in control of my fate. She had a saying she used whenever I would complain about a situation. ‘What you’re not changing, you’re choosing.’”
That hits me in the gut.
I stand up and walk to her, wrapping my arms around her. She tucks herself under my chin and hums contentedly. I will never get tired of holding my big-hearted girl. I slide my hands under her shirt and press a gentle kiss to her mouth. She sighs dreamily.
“You’re stronger than I would have ever guessed, sunshine,” I say, stroking her spine. She looks up at me with an arched brow. “It’s true. You like making things better for people.” She burrows her face into my chest.
“Stay a while longer?” she asks, and I can’t say no to her, so I nod.
We said no sleepovers, however I’m not giving up the chance to hold her for a little while longer.
“I’m going to change into something comfy then,” she whispers before lowering herself back.
She runs her hands down my chest before dashing into the bathroom.
I sit back down on her bed, my heart racing from that one kiss, when my phone rings. It’s late as hell, so I have no idea who could be calling me. My gut curdles when I look at the display name.
“Beck,” I say the moment I answer. “What’s up?”
“James.” The way he says my name is not good. He lets the silence hang there awkwardly for a moment. “Tell me you didn’t.”
“Didn’t what?” I try to make my voice a little intimidating. Maybe if I play dumb and a little scary he’ll choose self-preservation and back off. It usually works.
“Tell me you didn’t fuck your sister’s best friend.”
I stay silent, letting his accusation hang between us.
“Oh, come on man!” Beck whines. “I don’t want to know these things!”
“Then you shouldn’t have asked.” Dumbass. “Why would you, anyway?”
“So, you’re familiar with our camera system, correct?”
“Uh huh.” This can’t be good.
“And since you helped with the installation, you remember where we put them all.”
“Yeah.”
“So, you’ll remember when I suggested that with all that valuable inventory, having one in the back storage room would be a good idea?” A wave of nausea hits me.
“Nope,” I gulp.
“Thought so. I wanted to give you a call, a gentle reminder, if you will.” Beck’s voice is stony and sharp. I huff.
“How deep is the shit I’m in?” I ask. May as well cut to the chase.
“Minimal. I’m deleting the footage, and I’m not going to tell Hazel.”
“Thanks, man.”
“BUT I will not lie to her if she asks.”
“Fair enough.” It would be unfair to ask him to lie to his partner. And Hazel’s so kind, I wouldn’t want to lie to her either. “And Stella?”
“We don’t have to tell her. She’s a good kid, so I’m writing this off as you being a bad influence. She doesn’t have to know. I’m not airing your dirty laundry to anyone.”
“Thanks. I’m not trying to… It’s just, Nessa…”
“I’m not telling her either. But do you know what you’re doing, man?” I can almost hear Beck messing up his hair on the other end of the line.
“Fuck if I know.”
“I would figure it out before she does. Goodnight, James.” Beck hangs up before I can respond.
I hang my head in my hands. I could have gotten us into serious trouble tonight.
This could have affected the band’s deal with Beck, it could have screwed up Stella’s job.
Every reason that this is a bad idea comes roaring to life in my head.
What if Nessa had been going through the footage for something? Or come into the bar? What if Beck wasn’t as lenient? What if the band found out I had put a solid thing in jeopardy? Each thought comes through louder than the last until I’m struggling to catch my breath.
Stella chooses that moment to come out of the bathroom, wearing threadbare sweats and my pilfered hoodie.
I don’t need to stress about all that right now. I just need to cuddle my girl.
My girl. I hadn’t thought of anyone that way since Beth. Now, those memories seem like a placeholder, saving a spot for the right person, because I have never felt that as deeply, as possessively as I do now.
We crawl into her bed, and I curl my body around hers, slipping my hand up her sweater as she fires up Netflix. I take a deep inhale of the sweet, strawberry scent of her soap as I caress her side, right where I saw her little tattoo that night.
“Will you tell me about it?” I ask as I kiss her shoulder where it meets her neck.
I’ve never been this comfortable in bed with a woman.
I’ve never been a huge cuddler, but with Stella, I’m finding I never want to let her out of my arms. That was something Beth always complained about. With Stella, we just fit.
“Tell you about what?” She turns only enough to look at me.
“Your tattoo.”
“Oh, you saw that, huh?” She rolls over so we’re facing each other, keeping our legs tangled together. “Well, it’s me and my mom. Her name was Luna, and I’m Stella, so…”
“The moon and the stars.” It’s a lovely idea, naming your kid with the intent of connecting like that.
“Yup. The whole night sky. Mom used to call me her star girl,” she says, her voice teary even though her smile is bright.
“She always told me that she was the moon, and she always shone brightest with my dad, her sun, but I’m the stars.
I shine all on my own. She always told me to look for my own sunbeam.
Just because the stars shine doesn’t mean you never need the day. ”
“You took that to heart,” I chuckle. She doesn’t need anyone else to highlight how fucking special she is. She can bring a smile to the surliest customer.
“I did. I learned that I didn’t need other people to make me happy. Relying on other people to make you happy just leads to being hurt in the end. You have to make yourself happy first, learn to build the world you need.” She smiles, her upturned lips in contrast with the crinkles in her eyes.
“You’re very wise.”
“You’ve mentioned.”
“Well, you keep doing it. It’s impressive.
” I don’t know what I was expecting from her.
I judged her immediately based on her age, but she’s not at all what I thought she would be.
She speaks with more life experience than I would have expected from someone of her age.
“You’re good at taking care of yourself. And other people.”
“You’re not so bad yourself. I’ve heard Nessa talk about you.
You do a lot for the people around you.” I don’t answer, I just hold her tighter, pulling her into my chest and rubbing her back as she settles into me.
It doesn’t take long before she nods off, the soft sounds from the TV lulling her to sleep.
I carefully unwind myself from her hold, making sure I don’t wake her. I slip on my shoes and lock the door behind myself, sliding the key back under the door for her.
Leaving is harder than I thought it would be. I promised her, though, that I would follow her rules. If that’s what it takes to have her, I’ll do whatever she asks, no matter how much it hurts.