Beautifully Broken – by Leesa Bow #3
“Stop there.” I hold up a hand because if I could reach anything else, I would throw it at him. “Don’t you dare come near me.”
“I can explain.” His face screws up, pleading with me to hear him out.
“This . . .” I make a circle around the bed, and the redhead, “. . . is all the explanation I need. It’s exactly what it looks like,” I yell before backing away. I turn and run out of the room in a panic to get out of here fast.
Ethan’s heavy footsteps follow behind me.
The first thing I do is rip off the diamond and emerald friendship ring and throw it at him.
“I never want to see you again,” I scream.
He ducks and turns momentarily to watch where it lands.
It’s not enough, even though it signifies he shattered the bond between us.
I grab the keys from the counter and throw them harder, the metal clangs hitting the wall.
“Next time I won’t miss,” I warn.
“Wait.” Ethan stands there, his face pale. He lifts two hands and drops them to his side.
I shake my head. “Pathetic.” Grabbing my bag, I yank the door open, slamming it behind me. Taking the stairs faster than I have in my life, I sprint toward my car. Once I’m behind the wheel, I screech the tires and veer the car into traffic, then scream, “Why?” loudly, as the tears fall.
With my heart pounding so hard, my chest hurts. My throat burns as I sob and sob, releasing all the anger and sadness into an angry ball of emotion.
Why?
I tried my best to be the perfect girlfriend.
I smack my hand on the steering wheel. Again and again.
Where the hell am I even driving? I have no place to go.
Amy is living with her parents until she finishes her teaching degree, and tonight, she’s with Ford.
Yasmine doesn’t have a spare room, and she’s on a date, so I can’t go back to hers.
It’s a step backwards to go home to my childhood home, but where else can I go?
My sister has a new baby . . . I can’t go there either.
The tears cascade down my cheeks like a river.
Ethan has ripped my heart from my chest. A knife twists creating a gaping hole like I’ve never felt before.
I hate him and . . . I miss him. My heart breaks more knowing there is no coming back from this.
Maybe he was always like this and it’s why Amy never forgave him.
I pull into a free space on the esplanade and turn off the engine. Staring at the dark ocean, the place I usually find happiness, I curl into a ball and allow myself to unhinge. How did I not see this coming?
Pulling my knees up to my chest, I rest my head and sob, and sob until there are no tears left to cry.
Only pain.
Car lights shine through the window. I wake, squinting in the brightness.
I fumble to find my phone.
Three a.m.
I straighten in the seat, stretch the kinks out of my neck, knowing I can’t stay here.
I’m cold, yet I’m numb. Resigned to my fate, I start the car and drive a few blocks to my parent’s home.
Doing my best to be quiet, I unlock the door and creep inside.
I welcome the warmth as it wraps around me in a soothing way.
The whistle of dad snoring comes from behind their bedroom door.
I tiptoe down the hallway to my old room, gently closing the door behind me.
The weariness settles in as I climb into my bed.
I curl onto my side and pull the thick covers up to my neck.
I’m too scared to close my eyes and see the image of Ethan’s bare ass pounding into the redhead.
The tears well again. It’s not her fault. Our love should have been enough for him.
I am not enough.
The truth of it hurts. I thought we were perfect together and now . . . I know nothing of love. The only real thing is the pain ripping my chest apart, and the tears running down my cheeks.
Muffled voices outside my room rouse me from sleep.
I blink at the wall, trying to wake, as my brain catches up.
Last night . . . I wish it were a bad dream.
Since I’m in my bed at my parent’s home, it’s not.
My chest aches as though elephants are sitting on me, crushing my heart.
The pain cripples every thought, and I’m unsure of what to do next.
What do I say?
I replay the night.
What did I do wrong?
What will I do now?
All I can do is take things minute by minute, hour by hour until I make sense of what happened.
I check my phone, hoping for something from Ethan.
Fifteen missed calls.
Ten messages.
Yet it doesn’t lessen the hurt. Nothing he says will fix what he broke. Nothing will repair the gaping hole in my heart.
Time heals most wounds.
Words my grandmother used to say, yet even she understood for some people, there would never be enough time. Time might ease the pain, but I’ll never forgive him or take him back, that I know with certainty.
Two missed calls from Yasmine. Did Ethan call her?
A soft knock sounds. “Eden?”
“Come in,” I croak. How am I going to explain it to my mum without breaking down?
“Honey, is everything okay?” She’s already dressed in jeans and a classy coat, ready for their traditional Sunday brunch.
I nod and sit up. “Yes. I lost my key to the apartment, so I came here. I hope it’s okay.”
Mum eyes me warily. “Of course, it is. Only Amy is here looking for you, and we were unaware you came home to sleep.”
I force a smile. “She probably wants to tell me about her night.”
Mum frowns, unconvinced. “Sure. I’ll send her in.”
I can’t relive it again. Last night, I acknowledged the hard truth that I must be partly to blame. Humiliation and the pain of being unworthy fill me.
Amy steps into my room, dressed in a sweater and track pants. She looks well rested, her hair pulled back in a ponytail. Amy gives me a gentle smile then closes the door behind her, coming to sit on the side of the bed. Her eyes scan my face. “You look like shit,” she whispers.
More tears sting my eyes as images of last night flash into my mind before I can push them out. “My night sucked. How was yours?”
“Quiet, since I left shortly after you.” Reaching out, she takes my hand, reading between the lines. “What did he do?”
I shake my head, and my throat constricts with the grapefruit-sized lump growing in my throat.
“One guess,” I croak.
Amy’s eyes grow dark. “The fucker.”
“You had good reason not to trust him,” I admit. A sob escapes my mouth, and I suck it back. I can’t let my parents hear what happened.
Her arms wrap around me, holding me tight. Amy doesn’t ask me anything more. She swings her legs onto the bed, lying down beside me. She has always had my back and knows not to push when I’m at my lowest.
After minutes of calming strokes to my head, she sits up. “I’ll get us a coffee.” She heads out of the room, and I overhear her telling Mum that we are both hungover and in need of caffeine. I hate she has to lie for me, but I love her all the more for it.
In the short time she is gone, I stare blankly at the door. The numbness hasn’t left my body. The door swings open and I force a hint of a smile when she walks back in. She hands me the mug. I sip it slowly, enjoying every drop because it’s one pleasure not ripped away from me.
“I doubt your mum believed me.”
“No. I drove here, and she knows I’m not irresponsible to lose my keys and at least not contact Ethan first.”
Amy nods. “What are you going to tell them?”
“The truth. That we’re on a break. No details required. The reasons for our spilt are his to share.”
“He’s too gutless,” she almost growls out the words. “He’ll probably play the bloody victim.”
I shrug, too tired to care how he’s going to deal with it. “If anyone asks, I’ll say our relationship ran its course, and we mutually agreed to have a break. Only the break will be permanent.” Clenching my eyes shut, I swallow the lump of emotional pain threatening to undo me again.
I need to escape to a place where no one recognizes me.
“Can I be anywhere but here?” I moan.
“I’d go anywhere with you.” Amy’s phone beeps and she reads the screen.
Please don’t let it be Ethan . “Yasmine is asking about you. I’ll call her back later after I text that I’m with you.
She told me earlier this morning that Ethan had called last night, leaving a voicemail asking if you were with her and mentioning a disagreement.
” She shakes her head. “It’s why I rushed here.
He obviously didn’t have the guts to call me. ”
“He knows you would call him out on the pathetic person he is.”
“That’s putting it nicely,” she snarls.
After I finish my coffee, I flop back onto my pillow and cover my eyes with my arm. “I’m not sure I can leave my room for the next year.”
“Edes, there’s no need to go back. I’ll go get your things.”
I lift my arm and stare at my friend. “You’d do that? You need to get organized for work tomorrow.”
“I’m already organized.”
I manage a smile. “You pretend you hate kids, but you’re going to be the best teacher.”
Amy’s lips turn up at my compliment. “What’s important now is helping my friend. Let me face him. He won’t argue with me.”
“No. He finds you intimidating.” I recall all the things we shared in the apartment.
“I want nothing that will remind me of us. So, only my clothes. He can keep everything else. I don’t care.
” The thought of my favorite dresses I wore on dates with Ethan is likely to undo me.
“I’ll probably donate half of my clothes, anyway. ”
Amy nods. “I’m aware of what to leave. I’ll mainly grab your office clothes. We can shop online for new clothes this afternoon.”
The idea of a girl’s shopping day usually excites me. Not today.
“I have a better idea. Let’s plan a holiday just to shop. We could go to Melbourne. Or what about Bali?”
“Bali.” I nod. “Let’s escape permanently.”
Amy pats my hand. “Bali first. We’ll plan the best girl’s trip ever. But we’ll need to arrange a few months away, so it won’t be spontaneous.”
“I could hand in my resignation letter now.” I’m not joking.