37. Kash
Chapter Thirty-Seven
KASH
My eyes were bleary from watching the footage over and over again. The video that Grayson found and the one I got from Jo on Tuesday night at the gallery.
When Grayson told me he knew someone who knew someone who could find almost anything, I hadn’t expected it to be a woman in her early twenties, at most.
That was a strike against me, though. Because Jo Hunter had gotten me everything I needed, and more.
My Jo, the cat, walked across my desk and jumped into my lap, cuddling into the crook of my elbow. I scratched her belly, my eyes glued to my laptop screen where my father’s face was frozen.
Even watching him on an old footage made chills run down my spine.
Fear was instinctive.
It didn’t care that you were trying to be brave, trying to put yourself together. It snuck up on you and lingered like a stench. It lingered on me now, I knew.
I wasn’t afraid for myself; I never had been. I was a child when the abuse started, and you would be surprised how easy it can be for a child to adapt to their new reality.
That’s what the abuse was for me.
My reality, something I couldn’t escape, no matter how hard I tried. I buried all the fear and bitterness deep down, and the only times I really felt fear anymore was when he threatened someone I cared about.
I never tried to tell anyone because there would have been no point. No one would have believed me, of that, I was sure. Even if they did believe it, no one would go up against Edward Sutherland.
The only way to win against your monster was to face it yourself.
That was the reason I was convinced I should send Naina and Samira back to California. Showing up with my wife in Chicago would just trigger my father.
The mess with the New York building had been a good enough distraction for me to take care of all liabilities where Naina was concerned. There shouldn’t be anything he could use to threaten her.
After watching these old footages, though, I was starting to think my father was capable of a lot more than threats and abuse. I was putting Naina at risk.
But she was determined to see this through. We made a deal, she reminded me at lunch.
I slammed my laptop screen shut and rubbed a hand over my face, pinching the bridge of my nose.
I had no fucking clue what I was going to do.
Jo cried in my arm, followed by the sound of Lucy somewhere outside my office.
At least something in my life was never going to change, but that was the life I chose as a cat dad.
“It’s not dinner time yet,” I said.
Jo and Lucy continued to cry like they were starving, and I hadn’t fed them in days even though they had to be the most spoiled cats on the planet. Giving in to their cries, I left my office and walked to the kitchen.
Naina and Samira had disappeared up to their rooms shortly after we came back, chattering quietly. What was it like to have a sibling? The closest thing I had to one was Vera and while we were close, we didn’t gossip together. Mostly just complained about our family.
“Mr. Sutherland, is there anything I can get you?” Bridget asked. She was in the kitchen preparing dinner.
“I’m just getting food for Lucy and Jo.”
Dishing out their food, I asked Bridget to make me a cup of tea. I wasn’t a tea drinker, though I hoped it would help calm the dull throb behind my eyes.
It was as I was sitting down with my cup of tea that Samira came down the stairs and sat on the couch across from me. She didn’t say anything, just pulled out her phone and started scrolling, in that apathetic teenage way. I picked up the book Naina had been reading earlier and opened it to the first page.
None of this felt real. I was going to wake up and it would all have been a dream. I couldn’t remember the last peaceful moment I had, or the last book I read.
I couldn’t remember the last time I had done something other than work. I spent the day with my wife and her sister, not worrying about a million things that could go wrong that I had to fix. And now this.
There was an oddly domestic haze to all of this that made me feel like I was trapped in someone else’s body. The Sutherlands weren’t domestic.
I got through two pages before Samira moved, shifting on the couch. When I looked up, she had moved closer, sitting on the chair next to me.
Her legs were crossed, and she leaned over the arm towards me. Her eyes were darker than Naina’s, more milk chocolate brown, and there was an innocence in them that I had never seen in hers. I suddenly understood why Naina fought so hard for her sister.
“So, like, what do you want with my sister?”
I closed the book.
“I don’t want to take her away from you, if that’s what you’re worried about,” I said.
“Naina would never let that happened,” Samira said with confidence.
“Okay, good.”
“But that’s not what I asked. I want to know what you want with her. Because you said this relationship was temporary and your actions say otherwise.”
Damn, getting called out by a teenager was not a good feeling.
“Does Naina know you’re having this conversation with me?”
Samira shook her head. “No. Even if you told Naina you want her, she will run away. I don’t think she wants a relationship. I don’t think she’s ever had a relationship.”
It wasn’t just me who thought Naina ran away from her problems.
“You want the honest answer?” I asked.
She sat back, her arms crossed. The deadpan look she gave me was all Naina.
“I would appreciate it.”
“I do know what I want but it’s not as simple as asking for it. If my thoughts on marriage and romantic love have changed, and I am not saying they have, then I need time to figure things out. I enjoy being with Naina, and I want her to be happy. I am not sure how easy that can be with me.”
“So, you’re leading her on? You’re going to break her heart.”
“I’m going to talk to her. I promise.”
Samira looked me in the eyes. “Before you take her to Chicago?”
I sighed. “Any chance she will go with you to California?”
Samira tilted her head curiously. “Naina said you asked her to go to Chicago.”
Then Naina hadn’t told her the truth. Why not?
Samira chewed on her bottom lip, looking towards the stairs leading upstairs as if expecting Naina to appear any second. Seeming to make a decision, she rounded her shoulders and turned back to me.
“Did you know she contacted an estate agent to sell the Inn?”
“What the fuck?” I winced as soon as the words were out of my mouth. “Sorry. Don’t repeat that in front of your sister.”
Samira smirked, rolling her eyes playfully.
“I’ve heard fuck before. Remind me never to tell you the kind of books I read, your delicate sensibilities will never recover.”
I opened my mouth to ask her exactly what kind of books she was reading and if she should be reading them at her age. But it wasn’t my place to question her reading choices. If she enjoyed them and she was making safe choices, and Naina was okay with it, I wasn’t going to say anything.
“As long as you don’t get arrested again,” I said.
“Oh my god,” she cried. “You’re worse than Nick.”
“Right, back to the Inn. You’re considering selling it.”
Samira sobered immediately. “No, I talked her out of it, I think. I don’t want to sell it. I just don’t get it. She worked herself to death when we didn’t have the money to renovate the Inn. Now we can renovate it and she wants to sell.”
I always knew Naina and I had too much in common. The reason I found her utterly irresistible. Because the broken parts of me fit perfectly with the broken parts of her to create a whole. And wasn’t that a terrifying thought.
“She worked herself to near death because she never thought there was a possibility things would turn around. She accepted my offer because it’s what she should have done, not because she wanted it. Now that she has the means, she doesn’t want to touch it with a ten-foot pole.”
Surprise and sadness flickered in Samira’s eyes.
“Why doesn’t she want it? It’s our home.”
Because if she went through with it, then she would be stuck there, taking responsibility for something she wanted to leave behind. I knew a thing or two about that.
I didn’t say that to Samira, though. She was right, it was their home. Samira was young and from all accounts, she didn’t appear to know that sometimes home wasn’t the safest and happiest place on earth.
“I don’t know, Sami. It’s something you have to ask your sister,” I said.
Sami looked towards the stairs again, lost in thought.
“Hey.”
I opened my eyes at the sound of her voice and found her shadowy figure standing at the edge of the tub.
“I don’t want to bother you,” Naina whispered. “You were quiet at dinner, I wanted to make sure you’re okay, and the bathroom door was open.”
“I’m fine, just a light headache.”
After dinner, I drew myself a bath, dimmed the lights in the bathroom and sunk into the hot water. It was the only thing that seemed to help whenever I had a headache.
“Okay, let me know if you need anything.”
I wrapped my hand around her calf, squeezing lightly. She hadn’t changed out of the dress she was wearing this morning and each time it swished around her thighs, it made me want to bend her over the nearest surface and bury my cock inside her.
“Join me.”
She hesitated for a moment and then her hands moved to the hem of her dress and in one swift move, she pulled it over her head. She was naked underneath. Her torn panties from earlier were still in my pants pocket.
I licked my lips, letting my eyes trail over her shadowy form, the curve of her hips, thighs and stomach, the firmness of her tits. My cock responded to her immediately, coming to life beneath the water.
Naina stepped a tentative foot into the water, and I helped her lower her body until she was settled against me, her naked back meeting my chest.
She made a noise as my hard cock nuzzled against her ass.
“I thought you had a headache!”
I scoffed. “You’re naked. A headache isn’t going to stop me from getting hard.”
I brushed my lips over the joint of her shoulder and neck, slipping out my tongue to taste her skin.
“You taste so sweet.”
Naina tilted her head back, resting it on my shoulder and brushing her lips against my jaw.
I hugged her tightly in the dark, letting my touch tell her all the things I was too afraid to say. Like how wonderful I thought she was. How a smile from her could turn my whole world upside down. How I would do anything for her, give her anything, if she just asked.
Naina’s fingers drew mindless circles on my knees. I could hear the quiet thoughts running in her mind. Maybe it was because I watched her closely, but Naina was the loudest when she was quiet.
“Can I ask you something?”
Naina hummed in response.
“What made you change your mind? About us.”
The circles stopped, and she drew her hands to herself.
“Running can get exhausting. I know this isn’t forever, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to look back at it fondly. I didn’t want to regret not giving in. I already have too many regrets, and I’m only twenty-nine. I don’t like being maudlin and thinking I’ve already lived a lifetime, though some days it does feel like I have. I’m not afraid of being selfish with you.”
I wanted to ask her what regrets she carried. At the same time, I knew it wasn’t yet time to tell her all the regrets I had. I had been patient for five years, I could make it a little longer. I already knew no matter her decision, I was going to spend my life in devotion to her.
“You can be as selfish with me as you want. I won’t tell anyone,” I said.
Naina giggled. “It’s okay, you’re not my dirty little secret. I already told Samira and Kat.”
“You told them we had sex?”
“God, no!” Naina laughed. “I’m not going to tell my nineteen-year-old sister that. I just told them we’re together, kind of.”
“Kind of?”
“Well, we’re married, but we didn’t have the same trajectory to get here as most couples do.”
I didn’t like the sound of ‘kind of’ even if she was right. I fingered my ring on her hand. As long as she wore that, I would let the ‘kind of’ slide.
“Can I ask you something?”
That was a risky thing to agree to. She could ask me anything she wanted, and I wasn’t sure I could give her open access to all my secrets. But I could already feel the rigidity in her body, and I didn’t want her to pull away.
“Sure. Just as long as I reserve the right to refuse an answer.”
“With the way you avoid questions I’m liable to think you’re either a federal agent or in the mafia,” Naina said.
I leaned up and turned on the tap at the side of the tub, filling it with more hot water.
“I might be. You never know.”
She shivered as the water heated up.
“It’s something Lex said last night. Did you tell him about me before?”
What the fuck had Lex told her? The man could keep his secrets, and I didn’t think he would have told Naina anything about our discussions. But I’d also known him a long time and there were things he knew that no one else did.
“No, I didn’t even know he would be there.”
The lie tasted bitter on my tongue.
What had he said?
“He knew that I was your wife immediately,” Naina said, and hesitated before continuing.
“He called you perfect,” I said, my tone acerbic. Lex and I would be discussing that the next time I saw him. Where the fuck did he come off calling my wife perfect? That wasn’t for him to say.
“Right. Did you hear what he said before that?”
What the fuck had Lex said?
“Did he say something rude? Because I will kill him. I don’t care that he’s an old friend. No one gets to be rude to you.”
Naina squeezed my arm, turning to look up at me. For the first time, I wished it was lighter in the room so I could see her expression. As it was, all I saw was the flicker of her lashes and the faint shadows of her nose and mouth.
“You don’t have to kill him, he wasn’t rude. He said… he said you married me because you’re a perfectionist and you would only give up five years of celibacy for someone perfect.”
Oh, I would have to kill him. I had no other choice. The man was out there ruining everything. Should I have worried that Naina had her change of her heart a day after her conversation with Lex? Maybe. But a starving man didn’t care where his food came from.
And now Naina wanted to know if he was right.
“He’s not wrong. You are perfect,” I said. “Even if you ask too many questions.”
“How… why?” I felt her eyes moving over my face.
“You know why, Naina,” I said. “I’m not sharing my life with anyone. I can’t answer questions about my family, my hobbies, my likes or dislikes. The truth is, I might be the most boring person on the planet because half those things don’t even have an answer. At least, not one that I’ve ever thought of. And then there were other reasons. I never liked anyone enough to consider dating them long term. Being by myself was so fucking easy.”
I thumbed her bottom lip and her mouth parted, sucking my thumb into her mouth. My cock twitched between us. The feel of her naked breasts pressing against my chest was driving me to distraction. Reaching between us, I gripped a tit, feeling the weight of it in my hand. My other hand I wrapped around the back of her head, my mouth dropping to hers and my tongue licking into her mouth.
Naina squirmed, squeezing her thighs together. I forced a leg between hers and she ground her wet pussy on my hard thigh. I tweaked her nipple, pinching it with my thumb and forefinger, causing her to whimper.
“Yes, baby, just like that, grind that pussy on my thigh. Make yourself come for me.”
Dropping my head, I wrapped my mouth around her nipple, rolling my tongue over the soft flesh. Naina’s fingers thrust into my head, gripping tightly. She continued rolling her hips, my thigh growing slippery from her wetness.
“I love how horny you get.”
I moved to her other breast, sucking gently and nipping her flesh with my teeth. Naina gasped, her rhythm growing erratic.
“Oh my god, Kash,” Naina breathed. “Slow down. I’m going to come before I’m ready.”
“You say such pretty things.” I placed sucking kisses all over her chest. “Come for me, Naina. Come for me so I can fuck you.”
Naina snaked her hand between us and wrapped her hand around my cock, stroking her hand from root to tip. I hissed, jerking my hips upwards.
“Not so fast, baby.”
“Payback,” she breathed.
I slipped a hand between her pussy and my thigh, coating it in her slickness. I massaged her clit with two fingers and her hips faltered, her cry echoing in the bathroom as she came.
“Good girl.”
She kissed me softly, her body limp from her orgasm. I turned her around to face me. Getting the hint, Naina moved onto her knees, straddling my hips. I gripped my cock, guiding it into her as she lowered her body onto mine.
The wet, gripping heat of her pussy was like nothing I had ever experienced. Her body welcome my cock like it was always meant to be a part of it.
Her thighs shook with the effort to take me in all the way.
“You can take it, baby. Just go slow. We’re not in a rush.”
Naina’s nails dug into my shoulder from where she was using it to support her weight.
When I sank in all the way, we both let out shuddering breaths. Naina’s lips feathered over my mouth.
“I love having you inside me. It’s so tight, like you’re filling up every part of me.”
“I am going to fill up every part of you. You’re never going to escape me,” I promised.
Naina shuddered, her hips rocking back and forth on my cock. The water sloshed over the lip of the tub from our rapid movements. Our harsh breathing filled the bathroom, sweat dripping down our bodies. Naina was grinding her hard little clit against my groin, our chests colliding with each shift forward.
“That’s it, ride my cock just like that. Use me to get off and I will give you my come. You want that, don’t you? Yeah, you do. You’re my queen, Naina. But if you want me to treat you like a filthy little slut, I’ll do it.”
Naina’s pussy gripped me so tightly I thought I was going to pass out. Her whole body shuddered as she came.
“Kash,” she cried.
My balls drew up tight and I exploded inside her, filling her up. I groaned, shifting Naina’s hips to draw out my orgasm.
My head fell back, and I closed my eyes, drawing Naina close to me. Our bodies remained connected.
“Are you going to sleep in my bed or do you want me to sneak into yours again?” I asked, once our breathing had calmed.
Naina hummed, snuggling closer to me.
“I’ll sleep in yours.”
“Good,” I breathed against her neck.