25. Tourmaline
Before I was taken from Enduvida, my favorite part of the day was the clock tower’s songs. I can tell we’ve slept late when I hear the bright tune of early afternoon.
I push myself up, and the world tilts sideways as I drag my head from the pillow.
The hand grasping my hip tightens at the movement.
As does the tail wrapped around my leg.
My heart starts to race at the sight of the blatant possessiveness, and for one of the first times since being tortured, it doesn’t fill me with panic.
Teo lets out a long growl that turns into a purr as I place my hand atop his and lean down to press a kiss to his forehead.
Only then can I slide off the bed and run to the bathroom.
This room was always beautiful, but its opulence feels exaggerated as I compare it to the bleak cottage in Zlosa. The Enduar plumbing system is a luxury that only can be fully appreciated after weeks of being stuck in a cage with a bucket.
When I’m finished, I look at the mirror for the first time since the night of the coronation.
The reddish scars on my throat from the metal collar and Teo’s teeth are the most prominent things I notice, along with the frizzy curls that puff out of the top part of my braid and curve around my face.
Another damaged memory surfaces, the first night that I gave in to Teo. After he died.
No. Not dead.
A logical part of me wars with the conflicting memories that tell me he didn’t die, but I see him bleeding out on the bed, and everything goes hazy with tears.
It’s easy to picture how his eyes went back into his head, and his skin turned cold—grey. And then he was a monster who wanted to kill me.
I push away from the sink and slam into the wall. Then the dry heaving starts.
My whole body shudders just as the door opens and warm, soft skin wraps me up.
“Estela, my love,” Teo says in my ear. “Was it another memory?”
I nod weakly, letting myself sink into his warmth as we sit on the ground.
It’s like a bath, one before all the torture. My aching joints and pounding skull ease in his presence.
My mind opens.
He rubs my back, taking every awful thought. It isn’t until every trace of panic is gone that I realize he is still naked.
Thick, muscled thighs cradle my hips.
Tears dry. Heat scalds me.
There’s so much I crave with him that has been left unexplored.
Without speaking, Teo shows me his version of the ruined memory from the night he nearly died.
He wakes up sore, though his heart pounds like a drum. I see the door open and watch myself come out of the bathroom. I feel the smell burrow into his senses and the feral need it awakes.
As the memory progresses, we get closer and closer to my climax. My skin gets over sensitive as I watch. He shocks me when he puts his hand between my inner thighs in real-time.
His hand strokes the sensitive skin there. I watch the memory for as long as I can, gasping in his arms as he works the space at the apex of my thighs.
My slickness makes each stroke soft and silky, and just…
“Perfect,” he growls.
And the memory fades.
Everything moves from desolate, clammy panic to warm passion. Everything is low, sultry, moving to the rock of my hips against his hand.
When I come, it hits me by surprise given our slow pace.
I slam against his chest and think about how it felt to lower onto him the night before. It was… powerful.
There were few times I was so in control of what I wanted.
His mouth moves forward to kiss my throat from behind. Kisses slowly trail up the column of my neck until he reaches my ear.
“Do you love me?”
I nod.
“Then whatever you want, my star, is yours. When you are tired, rest your head on my lap. I will give you my strength when you feel weak, my courage when you are afraid, but most of all—I give you every piece of my body and soul. Use me.”
My whole body quivers at the lush sound of his deep voice. It is fine that he enjoys speaking to me through our minds, but there”s something about the vibrations of his throat against my tender skin that is… home.
I feel it from the tip of my scalp to my toes.
It’s natural to turn around once more, to wrap my legs around his hips for a change and press onto him. It isn’t the same as the water, but I like seeing him pushed against the cold stone wall. It makes my frantic movements against his hips feel like peace.
His eyes flutter closed as we rock together again and again.
I take his hands, interlocking our fingers and pushing them against the wall to gain more traction.
He presses his hips up to meet mine with every stroke until the heightened awareness comes, and he breaks free from my hands to wrap his arms around me. Each contraction, every jerk, every explosion of warmth is amplified by the tight clasp of his arms.
We fall so hard and so utterly together that the crash has us slumping back against the wall. He doesn’t speak, but his hand is almost reverent as it rubs absentminded circles along my back.
When I look up, I find his hair sticking out around his head. It’s wild and untamed, like the first wildflowers that blossom in spring. I’ve never seen the silver locks so messy before. Reaching out, I try to smooth down one of the strands, only for it to pop back up. I laugh.
He looks down at me, his strong jaw tipping toward that glowing mark on his neck as he mocks anger.
“Don’t you know that a man doesn’t like to be laughed at after lovemaking,” he growls.
One hand lightly smacks my bare ass, and I shiver.
“I’m laughing at your hair,” I say, reaching up to twist one of the tangled silver strands around my fingers.
He purses his lips.
“I like it like this,” he says. I pause, grinning, all the pain from earlier washed away in the fire between us. “I think I will wear it like this every day. Let the others look at their king, thoroughly ravaged by his queen. Let them be jealous.”
My eyes go wide, and my cheeks turn red. “Absolutely not. Let me braid it.”
His hand stops tracing lazy, branding circles over the scars on my back, and he looks down at me.
“You would braid my hair?” he asks softly, trying not to reveal just how much he enjoys the idea.
I nod.
He grins. “Very well, my queen. As you command.”
He pushes up.
I marvel at the way we feel together. Time apart hasn’t ruined the way we fit. My mind doesn’t show me a ruined memory. Instead I see his eyes as he listened to me ramble about my dream, how he promised me safety.
Gods, I’m trying so hard to make sure that I don’t fuck things up again. I don’t want the giants destroying any more houses. I can’t be careless like I was after Mikal was first taken. During those weeks, loneliness was a cruel thing, and it made me cruel in turn.
When Teo returns, he holds a rag to clean the sticky seed between my legs before leading me back into the room. He hands me the stone comb he used the night before, sets me on the bed, and then sits in front of me.
The naked intimacy between the two of us is enough to fill an eternity of spaces.
I feel anything but small in this moment, if not a little nervous. I bite my lip. His braids are always precise and long-lasting.
“What if I don’t do a good job?”
He doesn’t speak, just lets my fingers clumsily comb through every knot and kink. When the hair is mostly smooth, I section and begin to fold each silky strand over the other.
Enduar hair is soft, much softer than human hair. While I might use the texture of my curly hair to maintain the structure of a style, the pin-straight silk slides out of its bindings at every chance.
Exasperated, I try again. Then once more.
When I am finished, the result is a loose plait with a leather binding that is doing far too much work.
I throw my hands over my head.
“I give up! You do it.” I push off the bed, heading toward the tunnel in our rooms so I can finally find some of my own clothing.
He follows me. “Absolutely not. You’ve honored me with your efforts, and I want the world to see.”
I look up at him and his loose hair that’s already falling out. My eyes drop lower to the beautiful, long cock that fills up the emptiness in my soul. Heat spreads over my neck.
“Go, dress yourself. Or we will never leave this room,” I choke out.
He laughs but turns.
I should go into my room—I really should—but the muscled cheeks of his buttocks ripple with every step, and I realize just how beautiful every part of him is, from the lean, long torso to the muscled tail.
So many ideas flood my mind. Ideas I don’t even recognize.
It felt wrong to be so consumed by him when we had other things to do.
But… being together gives me strength. Gods know we will need a lot more of that before we leave.
Don’t mess this up again.
I push the cold words away.
Teo dresses first and comes into my room to help me with the fastenings at the back of the dress I’ve put on. It’s simple and leather, but my inner thighs are sore. I don’t want to slide anything over them just yet.
He fastens the buttons at my back, smooths down my hair, and takes me out of the room.
When we are out of our chambers, the wonder returns. It’s hard to believe such a beautiful place exists in the world.
As I study the mushrooms we pass, I look up. “Can we check on my garden?”
He looks down at me and grins.
“Of course, my star.”
As we walk out of the palace, we start to see other Enduares. The air is full of anxious excitement.
I hear the Enduar word for human more than once as we cross the path and greet person after person. They welcome us back and bless us with their kindness as we make our way to the greenhouse.
When I walk in, the musty, damp smell of mushrooms hits me. I see the tall, beautiful Enduar woman tending to them with water and songs.
Ulla turns to look at me and grins.
“Estela, I’m glad to see I’m not the only one worried about our little leafy plants and fungi,” she says. Her apron is already covered in dirt.
I smile and step forward, taking in another deep breath of damp earth.
“The humans brought more herbs and plants with them. I’m hoping we can cultivate a whole new row.”
We make it to the small patch at the end with crystal lights. I stop as I look down at the leaves that have started to nearly overgrow. Even for two months of growth, they are flourishing.
“Por los dioses?1,” I breathe.
Ulla grins. “I think it’s time you show me how to use some of these for the kitchen.”
I smile. ”Yes, absolutely.”
As I kneel down, I brush my fingers against the lavender. I look up at Teo.
“We can use this one to soothe any rashes or raw skin. We should cook some with animal fat to make salves.”
He nods and then reaches into the pocket of his leathers and withdraws a small bit of stone paper and his spectacles. A peculiar sort of joy bubbles up when he starts to write down what I say.
I point to a few other herbs that are for flavor, and some that help with coughs. He scribbles as I work. I look at the scroll and think of the books in the giant court.
“You know, the doctor I trained with used to have a book with pages of paper. He called it an herbal, and he would write down each recipe with great care. It helps others learn the art of healing.”
The mention of a book reaches back into my recent memories.
My eyes widen.
Melisa.She has my things, including the books. I need to ask her for them.
My racing thoughts are staunched when Ulla’s tail brushes my feet.
She smiles as she sniffs some of the basil leaves she rubs between her fingers.
“Hm, I would very much be interested in a written log. We could use a scroll to practice your writing as well.”
I pause.
“We could. Scrolls are nice. I just… there is something about flipping through pages.” Then I shake my head. “Nevermind. We can get a scroll some other time. We should go work on cooking. We have much to discuss with the humans today, especially if we are going to offer some of them a Fuegorra.”
Ulla nods, and we continue to gather what she had come for to take back to the hall.
Everything is so familiar in this place, and yet it holds every inch of magic for me that it once did.
Teo doesn’t leave my side for a second, though I am sure there are other places that he needs to be.
As Luiz fills pots with water, Teo retrieves a scale to measure ingredients, and I cut the roots, herbs, and mushrooms. Then we prepare the meat, and there is an easy peace between my husband and me.
He is precise with each cut, and his cubed vegetables are much nicer than mine.
Once everything starts to stew, I take a deep breath. Sopa de carne ?2is a slave dish, but it smells a thousand times richer with the ruh’glumdlor meat over whatever we could scavenge from field mice and squirrels.
When it is nearly finished, two familiar faces join us.
“Luiz!” Ulla calls out, giving him a one-armed hug as he arrives to help.
He greets her and then turns to me.
“Estela, it’s so good that you are back,” he grins. Then he pulls on an apron. “Apologies for my late arrival. Neela was sick again.”
My eyebrows furrow.
“Is it the coughing sickness?” I ask, suddenly worried. After being kept in the mountain, the herbs that the giants had traded diamonds for were used to cure this sickness, one that seems to persist even with the curing properties of the Fuegorra.
He looks at me with a bemused expression. “No, it’s our child.”
I freeze.
“Neela is pregnant?”
He grins and nods. “She’s nearly two months along now.”
My mind starts racing. It makes sense, they discovered their matehood around the same time as Teo and me. The only difference was they performed the Grutaliah Bondyr mating ceremony almost instantly. I spent nearly four months under the mountain with them…
“Congratulations. I wish health for the mother, the child, and you,” I say, repeating well wishes from the camps.
He smiles when Ulla looks over at me.
“How many moons do human women bear their younglings for?” she asks.
I think of Arlet, especially when she first came into my hut after she had lost her baby.
“Nine turns of the moon. Sometimes it can be less, but the baby doesn’t always survive.”
Ulla frowns. “Enduares only carry for six.”
I stop cleaning. “Six?” Typically, in the forests, large animals carry their young for more time. For some reason I had imagined that it would be the same with the Enduares. Six months is much less time, particularly for certain ailments like morning sickness or backaches.
It also means that a mother could meet her babe much sooner. That causes a small pinprick of excitement to burst in my chest.
Teo continues to scrub a pot, a strange sight for a king, but I can tell by the rigid set of his shoulders that he is trying not to listen in too closely. He’s a predictable man. He wants children like fish want water, and I…
I want a family.
I think of what I said to the human slaves: that having a child in Enduvida was adding, not subtracting.
Except, we still have much to do. We need to kill Rholker. I won’t have a child until Rholker is gone.
But, perhaps, some things can’t be prevented.
My eyes widen when I think of what Teo and I did the night before. I might not know the arts of pleasure, but I know that if a man comes inside a woman without protection, a baby tends to follow.
I look up at the man who can both slice through a giant and wash my hair with the same hands.
“I wonder what that means for the human women carrying Enduar children,” I say.
Teo freezes.
“Are there any women carrying Enduar children?” he asks, causing Ulla and Luiz to pause awkwardly.
Normally, I would freeze too, but, oh gods. The sound of his voice is so beautiful. The tentative hope there is enough to split my heart clear in half. His emotions flow freely through our bond, causing little sparks of light to flutter against my heart.
I stand there, doing the calculations to figure out the last time I bled. My heart plummets when I realize there were a few days after I arrived in the cage. It makes sense—having sex twice after taking something to prevent pregnancy wasn’t exactly a recipe for making a baby.
I take a deep breath. “No, there aren’t.”
Teo’s face relaxes. Not relieved, but… disappointed. He pushes the emotion to the side quickly, but I can’t unsee it.
All I can think of is watching him hold Sama in the tunnels months ago, and feeling like he was made for that. It would be easy to give into that and run back to our rooms right now. But babies are helpless, as Nandi found out when Rholker tore her child from her arms and beheaded her.
If he could, Rholker would kill mine and Teo’s child—that is for sure.
It’s… not the time.
The rest of the preparations pass quickly, and then the food is finished.
Just as we start to prepare every dish in the place, several more Enduares poke in and out, asking for what we need. I hear the human language filter through the space as the women begin to arrive to eat.
Along with them, Enduares hang back to the edges and corners throughout the space, watching.
Only one approaches me as I serve bowl after bowl of the soup.
It’s a young Enduar girl. I know her—she interrupted Ulla more than once. Velen’s daughter.
I wish I could remember her name, but smile down at her as she approaches me.
“Queen,” she starts in her broken common tongue. “Missed you.”
Then her mouth splits into a grin, and she holds out something for me.
It’s a gem the size of her palm. I recognize the deep shades of purple and the almost chalky raw edges.
It’s amethyst, one of my favorite stones.
“For you. Happy,” she tries to form sentences with her eyebrows drawing together.
My heart expands in my chest. Amethysts do reflect happy songs, ones that bring joy to anyone who hears them.
I take the stone and hold it close to my chest.
Ulla, who’s been watching the exchange, sings a few notes and causes the crystal to glow in my hands.
My eyes grow wide. Even though I knew it would happen, it still amazes me to see the crystal in action so quickly and feel both its song and the joy that melody amplifies. My surprise must still be evident because the little girl starts to laugh.
I also laugh and look down at her. When I repeat the notes with my limited singing ability, the gem barely glows for me.
“That was very kind of you, Rila,” Ulla says affectionately.
Rila!That was her name.
The girl in question grins once more.
“Good! I help?” she looks pointedly at the empty bowl still in my other hand.
I nod and hand her the empty dish. She seems capable enough. When I ladle in the hot soup, her brows scrunch together as she turns and heads back out to the group of women, looking for an empty set of hands that still need a bowl.
As I watch her, I find nearly every slave watching me.
Each eye pierces the exchange with mixed expressions. A few look like they’re about to cry, some are almost amazed, and others almost appear mistrustful.
Each different emotion has been one I’ve witnessed or felt. But I hope our display cements their thoughts about Enduvida.
They should know that we are willing to give anything to ensure this life doesn’t disappear under Rholker’s rule.
By the time every bowl is given out, Liana has joined us.
“We should talk to them about what happens next,” the wise woman says to me. “Arlet should be here soon.”
I nod, washing my hands and standing in front of all of them.
Teo hangs back.
“?Todos tienen comida?”?3 I say in the human tongue.
Everyone nods slowly, and I take time to look them all in the face.
The one male slave they brought back peers at me, a frown on his gaunt face, but I smile at him. Pressure settles in my chest as the rest watch me, and I catch Melisa’s eye.
She gives me a reassuring nod.
I make another mental note to ask her about the jewels and the books.
It’s a strange space to be in—to know just what they must be thinking and be so aware that my words can either frighten or soothe these people. I’m not that good with words; I have no silver tongue. Even my crystal singing pales in comparison to the rest of the city.
“As you all can imagine, living in a cave is not ideal for humans,” I start feeling my heart in my throat. “The lack of sunlight will do cruel things to your mind, skin, and soul. While leaving the cave is an option, we have had problems with attacks. Add in the state of our relationships with the giants, and the wisest place to be is here. Luckily, we have a way for you to get sunlight.”
I reach to the neckline of my dress and pull it down as far as I can to show the Fuegorra.
There is a ripple of reactions through the group of women, but the leather is too tight to showcase everything fully.
Luiz steps forward and pulls up his shirt, allowing the lines and contours of the crystal to be easily studied.
“?Qué demonios es eso?”?4 one of the women with a swollen belly says, holding her midsection as if she could shield her unborn child’s eyes.
“It’s called a Fuegorra, and it is our most sacred stone,” Mother Liana says. “Enduares have used these gems since the dawn of time. They extend your life, help your body heal when you are ill, and signal your mate. The insertion is not painful, I can assure you—especially since we already have several humans who wear them in their chests.”
At this point, over fifty people, both human and Enduar, are crammed into the hall, and the humans are looking unsure at best.
One woman raises her hand but begins to speak as soon as I look over at her.
“That child has no stone in her chest. Will we need to place one in our babies when they are born?” She points to Rila, who’s still dutifully carrying bowls to be refilled with soup. Under the attention, she smiles and gives a little wave of her tail.
I look at Liana, completely unsure of what kind of answer to give her.
Liana steps forward, picking up Rila. “Enduares are already adapted to living in the mountain and do not need sunlight. As for the children who will be born in this cave, I know not. Enduares complete the ritual as a rite of passage when they become adults, and I think that may change as our peoples intermingle.”
The last line hangs heavy in the air.
I remind myself that they were excited by this idea. The Enduares are dying out, and the humans need liberation. Mating is inevitable.
Still, I step in and say, “I have spoken to all of you at length about the realities of life in Enduvida. If you do not wish to stay, I would remind you all that there are other options.”
Ayla comes forward, “I will also remind you all that we will take whoever wishes to go with us to the Enclave with us when our business in this place has been completed. However, like Enduvida, the Sisterhood de Bhaldraithe has rules. You will not be free to roam. The elven lands are too dangerous.”
Another human woman raises her hands, “But there are stories among our people of humans finding refuge among the elves.”
My stomach drops, but Ayla continues.
“Stories are not always fact. The current Elvish King has made a deal with the giants. You will not be welcomed there as anything other than what you were in Zlosa.”
The room goes quiet.
I study the faces of all those who watch us, looking for a solution to the problems.
“I want to stay—put that rock in my chest. A choice to live is more of a choice than I’ve had before,” onewoman says. Then she turns to the Enduares in the corners of the meeting place. “I choose love. I choose a future.”
A few other women nod and stand with her, resolute.
The men come to look at the women and are practically jumping off the walls to scoop up each eager human, but I raise my hands.
“Quiet! We will go slowly. The first step is the ritual. Those who want it will come to the grotto behind the palace tomorrow, and we will speak with our allies to send the rest out soon after.”
There are nods all around, and I can see some of the women coming to approach me. I catch Arlet on the side of the crowd.
When I turn around, I find Teo suspiciously missing, as are many of the men who were itching to pounce.
A part of me understands their desperation. I remember what it was like to see Teo with all the hope in the world when he first met me.
Liana stands at my side. “This will not be easy. But, if no one tells you thank you, let me be the first.” She bites a piercing in her lip and says, “This is not the ideal time to save our population, but fate waits for no one.”
I nod.
“I worry about the men approaching them too quickly.”
Liana’s eyes glitter. “Do you not think their mothers raised them with honor, dignity, and patience?”
I shake my head. “Who’s to say they even know their mothers? We all do ugly things when we are pushed against the wall.”
Liana wraps her arms around my shoulders. “Queen Estela, these Enduares are not pushed against the wall. They are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Our people are not cruel—we praise women. Each one of those slaves will be a queen in her own right.”
I swallow.
She’s right. I just… don’t know how to tell them that and let them believe me. Perhaps I can’t. Perhaps that falls to the Enduares themselves.
“Do you know where Teo is?” I ask.
Liana chuckles. “He has gone to speak to the hunters.”
I bite my lip.
“Teo is very good at making his men obey.”